14 Yrs Old Girl Anxiety - Panic Attacks

Seeking professional help might be helpful, please research and find a good therapist for her as soon as possible. Meditation/ deep breathing techniques might help her.

unfortunately, it may just have a lot to do with her age, the pressures of school, of how she looks, her clothes, etc. those things means a lot to 14 year old girls. i would just reassure her often and teach her to close her eyes and breath deep when she is starting to feel overwhelmed!

Hi - I am sorry you are going through this, especially in a place where resources are limited. I went through this with my daugther (also 14) when she was 12/13 (and also 4/5). My sister is a child psychologist so this was our first step - to enlist her help (and it was a lifesaver). Eventually, we went to a psychologist here (DC) who was fabulous (my daugther now wants to be a psychologist as a result - she was that helpful). Here's what I learned: (1) my daughter's fears/anxiety (mostly around social stuff at school) were REAL; I learned to listen and did my best to be a support and comfort to her (ultimately, this was not enough and it created so much stress and anxiety for me - I am also high-anxiety and now take Lexapro which has changed my life in a profound way - that we went to a psychologist to help her AND me); (2) in my case, reassure my daugther that there was nothing "wrong" with her - that it was OK for her to feel this way AND (and this is a big "and"), things were going to get better (repeat this over and over and over) -- in her case, we had reason to believe this was true given the situation; (3) There were specific things she/we could do to help her feel better - and we did them all: therapy; practical strategies to get her through the day (eg- when you walk into the classroom and the girls who used to be your friends won't let you sit with them, immediately walk to the front of the room and get a seat close to someone who is nice to you - and there were other kids who were at least civil to her; another example, we worked with the school counselor and my daugther had a pass that allowed her to leave the classroom and come to the counseling office at any time she felt overwhelmed; she never did it, but it was an escape hatch for her and alleviated a lot of anxiety. (4) Got her to focus on what she had control over, ie- her own actions - stop focusing on trying to change others' behavior; (5) she was involved with a soccer and volleyball team where there were NO classmates - this was a lifesaver as the kids there loved her. I realize that your daugther's anxiety is probably a result of different factors, but keep the concepts of the steps above in-mind: listening, talking, strategy, control, other interests - they are applicable no matter what (my daughter also went through this when she was 4/5 - also saw a psychologist; my sister has assured me that this is her nature and that she will face it again and again. Our goal is to give her the tools and teach her the strategies that will get her through and make her stronger - things I never had and subsequently suffered into my 40's until I was able to face it).

My overall parenting philosophy is: When I don't know what to do, am confounded, am feeling like I just can't get from point A to point B (I also have an 18-yr old and the teens years are intense), I get help from someone who is qualified to help - someone, somewhere can help and I agressively seek them out.

I encourage you to find some resource (even if nontraditional or seemingly "uncivilized" - western countries/Europe do NOT have all the answers, believe me; we've screwed-up a lot of people) to help your daugther and your entire family (as this effects the entire family). Ask around - there are others that have gone through this. If you don't get her help, it will impact her always (as you know), not to mention your family. Remember, you are the adult and she needs you now - you obvioulsy have the intelligence and wherewithall to help her. Good luck - you can do it!

My son (13) has suffered from anxiety for at least the last 2 years. As much as I didn't want to, I ended up taking him to a psychiatrist and that has made a world of difference for him. At the time we took him, she diagnosed him as having severe anxiety, displaying every symptom of the disease. His father & I decided to put him on medication to help him (he had been suicidal, etc) and he is a new kid!

There are also great books out there..."How to Help your Anxious Child" available on Amazon, etc.

As others have said, there may be a hormonal component, too. Best of luck to you & your daughter-I well know how difficult it is to watch them suffer.

Learn deep breathing. When you (she) notices signs that she is getting anxious or knows she is going into a situation that would bring on the anxiety, do the breathing. There are CD's you can buy online that help w/ relaxation. I would google. Also, have you tried meditation or visualization? I would do some research online. you will find some good resources there if you cannot find any where you live.

You can teach her ways to relax. Deep breaths is a common and easy way. Guided imagery is another. I've used several different tapes that start out with teaching relaxation skills, go on to describing relaxing and calming scenes that I envision in my mind as I listen.

My granddaughter, who is now 9 was in a group with the school counselor a couple of years ago and she arranged for someone to come in and teach some basic yoga moves. I saw a difference in my granddaughter's anxiety level. She still uses yoga at times.

I've dealt with anxiety most of my life. Besides medication, what has helped me most is learning to change the way I think. In the past, I would focus on the negative possibilities of any event. Now I push those thoughts out of my mind and focus on the positive possibilities. There is a pattern to use. I'll see if I can find it on the Internet for you.

I started using positive affirmations. An example is, "I'm getting calmer and calmer as I wait for an answer." I'd repeat that over and over and soon I'd feel more calm. Then I'd get busy doing something I enjoyed. Another example that worked well when I was transporting inmates to the State Penitentiary was "be still and know that I am God." Saying that in my mind helped to block out the boistrous noise coming from the bus and stopped me from thinking about all the things I needed to do when I got off work.

Writing down that list also helped me to feel less anxious. Your daughter could make lists of whatever she needs to do that she feels anxious about. Sometimes it helps to then write down a plan for getting them done.

Journaling, writing poetry, short stories, all of which are creative and a way to get thoughts out of your head. For me writing sometimes help me see a more realistic picture of what I'm anxious about. Journaling also helps me to learn more about myself and why I'm feeling so anxious. I just start writing without a plan. Just write whatever comes into my mind.

As to you being responsible I don't know you or your relationship with your daughter and so cannot say yes or no. As to my experience I learned In therapy that I'm probably dealing with depression and anxiety because my mother was depressed and anxious her entire life and at a time that little was known about how to deal with it. That does not mean, to me, that she is responsible. LIfe just was what it was. She would have done differently if she'd known what to do.

What did help me is that she talked to me and listened to me about my feelings. She let me know that I was responsible for my own decisions which then enabled me once I was an adult to look for help. She told me that I didn't have to be like her. Actually she told me to please not be like her. She encouraged me to go to college. I did.

She is the first person who talked about positive affirmations and I saw an improvement in her mood when she started using them. She also taught me that I could change the way that I think and by doing that I would change the way I felt. I didn't know how to do that until I began therapy and learned a specific pattern to change my thinking from negativity.

So it could be said that because my mother was depressed and anxious I learned that behavior; therefore she was responsible. But It could also be said that I was able to overcome that pattern because she listened and advised me to find a different way of feeling and living. Your writing this question tells me that you will find a way to help your daughter. Who is to blame is not important.

In fact, over the years I've stopped, for the most part, using the words shame and blame. "It" is what it is. We are doing the best that we can with the information and in the situation we find ourselves at the time.

You can look on the web at bookstores and find books that might help. I will look for the one about changing from negative assumptions to positive assumptions about life. It's more of a pamphlet and was written by a local writer. Sometimes people have access to a lending library thru their local library. That would help because you could read the book and know if it's helpful. Sometimes I order a book and when I get it am disappointed with it.

I do want to agree that it is normal for teens to be anxious. I wouldn't be overly concerned about her anxiety if she's living a so called "normal" life. I think that unless we do have a mental health problem we are more anxious as young people and became less anxious as we have life experiences. An example: I was so anxious that I could not get up in front of the class to give an oral report. I took a C in my college speech class so that I wouldn't have to present a speech. Four years later I became a teacher and loved being in front of the class. Experiences teach us that life is different than what we once expected.

by all means turn it over to god

I have also dealt with panic attacks and anxiety for about 10 years now. I would get her into counseling that seems to help a lot of people to be able to talk to someone who is not a close family member. I am on medication and doing great. It will be helpful to her to get the situation under control now cause when she gets older and possibly wants a family it is 1000 times worse having panic attacks when you are pregnant I went through that with my daughter and sometimes I believe that she is going to be like me. Good luck.