I have a 16 yr old niece that moved in with me about 5 months ago. She started out school with all A's and B's, but has since reverted back to her ways when she was living at home. She can do the work and DOES do the work, it just often doesn't make it to the teacher. We've had numerous discussions about it, but I am now looking for an alternative punishment. She is very well behaved. Doesn't really go anywhere. There's really nothing that I could take from her or ground her from. I was considering definition writing from the dictionary??? Just thought it was worth a shot to see what some other moms thought. Thanks!
Why not trying the opposite approach and giving positive attention when she hands it in. Have you had a conference with the teacher and her at the same time?
My 15 year old son did the same thing in middle school last year. He had to go to summer school. Now he goes to an alternative school where there is no homework. Have you tried asking her or leaving a note for her every morning? I have memory problems, and I've found that reminders help reinforce what I need to remember. I've left my keys, my purse, a whole lot of things. I just started a routine so that I do the same thing before I walk out the door, or close my car door!! I hope this helps. If not, try explaining she could end up failing for not turning in homework, and stressing it.
It may be ADD, which both my son and myself have. With a little training, it can be handled without medication. If you have any questions, you can e-mail me at ____@____.com.
Does her school have an online source, such as Powerschool, where you can check her grades and work daily (if needed). This is a great tool and provides access to her teachers as well. We have had this problem with our son and it helps if you can see what's going on before too much time has passed. You may try a reward system. For instance, if she gets her work turned in all week/month she can have a friend over to spend the night or you could take her to the movies. Or you can link turning in her work to cold, hard cash. Sometimes money works where nothing else will. Still, this only really works if you can check up on her regularly. Check with her school to see if their grades are computerized. Also, you may want to invest in a good Trapper Keeper type folder system. She could have a folder for each class (each a different color) and keep her work in it. Sometimes it is just hard for teenagers to be organized. It's a life skill they have to be taught...it's not natural for all people. Good luck!
I'm an alternative ed. high school teacher. Although my son is only one and I haven't had homework battles yet,my advice would be to talk to her about how this is going to impact her long term goals.
Ask her what she wants out of life and then REALLY listen. Some kids don't really want to go on to college and that's okay but they need to finish high school. Perhaps she would like to see how much less she would earn as a high school dropout then a graduate because at some point you won't be able to continue this battle.
Something is important to her. She must find pleasure in something in her life. Look for that. I wouldn't punish her with more school work though. Education isn't punishment. It's a choice. Maybe she could be punished by having to do something to help someone who has not benefited from education.
Let me know if I can help in any other way.
M.,
I don't have any experience with teenagers-- but could she be doing it for attention? If she doesn't turn it in, she gets more attention than if she does? Maybe you could set up some one on one girl time once a week-- you and her go to a movie, get a manicure, window shop, etc, as long as all homework is done and turned in?
Has your niece ever been tested for Attention Deficit Disorder? My husband was the EXACT same way in high school (only 8 years ago). He has always struggled with ADD and this was a very common problem for him. He had teachers that would break down in tears during parent-teacher conferences because they just didn't understand how he could be such a good student but not turn in his homework. Very frustrating for someone who doesn't understand ADD. Unfortunately, many people associate ADD with a hyper, disobediant kid who is constantly bouncing off the walls and getting into trouble. This is a sad stereotype. People with ADD are in many cases extremely smart, but they lack something that helps them follow through with certain actions, like handing in homework. I'm not pretending to be an expert on ADD, but I have lived through it and with it for 10 years with my husband. He has never been on medication, although he still struggles with the disorder, but it is something that I would look into. There are several medications available now that help people with ADD to focus better on tasks that they face and it may make life a lot easier for you and especially your niece. If she is diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, "punishment" certainly won't help.
M.
Maybe if she is doing the homework.. she needs a home work folder or something.
My son is an A-B Student and he was lacking .so for a month i made him go to the counseling office with a progress report for each teacher to sign and tell me what he was missing etc.. do that i bet she will hate going to the office to do this and thiink more on gettin her homework turned in..
C. S
I don't have any teenagers, but here's a thought. Maybe she is just unorganized and needs some help with it. I know when do stuff, I don't always get around to finishing...such as putting it in the mail, etc. Try asking her about homework every night and making sure it is in her backpack the night before school.
Check out www.loveandlogic.com
It works great even on the older kids. There will be a time when she will want something from you and you can tie her failure to turn in her homework to that.
C.
I don't have teenagers but I have friends and relatives who complain about the same thing. There child does the work but does not turn it in. Personally, I could not understand why they would put in the time and effort to do the work and not want to get credit for it! My niece does the same thing. Sometimes she will have a project that needs lots of attention and time (like a research paper) and she will mention it the day before it is due. This drives my sister insane!
And if you ask them why they do this the response is " the teacher did not ask for it or I forgot.
Sorry I don't have any advice for you. Also, because of there age you can't really baby them anymore by turning the work in for them. Which is probably what I would try to do if the situation got too bad.
good luck
I did this when I was a teenager because my work wasn't "good enough" because *I* wasn't good enough.
Get her into counseling, sounds like she might have some self esteem issues.
I would try the opposite because she could be doing this to get attention. My niece did the same thing and ignoring the poor behavior worked. Sit her down and have one discussion about getting things in on time. Tell her that you are not going to hound her about it, that she is old enough to be responsible enough to do it and then leave it at that for a while. Give her a little bit of time of not getting on her back about it and she'll likely start doing it on her own. Rewarding good behavior is always far more effective than punishing bad behavior... keep that in mind and see how you can apply it to your situation. it's the best way to get kids to do what you want them to do.
