Hello Moms, question for you. My step-daughter is giving her daughter a birthday party for which she did invite us. me, her dad and her sister and brother. Her dad cannot make it becuase of work but she probably still expect me and the kids to come. The problem I am having is that her mother and her dad never got along ever since they broke up in high school after my stepdaughter was born. I have been knowing her since she was 4 years old and I still dont know her mother. she never said 2 words to me. she never cared to get to know me because of how bad her and my husband got along I guess. This is how the rest of her family treat my husband and me. They pretty much cant be in the same room without arguing about something. She has some type of grudge against him that I just dont understand. I was joking with him one time asking him do she still want him or something because this is ridiculous. To keep from going on and on. MY husband decided to tkae the baby to Chuck e Cheese for her birthday next time she visit. He told me he dont blame me if I didnt want to go to the party. My question is would I be wrong if I didnt take my kids to their neice's 1st birthday party.
You should go especially for the sake of your kids and their relationship with their sister and niece.
I'm a stepmom and a stepdaughter, so I've had some similar experiences. My suggestion would be to use this as an opportunity for your stepdaughter's mother to see that you're a nice person. She may let her guard down when your husband isn't there. If she won't interact with you, she will still be able to see you being friendly and kind with other people there.
Be careful to stay somewhat in the background and don't act like you're trying to make it clear that your granddaughter is also YOUR granddaughter. If your stepdaughter's mother can see that you're not trying to usurp her role (even if you are fully and completely another one of the child's granmothers in other settings), she may be able to take a step toward lightening up, with you at least. It might be wise to clue in your stepdaughter that you are planning to avoid a big show of being the child's grandmother, out of respect for her mother. She will probably have great respect for YOU for thinking of this.
She may never give up her grudge with your husband. There's no way for you to know the whole story about what happened way back when she became pregnant with your stepdaughter, nor in the years before you came into the picture. In the best of circumstances, it had to be a very, very difficult situation for her that literally changed the course of her life. However, perhaps you can gradually move towards peacefully co-existance at family events, and eventually be in friendly terms. That would make things easier for your stepdaughter and granddaughter.
I think you should talk to your stepdaughter about it, I mean if you have been in her life this long she will understand your concerns. also no i don't think it would be wrong is your husband is planning on taking them to chuck e cheese another time. But if your stepdaughter expresses that she really would like you all to go.. go.. suck it up and be the bigger woman. Introduce yourself and be SUPER nice to her mother.
Yes, you should go to the party. Be the bigger person. Just ignore or have very limited conversations with the mom. No need to be best friends with her, but your step daughter is going to want to be able to have events for her child without having to either choose which of her parents to invite or without having to have it be crazy. You are all adults, the breakup obviously happened a long time ago. It would probably be good for hubby and his ex to talk and just say "I'm sorry things were so bad with us, but for our daughter and now granddaughters sake, lets try to be civil to one another." Maybe set some ground rules like no talking about the past and just focusing on the grandbaby.
I think you should go. You are going for your stepdaughter and your childrens neice. What if After this she decided not to invite y'all anymore because you did not show to this birthday party.
That sounds like a very difficult position that you are in. Unfortunately a lot of people will not change and the tension you have with the mom will probably continue. However, children are just innocent and really all that is on their little minds is playing and having fun. Assuming that the niece will be apart of your child's life moving forward you have to consider building their relationship and letting her participate in the party. The fact that the mom doesn't say two words to you is better than if you two would fight in front of the children. It is only an hour or two of one day but those impressions and time spent with family is important for children. If you can tolerate the uncomfortableness I would go and focus on your step-daughter and helping her enjoy her time with her cousin. Try to just stay away from the mom and just keep nurturing your step-daughters experience.
Good luck, that is a tough one. Maybe, with time the tension will cease and mutual respect for the love of your step-daughter will help diminish the tension with the mom.
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I don't think it's bad if you don't go. If you don't go I would recommend sending a gift just as a nice jesture.
Yes, this is for your grandkid (step-grandkid), not for you. You can go to a 1st b-day and be civil. You don't have to make friends. When people ask this question from the other side (my extended family doesn't get along, who should I invite so that there aren't all those inner fights?), I always answer, invite them all and let them be the grown ups and decide what is important to them. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but as the baby ages, there are just going to be more and more of these situations.
