Since my daughter turned a year old... there has been a major change in her. She is cranky, whiney, and cries all the time. It's becoming so stressful. Here's a little background. I have a son who is 3.5 years old...and also a 6 month old (they are exactly a year apart). Every since the baby was born, things have sort of gone downhill. I know she is now the middle child and essentially still a baby. I know she needs lots of attention. But she just cries all the time. She used to sleep great. Now she wakes up every hour or 2 hours just screaming. It's not night terrors because she is arousable but inconsolable. Sometimes, a bottle of milk will help her go back to sleep. Sometimes she wakes up just whining...sometimes it's crying...and a lot of times it's kicking and screaming. It can be for 10 min...or for 2 hours. When she wakes up, she's crying. When she gets home from daycare...she cries. When she doesn't get her way- she cries. And these cries are not just your regular crying...it's the kicking, screaming, bending backwards crying. It's takes a lot to distract her or calm her down. Holding her doesn't stop it. When we can't hold her...she cries. She just seems cranky all the time. On the flip side- she's really smart,loving, and super sweet like an angel when she's not crying. There are days that I giver her ALL my time and my husband will be with the boys. It doesn't seem to change anything. I'm so stressed and frustrated now. I've tried talking to our pediatrician about it but he says it'll pass and probably just separation anxiety. I'm running out of fuel here and not sure what else I can try. I don't know if it's something in her diet maybe. She eats like a bird. She can eat a bunch of small meals...and hardly ever sits down and eats full meal in one sitting. Her only comfort is a bottle of milk and her blankie. But I'm trying not to just give her a bottle every time she cries. Sometimes I try and let her cry it out...but then I just end up getting mad at the end.
advice please?
I was thinking that she sounds exactly like my middle daughter before we discovered she has Lactose Intolerance and cut out all milk and cream products. She could be in pain and discomfort, gassy and bloated, which would explain all the crying. I would try taking her off of dairy for a full month.
You and your husband need to go to a parenting group. All your previous questions all come down to the same thing. You need help knowing what to do with each child's special problems. Some of us were not well parented and we don't have great inner resources. That was my case and so I spent lots of time learning what to do and how to approach things.
I took courses and I read a great deal. I also had a very helpful husband who had been well nurtured by his mother.
Birth to Three is a great place to go for help. It's other parents with children the ages you have talking over their way of handling their kids.
The groups meet once a week for no more than 10 weeks and you get a lot of mileage out of the program.
A few things.
At exactly 1 year old my younger daughter got her first ear infection. This was the start of a downhill spiral for a couple reasons. Allergies are inflammatory. Allergies made her feel poorly. And all the antibiotics wipe out our good bacteria making us prone to digestive problems and even mental problems: See
http://itsnotmental.blogspot.com/2011/03/gut-brain-and-ba...
and
http://itsnotmental.blogspot.com/2011/05/allergies-asthma...
The next issue is my daughter did not sleep well. Sleep is CRITICAL to our health ( http://itsnotmental.blogspot.com/2008/07/sleep-critical-y...) and I WISH pediatricians took it more seriously. I wish help with this issue was a focused part of health care. Figuring out why there is a sleep disorder and what to do about it can be difficult. In some cases, the solution can be as simple as changing their diet. Othertimes - not so easy.
I heard so often from doctors about my own baby "she's fine." And... :-( The poor kid wasn't.
She could be cutting her 2 year old molars... my son had those in well before he turned 2. They hurt like the dickens!! Try a little tylenol or motrin, and rub your finger on the back of her gums, the counter pressure helps.
I would think about trying everything:
-Is she gassy?
-Is she teething?
-separation anxiety could be it or it could be something else entirely
-Most kids at that age will go to milk & their blankie for comfort. My son
loves both of those.
-She could be going through a growth spurt so I would keep trying to get
her to eat different things
-Let her have her milk & blankie to soothe her during these times. She's
still young.
-All babies are different so you have to find what triggers your baby's
issues.
-At this point, I wouldn't let her cry it out. Her only way to express herself
is to cry so she is letting you know she needs something. Like I said, try
everything: sep anxiety, teeth, food (keep giving her diff foods throughout the day), gassy?
Hope all the best!
She is probably teething, but I would say that is only adding to whatever else is going on. I agree with your pedo that it will most likely pass. I know my daughter was like that at that age. It drove me and my husband crazy. It is so hard, because they still can't communicate fully so they get frustrated and then you get frustrated. Plus she really is still a baby so its even harder because she does not understand fully. All I can say is it will pass. Also sometimes if they are going through a big growth spirt they can get this way too. Good luck
Some of it could definitely be the age and competing for attention, but it REALLY sounds like she's cutting molars. With a clean finger, check her gums. Especially with waking and night and not eating, it sounds like she's in pain!! Check for the molars to have cut through - they HURT. Let us know.
It's funny because you say that she's been a pill since she turned one...but that basically coincides with the birth of your third...so maybe it's not her age/stage but the fact that she's having a hard time adjusting to the baby. She's clearly very frustrated, she's clearly very needy. I think you may benefit from attempting to treat her as if she were 1 with the same needs and everything--essentially reparenting her. She's still basically a baby and I think about my son at 1 and what it would have been like to be yanked away with a new baby. That would have been really traumatic. Plus you were pregnant since she was 3 months old? Look, I know things happen and I know that parents have kids close together and it doesn't always affect them negatively but it seems in this case your daughter needed more and needs more than she got/gets. I agree with a previous poster that a parenting group is probably going to be a great resource.
Dear ETran,
I agree about checking her ears and also that she might be cutting those molars. But, no one seems to mention that she may be super frustrated with her lack of ability to communicate. My 16 month old understands almost everything we say to him but he still only has about 10 words that we can understand. He is clearly frustrated by this so we are using Baby Sign Language with him. It really, really helps during the day if you can have your daughter be able to help you know what she wants. Some of what she is doing sounds like a regular temper tantrum - and tantrums can start as early as when they turn one. They know they want something that they don't have but they can't tell you what it is - so they cry, kick, scream, etc. Look at some of the baby sign language videos and see if that helps. Your 3.5 year old should be in the "love to be a helper" stage - so maybe he will help you with using the sign language with your daughter.
Try feeding your daughter with your 3.5 year old if you are not sitting down to family meals. They should be eatting the same thing anyways - and she needs to be in a high chair at her age.
Good luck - parenting is a tough job! C.
I'm sure that her fussiness is caused by a combination of things. Adjusting to a new baby is not easy and she has a ton of feelings about it but doesn't understand them or know the right way to express them yet. It could be molars coming in or just a normal stage she's going through right now. My son, from birth, was extremely difficult. I am not exaggerating when I say if he wasn't sleeping or eating, he was full out screaming and crying. I tried everything from diet changes in me to specialists to different soothing methods at home. Nothing worked and, thankfully, he had nothing medically wrong with him. It was terrible trying to deal with him and I wasn't always the best mom to him and my 3 yr old daughter. I felt like he was a ticking time bomb and I never knew when he was going to go off. I was always trying to be one step ahead of him to anticipate his needs so he wouldn't flip out. I started getting migraines and panic attacks. He turned 2 in October and is now much easier but still VERY high maintenance and very whiny. That's his personality, I just had to adjust myself for him. Between 18 and 24 months I started to notice improvement in his temper and the crying and whining lessened. I think it had a lot to do with him maturing and learning how to communicate and talk better. This will pass! Just TRY to be patient with her (I know it seems impossible at times) and give her lots of love which I am sure you are doing anyway. I don't really have an answer for you but I felt compelled to share with you about my son because I remember days when I really didn't think I was going to make it and I just didn't like him very much! The moms on this site really helped me through it. Even if they didn't have an answer it was just good to hear of others dealing with it too. You'll get through it and she will too.
She could be getting into the terrible twos early, some kids do. She could be teething. At her age she can not verbalize what is wrong. I would ask to see a different ped at her clinic.
After 4 kids and 7 grandkids I know that most kids 'out grow' stuff and 'it will pass'. But I also know that if my doctor is NOT listening to my concerns or respecting the fact that I am the Mom and I know my child better then he(she) does; I'm looking for a better doctor.
I think somebody else mentioned this, but have her ears checked. My daughter has had back to back ear infections for several months now and it has made her very much like you are describing. Cranky, not sleeping well, whiny, not eating well, only wanting milk, etc. Maybe there is a physical cause. Good luck!
