I am looking for responses to my predicament with my 16 yr old who continuously is on the Xbox games and does not get off even with prodding and counseling intervention. My parents watch him during the school year and have told me that as soon as he comes home from school he gets on the videogame and only gets off for dinner (if that) and then goes right back on. I have watched him and he stays on it even into the wee morning hours (2am) even. I have threatened to take it away, the counselor he was seeing said set parameters (which are not met) and what else?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
T.,
WE have gone so far as to take the equipment to work with us so they cant watch tv or play until all the chores are done, and then they are limited to how much they can play.
W. M.
I understand how difficult this is from experience. We recently got a Wii (huge mistake!) and our son has been obsessed with the thing. We set a timer and that's it. When the time is up, he has a minute or two to close out of it and if he doesn't, I go over and turn it off. Right now, the whole Wii system is in the garage because our son went into a rage when we turned it off one time. He has to earn it back through good behavior and hasn't yet.
I'm sure it's not easy to stand up to a 16 year old (people may say just take away the Xbox, but easier said than done), but I think the same thing we did would also work here. Be clear about the limits, give warning when time is running out ("five more minutes and game time is over") and let the timer make the noise that time if officially up. Then follow through with turning it off or taking the whole thing away.
Good luck!
I don't want to come across as rude, but why is this even an issue? Take the Xbox away from him!!! You and your parents are the adults, and you all need to act like it. If he isn't following the rules and the parameters aren't being met, why is he still allowed to play at all? By allowing him to continue to 'run all over you', you're teaching him that this behavior is acceptable. Again, I'm not trying to be rude, but this is my opinion and advice.
Sorry, I tend to disagree with the counselor on this one. Take away the x-box. He is allowed to have it beginning Friday evening and it gets taken away 6pm Sunday night (that way he gets a good night sleep on Sunday) If he gives you an issue about this tell him it will be taken away permanently. Get him a library card and show him how to use it. Get him involved in music, art, martial arts, anything else that he might be interested in. (Don't say it's expensive because I know how much the x-box games cost!) Go to Half Priced Books and let him pick out 5 that he wants(movies and music are ok too).
Just because we live in a society that says video games are an acceptable pass time for children does not mean that it is right and that there shouldn't be limits put on it. IMHO. =)
Dear T.,
There's a lot more going on here besides the Xbox issue.
Having been a child whose mother chose the "boyfreind" over the child, and then had a child with him who was considered "the princess", I have personal knowledge how hurtful being left behind can be.
My grandmother also took care of me from age 3 months until I was 10 and then the Welfare stepped in and told my birth mother and her boyfriend that they would have to pay child support or take me into their home.
They took me away from the only home I'd ever known. The first time I heard the F Word was hearing my mother's boyfreind scream at her that he "Was Not Going To Spend The Rest of His Life Taking Care of Someone Else's F _ _ _ _ _G Kid". After many years, this still resonates in my head.
If your parents allow your son to play videogames until 2 AM on can only report this to you, then clearly they have no control over the boy.
I’m glad to hear that he is “thriving” in school, but that doesn’t mean he should be able to do anything he wants or to stay up that late. It is unhealthy for him not to get the rest and exercise he needs.
How does your 16-year-old get along with your boyfriend? Is there some resentment going on “both ways” or perhaps between all concerned?
You are in effect a “single parent” with one income and may be entitled to low cost or no cost children’s service and child care for your little one. Check with children’s services and check with the local children’s hospital. Check with your good contacts at work.
If you are entitled, the boyfriend should get a job and start contributing to the household to eliminate some of your money problems.
Before the next school term starts, bring your 16 year old home.
If your boyfriend is not committed to ALL of you and it’s a choice between the boyfriend and your children, chose your children.
The Xbox issue: Don’t “threaten” to take something away if your rules aren’t followed. Take it away. He gets it back when he’s followed the rules for a couple of weeks.
Blessings……
i suggest you use a new product called Plugstop. It is essentially a way of keeping kids/teens off games consoles and computers by locking the plug by doing this you can limit the amount of time spent on consoles. http://www.plugstop.co.uk/
Hope this helped
V.
If it's any help, sadly what you are describing is NORMAL these days. I have never found a good way to combat it, but I have used it to get my son to do other things. For example, the price of my letting him game all the time was that he had to do a school sport last year, otherwise I would just take it all away. He chose swimming, and became a swimming star. He also has to take honors classes.
Videogames are highly addictive. The results of this generation of male addicts will probably only be fully understood two or three decades from now. Hopefully it won't be too disastrous.
I've been there. We never bought videogame stuff for our boys but Grandma buys them everything. With the two youngest, it was the handheld Nintendo DS games. We finally did what Helen D. suggested, which is only allowing it on the weekends, and confiscating it during the week. We told them it is a distraction from other things they need to do during the week, and they had proven to us that they couldn't handle it (fighting with each other, irritable with parents, whining, not doing responsibilities, etc.) This worked out well. they complained a lot at first, but quickly got used to it and found other things to do.
With our teen, the situation is more difficult. But then, he has other problems.
I do suggest you take it away (while he is asleep or out of the house if necessary--and if grandparents can't or won't, then go and do it yourself). Keep it away long enough for him to get used to it being gone.
The bottom line is that he needs to know he is not an adult and doesn't know what is best. That is your job--not to do what makes him happy, but to do what you believe to be best for him.
