17 Month Old That Screams

Good morning K..

At some point, she has learned that it is effective. Not saying that you think it's ok, but on some level it has worked to get attention.

Be sure that she gets enough attention at other times. Then when this pops up, here are some things you might try.
1)Pick her up & restrain her, hold her tight, tuck her in, sit on the couch, until she settles down. I only had to do this once with my daughter, but I don't think it was to the point you have going on. If in public, remove her as quickly as you can. (this is not to say that having gotten all 4 of you into a store, and leaving immediately will make any of you happy, but you unfortunately do have to content with bystanders disapproval. It's not their looks you care about but one call to CSD will change your situation drastically. They will remove the child, & ask questions later.)

2)You may want to do something that gets her attention & distracts her. Flick her in the cheek with your middle finger. (This is used to stop a biter when nursing) It's sharp & sudden. Or you can try throwing a glass of water in her face, (1/4 -1/2 cup).

3) A trick I heard from a dentist, when a child would not stop screaming: (she was older) was to tell the child to scream as loud as she could & "that's not loud enough, scream louder". In that case it was a power struggle. She was in control, or so she thought. Oh course she quit.

4) One last thought. When at home.... have a scream fest. If she screams, invite your other kids to scream too, And of course you join the fun. Pretty soon every body will be laughing.... She still doesn't get her way, but you have lightened your load for the day.

Hang in their Mama. You've got a little "fighter." that doesn't make her bad, it just makes it more important to get the training in early. She will be a leader. Compliant children may be easier to raise, but these children have a stronger capacity to change their world.

First of all, don't be embarrassed -- we've ALL probably been there at one time or another. And those who haven't, will be someday when they have kids. Most kids scream, some louder than others. ;)

The best screaming prevention I've found thus far is to keep my son's food and sleep in balance. That means no juice or sugary foods unless we're at home and not before we go out. I also keep snacks with us so he doesn't ever get overly hungry. Sugar spikes and drops in his system seem to really trigger the screaming. The first time he tried Sprite at Burgerville, he screamed all the way home just for the FUN of it. Enough rest is key, too -- screaming definitely happens more when he's tired and more easily overwhelmed.

My usual response to screaming is a concerned face coupled w/ a "Whoa, whoa, whoa, that hurts my ears," and I'll wince. Then I request "Baby noises please," which he will sometimes comply with. I call quiet noises "baby" or "little" noises because my son loves calling things "baby," and he likes to do quiet screams or "baby" screams... same screaming face, just with a little "aaaaahhh" noise (he's been doing this since about 20 mos). I praise him EXTENSIVELY when he complies w/ a "little noise" instead of the loud screaming, saying, "THANK YOU! I *love* your little noises. GREAT little noises." We practice the little noises at home, too, so he knows what I mean when we're out and about and the pressure is on.

Whenever my son does use his words (or at 17 mos, a sign) for something he wants, I try to give in as often as possible as a reward for asking nicely. Then he's less likely to think of screaming as a necessary measure.

Also, when the screaming is because he wants something he can't have, validation helps. I say over and over and over again, "I know, you want the xyz, you want the xyz, you want the xyz," so he knows he's been heard. I've found he gets the loudest when he thinks I just don't understand what he wants... like being louder will somehow help, haha.

Good luck!

Hi K.! I did have a screamer for a while too...it really is hard when you are in public, but you cannot give into her screams, or she will not stop doing it! So you can maybe work on reinforcing the positive behavior, by giving her what she wants when she behaves correctly. So I would work on teaching her to calmly say please. And they are not always going to get what they want, and then you just have to stick to your guns! It won't last forever...mine grew out of it probably within a month or two. Good luck to you!

I agree with Angi V. and like her scream-fest idea. Anything to make light of it and take away the power she has found from it. I also feel it's important to remove her from a public place as quick as possible. Say ow that hurts my ears,place her in her car-seat,and stand right outside the car until it quiets down. Have a snack or traveling activity planned for the other children and tell them, we need to help "Baby" stop screaming. As soon as it stops you can give her attention. I realize this situation may not appear available, but be prepared for it. At home hopefully she can be put into her room safely to "scream it out", then give attention when she stops. Compliment your older children for using their words so well.Hope it helps a bit. R.

I have an almost 3 year old who periodically will add screaming to her, um, loud disagreements :) I have dealt with it in several ways, but I never let it go. She always gets a negative reinforcement. In public, I cover her mouth with my hand, so she can still breathe through her nose, and I tell her to quit and I'll take my hand off. I tell her if she doesn't quit, we're going home and she's getting a spanking. She knows I'll follow through on this--she knew it at a very early age. My own mom delivered the same threat in grocery stores when we lived many miles away in the country, and she ALWAYS followed through. We learned to listen, and so has my daughter. I also tell her I can't undderstand her when she's screaming and that when she calms down she can try again and I will try to help her with what she wants. At home, if she pitches a fit, I send her to her room, close her door and tell her to come out when she's done. It's almost funny, but she usually escalates even further after the door shuts, then a few minutes later, she'll come out acting like everything's fine. That's when I ask for an apology for her attitude. I make her say "Sorry for throwing a fit, Mom." And I give her a big hug and tell her I love her. Sometimes, she refuses to apologize for her behavior, and she is sent screaming to her room again. Only once did it take a few rounds of this at home. I kept telling her I loved her, but she needed to go scream by herself until she found her words. Screaming isn't wrong. It's just emotion, but in public, or in our homes, there's a time and place.