18 Yr/old Stepson Overdrew His Bank Account...

When I was 20, I moved back in with my parents. I was 14k in credit card debt and nothing to show for it. My parents showed me the way out. Repeat showed me the way out. Now we are basically debt free with the exception of the standing bills, house, car and the typical standard monthly bills, phone, electric etc.

If you want him to learn and really understand. Teach him the right way to save. We recently go the Total money make over by Dave Ramsey. It might be a thought to have him read that book before he does any real damage. $37 is nothing in the grand scheme of things but if he learns how to stay out of debt, it will be the best lesson ever.

I would have him work it off and also earn the money that is so generously put in the account for him. It means more when they are giving up their own hard-earned money vs Mom and Dad's money. I also liked the idea someone else posted about having him volunteer somewhere - it would give him a new perspective on people who don't have anything, it would also give him something extra for his resume.

Since he doesn't have a job or near prospects of one, give him "chores" around the house that will earn him the $37.00. Not the regular "chores" but jobs suitable for an 18 year old to do.

I would have to say that he works it off and pay you back. Your time and your money is worth something. You can negotiate amount paid back. But I think he needs to step up to the plate to handle this.
You can also have him donate his time to volunteering until he gets a job.

Local food pantries can always use some help. Oppurtunites for his age are readily avialable. And the lesson taught giving back will long last him and just might make him wake up a bit.

Any way that is just another couple of options.

Total Money Makeover (Dave Ramsey) should be a must read for him. There are sound money lessons that he should know (heck, that a LOT of people should know but choose to stay ignorant and think it doesn't apply to them).

When he has finished reading it (or listening to the CD's or whatever) then offer him some jobs around the house to earn a "commission" so he can pay off his DEBT to the bank. Put things in perspective here... this isn't a fee or whatever... he OWES the BANK... that is a DEBT. He is "IN DEBT".

It shouldn't take too long for you and hubby to figure out some jobs he can do to earn the $37 dollars to pay off his debt. (Wash and wax your car? mow and edge the yard? Shovel the snow? Pressure wash the house? some combination...)

Money doesn't mean anything to kids until they have to WORK for it themselves. They learn a lot more respect for it then. There is nothing harsh about it. It's just the way the world works. If he really wants to pay his DEBT, then he will jump at the chance to EARN the money doing jobs around the house (or grandma's house or the neighbor's house). Pay fairly... what would you pay someone you didn't know to do the same work?

It is the kindest thing you can do for him: Teach him a life lesson that will help him grow AND retain his self-respect. In a way, (imho) paying it for him is a mean thing that sneakily says to him... "you can't do it on your own".

Parenting is tough... hang in there!

This is an important phase for young adults. I have many friends (my husband too!) who went thru a phase where money was magic...overdrafts...credit cards. It eventually caught up with them and they all started over around age 25 (we're in our 30s now and laugh about the crazy approach we had to money).

That said...Heck yeah - Put him to work. My brother was in a similar situation post-divorce. There he was living back with our parents (they were thriiiilllled, let me tell you). But he worked like crazy around that house. He kicks butt on the yard (acres or yard). He is there to take out the garbage and do the heavy lifting. He got my gramma's place in shape after she passed away. I think he *feels* better than he would living there for "free".

Hi There, I know exactly how you feel. First off a little story,
When my daughter (who lived with her dad) turned 18 she ask me for money for college for expenses. I told her she would have to take a finance/budgeting course at the community college to learn how to budget her money and then I had no problem helping her with her expenses. She said I was crazy, she wasn't going to take one - said I didn't understand her and proceeded not to talk to me for 5 years. Crazy kids. Anyways, happy ending, she called a year ago and apologized for her behavior, we laughed about it and then I saw a post on her Facebook about how she had no money left over from her paychecks after paying all of the overdraft fees at the bank. I rolled on the floor laughing and thought maybe she should have taken that budgeting class. LOL

Anyways, I would treat this as a learning opportunity. He can call the bank and have them remove the over limit spending. All banks by default give you a 100 dollars over limit spending which could end up in 100's of dollars in overdraft fees. If they take off the over limit spending then the bank will deny the charge if there is not enough money to cover it.

I would cover the charge but teach him how keep a check register and show him that by doing that he will ALWAYS know how much money he has and how much he can spend. Yes it's a card but it's really an electronic check and should be treated accordingly. Again this is a great learning opportunity that will hold him accountable. Hope this helps!

EVERYONE makes mistakes. I don't think you should make a big deal about being overdrawn because it's the first time. But look again at what you said about him: gets away with making lots of mistakes, blames others, turns on the charm! Here's the chance for a life long lesson - you are an adult, fix your mistakes and stop blaming others.
E.

Young kids make mistakes with their first bank accounts, it happens all the time. If you feel this is something he will learn from on its own, and that he will do better in the future, then let it be and let him pay you back when he can. If you do not feel he will be responsible enough to pay you back, then insist he do work to pay it off. It is really about how you feel he will best learn. The most important thing is that he get a refresher on how to track his account and be sure it does not happen again.

This is a red flag for me:

"but he does tend to get away with making lots of mistakes...by either talking his way out of it (blaming others or the situation) or turning on the charm!"

It suggests that your stepson has learned how to get around paying the consequences for his actions. I'm afraid this will come back to haunt him when he is older and the stakes are higher.

Yes, everyone messes up and overdraws their bank account. The reason most of us don't do it often is because the penalty is so stiff. Paying $37 when you're on a tight budget really hurts. It motivates us to keep track of our money to avoid the pain.

Your stepson needs to feel the pain, by paying off the fee with labor,losing the bank account or whatever you decide is appropriate. This is a great opportunity for your stepson to give up the habit of blaming and making excuses for his mistakes. He can keep the sweetness and charm!

I have to agree with having him work for you to earn the money. I think it's important the our kids learn that the work comes before the money and not the other way around. It may also be a good idea to make him use an old fashioned check book so that he can learn how to balance a checkbook. Perhaps then he will be more aware of the money he is spending and how much remains. Once he learns how to efficiently keep a checkbook balanced for a good period of time, maybe 6 months, then allow him use of the debit card again but have him keep a register of what money goes in, and comes out of his account as if he was actually writing a check. He sounds like a normal teenager, they are forgetful, don't usually take responsibility for their mistakes and will do practically anything to get out of trouble. He's 18, graduating soon, the world is a tough place, if he plans to attend college he will hopefully learn that all the charm in the world will not save him from the hard work and sheer determination that it takes to succeed in this world. Especially with the current state of our economy. It's better he gets these first lessons, given with love, at home than learning this harsh reality from people who don't care whether or not he succeeds. Best of luck to you however you decide to handle the situation.

This also happened to my son when he was eighteen. He made up the difference then did it again! He actually ended up paying the bank one cent (really!!) after he closed it and they found he stilled owed one cent. Or they were being creepy. Who knows. He switched banks, is on his own with his account and never did it again. Since you say he is responsible, and wish to put more money in (very nice!) then perhaps you can give him a job at home where you can put a dollar sign on it and call it a day. Perhaps clean your refrigerator or tub or lysol the phones, whatever, something that will make up the overdraft. You obviously work hard for your money and he can learn what that is like, too. He may be able to get away with mistakes at home (much like my child) for awhile but he will not be so easily forgiven in the world when he is on his own someday. So that is simply a suggestion, I hope he will find a job. It is tough out there these days, I know so I wish you all good luck.

Give him a "due date" If he misses the due date then give him a job that will work off the debt. Be sure to help him find work before the due date. I think actually paying you back would be a better life lesson. Maybe so of these family members have jobs that need doing? He could even find a babysitting job.

I also have 18 year old stepsons (twins!) and that last sentence hit home for me! That is how I feel with mine, they make excuses or turn on the charm to get through life.
I do think that your plan is acceptable, especially for a first offense. $37 is not a huge amount (my daughter overdrew her account and it took almost $500 to correct!!!)
Since it may be awhile till he does get a job, I keep track of monies owed on our calendar, as well as credits earned or paybacks. Because sometimes it is not a full payback, but in portions as they can. I think this is important to be accountable for their mistakes or loans.
I think if you get some manual labor of out your son, you need to come up with a fair exchange rate and note that as a credit towards his debt.
It is a tough environment to find work in, but if they will not be fussy about what employment they have, they CAN find a job or two! Get creative. Make up business cards or a flyer they can distribute, even to neighbors to let them know he is available for odd jobs.

I would pay the balence (so that he doesn't ruin his credit), explain what happens when you over draw your bank account (you ruin your credit and have to work to proove to the bank and future lenders that you are worth lending to) and then confiscate the debit card/check books etc. He then has to earn back his "credit" with you by doing what ever you see fit for the situation. It may be working off the debt with odd jobs, babysitting younger siblings, maintaining a certain grade or a certain behavior (such as consistantly making curfew, accepting credit for his mistakes rather than talking his way out, or what ever a personal weak point is). Either way, you set the terms of earning back your trust and his bank access and then don't bend on them. Further, once he regains his banking privilages, I would have him start using a pen and paper or computer method of tracking his spending. Check in with him weekly and guide him on this. Most kids get in trouble with debit cards because they get slack about keeping track of their spending. Help him form a habit for tracking his own spending that he can continue to use into adulthood. I would also emphasis that this is a one time free pass. You are trying to help him keep good credit, but if he disregards your help and does this again, your family simply can't afford to bail him out.

Good luck!!

Karma, I am the forgiving type, but I think you should have him work to pay it back. You want to nip this kind of behavior right in the bud. I know from family experience. $37 can turn into thousands of dollars.

This kind of mistake is not a crime, not a sin. It's just a mistake, arising from inexperience, inattention, and often a lack of information. Like any mistake, we learn in the undoing of it. If I had the idea that I needed to help preserve someone else's relationship with their bank, that would certainly make it harder to allow his consequences to flow naturally.

As an older adult who lives on a small income, I know it's easy to overdraw a bank account. I'm conscientious, but can forget to record a check when I'm distracted, so I ordered those checks that make a paper copy of each transaction. Now I can double-check myself every few days, and have fewer moments of dread in the middle of the night, wondering whether I posted all my purchases.

I personally don't know how I'd manage with a debit card – I'd probably lose the sales slips. I don't buy on impulse, but I'm the dreamy, artistic type, and I have to really work to stay attentive to "real world" necessities. And young adults often still live in a magical reality where the direct correspondence between purchases and money in the bank haven't become clear yet, so it's easy to yield to impulse. Debit and credit cards spell potential trouble, and I think banks push them at young people with the clear expectation that they'll rack up lots of fees.

I've had maybe half a dozen overdraws in my life, and have gotten myself straightened out each time. I never would have expected my parents to do that for me, and no amount of charm or blame would have done the trick. The consequences are already in place: an overdraft fee or the merchant charge for bounced checks; the struggle to come up with the money, the inconvenience of having to straighten out the small mess I've created. Lots of good learning there.

It is very possible that it was an oversight on his part; many of us have done the same. But in the "real world", as adults, we don't have people to come to the rescue with this. It is a fine line to draw - when to help them or not - but at 18 for my kids there would definitely need to be some consequence. My kids are 12, 9, and 5, and we have consistently had them do extra work if they don't have cash to pay us back for certain things. For example, my 12 year old has not been very good about practicing her instrument for school band, and her class grade now shows it; I told her she will now be paying for her rental instrument until her grade improves to a certain level. Since she doesn't have much cash, we came to an agreement with chores instead, and she has a certain amount of time to complete them in. She also receives no allowance till this debt is paid off. Of course my 5 year old we're a bit more lenient on, but he, too, has to pay if he breaks something that belongs to someone else, even if it's an accident; that's what will happen as an adult, and he needs to learn this now in order to become responsible later.

It is very hard for ANY adult, let alone a high schooler, to get a job these days, so I can totally understand that. So in my mind, giving him ways to work off the debt is a great way to get him to realize that it is his responsibility. Better now than at 25 or 30!

Good luck.

I think that since he is normally a good kid, having to pay you back for the first offense is a good consequence. If it happens again then I would look into further consequences.

I did that when I was 18 too. Twice. I now balance my bank accounts to the penny every month and I know where every cent goes. My folks bailed me out both times. I say help him out and use it as a learning opportunity for him. Maybe show him how to use something like Microsoft Money or Quicken (or just a good ole pen and paper) to keep his account balanced. You could also make him "work it off" by doing things around the house... but hopefully he's already doing things around the house to help out! :)

I think him working it off for you is probably the best. this way he learns to take care of the debt immediately instead of letting it sit and pay when he has the money. I think teaching him to pay his debt upfront will help him in the future and be more responsible for it. As you mentioned, it isdifficult to find a job these days especially for teens.
I worked off money for my parents all the time. When I had my first car it had to go in the shop. Being 18 or 19 I didnt have that kind of money, so they paid for it and I did work for my dad.

I agree kids make mistakes and it is our job as parents to help them learn from those mistakes. I like the idea that was suggested to have him do a few extra age appropriate chores around the house. Does he have chores that he does already? The idea to put less in his account for cell phone and gas is very good also. Yes maybe he does not have as much gas money for the social trips......just for getting to school and job interviews. And he would have to take responsibility to arrange transportation for social activities.

Find a job now days is more challenging....and to the contrary people are desperate for income....so they are taking the minimum wage positions! Resulting in less positions available for students.

When you said overdrawn I was really expected a larger amount. $37.00 is not bad.....because my bank charges $30.00 as an overdraft fee! I am glad it was discovered right away.

Does he "get away" with things because of his family situation, you mentioned came to live with you, and he is excused more easily or does he really attempt to get away with things. Just give it a thought. No matter what he will need to learn that he has to take responsibility for his actions intentional or non intentional. After all if we overdrew our bank account I don't think the bank would excuse us just because we told them we didn't mean to do that!

Sorry to have been so long winded.

I would stop paying for his gas and cell phone. Get him a bicycle. He can pick up cans to pay you back the $37. Close the bank account. When he graduates he can look more ernestly for a job, whether it be fast food, mowing lawns in the neighborhood etc. When he has saved up a couple hundred dollars he can open an account himself and I bet he'll be more careful with it since it contains money he had to work for.

Lets face it, we have ALL overdrawn our accounts at one point or another. It sounds like your son feels responsible for what has happened. Maybe have him write out an IOU and post it somewhere it can be seen and not forgotten. If this is the first time, then I think I would let it go at that...now if it happens again, or continues to happen then there should be further punishments.

Well, since it's his first job, he should be looking at places like grocery stores, fast food, Target, they have high turn-overs and the adults who are out of work aren't looking for the minimum wage jobs. Those are great places for him to start.

My teen son has had to learn lessons the hard way. When he was in middle school and broke my cell phone, he didn't have a job to pay for it. I made him work it off each weekend.

If you're putting money in his account for gas and cell phone, you could choose to not put as much in. The difference you withhold could add up to the overdraft fee. So you could do it over a few deposit periods. This would make him feel what it's like to not have the money and have to be more resourceful in his needs. So instead of having gas to go everywhere, he will have to take rides with friends, or use the bus. That is a great life lesson. Because there are times when you just don't have the money and need to make such choices.

Good luck, it will all work out in the end. Just know that whatever you (both you and your spouse) choose, you are good parents.

You could do either of two ways...pay it for him and have him (ASAP) pay you guys back...or have him pay it on his own. He's 18 and will have to eventually learn that you guys aren't always going to be available to bail him out in situations like this. He needs to understand that this is a serious responsibility and he needs to take it seriously.

wow! reminds me of my 15 year old.

This is one of the areas we have trouble with, money. My son, even with his own bank account, doesn't understand that there is an end to money, he also thinks a soda here a pack of gum there does not add up to all of his money.

Anyway, I think by the time he has the money to pay you back there will be such a time lag that the offense and punishment will not have a connection. The punishment needs to be soon so he can associate it to the problem. Make him work it off by doing labor, asses a value for certain types of work, and not the light stuff like vacuum/dusting, simulate a job experience, a certain type of job=$/hour, to work & earn the money to pay you back.

I think your approach is mostly appropriate. There's no reason to continue to make him feel bad about what happened.

I do agree that he should have to do something to pay you back now though, whether it be manual labor or other help, otherwise the favor may be forgotten. It is hard to find a job these days, especially for teenagers, so maybe the way he pays you back is just by showing you each job he actually applies for. This way you can see the effort he is making.

The only thing that I would do differently (and maybe you already are) is make it very clear that if it happens again, you will NOT bail him out, or that he loses a privledge, such as part of his gas money or his cell phone. Just be sure you follow through on your end of the consequence, or as you say, he'll continue to get away with his mistakes.

Hi,
As others have said the opportunity to learn and teach is here. I would suggest a signed IOU, and would also see if there could be a "credit line" with the bank account, so that if the account is overdrawn for whatever reason, there would be a padding for him. He would then have to repay, but at a much lower rate than the penalty he may have to pay for the overdrawn account.
You said he is a very good kid and mostly responsible I would follow what others have said- have him repay.
Good luck.

Why does he NEED a bank account and why do you NEED to bail him out? He needs to the learn the hard way how to deal with this or your looking at a lifetime of babying him. If he's old enough to have a bank accout he's old enough to learn his lesson and take care of it. He's an adult highschool or not.I had a bank account from 16on and there is no way in heck my parents would have bailed me out had I overdrawn. My kids won't have cellphones and drive til they have a job economy or not. If my daughter screws up her bank acct. I'll tell her to go fix it herself.

I think everyone makes mistakes sometimes, and we all need a little grace now and again. The reason for practicing with money while still under your roof is so he has room to make mistakes and learn from them. I'd do just as your heart is telling you, and just inform him that you will not always be there to bail him out and he needs to work harder and come up with a better plan to ensure it does not happen again in the future.

He won't learn from his mistakes unless there are consequences. Also you may want to cancel the overdraft feature so that it doesn't happen again.
Good luck!

First thing and most important. Cut up that debit card into 10,000 pieces and NEVER get a replacement. As the saying goes "Did you enjoy that $31.00 bottle of water?" The point is unless your very diligent about writing down every transaction, it's extremely easy to overdraw and you usually get hit with a $30.00 overdraft fee. Banks are making a fortune this way.

Keep the bank account (it's a checking account if he's paying bills), but only use it to pay bills.

Yes, it will probably be some time before it can pay you back. But it won't be a bad idea to have him do some extra chores arround the house to earn the money to pay you back. Please don't let him just get away with this. I'm sure he's truly sorry, but the truth is if there's no consequence, he'll learn he can get away with it again.

Fix it this once and after that he'll have to remain within the limits or forfeit his card. The other thing is he doesn't need a Debit card except to withdraw money he already has. The bank can issue an ATM card without the Debit privilege until he asks to have one again.
It's good to teach fiscal responsibility early. My children learned to be consequent very early.