I decided it was time to wean my son from his pacifier on the 8th. The first two days/nights were tough. He kept asking for his pacifier and would throw epic tantrums for an hour. By the 10th, he has stopped asking for his pacifier but he whines and cries for at least half an hour before falling asleep (nap or bedtime). He would start crying as soon as I turn off the lights. I dot understand and nothing I do soothes him but letting him cry/whine (not in the ignoring him way, just letting him let out the emotions I guess) doesn't seem to help either. He would attack me (e.g. hair-pulling, pinching) when I try to hug him or rub his back or touch him or be near him, yet if I don't do anything he just cries harder and harder. I never yelled at him or hit him. I just calmly whisper to him that everything is ok and he can play a little more in the dimmed room if he wants to. Does this sound normal? I just don't want him to keep this up and have this end up being his nap/bedtime routine. I understand it should take him some time to learn to soothe himself without his pacifier. Any suggestion on what I can do to help him while he adapts?
Stephanie H: Is that a rhetorical question? I feel a bit more relieved to hear it's normal but I was really hoping for more insights on how to help him feel better.
PrincessMomma: I agree weaning him earlier from the pacifier would have been better than now. When I wean him from his night feeding it wasn't nearly half this bad. He never cried, whined, or tantrum'ed.
SuzanneH: I decided it was time to take away the pacifier because it was interrupting his sleep even though it helps him fall asleep. He wasn't getting the rest he needed so he was more unhappy during the day. Since taking away his pacifier, he actually sleeps better (no more night waking and crying/whining for his lost pacifier; it didn't help that he throws his pacifier away and still want it so in a way it was causing his unnecessary frustration) and is happier during the day. It seems taking away the pacifier was the right thing to do. I just want to figure out how to help him feel better as he learn to soothe himself without a pacifier. I did read that finger/thumb sucking would be worse than a pacifier but fortunately that didn't happen.
After two nights, my toddler doesn't ask for the pacifier anymore. I think he continued to whine because...well, he's a toddler now and was in a transitional phase. His naps became inconsistent unlike when he was a "baby." Unless he's truly tired and ready to nap or sleep, he will protest by either whining or tantruming.
Totally normal. You took away something that sooths him and is his security in the crazy world. How would you react if someone took away something that calms you down?
This is exactly why pacifiers should only be used for infants. After 6-8 months of age it can be taken away with no real issue. Go buy him something to replace it. My daughters love stuffed animals. But a cute pillow, blanket, or small toy could also work. Good luck. :) remember, he will be just fine and will never remember this.
It has been many, many years since I had a child that age. However, I do remember how I approached this, be it right or wrong...
Introduce him to a new "lovey" for bedtime. Cuddle with baby and lovey while you read stories, rock, sing, etc..whatever bedtime ritual is. Let him fall asleep with his pacifier and lovey (raggedy Andy in our case). After he is sound asleep go in and take the paci and make sure his other lovey is there. It took awhile...every night for several weeks, I think... but the transition can happen with little to no trauma and bedtime can remain positive.
Having good, calm bedtime ritual is very important, especially during these transition times.
Have you considered the possibility of sensory issues? I only bring this up because that was one of the main questions they asked me about my son during the prelim diagnosis questions. Apparently it was common, however my son never started thus we never needed to stop.
My next question is did you "replace" it with something new or different, like the next step? So kids go from bottle to cup, diapers to undies, training wheels to two etc. Did you introduce a new lovie/soothe item remove the paci and give a silky? Maybe he still needs something for soothing and feels you have left him with nothing.
Another question ... was he PART of the removal process? That may have helped the transition.
I never understand the rush to take away things from children. They give them up much better when a bit older. Most of mine that took a pacifier were 2 or older when I took it, I found it worked best when they threw it away themselves and knew 'they' did it and life was fine then, not so much unhappiness as with a little one 19 months old. One of mine then went to sucking his thumb and that's way harder to stop.
When you remove a method that your child uses to soothe himself, you leave a vacuum if you don't teach him a new method to soothe himself. Right now, since he has nothing to replace his pacifier, he's crying and whining.
You're lucky that he "let" you take away the pacifier. My middle daughter never let me take it away. She had secret stashes all over the house. She didn't stop using it until she was ready on her own.
