14 Month Old with Temper tantrums...Please Help!!!

A.,

Sorry you're having a rough time. I've not had to deal with this thank goodness, but have read several articles/books which say to ignore this behavior and walk away. If you react to it and the child gets what they want (i.e., you feeding her the bagel) then this only reinforces them to do it again. Try www.babycenter.com - they usually have some great articles. Also I think the book Sleeping Through the Night addresses tantrums in it as well - it's by Jodi Mindell, I think. Good luck!

Temper tantrums are totally normal, and a lot of children have them regardless of their upbringing, discipline or lack of, environment, and what parents do. My son was a very laid back, sweet, happy, loving baby. Then, as he got older he started to throw temper tantrums to try and get what he wanted. Toddlers can't communicate fully, and they can get easily frustrated in a world where they long to be independent, but are still too young to understand everything. Toddlers go from being babies that get total positive reinforcement for crying, to getting negative reinforcement usually when they cry. We expect them just to grow up immediately and know how to handle situations in which their little emotions are going crazy. With my son, I've learned to use discipline when necessary (we do time out for 2 minutes and then he must apologize for what he did), I ignore some of it depending on what he's upset about, or I talk to him about what he's upset about. My son is two and a half now ... it's gotten better the better he can communicate, but we still have days. ;) Just know you're not alone and tht it's totally normal for toddlers to act this way ... and that it will get better! Good luck!

Let me start by saying I have a 16 month old son, who is doing the same type of things and my 5 year old did it at this age also. As much as you hate it, it is normal for a child to act out like this.
With the duck thing she may have wanted them to eat out of her hand, at this age the world only revolves around them. And having her "fit" made her feel better at that moment. When she gets older she will start to learn that behaving that way doesn't get her anywhere. Right now she may be to young to fully understand that. So have patience with her, do not give in to the "fit" - feeding her the bagel - and try to ignore her.
My older son was a temper tantrum thrower! He could have a "fit " like no-body's business, and I was worried because he wouldn't give up, he'd make himself throw up, he'd try to hurt himself, but you have to be strong or this will never get better. It was hard until he understood that he was not going to get what he wanted by acting the way he was. And with him it lasted for like 6 months. That's why I say this is normal because every child I have been around does go through a stage like this. You are lucky your older boys didn't go through this stage.
One idea that worked for us is, if you still have her in a crib you could try that for her "time out" put her in there, leave the light on and walk away, go out of the room for like 2 min. when the time is up go get her and have her do something else.
i.e. if the "fit" started because she wanted to take one of big brothers toys, do the 2 min. thing and when you bring her out put her somewhere brother isn't. Try to take her away from what ever started the problem. That has worked well with my boys.
Hope this doesn't last to long for you and your family.

Hi, i have a 2 year old Landon, and want you describe is exactly what i went through and around the same time, in the begining i gave into him, just because the screaming was so painful and embrassing, but it didn't seem to help. Then i was told to ignore the tantrums, and suprisely it worked, not at first but eventually, he learned he wasn't going to get his way and all the screaming, hitting, and kicking wasn't going to help his cause, and it ended. Now occassinly he throws a fit, like any small child, but time out has came in handy now. Good Luck to you.

The best advice I have for you is what our pediatrician told us: ignore her. Do not give in, otherwise she will definitely repeat the behavior. It may not be easy to ignore her, but if you give her attention when she does throw a fit (bad or good attention) she will continue. She is trying to figure out how to express how she is feeling now and her vocabulary is not letting her so this is all she knows to do. It's perfectly normal. Also, keep in mind, girls tend to be a bit more emotional than boys. Good luck!

I think it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job from what you described. You are right about encouraging the vocabulary, temper tantrums can stem from communication frustration.

In my opinion, it seems like this is pretty normal developmental stuff. Personally, I would stick to your guns (if the tantrum is over being told no), and let her see natural consequences (If you throw food on the floor, you don't get to have it at all). I bet you'll find that if you don't let yourself be too upset by the behavior, it will pass on it's own. Do what you can to accomodate her feelings (you can try to hold her, redirect her etc to calm her down) but if she just wants to kick and scream--let her. Soon she'll realize that that isn't going to get her anywhere. As her verbal skills develope, she can begin to learn to ask for things in a nice way. Of course, this lesson will take years. I'm still working on my daughter who is 2.5. She is much more vocally demanding then my two older boys were. (they are 8 and 5 also!) Maybe it's a girl thing? Maybe it's a youngest thing? Who knows.

You'll be ok, mama. You're doing great!

my boy does the same thing. The best advice I've had is to ignore, but punish, the problem. The more I told my son "no-no" or said not to do that, the more he did whatever it was. I noticed the more I ignored the behavior it eventually stopped. He threw he food or his sippy on the floor, I picked it up and gave it back to him, the first and second time telling him no, the third time saying nothing and handing it back to him and if it happened a fourth time I said nothing to him, took him away from the table and put him in timeout and left him there for about 2 minutes. Eventually the behavior stopped. Not that there's not an occasion when he'll do it again, but he's not doing it to get his way or my attention or whatever he's trying to do. They want attention, any kind, positive or negative.

good luck

Each child goes through this. The best way to keep this phase as short as possible make and keep this one rule. The momment a child starts a temper tantrum, they do Not get what ever it was that they wanted. The moment the child calms themselves, they get your attention and the chance to cooperate. But never ever give into a temper tantrum.
Good luck and take care, this too shall pass.