14 Yr Old That Cant Go 1 Day W/out Getting into Trouble

WOW L.,
Dear this is all to familiar. You are on track. Keep it up....do not let up. Reading your standards and rules sounds like I am reading about myself, lol.
Where are you located?
I have a 14 year old son and a 16 year old daughter. GIRLS ARE SO DIFFERENT!!!!
I have gone thru exactly the same issues with my daughter. I have high standards when it comes to school grades and always have for my children. Reason is, is this...My children have always been A/B students. That is their potential and I will not allow outside distractions...If the grades fall, their is no friend time...it is strickly parent time. A while back I made a decision to implement that with everything. Yes, it resticts me as well, but know this.....things here in the near future will change for her also. Yes, it is going to be a living _____! But, I have been told by several MOM's that have been thru raising GIRLS, this is normal! My daughter now knows this....Good Grades meant....Driver's Ed. (She made it)
With Paying attention in Driver's Ed comes her license. With a Great Attitude, Respect, Good Grades comes a car.(No, not a brand new car) but it is a nice older car, fixed up cute for her to drive. And along with the car comes a set of rules and a contract so... if it is not followed. LIFE STOPS!!!
OMG, L.....SHE GET'S IT, I NEVER THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD COME!!!!
Like I said, you are not alone...some parents are fortunate to have it easier but from what I have been told by several others this is part of raising a girl and for a few years you drive YOURSELF crazy and become someone you do not want to be.
I would love to chat further if you ever have time, send me a note
Know that you are not alone, I wish I had a handbook to share with you. But I am still looking for that, lol. I know my daughter loves GIRLS DAY OUT! and I am bad, it is few and far between but it keeps her close to me.
Sometimes lunch, an ice cream, starbucks, shopping, garage sales whatever!!
Hope to hear from you, Take Care.

Sorry for all of your stress and trouble. You and she are on very seperate pages. I have just 2 words of advice for you: Communication and Respect. Try to understand and listen to her wants and needs, and meet them. Work with her, bend a little. It sounds like you run a pretty tight ship, and maybe she has a personality that doesn't conform. Here's something I learned a long time ago...if you really want to communicate well with somebody you start with 2 positives and then say I wish. For example, you could say "you're really good at this computer stuff", "you have an excellent myspace sigt", "I wish you would limit your time on it, b/c it can be very dangerous." By saying 2 positives first, you are opening up her mind, and she is listening. That's all I've got...I know you've got a tough road ahead, but if you stick with it and just love her I'm sure it will turn out. Best wishes.

Hello, mother of 6 here oldest 26 youngest 11. Is this your child or your husbands? Or both? Just curious because that can make a difference in the teen years. I have one right now that is 16, boy trying to find himself. He has rebelled but since he's #4 to do it, I know it's kind of normal. I agree that grounding doesn't work as well. When your daughter lost her job, I think that was probably enough punishment. I wouldn't have added to the hostile situation by also grounding. She may not care...at FIRST that she lost the job, but as summer goes on and you don't fork over money for ANYTHING......."gee I'm sorry, but your job was for those things honeeeey!" weak smile.....and that's when they start to GET IT! It's a very slow process.....but unfortunately for us...they have to learn and it's painful for us as well. The less power stuggles the better. I am not perfect.....don't want to sound like the parent with all the answers here...but I know that when I finally figured out ways to help my teen feel like I was willing to respect his choices (not unreasonable ones ok) then I didn't have to LIKE them, but at least I knew he was making them. Our relationship started to improve and slowly I was able to give more input and have him actually listen to me. I know sometimes we just don't like our children when they are teens. They don't like us either I suppose. I know that the more I try to be in "control" the more my child fights for his own control. I finally figured out subtle ways to get the consequences to happen w/o a set punishment. What does she like to do? Are you giving her praise (I only ask because sometimes at these times we aren't) for things you admire or enjoy about her? I force myself every day to think of something I can tell my son about something I like that he did, or a quality he has. Sounds like a bunch of bull? maybe? but it works. Takes time....but well worth it. We have a LOT of pow wows and honestly talk. Usually I start the pow wow with "we need to talk" and then I tell him "OK, such and such is not working for me" and we sit and agree on a compromise. He is much more willing to do that when he was part of the process and not a victim of a dictatorship. Hope this helps, not trying to frustrate you more! Now.......I want to see what others have suggested.....see how on track my opinion is with the other moms of teens. LOL