1St Grader with Distraction Issues

Maybe she has ADD. Have you considered having her tested> The school psych. can do this but you have to be the squeaky wheel to get it done. We had my son tested by an outside educational psychologist. The cost was $400 and it was worth every penny. I felt guilty for awhile about being hard on him for nto paying attention when it really wasn't his fault.

That said, they can learn to manage it.

IMO its worth finding out if she can control it or not. If it is ADD, taking away the recesses is the worst thing you can do. They need that break and having to focus for long periods of time, exhausts them.

You might be seeing this in first grade and not so much in kindergarten becuase work is harder and requires more focus.

I would suggest a consultation with a behavioral psychologist or developmental pediatrician. They can give you insights and guidance that may be of great help.

Hi G.,

I am the mother of a 1st grader, and I spend everyday in the classroom helping the Teacher in some fun way. I noticed a couple of kids doing the same thing on a routine basis. They simply look so tired and cannot stay focused so they "daydream", then also loose the recess to stay caught up.

Make sure your bedtime routine is regular, and long enough for your girls to get a good night sleep. It could be as simple as that. The should be sleeping at least 11 hours! That's alot of time, but I found that they definitely can sleep that long every night!

I would just "tune in" to her sleep schedule to make sure it's still working for her. Your sitaution truly sounds normal to me, and i bet it's a simple solution :o)

Good luck!

:o) N.

G., I'm not a mom, I'm a family & child therapist who manages educational programs. 2 things to consider: a) it's entirely possible that your daughter is not yet developmentally ready for 1st grade and there's no shame in that, as all kids mature at different rates; b) the "take it away" form of motivation isn't anywhere near as effective as the positive reinforcement on a graduated schedule that a good behavioral therapist might help you devise. I'd suggest that you look into those 2 things with knowledgeable professionals in your area. FYI, I'm not trying to scare you or drum up business; I'm trying to point you in some useful directions based on the limited info you provided in your request. Good luck and stay as motivated to help as you clearly are! You're a good mom.

It sounds like she just needs a bit more maturity. My granddaughter also mourned the loss of her toddler years - staying at home playing all day. She does, though, enjoy her school work. I bring her to work with me occasionally (when she doesn't have school) and she sees me doing my paperwork. It has made her want to do "paperwork" which is what school work is so she kind of pretends to be "working" instead of doing homework so it makes it more fun for her. It took us the entire kindergarten year to make her understand that it wasn't just playtime every day now, but that she has a job - school. So far first grade has gotten much better. In kindergarten the teacher said she was a bit immature and he thought she would do better once she grew up a bit. she must have done that growing up over the summer (I can see a difference in her) because this year she's buckled down to work. Keep encouraging her and definitely make her suffer those consequences, but it will get better with time and maturity!

Dear G.,
I think that daydreaming and being checked out is pretty normal during the first couple of months of the school year. And, it's pretty normal as well toward the end of the year as kids get restless looking forward to summer.
I'm sure if your daughter had her choice, she'd much rather be out in the sunshine zipping around on her scooter and not having a care in the world. And that's okay for her to feel that way. But, when she's at school, it's her job to focus on her school work so she can get that out of the way and move on to the fun stuff.
I absolutely understand why recess is taken away if a kid goofs off in class. You're there to learn, not play all day. However, if a child is already kind of restless or not engaging themselves in what's going on in the classroom, they need that little break to get out and run off some steam so they can come back in and be ready to settle down for the assignments at hand.
I would not rush to assume she has ADD.
It's possible she's bored out of her mind and not being challenged enough. I almost flunked kindergarten and my parents almost had a heart attack. Apparently I wasn't jazzed about sitting in a circle and learning our ABC's. I already knew how to read. I could write the entire alphabet, upper and lower case. My mom taught me how to write in cursive by having me trace over her letters. I was promoted to the 1st grade. Back then, we had the "staggered reading" program. The kids who struggled with reading went an hour earlier than the other children and left school and hour earlier. The advanced readers went an hour later and stayed an hour later. That way, both groups got to learn at their own pace. Although I was in the advanced group, my teacher asked my mom if I could also go early to help the other kids who were having trouble. I LOVED it! I've always been a very creative person and I was so fortunate that our creativity was encouraged. I was the kind of kid who'd be in school 24/7 if they left the doors open that long. But, I needed to be challenged and kept busy. Ultimately I was tested and sent to a different school that had a gifted program where I flourished. But to think.......my kindergarten teacher felt I needed to be held back.
Your daughter might be extremely bright and just not challenged enough. But she needs to understand that there are better ways to go about getting that point across than just "checking out" about it. If taking recess and her scooter away hasn't worked, chances are it won't. You have to find her little "on" button. I have a friend who is a teacher and there are so many ways to help kids get motivated. Of course, you have to talk to the teacher without it sounding like you're telling her how to do her job, but, each day that a child completes their work and doesn't lose a recess, their name goes into a jar. The more times your name goes in, the greater your chances to win! At the end of the week, on Friday, a name is chosen and the winner gets to be the class monitor for the next week. They get to help pass out papers or be in charge of making sure the playground equipment is accounted for and put away, the get to be first in the lunch line, etc. If a kid's name is drawn more than once, that's great! They don't get to be the monitor again so someone else can have a chance, but they get a star on a chart up in the classroom that rewards them for their efforts and their name being in the jar and pulled again. At the end of the year, there can be pencils or rulers for prizes.
And, teachers can be crafty too...If they can see that a kid who was struggling has been working really hard for a couple of weeks, they can magically pull that name from the jar and the kid's self esteem can go through the roof. Like I said, if you still can't be monitor until everyone has had a turn, you still get your stars.
Instead of taking the scooter away, try saying that if she pays attention and gets all her classwork done without daydreaming, she can have an extra 30 minutes on her scooter at night. Is there something else at home that she would really love to be able to help you do that's special? Use it as a reward. If she goes all week getting her work done without losing recess, she gets to pick a special Friday night dessert for the family and help you make it.
Just try little things like that. I wish you the very best!

I have an 11 year old who is still very much that way! We found it is important for my daughter to have time frames for work, daydreaming, and fun. As long as she knows that fun and down time are part of the equation she works better. Some children need more dream time than others. If your daughter says she needs more fun, I would be inclined to believe her.

WIth regards to her classwork, whatever she doesn't finish in class comes home and when she balks about it, I tell her if she had gotten it finished in class she wouldn't have to bring it home. I emphasize her staying focused when it is time to work, so she has more play time later.

I personally think taking away recesses is a mistake. Kids need that outlet to help them focus when they are in class. New studies are showing this to be true. I also think public schools do ask too much of their 1st graders at least in our district. The standards have been pushed forward a year compared to what I learned in elementary school, but our kids are still developmentally pretty much the same. Most teachers I have talked to are frustrated with the current disfunctional system. So my girls are now in Waldorf, but I still have similar challenges, just not so intense. She just seems to be "allergic" to work of any kind! Well her teacher and I are consistent and it's slowly getting better over the years.

One last thought, maybe she isn't getting much out of the academic structure. Daydreamers tend to be creative and need more hands-on creative learning to get them engaged. She might be bored with the monotonous learning process. I would be curious to talk with the teacher about possibilities of making the learning more engaging, maybe with your help.

P.S. Re-doing 1st grade wouldn't be the end of the world, but it's too early to tell anyway!

Hi G.,

I have 3 kids, my middle guy is my daydreamer. I thought I'd share my experiences. First let me say that each one of my kids is completely different from each other. They all excell in academics, HOWEVER their learning styles are different. My oldest is my standard academic learner, he does well in any environment. My middle guy is more of a hands on learner, I have to really keep him involved in learning. And my little girl is our little sponge, she picks things up with very little effort. (I credit some of that to having two older siblings)

Once you've ruled out any learning disabilities, or medical issues like what some of the other mothers mentioned, here is what helps us...

At school: our first graders teacher has a set up she uses with all the kids. She has cards... Green = great day, followed rules, great behavior, followed directions, ect. Yellow = still had a good day, but had to be reminded of something or spoken to. Orange = had to be reminded more than once and lost recess. Red = had a hard day, lost recess, & parents are spoken with. Also, a folder comes home every day, and on the back of the folder is a pull out calendar which the kids use a crayon to color in what card they had that day. Parents initial each day to follow progress. She also calls all the kids in her class "Official Bear Cub Club Members" . She is teaching the about positive behaviors and respecting each other, and how to be an outstanding bear cub citizen. She has the children work together as a team and also recognizes what each needs academically. For example, in the beginning we were having issues with our first grader being bored, daydreaming ect. When she evaluated the kids, my husband and myself were called in for a conference because our son was reading and able to do school work on a 3rd grade level (he is already reading chapter books and math & such just clicks for him) He wasn't being challenged, BUT socially was not ready to advance. We worked with her and have put him in an excellerated program. He is still in her class, but his work is geared on his level, and once a day he goes to another classroom for the excellerated program. She also curves learning for all the kids depending on what they need, and has the children take turns working and helping each other with their strengths and weaknesses. So my son might help a child struggling with reading, while someone else's child helps my child learn how to be more comfortable socially or whatever the case may be. She also goes down the list of kids each day and for about 15 minutes "THEY" are the teacher, and have to control the class! She wants them to try to think of what it's like to walk in someone else's shoes. **AND I am proud to say, I helped incorporate something new for the class, because my son is an avid reader, I write jokes on his napkins for his lunchtime. (I tried notes but that made him upset and he missed me too much, but jokes worked perfectly) His teacher was so impressed that we donated a joke book and now the kids take turns after lunch reading 1 joke a day. His teacher ROCKS!!! He loves her, as do I!!

At home: he is responsible for himself and his stuff. He helps me make his lunches (but jokes I do later to keep a surprise for lunchtime) he helps pick out his clothes for the following day, once a week he picks what dinner we are having, he showers & washes himself, ect. I have alway required him to pick up after himself & keep his room clean, but his teacher suggested I give special responsibilities around the house. He now helps clean up after dinner and load dishwasher, helps his little sister clean up after herself (she's very little), he helps teach his little sister, he helps dust, and takes care of our dog... Food, water, & baths. I have seen a dramatic change! He now understands we all have things we "have" to do, and that there is a time and place for everything. Not everytime can be playful. I make sure to spend one on one time with him, sometime talking, reading, playing, whatever he wants to do. I also over exagerate how proud I am of him and how great he does/did when he does good/well. I question him about his actions and decisions by asking what was great about what he did and what's a reward or consequence for his actions/decisions. I also just recently incorperated a reward system for us. I made our own family paper money we call "Crazy Cash". We call it crazy cash because they can do so much with it, it's crazy! :) they earn it by making good decisions, doing chores, exceptional behavior,ect. They can trade it in for real money if they are saving to buy something or whatever, or they can trade it in for computer or video game time, they can use it to request an activity like mini golf or chuckie cheeses, or to pick out a movie (DVD) for Friday nights, - this is just a few examples, and I also consider their opinions on what to be use for. It's "crazy"! Lol, so far it's working well. Not only is this a positive reinforcement but is also help teaching them how to handle their own assets/funds. Another thing I am trying, just like his teacher, is for one hour a day I have him pretend to be the mom or the dad, and see how he would handle things or do differently, or how he will organize the time. At dinner, we always eat together and talk about our days or tell a story everyone adds to. For example, I'll start... hubby continues where I left off using his imagination... then the kids take turns and so on.

These are things that are working for us right now. But I will say, I am always re-evaluating the way we handle things and make adjustments as needed. Just as my children are learning, I am learning too! It's definately quite the learning experience! I hope maybe I've given you some ideas, or things to look into. Sorry this ended up being so long, but if I see a question I am familiar with, I like to share what we do or have done and what worked or didn't work for us. Good luck! I hope you find something that "fits" for your family! :)

When our son was in K-2 he would not pay attention, and would get into trouble a lot for it. We finally made a
deal with him that if he did not get into trouble for the week, he got to go to dairy queen on the way home from school for a treat. This became a weekly ritual for about 3 years, and it was only if he did not get into trouble for the entire week. The teacher was very pleased with the results and so were we.
W.

Hi G.,
What time is she going to bed? Too late a bedtime causes her to wake up tired which in turn makes it hard to focus and concentrate. I L. the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth for age appropriate sleep needs. Dr. Weissbluth states that better sleep quality produces less daytime problems. He recommends a bedtime of around 7pm for most 6 yr olds. Try an early bedtime for 1-3 weeks to see if her daytime behavior improves.
Sincerely,
L.

Dear G.,
I'm writing because you could be my Mother writing about me. Infact, my first grade teacher sang "Beautiful Dreamer" to me one day in class. I'm wondering if your daughter has been tested for Dyslexcia.

I'm 64yrs old and when I was in school there were not tests to determine my Dyslexia. I was asked why I wasn't "paying attention", told I was "lazy"etc... When I was 29 and my two children were having trouble reading, they were 6 and 8, the school psychologist tested them and found they are both Dyslexic. He asked if either I or my husband had been tested. I asked to be, and that was the first time I was diagnosed. What a relief to know there was a reason for the difficulty I'd had.

Because of their testing, both my children were giving special focus on reading. Something that wasn't available when I was a child. Both are successful college graduates with graduate school degrees.

On the other hand, your daughter my be bored because her teacher isn't exciting her intillect etc.... Just a thought I thought I needed to pass on.

Best Wishes,
C.

We JUST went through this with our 5 yr old. She started 1st grade this year as well, and the first few weeks, this is exactly what we dealt with. She lost recess, TV, certain toys, etc.. We even thought about putting her back in Kinder, but after talking with her teacher from last year, they all know she is more than capable of doing the work, and would be very bored in K. we tried punishments, taking away everything, and nothing was working. Finally, I reversed it. Instead of focusing on how bad she was, i rewarded her good behavior with a special afterschool treat when she stayed on task. She was also moved closerto the Teachers desk, and away from her "friend". she still gets a worksheet sent home about once a week, and when that happens, she has to do it as soon as we get home rather than getting to go play before homework/dinner time.

Try to flip things around, so rather than she loses something, she earns something. For example, for every worksheet she completes, her teacher gives her a star or sticker to take home. As her what she wants to work for -- McDonalds, a toy, etc. We value our kid's stickers at 25 cents and they can work for many things. It focuses on what you want them to do, rather than giving them attention for what they are NOT doing. Research shows that young children do not learn from punishment; they learn from positives. Hope that helps. Our problem now is our kids want to earn points for everything, but isn't that the reason we go to work -- to keep earning money?

S.

Dear G.,

I work to empower adults and children into living what I call their Brilliant Essence. Everyone has it! You, your daughter...
It is accessed first and foremost through a positive Response to everything. Response is key. In your e-mail there is, understandably a lot of negativity. You are worried. You focus on the bad consequences of "bad" actions. Children only get lost in negative responses and use them to build on their logic, just as a positive response would be used to build on their logic too. Anthropology, social studies and neurobiology all show that negative environments, negative reactions, negative perspectives enhance negative production on negative actions! What a mouthful!
Here's what you can do:
First of all, change your attitude towards school. As the years progress, it doesn't get harder. It gets more interesting. Lessons stretch the mind in new directions. It's like a game where each step of the way, you get to figure out how to apply the rules in the best way possible. The escalation from daydreaming to not allowing this fertile mind to expand other than in the forced direction will only frustrate the child. Allot her a special time, a special space in her life where she can day dream, create, invent. I doubt she finds school hard. It's the excuse that comes from the parent's mouth; school gets harder. But you say she's extremely smart. Smart kids at school often don't focus on tasks they believe they can figure out in 2 seconds. They go into their minds to find thoughts that challenge them more. When she is faced with a task, ask her to beat the clock, ask her to take it a step further and see what else she can do with it, ask her to start at the beginning and invent more out of it, add numbers to a problem, add letters to writing, add colors to pictures, add stories to a recitation. Go where she wants to go in her mind and play with it. Make it a game she'll want to go back to.
Forget the blame response. It will do her no good to focus on what bad she does unto others. Focus instead on the potential she can make, the possibilities she has to offer.
She seems to need perhaps more physical compensation than the average child. It's natural for someone who is always in their mind! It's a natural balancing act of the body. Being too much in the mind is destabilizing. Have her play on her scooter until she's wiped out! Have her run laps and again, make it a challenge, a game for her. She wants to stretch herself and because you have told her you understand work is hard, she tends to repeat you to gain your attention, because that's the language you speak. She will soon understand that you are very proud of her to challenge herself, to create and invent and to stretch, rather than to continue to find problems you relate to. Have the teacher make her responsible for classroom activities. As a child, I was very much like that too. My teachers gave me grades to check! I did my homework, and then I got to feel useful and intelligent and made my mother proud. I cleaned up things around the classroom whilst others continued to work and I had finished. I was given harder books to read, but I was never told they were harder, I was told they were particularly interesting. I have seen many children like that, actually, these past generations are full of them!
Be proud of her. The system has not caught up with these kids' abilities. We, as parents, must allow them to expand their Brilliant Essence in the midst of old patterns with as much understanding and openness as possible. Keep a positive mind. Believe that all your child wants is to explore who she is and to be happy in what she does. You'll find that not only will she blossom, but you will be the greatest mum of all!

We had our daughter assessed for some of the same reasons when she was in 2nd grade even as her daydreaming wasn't affecting her work the same way. I wanted to make sure it wasn't ADD even as I thought it was more likely that she was bored in school. I had read the book Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnosis of the Gifted by James Webb and it was really helpful. It turned out our daughter was just really bored. Our son has the same boredom issues. They are both bordering on profoundly gifted and are 10 and 12 now and do well in school. We have had to advocate for gifted programs because our son got to a point of refusing to do school work because it was so pointless for his ability level (testing showed he was correct.) The first grader doesn't know how to communicate about issues like this. Refusal to do work by gifted youth sometimes peaks first in 1srt and 2nd grade.

I would consider thus ruling out giftedness and ruling out Attention Deficit Disorder. My friends son has ADD and she missed the diagnosis for 12 years because she is a school teacher and was focusing on helping her son do his homework. The poor kid was having to effort too much through life. Finally, finally, she had him tested and realized they had been pursuing strategies that were not helping his ADD since they weren't aware he had it. Without the hyperactivity it is easy to miss ADD. However, as my earlier example suggests, there are other reasons bright kids daydream.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

Sounds like an easy solution and one that might take a little stress off of your daughter would be to have her go back to Kindergarten. She will be the head of her class in knowledge and be able to develop her focus skills in a place that is equal to her maturity. Not saying she is immature, but emotionally she may not be ready for the 1st grade, even though academically it sounds like she is. Ask the K teacher(s) if there are extra projects/worksheets she can do to keep her academically challenged.

Good luck...keep us posted on what the outcome is.

P.

It seems to me that you and your teacher is on the right path on supporting for each other. It's very beneficial to have the consequences. You have to be consistent on your consequences too. You can also suggest to your daughter if she can stay focus and complete her classwork. You can let her ride her scooter for half to a hour daily after completion of her homework and studies. On the weekend, if she can follow through her expected behavior. You can treat her to go ride her scooter at a public park like Vascona at Los Gatos/Campbell on a Saturday or Sunday. If you have not mentioned it yet, you can also explain to your child that if she does well in 1st grade and develop great study skills this year. It will help her greatly in all the future classes. Tell your daughter that as she goes up to higher grades. The load of work and difficulty will keep increasing. It will not be as easy as 1st grade. Additionally, if your child still can not stay on tasks, it can be a maturity level. Right now, it is still beginning the year; however, if it keeps up like this, your child may not be learning all the concepts she needs to know on reading, writing, and different required math skills. Repeating 1st grade will probably benefit her. Good luck G..

have you checked with your pediatrician ? It might be good to check if she has any vision problems (eyesight or something like dyslexia) that are making it hard for her to concentrate (I've had eyeglasses since third grade and remember how hard it was to concentrate when I couldn't clearly read anything on the chalkboard!)

Hi G.,

A friend of mine just last night gave me an email adress with newsletters from a man who does workshops on what is called calm classrooms. It is new to me too but what I read in the first four newsletters helped so much that I feel it is worth sharing in case you can also benefit from it. Good luck and God Bless!

P.

Kirk Martin is his name and the email is ____@____.com

Parent concerns about children and school must be really common this time of year as conferencing begins. One thing I would like to share with you is a concept proposed by Maria Montessori founder of the Montessori method. She believed that children needed a period of time to settle in to their work, she called this the normalization period (she developed her theories during the late 1800s). For Montessori teachers, we anticipate this time to take between 6 and 8 weeks. For some children it takes longer. Let her have time to settle in to the routine. If after winter break the teacher continues to be concerned, then you should be. But now, give her time to get into the swing of things. Even when adults take on a new job, there is a time period we often refer to as a learning curve. Give her time, she'll be fine.

Consider seeing a child psychiatrist for a work up for possible Attention Deficit Disorder, Inattentive Type, the most common form in girls. Daydreaming is the most common and obvious symptom. There are some things you can do besides medication, but as it is a brain disorder, medication is generally part of the treatment. Continually fighting with your daughter, having the same conversation over and over, being constantly frustrated and having to apply consequences continually for behavior that she probably can't control will be corrosive to your relationship. A little about me : I'm a child psychiatrist with an ADHD son, ADD daughter and ADHD husband, and I have some of the symptoms myself, and I treat ADD. I practice in Palo Alto.

i agree with all the answers. Get you daughter checked out and focus on the positive.

Visit the classroom to see if it is appropriate for her.

I am recommending a wonderful book called ADHD in the Classroom, a Powerful, Practical Solution by Beatice Hair. She has a contract called the 3-legged contract. It is a contract between teacher, student and parent. The contract is for 8 weeks of specific goals. The parents work out rewards with the child for accomplishments of the goals. There are 3 chances to mess up and then consequences (taking away of privileges) takes place.

You might want to buy the book and implement the strategies with your daughter and her teacher.

C.

I can't help but feel sad for your situation. This easily could have been my daughters experience. It's why we home school. Some kids more then others need to be hands on exploring their world. Sitting behind a desk just makes them check out. I don't really feel it is her fault or that she has control over this. This may not be her best learning enviroment. If forced it could make her learning experience worse. The sad thing is is often these kids are considered ADD and will end up on medication. Personally I think they are imature and can learn to be more in control as they get older. You said she is not behind so it's not that she's not learning. I knew my daughter could not handle the school enviroment and we found an outdoor farm class for her early years with a home school program. She has been in a ISP at a public school for several years and done really well with this as well as other classes away from home. If you are able you might look into different options for her education right now. I love that my kids have gotten to really have a childhood. They participate in many ways helping out in the community. My daughter is a docent at our local natural history museum. She learns so much from doing these type of hands on things. Her early years were spent at the beach ,the woods, a farm, our back yard turning over every rock. We had so much fun.She's grown to be a smart and happy young lady. Hope you find something that works for your family.

I find that my son is having the same problem also. First grade is a very big and unfamiliar step because the kids are still so young and not mature enough yet to fully understand the consequences of their actions. It is interesting because these new generations have the bar being set higher and higher for them and just because they can I wonder if they should be pushed to work so hard at this age. Sure the world is competitive and life is work but at 6 yrs old shouldn't they still be allowed to dream? Some children do very well and others take a while to fall in place but should we make the exception the rule?

Lots of great advice here! I would also suggest having her hearing and eyesight checked if that has not been done. Screening for Attention Deficit Disorder and dyslexia (or other learning challenges) would also be a good idea. An excellent book is "You mean I am not crazy, lazy, mad or bad?" (Sorry, that title may be close but have some of the adjectives wrong. You can probably google it.) Good luck!