17 Month Old Won't Sleep Unless We Are There

There is a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth. I have used this book over and over to help me get my three children to sleep. Good luck. I hope you get some rest real soon!

Every child is different and some need more constant attention than others. Our daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was 2 and always needed to be cuddled or rocked to sleep, even for naps. We co-slept with her until she was 3. She is now a wonderful adjusted 5 year old who is very close but still expressing her independence.

Your son may be reacting to the baby and wants to make sure he is getting enough together time. Have you tried having him in a sling with you as you go about your daily activities? He may need some extra reassurance now that he still has your attention and having him in a sling can make him comfortable enough to fall asleep for a nap when he is tired, yet still let you get your work done. There is a wonderful website on attachment parenting called http://www.askdrsears.com/ which may have some good ideas for working through this challenging time.

Have you ever done any sleep training with him? There are several methods. Just look around online under "sleep training" for toddlers. There are many opinions about all the different methods, so read up on as many as you can before making a decision. At our house, we erred with our first child and didn't do anything -- just "winged it" and it was a disaster... until he was almost 3 (when our dear daughter was born). We used the Ferber Method to sleep train her at about 6 months, and she was a piece of cake, still is (she's almost 8 yrs old now). Once we realized our faux pas with child number one, we were much firmer about bedtime, and it got MUCH MUCH better.

You didn't say what you do when he wakes during the night. If he is able to go to sleep on his own at bedtime (goes into the crib/bed awake and you leave the room while he falls asleep), then he doesn't need to be removed from the bed/crib if he wakes during the night. That will only reinforce the habit of waking up. If you must check on him, do so, but when he is fine except for being awake, tell him goodnight and go back to bed (leave him in his bed). Yes he will throw a royal tantrum. Be strong! He will figure out that it is time for sleep and will go back to sleep if you teach him to do so. It might take 10 times the first night. And 11 the next. But, If you take him back to bed with you because it is "easier" at the time... you are teaching him that he needs YOU to be able to sleep. It will be harder for a few nights, but in a short amount of time should get better. If he has night terrors, being in your bed will not make them go away or get better. If they are truly night terrors, he probably is not aware of the episodes at all.

Rule #1: Decide on a plan and stick to it.
Rule # 2, bedtime is a set time, every night. No exceptions (until you have everything working smoothly for awhile at least).
Rule #3, if you say something, mean it. If you promise to come check on him in 10 minutes, then you'd better do so. That doesn't mean you get all snuggly with him and re-tuck his covers and sing him another song, however. It also means that if you threaten a consequence you MUST follow through, so carefully consider any threats you might make, not just how they will affect him, but how it will impact YOU.

Whatever plan you decide on, children thrive on consistency and trust. Good luck working it all out.

Hi K.,

This might be really simplistic, but have you tried leaving a night light on for him? If he's afraid of something he thinks is in the dark, that might solve the problem for a while. I guess he's a little young, but perhaps trying to help figure out what he's afraid of might help - explaining that there are no monsters or anything in his room, maybe even opening his closets and looking under the bed and showing him there's nothing to be afraid of.....maybe also putting on some nice soft music when he goes to nap and bed? I think the hard part about staying with him until he falls asleep and then leaving, even though it's totally natural to want to do so, is that he's probably totally freaked out when he wakes up and you are gone, because he probably thought you would still be there. If at all possible, it's probably better to try to instill some self-soothing things like a favorite blankie or stuffed animal, some soft music and a night-light, rubbing his back, etc., letting him know you are leaving, and going back in (very briefly so as not to reinforce the behavior) to reassure him every 10 minutes or so as needed. I imagine you must be totally exhausted..........I really hope something works for you! I'm sure you need your sleep as much as your son does.

Be well,
S.

move his bed nexto yours then slowly move it away from your bed until it is back in his room

My daughter has never been a good sleeper. I recommend the book Good Night Sleep Tight. If you dont want to buy it, look around on the internet and you can get a good idea of what she says to do. It's way easier on the mommy than the cry it out method I think!

Hi K.

I agree with Victoria, you have to set rules and follow through. I am a big Super Nanny fan. She really comes up with some great ideas. One of them I have seen several times on the show about children going to bed. Her rule is have a bed time routine. Start with letting him now that bed time is in 5 min. even if he has no cents of time it is a warning. Then have a bath, get PJ's on, brush teeth, and read a book. After the book say good night turn the light off an leave the room. If he gets out of bed, say to him it's time for bed go to sleep and take him back. If he does it again say it one more time, after that don't say anything and take him back again. This may go on for several minuets or hours. It does get better. I was just wondering you had said he was a good sleeper before, did this all start about 3 months ago? This may also be part of the problem when little sister arrived. Which could be a different story and this is his way to have you to himself.
Another one is sit in the room with him, but don't look at him or talk to him. Then you slowly inch by inch move out of the room. You would start near his bed and end up out in the hall with the door still open. Then finally you will be out of the room after several days and he will get used to you not being there.

Good Luck I hope some of the advice you are given works.

C. :)

K.- Please dont be upset or get defensive. The problem here is yours, not his. All babies need to learn to separate and will try to manipulate the parents into staying with them. It is especially bad when a sibling enters the picture. The night terrors, first off, if they truly are night terrors, he has no recollection of them at all. Night terrors, however, dont usually start until around 2 1/2 - 3 (the experts say!), so I am guessing its just anxiety over his new sibling that is coming out at night. I guarantee this is about his sibling. If you arent with him, you are paying attention to his brother/sister and he is left out. He is playing you like a violin.

Spend good quality one on one time for 1/2 hour to an hour with him before bed. Switch off you and your husband if you can. Put him to bed, spend five minutes assuring him he is ok and you are right outside and then leave. Check every five or ten minutes and assure him you are still there, get him to calm down and leave again. Eventually he will cry himself to sleep. Until tomorrow night. If he wakes up in the night, go in and assure him, calm him down and let him cry it out again. He is not hurt, not in pain and will survive, I PROMISE.

10 times and the habit will be broken! Guarantee it! Can you last ten nights? It is imperative that you not give in even once for the 10 nights. Although I have found that all habits can be broken in 5-7 days if you stick to your guns. Kids are VERY maluable. With a sibling, however, you can expect a back slide in the next 2-3 months. Just go back to the same routine and within a few days he will have it again. Its rough, but YOU set the rules and boundaries, not him. You can do this. Dont feel guilty, he must get used to the fact that he has a little sibling now and you cannot always stay by his side. It is very difficult. I have a 3yo and a 10mth so I know this challenge. Mine share a room. That's another whole mess of issues. Dont worry, the first year is really, really rough transition for all of you, but it will settle out by the end of the year. Good luck.

Been there! My daughter is now 3 and only wakes up once now. She never slept for naps in her crib and as soon you laid her down for the night, she woke up. I tried music box, quiet house, everything. Supernanny and a bit of others advice work. Start with same routine and bedtime every night. Turn on the nIghtlight, read a story before bed (we then use a special bear and lullaby) and sit by the bed - see supernanny website for complete details.

The night terrors are because the imagination is forming, hang on it will get better in a while.

have you looked at his diet? sounds odd, but maybe it's milk (not lactose which is milk sugar but milk PROTEIN)protein or soy protein...is there something he eats a lot of? yogurt or does he drink a lot of milk? how are his poops? mushy like peanut butter (should be like that) or hard like pebbles or loose like watery? if it's anything but thick peanut butter consistancy it really might be diet...