Hi. It's so hard to have little ones with big issues. I have 6 kids, all adopted, all special needs. I don't have any that are trached and g-tube fed, but we deal with g-tube feedings, epilepsy (one with a progressive type so getting worse), mild CP, undiagnosed joint problem, undiagnosed genetic/metabolic disorder, migraine disorders, Downs Syndrome. So we have a lot going on too. My kids' ages range from 18 months to 14 y.o.
How to balance things is tough. Utilizing any respite you can get is imperative. I wish you were closer since there are some great churches locally that provide it for free on top of what Regional Center provides. Reaching out like this to find other parents that deal with special needs issues is huge too. Knowing you aren't the only one. Feeling like you live on the Island of Special Needs is hard to deal with (BTDT before with my kids). Taking time for you and your hubby after you son is asleep. Since going out is hard for us, we wait to eat dinner until our kids have gone to bed and then we have a "date" of dinner and music without kids (okay except for the alarm going off on the g-tube pump, etc.) We also plan at least twice a week of no TV after kids are in bed. It's our time to just sit and talk about anything. We have finally gotten to a point where we don't just talk about the kids.
I'm sure your son is getting early intervention services. They sometimes have a mental health person that you can talk with also. That person would also have ideas of what's in your area for support too. Your local family resource center could be of great help too. Here's the web site for all the FRC's. Just click on your county and find the one closest to you http://www.frcnca.org/directory.html.
I hope this helps. If you just need to talk, don't be afraid to write to me. I've dealt with the stress and strain of all of this for so long and have learned how to cope and thrive in spite of it all. I've had one kid stop breathing in my arms at only a week old, watched them bring the crash cart into the PICU for another one who they couldn't get re-intubated, and sat with my oldest as he laid in a coma for three days and done the re-hab with him for the past two years to try to gain back the losses which were huge.