14 Month Old Won't Go to Sleep

Both my boys went through this. The most important thing is to keep calm. If you get frustrated, she will pick up on it. Second, when she cries, screams and kicks, ignore it. Don't make a big deal of it. She has learned that throwing a tantrum gets you stressed. She's using it against you. Yes, she understands this already. When she gets up, put her back to bed. Keep doing it. Put her in bed and close the door. Check on her every five minutes. It may take a month or so, but she will learn that IT'S BED TIME. The most important thing is for you to keep calm and make it a routine. You are already stressed from the divorce. Don't show this to her. You have to put those emotions away. They do not concern her. Good luck. Raising a child is the most stressful thing you'll ever do. Deep breathing and counting to ten helps.

Mothering Magazine cover story is entitled "Who wants to sleep alone?". Pick it up and see what you think. Dr. Sears has tons of articles on the success of co-sleeping. Your daughter may need your love and closeness, especially given she has lost one parent and is feeling that stress. Trust me, co-sleeping children are not less successful adults with those who sleep alone early. You may have to set aside some notions and do what works for you both right now.

Best of luck, I can imagine you are all having a tough time. J.

She might be reacting to the divorce and separation from daddy? Even so..... Oftentimes what our children do will defy all logic. She is probably just at the age where she is figuring out her power and she's testing it out. Your job is to calmly let her know that when you think it's time for nap or bedtime, then it's time for nap or bedtime. Just because she's screaming and kicking to show her power, it doesn't mean you must give in and let her have that power. What does she want? To stay up? Why? To be with you? Or to play with a toy? Does she have a doll or favorite stuffed animal? Make it part of the bedtime or naptime routine. If it's you or a toy she wants, sub the doll or stuffed animal for either and put it in the bed with her, tell her it is time for nap for both of them. Whatever you do, though, do not make a big fuss or show you are stressed by what she is doing. Children look for reaction in parents. That's their power. When parents do not react and instead, ignore an unwanted behavior, that's the parents power.

Has she always been like that or did it just start? I'm guessing the latter. Once kids get more mobile and CAN do more they WANT to do more and the idea of stopping is not good. Plus I noticed the "messy divorce" comment and even if nothing is said around her she can feel the stress and insecurity around her. Just love her through it, make sure she's safe, make sure you stay calm and go through a bedtime process that she can enjoy, and she'll eventually learn to settle down. Don't keep going back to her. I know it's hard, but as long as she's safe and has whatever things with her that she likes to help her feel secure without you, give her the chance to settle herself down. Have you watched Supernanny? She'll show the entire process. It's a little more for older ones, but if you keep going back to her now (which I don't even know if you do or not) it creates that need possibly forever after. You can try playing some calm symphony or piano concertos in the background...something that's not stimulating like children's songs. Maybe she'll start noticing it and calm down to hear it. It truly depends on the child and the exact circumstance, but know that it'll get better if you stand touch while keeping on loving. Guilt is part of being a mom and we want to fix everything, but it's not always a quick fix. Remember that she doesn't understand that it's sleepy time unless there's a pattern and preparation for it. Well, I hope this helps a bit. If you want other suggestions or are in the Marietta area & are interested in music classes with her, my info. is at www.MissLaLasTreehouse.com. We have time after classes for moms to chat about things like this, share ideas, and get to know each other.

Just keep plugging away. Maintain your position of "it's bedtime". You could try the Ferber method -- and there's another one (can't think of the name) but it's like a kinder, gentler Ferberizing method... http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified...

Once she figures out that you aren't going to be swayed by her revolt and that going to sleep isn't the end of the world, things should ease up. There are some excellent books on the subject too -- check out the library!

M.,

We're kind of in the same boat...only my DD is 34 months old. This week, I began having her get in bed, lay down, close her eyes and keep still, then I rub her hair line on her forhead until she falls asleep. She really likes the calming feel of mommy's touch and relaxes fairly quickly. I tell her if she doesn't keep still or keep her eyes closed, mommy will go get in her bed and leave her to fall asleep on her own. It has been very successful this week. I also got her a Gloworm Girl that lights up the room and we use the dimmer switch on her overhead light to keep her from being scared of the dark. Hope you find success too! D. H.

M.,
Do you have a nap/bedtime routine? If not, perhaps try reading the book Goodnight Moon to her. It is very short and an easy read. You will memorize it and then you can recite it over and over to her. I have a 14 month old and I have tried this with him. Most times I can put him to bed and he will go to sleep. When I do have to read this to him, I just start reciting it and he settles down immediately. My pediatrician mentioned this to me. Hope this helps.
R.