15 Weeks Pregnant and Feeling the Blues

www.meetup.com This saved me!! I found a wonderful group of women. It was nice to finally have other women to talk to that could relate to my situation.

I second Laura's answer #5. IT'S THE HORMONES!!! I went through some serious functional depression for several months during my pregnancy. I think the worst for me was pretty much the whole second trimester. I spent hours in the closet (literally - I would go in the closet shut the door, and cry!)...I could spend all day crying. I understand...feels like the world is gonna tumble around you. AND you have little ones to take care of so you are probably too busy to express about your emotions - publicly or privately. Nothing like a good mental breakdown in the shower! Talk about multitasking!

Anyway, know that you DO have people that care and that whatever you are feeling will pass.

Feel better!

I relate. I've BTDT (been there, done that). What helped me was to

* see my doctor who put me on an anti-depressant
* take my kids outside, in the sunshine when possible
* open all the blinds and curtains in the house -- to let the sun shine in
* practice talking assertively with my husband
* seek a school or church Mother's Day Out program

Being assertive means bringing up the facts and not backing down (stand up for yourself). For instance, my husband would keep asking 'can we talk about this later (another day)?' and when I realized that several days had gone by, I would say, no, we need to stop putting this off. Assertiveness implies trying to leave your emotions out of the conversation but don't forget that the state of your emotional well-being is a fact and not something to be discounted.

You have a full-time job! And this is no 40-hr a week job, either!

Allow for a "cluttered" house so you spend your (valuable!) time for the kids, for yourself, and some cleaning. A cluttered or messy home doesn't have to be a dirty one.

Check out a laundry service. When I mentioned to my husband that it would cost close to a hundred dollars to have someone else wash and dry and fold our clothes (about 5 worth), he was astounded. That helped a bit when we discussed what things (what household chores) he could be responsible for. If he doesn't push the garbage can to the curb, I wouldn't do it.

Also, being assertive doesn't mean being threatening or using the blame game. If you are not sure how to get started, you can send me a personal message. I'm sure other moms will send you responses with good suggestions on this point.

Good luck!
D.

1. Talk to your midwife or obstetrician
2. Take a walk in the sunshine.
3. Take your prenatal vitamins (need the folic acid, b vitamins etc for mom as well as baby)
4. Join a mom's group, go to church, join a women's bible study, find some women of all ages that you like and hang out with them. There are plenty of good friends out there that just might be good mentors too.
5. Look for information on www.family.org They recently had a radio broadcast on living a fulfilled life despite living with a difficult spouse. It was interesting. Remember too that when our moods shift we sometimes think little things are worse than they are.

That's great that you asked this and I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down. I think you've received some fantastic advice and I just want to emphasize that I think you should have your Vitamin D levels checked. (And thyroid too). But OPTIMAL levels of Vitamin D are somewhere between 70-90. Dr. J Mercola has a wonderful website (http://www.mercola.com/article/vitamin-d-resources.htm)with tons of info dedicated to Vit. D. I had mine tested and was at a 26. I started taking 3000IU's of Vit D and feel SO MUCH BETTER! I used to CRAVE sunlight and would DREAD the winter months and become SAD. My nickname is UV Junkie and my daughter's middle name is Sunshine! Yes, I love the sun! But only because I felt I needed it. I am feeling much better and do enjoy sunlight still, of course, but don't crave it like a drug anymore! It is important to always keep track of your vitamin D levels because too much from a supplement can be very harmful to your health. Please research this and get tested. It is SO important for you and your baby! Congratulations by the way! I sure hope you feel better soon! Take control of your health and ask for blood tests--it's the only way to know for sure what your body is doing. God Bless!

I rarely reply to posts but I can identify so much. One thing that has really helped me is finding a MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group in my area (actually I drive 45 minutes to it but it is worth it.) You can check www.mops.org for a list of them. This provides a time where you can have adult conversation and your kiddos are well cared for in their own class. Many of them meet at churches but they welcome any moms. I have learned that no matter how much my husband does (or doesn't do), he cannot be my all in all. I know it is hard to start something new, but if you want to get out of the slump, you have to be pro-active. It is tough, but you can do tough things.

Sorry you are having a rough time!

I only have two kiddos and I have only dusted the ceiling fan once. There are just not enough hours in the day to have a spotless house.

My husband made the mistake of coming home once and asking "look at this mess- what did you do all day" (with a toddler and a newborn). I think I came unglued, and that was a wake up call for me to take more time for myself. The first time I left him home on a Saturday with both kids while I did stuff I wanted to do, I came home and the house was a wreck and he was frazzled. Leaving him to parent solo once a month made him more aware of what I did all day, and gave me a much needed break.

I suggest looking for a moms group or church group and keep trying until you find a mom or group you click with. Heck even check out library storytime at your local library. Is mother's day out a possibility for some of your younger kiddos? Staying at home can be isolating, especially if you don't get much of a break.

You might want to talk to your doc to make sure you aren't low on iron or thyroid or vitamin D (more common in winter), all of which can cause you to feel down.

Well if you are an outgoing social person, all the alone time does take a toll! I try to be really honest with my hubby and not hold things in or try to hold it together all the time. Like if he were to make that ceiling fan comment then I would probably say, "Well you are welcome to clean them" and I would say it with a smile;) And I have told him that the longer he is away the more hours of the day I am on solo duty so basically, he works late, I work late. I think in the beginning it was a little hard for him to understand the demand of raising kids but now he would trade a messy house for a happy wife and kids then a clean house but a stressed out exhausted wife. Of course when I am not pregs I keep up with it much better, but pregnant and having kids at home give yourself a great big BREAK!! I also liked what another mom said about taking one Saturday a month out. My husband actually came up with the idea of me taking one Saturday a month out and it is great. I just go and do whatever I want and he and our son hang out. Now with only a handful of weeks before number two comes, I know I will cherish those times out even more. Even if I go to Starbucks or a movie alone, I enjoy getting out!! I try to remember as much as I can that my children are only small once and try to not be too hard on myself that I am not a perfect mom. It is hard sometimes!! Hang in there and rest when you can, you will get through it and if it does continue I agree with the other mamas, let your dr. know about it. Congrats on your new little one:)

I felt the same way. I have 2 young ones and im expecting number 3. I sat my hubby down and told him i needed his help more. hes always been good with helping with the kids, for the most part, but the housework is where he never did anything. With my first pregnancy he didnt even clean the litter box. He finally realized he needed to and ever since i have never had to and that was 4 1/2 yrs ago. If you sit your hubby down and get everything out on the table he should understand how you feel. your hormones are also going crazy with being pregnant. Maybe you need to plan a night out once a week or every other week to keep your sanity. I too was going crazy being home all the time but we started going out once a week and getting a sitter and we are much happier. Good luck, try not to stress out and enjoy your kids while they are still young! housework can wait...sometimes

I agree with Sunny. MOPS was my salvation when my kids were young. I so looked forward to that day of the week. My kids loved going as they were loved on while I enjoyed going and talking to moms who experienced the same highs and lows that I did. I even learned some great things from the speakers about practical things! I have friends to this day that I met at MOPS, some 19 - 20 years ago.

Also, go to the library or parks, etc. where other moms might be hanging out. Even going for a walk/exploration around the block will do wonders for your spirits. Do you have a play area in your mall? It is probably a hassle to get the kids out but it is so worth it.

Because your husband works a lot of hours, he probably can't even think straight, much less think of what he can do to help you out. Be sure to tell him how much you appreciate all of his hard work and how great a provider he is. He needs to know that you respect him and admire him. Then be sure to ask for help when you are both not in a complete exhausted moment. When he complains about the dust on the fans, just say, "I know, it bothers me too. I hope I can get to it soon." That way he knows that you are listening to his concerns. Be sure to point out to your kids what you love about him. Keep treating him as your knight in shining armor and he will act more the part. It is so much more fun than nagging.

The more you say what you love about him, the more you think about why you married him, and the more you look at your blessings, the happier you will be. Your hormones are all out of whack right now so this is all normal. Just keep looking at the blessings. All the other stuff is just minor in the grand scheme of things.

Once you start hanging out with other moms and bragging about your husband, the happier you will be. Write down the cute and adorable things your kids do during the day. Your husband will love to come home and hear your stories. If you have a digital camera, catch them in their everyday moments and send them to your husband's email. Add a note like, "He likes to do ___ just like you." Or "She sure has your ___ talent." Or just, "How blessed we are to have adorable kids like these.

Choose happiness. When the black cloud seems to come hanging over your head, start talking out loud about your blessings. Sing one of your kids' favorite songs, put on your favorite CD, etc.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I'll be praying for you.

The church's have play days and mommy's day out check into them for yourself. Some of the cities also have activities that can be for the children of different ages. You will most likely meet some of the other mothers that also are in the same boat as you. It also sound like your husband needs to have at least half a day with the kids while you go somewhere else for a reason, if you have to make one up and gooooo. This is for you. This is important for your health. He may work but believe it or not so do you. Children are hard work along with taking care of a home he needs to find that out. Good luck..Been there also.

P.,

I sounds like you need a break away from the kids and household. I understand that your husband works a lot. When he is home, leave the house and go for a drive, meet a friend at Starbuck's, go window shopping, go for a brisk walk in the neighborhood...something to get out of the house. We all love our families. At times, we need a break from them. Your husband needs to realize some of your daily responsibility by taking care of the kids for a few hours or an entire day. If he won't step up, ask a friend to keep them. You can return the favor to her. When my daughter was younger it was a treat for me to take a hot bath and read a book while someone else watched her. Look on meetup.com and find a local mom's/playdate group. This will allow you to meet other women and have your kids meet new friends, as well. I wish you the best in finding some solitude. Have a joyous holiday. Take care, Danabeth

Hi! I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely and down right now. Just know that everyone, at some point, deals with the same thing. The important thing is to find a friend you can trust to talk to! Most of the time, when I'm feeling depressed or lonely or hopeless, the moment I get it out in the open to a close female friend I feel TONS better. Do you and your husband go to a church anywhere? That would be a great place to find a trustworthy friend! Depending on where you live there are plenty of churches in the area. I can recommend some if you'd like! Just don't take yourself too seriously, because with 3 kids and another on the way you are under tremendous pressure, stress and emotional strain. From what I've heard, this is normal. You will make it! As far as your relationship with your husband, have you guys ever discussed chores? That way he knows what he's responsible for, and you know what you're responsible for. Hopefully, that may help some. Also, it really is necessary for you to have a close female friend to talk to bc as much as your husband loves you he won't be able to relate to you like another woman will! And you will just get hurt and stressed out if you keep expecting him to fulfill all your emotional needs. Let me know if you want some church suggestions! Or, if you go to a church, just ask a woman you admire or connect with if she wants to hang out sometime! Be a friend, and get a friend! Hope this was helpful. Stay hopeful, and Merry Christmas =)

Hi P.! I can so relate to how you are feelling! I was very sick and depressed during my pregnancy. We only have one child now but one pregnancy was enough for me! I can relate to being alone a lot of the time too, my husband works out of town a lot and it's rough being a "single stay at home " mom most of the time. Do you live here in the Katy/Cypress area? I'd love to talk to ya if you need a freind...such send me a not when you get a chance!

This may sound silly, but it sounds like you just need some friends. You should go to Strollerstrides.com and find a group near you. It's an exercise and social group. You can be a part of it even without the exercise portion.

Also, you should check: meetup.com for other moms groups in your area. Once you have a few other moms to vent to and have fun with, you will feel much better, and hopefully kick that blues to the kirb.

A.
PS. My hubby doesn't take the trash out on trash day either! =)