Hi Mamas. My 16 month old son, cries and throws up when left in sunday school. If I stay in the class, he plays with toys and doesn't seem to care whether or not i'm there. But if I leave him, he gets very upset and ends up throwing up.
He sleeps in his crib at night by himself now, but it took me a while to get him to that point (I tried every thing)...if left to "cry it out" he would throw up.
My husband stays home with our 2 children. Our youngest has never really been away from Dad or myself. We don't have extended family close by. Anyway, I'm sure that contributes to the problem, but hoping someone would have some insight into how to help him adjust. Will he just grow out of this?
Thanks
Thanks for the advice ladies. I will try out some of the suggestions. :)
Kids can cry until they throw up, but not usually on a regular basis. Perhaps have him evaluated for reflux. THis type of condition may make him prone to throwing up easily. Good luck.
The more he goes, the better it will get. It's probably harder on him than a LO going to daycare for the first time because he only does this once a week as opposed to multiple times per week. Just keep taking him. It's good practice for kindergarten!
Also, have you shown him the inside of the church so that he knows where you'll be. Sometimes kids adjust a bit easier if they have a mental image of where you are.
I had several kids that did something like that when left at church nursery and they didn't throw up but one did the sob thing for hours after picked up. That thing where they sound like sobbing but not crying. So I ended up staying in with them for several months until they felt secure without me in there. I would do that and just go and plan to stay. Sometimes I could leave after a bit and it would be fine so I would start doing that. They learn then that you are okay there and they get used to the teacher/helper, etc. It helps so much if the same person is in there all the time though. At least for awhile. Some churches do the thing where every week there's a new teacher/helper and for this type of child it isn't going to work well. I was a nursery supervisor for awhile and was always in the room and the infants-2's would come to me and never cry as they knew I'd be the one in there.
At some point though you will have to let him learn that he can't throw up to get you to give in so try working on this now and maybe he'll adjust before you have to face that.
O you poor thing. That sounds heart wrenching! Does he calm down after vomiting and play? I hate to say this but they are smart enough at that age to realize that throwing up controls you. That is not to say that witnessing this hysteria is easy and maybe that isn't even the case. Only you would know. With a kid like this I would try a method where you stay with him for a couple of Sundays. Then, the next 2 Sundays you should sit on a chair by the door where he can see you and don't get up no matter what he does. Next 2 Sundays I would put the chair outside the door where he can still see you and don't come into the room no matter what. After that progress to putting the chair just outside the doorway where he cannot see you from the room but let him know you are there--allow him to see you on the chair and even to check and make sure you are there but do not come in or more the chair into view. With a child like this I think this is the best thing to do. It will be annoying but easiest on everyone I would say. Good luck!
Both of my boys hated being left in the church nursery too. And they were used to being left with my mom for a couple hours at a time with no problems. They didn't get to the point of throwing up, but they would cry hysterically until one of the nursery staff would come and get me, and then they would take a while to calm down. My older son is 4 now and absolutely loves his Sunday school class. Things changed when he turned 2 and was able to go in the preschool class, where there was some structure of singing, lesson, craft, snack, etc. He made friends and it was pretty much an overnight change from hating church to loving it. My younger one is almost 2 and still won't let me leave him in the nursery. What I do is keep him with me in church for the singing, then I take him to the nursery to play and I just stay with him. My husband takes turns sometimes so I can hear the sermon. Anyway, I am excited that it is almost time for him to graduate to the preschool class because he is starting to make some friends and I think he will do much better in that class, just like his brother did.
I am a believer in not forcing something on a kid if he's not ready. I think it is traumatizing to be left with strangers in a strange place - if he knows you'll be there for him, he'll build confidence and let you leave him when he's ready. Good luck, I know it's frustrating!
My friend's son would do this too. Makes things so difficult. Being a SAHM, she realized she was never out of his presence. Once he was old enough, she started leaving the room for a few minutes here and there. Still within voice distance but out of sight. Sometimes she would tell him "I need to go put this away", sometimes she'd just leave. Gradually she lengthened the time and occasionally he wouldn't even notice she was gone.
As for church, she suggested doing the same thing. Stay in the room, maneuver yourself so he doesn't always see you right away but can find you if he looks. Hopefully he'll get engrossed in his play and forget to look for you.
The needing you or Dad close by is just a phase and he'll grow out of it as he becomes more independent. The vomiting is something my friends's son still does but less often. She thinks its because as he's gotten older, he can verbalize his feelings so the intense sobbing is less frequent.
