We are trying to potty train my 2 1/2 year old boy. He has a potty seat insert, and the daycare he is at is also working with him. He will sometimes go at the daycare (about 50%), and we've been trying to work with him at home. However, at home, he just doesn't do anything. He's gone maybe 3 times at home in the last 4 months, but the rest of the time he sits. We talk, we play, we sing... whatever it takes, but he isn't doing anything.
When we've asked him if he needs to go potty, he says "No." When he's obviously had a bowel movement in his pull-ups and we ask him if he's pooped, he tells us "No." The problem is that a dirty or wet diaper does not bother him at all. He sees us going to the toilet and he knows what we're doing, but has zero interest himself.
Any suggestions? Thoughts? I don't want to push him, but I also feel like we should be a little farther along potty training than where we are (and maybe it's just feeling pressured by the daycare and by other parents...)
Try underwear with his favorite character on them. Also I have heard of putting cheerios in toilet telling him to try and pee on them. I work at mothers day out 2 days a week and pull ups tend to prolong the process. Try just sending them to daycare and using underwear or training pants at home.
There's a book called Toilet Training in Less Than a Day, that worked like a charm for my 27-month old (more than a year and a half ago). YOu can find it on amazon.
My son was not potty trained until he was at least 3 1/2. We started early to potty train and it was just too stressful because he was not ready. When we did finally decide to give it our all we got rid of all the diapers and pull ups because he realy didn't seem to care if they were wet. We put him in underwear and the wet feeling was too much for him to just keep going. After putting him in underwear he potty trained in about 2 weeks.
My Mom suggested that I pour a bit of warm water on my son while he sat on the potty and ask him to "try" to go after you pour the water there is bound to be success to celebrate! (worked like a miracle for us) We also made a "potty chart" where he can earn a sticker for sitting on the potty- even if he doesn't go reinforcing the positive really helped. Good luck!
First of all, you might need to give yourself and your son a break, because he might not be ready yet. I waited until 3 with my twins, because they just weren't showing enough of the "signs" of readiness, and, when we finally did potty train, it was like turning on a magic switch; it happened almost overnight, and it was SO worth the wait. Also, it's not uncommon for some kids to just not be ready until much later; I think the normal range is 18 months to 5 years.
Next, I would suggest that you stop asking him the questions like, "Do you want (or need) to go potty?" and "Did you go poopie?" I think it would help him if you just said, "It's time to try to go potty now." Or, "You pooped in your diaper. Let's get changed and, next time, tell mommy so you can poop in the potty and get a _____(whatever special treat you use as a reward)."
I really hope this helps a little. We're training our third child, who is 3, and she's a little trickier than the twins were. It is frustrating, isn't it!? But they WILL potty train eventually! Good luck.
We tried the same thing with my son and had the same experience. My mom decided it was time he was potty-trained when he was 2 1/2 (she had 2 little girls) and came down to visit for a week to get him trained.
If you were with him all the time and focused on him, it worked. With any other scenario, it didn't. I work full-time and my husband was in school then, so obviously, that was never going to happen without Grandma being around all the time.
It was another year before he was reliably going in the potty. I think 2 1/2 is just too young for a little boy to be potty-trained. I felt some pressure too, but it actually created more stress for me by trying to force him into something he wasn't ready for.
We have a five-month-old son now and I don't plan to even start potty-training with him until he is 3.
Listen to your instincts and never mind what other people are doing! Good luck!
Have you tried taking away the pull-ups? That is what I had to do with my now 3 1/2 year old. Yes it is a pain when they have accidents, but that is how he had to learn. He now goes potty 90% of the time but does have accidents every now and then. At daycare and at home, he was not allowed to do certain activities until he went potty (if it had been awhile since he last went). The other thing I did that helped tremendously was to set a clock for every hour and when it went off he had to try to potty. I used a small portable alarm clock. They also make little watches that they can where. Every kid is different...hang in there it will get better.
My son is getting ready to turn two. We started using the pull ups cool alert. In a matter of a week he started telling me when he'd gone...then in about the same time, he periodically tells us before he goes. He's started telling me he has to pooh before he's gone also, but he won't sit on the potty long enough to relax. I don't make him...I figure he'll get it when he's ready (of course those are famous last words! I'll probably end up posting a help request on here before long) :)
Good luck!
Hi L.,
It's all about training the brain to remember what the body is supposed to do and where it is supposed to do it. Your child is learning to use the bathroom just like he learns to use a fork and a spoon at the table. He will have accidents ALL the time until his brain remembers that the feeling that occurs with going potty needs to happen IN the potty.
"Vicki C" has some good points but pushing too much can lead to soiling. I know this first hand. Soiling is when your child holds in their bowel movements and they get constipated. We dealt with soiling for 2 plus years ..... from the time our first son was 2 1/2 til he was almost 5; no lie. I was not new at potty training either (2 older children). While we thought we were being encouraging, he interpreted it as failure on his part. So every accident that happened he feared we would get upset with him for not using the potty when he needed to (VERY important not to show you are upset/disappointed etc. when he has accidents). He also thought that if he sat on the potty and DIDN'T go potty we would be upset, too. VERY hard to get them to think differently once negativity sets in.
Another reader had a suggestion about setting the timer every hour on the hour. We did that. It worked for pee (we never had an issue with that though). But you do have to remember: NO CHILD IS THE SAME!!!
Every child has a pattern of when they "go". Not so much pee but DEFINITELY poop. Learn his pattern. Once you know his pattern you can then get him to the potty prior to him going so he can have manipulated success before he can have success on his own.
I don't agree with making your child sit there until something happens. See, we tried that and ended up with terrible results which meant enemas because of soiling - will NEVER go there again!!!!
With our last child (who will be 4 in Sept.) we did the wait and see approach. Of course, he had his older brother to watch and keep up with. Interesting thing was, though, he got the poop thing down before the pee! And it was just a few months ago (really) that he is fully (at night, too) potty trained. We took pull up off and put on underwear. Didn't work. We set timer every hour - didn't work. Set timer every 30 minutes - didn't work. He went and sat when older one went, when we went - didn't work. This child clearly was going to "get it" when he decided to "get it". So ... we waited because I was losing my mind with cleaning it all up ALL the time. Pull ups went back on and we waited. Then one day I got a bright idea (after we waited and after a few times I had noticed that if he didn't have any underwear on he was realizing he didn't have anything to "catch" the pee - or the poop). So I let him run around without any pants on at first - naked from the bottom half down. We had a few accidents but I could live with those - still set the timer (still trying to train his brain to remember the feeling of going potty). When we felt he was getting the hang of it - I put pants/shorts on him WITHOUT underwear or pullup. That worked pretty well I might add. He still didn't have anything to "catch" the pee or poop. I did that for two weeks. Then we did underwear. It worked! Now, we still had a few accidents (and I mean just a few) but those were manageable and I didn't feel like I was losing my mind with having to follow him everywhere to constantly clean up the messes! We did put a pull on him when we went out. I decided to get brave and went to Wal-Mart without pull up or underwear to see what would happen. I have a rule; everyone uses the potty before we leave the house and wherever the outing is to, everyone uses the potty before we leave there as well to come home. In the beginning everyone has to use the potty when we get there, too.
So, that's what I did and how I was able to survive because the soiling thing just wasn't good; I mean terrible bad. We got through that and it changed us forever. Always use positive reinforcement. Even if they don't go when you put them on the potty; praise them for trying!
With our son who had the soiling problem (who is now 6) ... We told him it was his body's job to get the poop out because the poop had to go to the "poop party". Hey .... it worked for him! Lots of stickers on a "Potty Board" (that we made here at home) and sometimes a tootsie roll when he would go on his own. One sticker for pee, two for poop. Lots of stories were read while sitting on that toilet!! His pattern became going poop at night - still on that pattern.
Bottom line - figure out a routine that works for YOUR child and stick with it. Forget about comparing your child to someone elses - it's all garbage - no two kids are the same - ever!!!! It is all trial and error and accidents will happen. Praise, praise, praise your child. Try not to get discouraged and deep sighs when there are accidents and stay close to a bathroom so you can get there quickly when you know he needs to use one! Finally, he will consistently start to use the potty after his brain has been reinforced with positive reinforcement from you and his body responding to the call of nature in the potty!
My suggestion is to wait a month or two and start fresh. They, too, get frustrated with the constant hounding of "time to use the potty" all the time.
I am 44 and much more relaxed as a parent then I was when I was 23 with my first two children. Everyone thinks you have to have your child potty trained by a certain age. Nowhere is it written that if your child isn't potty trained by the age of 3 the world is going to fall apart! Let go, relax and who cares what other people think!!! What matters is that you do what is best for you and your child at your childs pace. Quit trying to "keep up with the Jones'" and enjoy this time of learning with your son!!
God Bless you and your family on this journey!
Kim
Hi L.,
Some children are just not ready at that age. Both of my daughters didn't potty train until they were about 3 1/4 years old. I postponed putting my oldest daughter in a preschool program for 2 year olds because of it, then found out that they would've been okay with her wearing pull-ups even though technically the children were supposed to be potty-trained (she was only going to be there for three hours). So I enrolled my younger daughter in the 2 year old program when she was old enough, and she ended up being trained halfway through the school year - she turned 3 that Sept..
A lot of preschools don't mind changing the wet diaper but don't want to change the poop. Can't say I blame them - it gets nastier to change those as they get older!
Don't feel pressure because some children are trained at two years old, or even younger. It is a very individual, personal thing and is no reflection on intelligence or abilities. A lot of it might have to do with bladder size and personality.
When he is ready he will let you know. I PROMISE you that he won't be wearing diapers in Kindergarten, and probably not even at 4 years old. At some point, they start to realize that wetting their diaper is not fun or comfortable and that they like going on the potty. I think that the disposable diapers probably make children much less aware of the discomfort of peeing/pooping their diaper. My daughters seemed oblivious to discomfort after filling a diaper. Some children are more sensitive to it.
Maybe every month or two give it a try, but otherwise don't push it. It didn't matter how many videos my older daughter watched or how many books I read to her about going potty. I put her on the potty over and over when she was about 2 1/2 and she wouldn't go. Something just wasn't clicking, because she would go in her diaper not long after I sat her down on the toilet.
So I relaxed my attitude about it, and one day she asked to go on the potty and she did (at 3 yrs old). Within a week she was trained both day and night, with no accidents (yes, no accidents!) - of course I'm not counting the times when she was a bit older and asked to go when we were at the zoo or somewhere like that, and we couldn't get to the toilet in time - that happened maybe a couple of times. And once or twice she was in such a deep sleep that she wet her bed. But rarely.
So I didn't even push my younger daughter at all when she was two. She was clearly not ready at 2 1/2 either, but asked to go herself when she was three.
I talked to other parents at the time about it, and what it sounds like sometimes happens is that when they are trained at a younger age (maybe under 2 1/2) they may seem trained, but have a lot more accidents and the parents sometimes get frustrated about that. Almost always it is a situation where they felt pressure from daycare or preschool for them to be trained.
When they start asking to go sit on the potty, THAT is a pretty good indicator that they are ready or about to be ready.
Good luck and many blessings to you.
I have 2 boys and neither of them were potty trained until they turned 3. I thought my second would start sooner because of his brother, but he just didn't care. He knew how to use the potty and when he needed to, but wasn't interested. He'd rather play than stop to use the potty. He was the same as your son in that he didn't care if he was wet or dirty...he'd sit in it all day long if I'd let him. It didn't bother me and I didn't want to get stressed out about it so I never pushed either of my boys. About a month after he turned 3, his teacher at the daycare told me to just send him in underwear the next week and he was pretty much potty trained the first day. He never even had to wear pull ups at nap or night time. My first was just as easy and we had him potty trained in a weekend right after he turned 3. He's never had accident or wet his bed at all. If your son is not interested, I'd wait a little while and not stress about it. Most boys aren't potty trained until 3.
Why don't you want to push him? It's for his benefit as well as yours. I have 4 adult children who were all fully trained by 2 years, and it was good for everyone. I hate this modern mentality of letting them do it when they get ready. Up until the last 40 years of smaller families and disposable diapers, it just wasn't prudent to let kids keep using diapers til they chose to stop.
I'd recommend getting him a little potty seat/chair of his own besides the commode insert. Take him every time you go and sometimes in between.
Encourage him! Praise him for any success! Make it rewarding! I have a granddaughter who'll be 2 in August, and for a few months I can tell her, 'sit there til you pee, then you can get up', and she does. Even if it's just a couple of teaspoons, that's success! (I also helped train her two older brothers).
A little push in the right direction never hurt anyone if done in the right way!
I agree with dispensing with the waterproof 'diapers' during the day, too. As long as their pants are air-tight, they'll never feel wet or cold. There has to be evaporation for them to feel it in the same way that sweating helps us keep cool as it evaporates.
You are in charge. Let him know what you expect, and affirm, praise, and reward him when he co-operates and complies. Asking him questions that you know he'll answer inaccurately can only delay things further.
Good luck and God bless!
HAve you tried offering him a "treat" for if/when potties. Like one M&M or something that you know he likes each time he potties. I know it bribery but it works well.
There are MANY ways to potty train a child and the only one that works, in my opinion, is the child deciding he's ready. I started with my son at 2 1/2 and he would never tell me and had many, many accidents. I backed off and put the pull ups back on, mainly because I got tired of cleaning up pee all the time. I tried a couple more times for a few days and the same thing happened. Well, last week (a week before his 3rd bday) I started again and he's doing great! I let him decide and he just told me one day, I want to wear my big boy underwear. I haven't put a pull up on him except for when he sleeps. He has had a few accidents, but that's to be expected.
You can try rewards......I wrapped cheap toys from the dollar store and left them on the back of the toilet. When he went in the potty, he got a prize. Unwrapping the prize was the best! I also set an alarm for every 30 minutes. Take them to the potty to try and soon they will realize when they need to go and tell you. He would get a sticker for "trying" Prizes were only for when he actually went in the potty. This may sound mean, but I also told him not to pee pee on "Spiderman" or "Diego" whoever was on his underwear, because they would be sad and maybe bite him. He thought that was funny, but it worked!
Anyway, maybe you should let up a little and wait. Boys are harder to train and most of time, not ready until they are closer to 3. I know it's frustrating, but as everyone told me, he won't go to college wearing a pull up. LOL.........best of luck to you!
My suggestion is that if you really want to do this now get rid of the diapers and pull ups and put him in underwear. The wet doesn't bother him in those because he doesn't feel it.
Well on Mon or Tues Dr. Phil had an show on that was absolutly certain to help any child get potty train. It seems to work great if you can find some one who tapes his shows maybe you can try it. I was really impressed with it and it avoied a lot of stress.
My son was a little over 3 before he was potty trained (turned 3 in Aug. wasnt until decemember or a little later). The wait has paid off only 1 or 2 nite time accidents (when he was sick) and no daytime accidents. What happened with us is when Santa brough him big boy underware with bob the builder on them because we told him that bob (roley,muck whoever was on them) did not want to be wet or dirty so he must go potty to keep them dry! Seemed to work only had 2 accidents the day we put them on and dry ever since!! Good luck boys are stubborn!
Hi there, I caught an episode of the Dr. Phil show earlier this week, where he trained a boy in one afternoon who sounded kind of similiar to your child. you may want to check it out. I'm not sure if it really works (the mom claims it did), but it looked like a whole lot more fun (and easier) that what I did with my children. here's the link: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/264
whatever advice you go with I wish you luck.
Hi L.
I think it is a little peer pressure. My son is 4 and still wears pull ups at night. I have read a lot about potty training and the experts say this is perfectly normal. be patient and with time he will be ready too.
Our son is the same age and we are doing exactly the same thing right now. We would put him on and entertain him and he would never go. What we did was over July 4 weekend, we tried the "Naked and $75" method we found online. We did actually leave him naked, but at home now he wears only a shirt and underwear. The the underwear kids really know when they're going and get more aware of it. We had about three days of messes on the rug, but now he's really good about telling us or grabbing himself when he has to go. Yesterday he had no wet underwear all day.
We haven't made the leap to naptime and daycare yet (he still wears diapers there) but we're going to next week. The method is messy (the $75 is supposed to be to get the rugs cleaned afterward) but I'm amazed how quickly it has worked. We also give stickers afterward (two if he tells us, one if we have to ask) and he gets excited about that. Good luck.
Oh, you can find the "naked and $75" described online. It's usually associated with Dr. John Rosemond.
if he's anything like my little guy, he can't feel the yucky stuff. The pull ups and diapers are so absorbant that they can't feel it. We started practicing with big boy underwear at home. He had one accident and realized that he did NOT like it. So peeing wasn't a problem. He only had about 2 1/2 accidents before he learned the sensations of having to pee. We did have to practice with poop but he's gotten pretty good and we make it all day (most days) with no accidents in big boy underwear.
Good luck!
L. - I would not push it. I would stop and wait a few months and try again. In that time I would read books and watch videos about children going potty. There is a really cute Elmo potty DVD I got at Target. But, he doesnt sound ready yet. There is no "right" age to potty train. There is no real way to "teach" him. We didnt teach our babies to crawl, walk, talk etc. When their brains were ready the did it. In my opinion potty training is the same way. Some children are ready at 18 months some are ready at 4. I think there is more harm than good to push. You don't want to accidentally create feelings of failure for the child. And like someone told me "no child is going to go to Kindergarten in a diaper." GOOD LUCK!
Welcome to the world of boys!! He is just not ready yet. Boys seem to take longer to potty train than girls. They get the pee pee thing way before they get the poop thing. My son was almost 4 before he would poop in the potty.
Put him on the potty every 30 minutes even if he says that he does not have to go. Tickle his tummy while he is sitting and he will pee about 1/2 of the time. Make a big deal about him peeing in the potty. "Wow, what a big boy you are" or "Let's have a pee pee party". He will get it. Boys also tend to hold their poop for days to weeks to keep from having to use the potty. You also have to keep him in underwear or training pants while potty training so they actually feel the wetness. Good luck!!
