16 Yr Old Daughter Moved out...what Do I Do?

You gave her a choice? Really? She's a child and you gave her tacit permission to leave your home. She does not have a pattern of making responsible choices and yet you gave her the choice to stay or go.

What do you do? At this point, you call social services and ask them. Legally, YOU are her parent until she turns 18. The friend's parents have no legal authority to supervise or support her. You call social services and get them involved. You also go to the home where she is right now and speak with those parents. Do they know what happened? Doubt it. Explain the situation in detail and see if they are still interested in temporarily fostering her b/c that's what they are doing. My guess is that they are going to tell her to leave. In which case, put her in the car and go home. If she runs away, you call the police.

You said 'respect me or go live with your Dad'.
So why is she living with a girlfriend and why isn't Dad taking her in?
You did the best you could raising her as far as you did.
Now she's going to have to finish growing up on her own (some never manage it) or with her Dad (again, WHY is she not moving in with him?).
She's saying you kicked her out because she needs to put the fault on someone and admitting some of it was hers is years away (if she ever admits it at all).
Pack up her things - give them to her.
Change your locks.
You are not running a hotel with a revolving door - she can't come and go as she pleases.
Your 14 yr old can have her room (if she wants it) or you can make it your retreat/exercise/hobby room.
Never give her money to 'help' her, but you can send/take over care packages - food, etc.
If she has a phone or computer - stop paying for her cell phone /internet access - she wants to be all grown up so let her figure it out.
Check with a lawyer about what your obligations to her are.

AFTER READING SOME OF THE POSTS: Your daughter is a minor and you and her father are responsible for her until she is of age or is emancipated.

Talk to the parents of the friend she is staying with, make sure they know what is happening and that she will need to come home to you, or: if her father is ready to take on the responsibility, she should go live with him. (She will get a life lesson..."the grass is greener").

She's in emotional pain and needs some serious help. She also needs to be in school and not drifting from place to place. Your other child also deserves stability and not made to feel that all the attention is going to the older child.

If your daughter isn't staying with you or her father, call the authorities and have her taken into custody. She will then receive a wake up call and some therapy.

If possible, you, your children and their father should all be in joint and one on one counselling. If your former husband refuses, you could get a court order and ask that he also take some parenting classes. He could do the same.

What do you do?

Well, this is a minor child, and she is YOUR responsibility. She is not an adult, and yet you are letting her make VERY adult decisions. On top of being a minor, she is also dealing with emotional trauma. Can you see how far off the mark you are by giving her a choice at all?

There IS no choice here. She needs to come home now, and she needs to respect you. You, her and her father should be in family counseling trying to figure out what's best for your daughter. She's starved for attention, she's starved for her parents to stop pulling on her like puppet strings.

I know you're tired and exhausted and frustrated and many more emotions that you probably can't even pick out. But she is your number one priority, not peace and rest. If you give up on her now, where will she end up?

I have been there so I know what it's like to have an out-of-control teenage girl in the home. It's a nightmare and no one who hasn't experienced it has a clue what it's like.

If I were you, I would talk with the other parents and let them know that you did not kick your daughter out but you gave her a choice to go live with her father. She, like ALL teenage girls, took it to the next level.

I would tell the parents that she can stay for one week, but after that week she must move in with her dad. That after that week is up, if she doesn't voluntarily move in with her father, you will have no choice but to call the police and have them remove her from their home.

I would not allow her to come back to my house. She is toxic right now to your other daughter. Tell her you love her and when she feels like she can show you some respect you'd love to see her and visit with her, but you will not subject yourself to be treated poorly by her. The ball is in her court.

What is your question? How do you get her back?

Hi K.,
I had a similar situation with my oldest daughter and she now lives with her dad. Sometimes in the midst of the craziness or divorce and emotional struggles, we just have to do the best we can do. You can call social services but they are so overwhelmed with children who are in immediate danger that they will probably not be able to help you. My advice to you is to make sure your daughter is living someplace safe, and try to keep communication with her open. I'd recommend the book "How to talk so teens will listen and listen so teens will talk" by Faber and Mazlish. If you can get counseling for yourself in the mean time, please do. It will help you find peace and give you tools to reach out to your daughter when the time comes.

Dear mom,

I have two teenage girls too and I feel for you. My oldest has left a couple of time to go to her Dad's....who has been about as involved as yours. I figured one thing out, frist, they think they will have more freedom with the Ex and second, they know we will always love them and they are still struggling with getting the acceptance and love from their fathers. I don't have any great ideas for you, however, they do grow up and do see things differently. As for her eating disorder, you did the right thing getting her professional help. My prayers go out to you and I know your heart is torn out. Just know there are lots of moms who know what your going through. You feel alone, but you are not.