14 Month Old Not Showing Much Affection

My little one is almost 19 months and she just started showing true affection to me and her dad. I think you just need to give her a few more months and she will come around....and then she will want to hug you every other second and at first it's cute...but then you wonder why you wished for it....hahaha....good luck...she will be showing affection before you know it.

M.,

I've seen lots of toddlers who don't want to be "restained" when given hugs and kisses, and they try to pull away. It's not the affection. It's the restraint part. They don't really know at that age that it's affection. Your daughter will probably outgrow it and may just turn out to be a very independent, outgoing child. That doesn't mean she's got a problem with affection. I'm no doctor, but I'd say keep doing what you're doing and don't worry. :)

Lucy is 16 months and is just now beginning to understand affection. She is just now starting to hug, but mostly for her brother Jack. She has just learned what kissing is and may or may not feel like it. She does like to hold hands with Jack when they are in their car seats. She hold our hands just to lead us where she wants us!

I have to agree with Becky R. My daughter was the same way and still is to a degree. She is now 2yrs 6 mos. and when the kisses and hugs do come we all just enjoy them while they last. She passes them out on her terms and doesn't like to be held and kissed at the same time. It's always puzzled us that she lavishes the dogs with this kind of affection but seems to be stingy with us. We just mark it up to her independant, stubborn, yet very playful personality. We have noticed though that she is more giving of affection when she sees the rest of us doing the same. So that leads to the belief that it is more socializing for her than an actual emotional response. This just my uneducated opinion but, I believe the little ones are too self-absorbed to understand the concept of love when it relates to expressing it. We just need to give them the tools they need for when they are able. Or, in our case, it could just be that she thinks the dogs' breath smells better than ours. :)
Congrats on your schooling and good luck to you.

I wouldn't worry too much. My son is 17mths old and is the same way and has always been. I always was concerned too and a little jealous of other people. Especially seeing my nephew who is 7weeks younger than my son always wanting hugs and kisses and to be held. But, I have talked to a couple of his docs about it and they all tell me its normal. I've learned to look at it as a positive. Although I would love to have the normal hugs and kisses but, he is not clingy like alot of babies. He is more independent and doesn't have to be held or babied(ironic huh). When he falls down he fusses sometimes cries for a sec but then is right back up playin again. He will go to sleep on his own without having to be rocked or held alot. Plus with him I know exactly when he is not feeling well even without symptoms. Because, thats when he wants to be held. So don't worry just look at any positives it may bring. The longer you wait for them they are that much more special when you do get them. Some moms may take hugs and kisses for granted if they get them alot. We cherish everyone because we don't know when the next one will come. We have baby teenagers. lol Hope this helps or puts you at ease at least a little. Good luck with everything and give your baby lots of kisses and hugs whether they want them or not..lol

My little girl (3 yr) dosen't show much affection. She will give a kiss or hug now and than and ask for a kiss at bed time, but she has never really been a "cuddle bug". Now my little boy (23 mo) on the other hand has never been able to get enough hugs and kisses... he has always been a little "cuddle bug". He doesn't cuddle as long as he use to, only because he has to stop moving to cuddle, but he will stop everything just to run over to get a hug or kiss and then go right back to what he was doing. Each kid is differnt... which is what makes each kid so special.

I don't force affection on or from any of my kids... I have been told it is one of the worst thing to do to a child. If a parent forces affection then it shows a child that it is ok to have affection forced on them... which means it is easier for someone else to force the affection on or from the child. And the child is less likely to tell you about it, because it thinks there is nothing wrong with the affection.

In time your little one will give you hugs and kisses, when she is ready. They grow so fast - so enjoy the milestones as they come :)

I think you are looking into it too much! ;) Your daughter is trying to become independent and is just too busy to want to be held on to. She probably seems like she is always on the go go go, right? At that age, she's not interested in hanging onto Mom, she's into exploring and learning about her new freedom. She'll start showing you affection when she gets a little bit older, and then when she gets to be my daughter's age (12), ("that's too embarassing Mom!")she will put you on the back burner again. But that's normal I kiss her forehead and cheek when I drop her off at school anyways.

Good luck with your little girl, I know how hard it is being a single Mom and all.
S.

That is completely normal. Babies at this age are all about "me me me". And that's how it should be. They are exploring and learning about everything in their world. Some babies this age will kiss or give hugs, but most do not. It's not a concept they've grasped, yet. Hang in there, it will come soon.

My daughter is 12 months and she sounds similar to your daughter! She also pulls away from hugs and kisses, but I think she is just too "busy" exploring to sit and cuddle :) I wouldn't take offense - I think they will grow into being affectionate.

This is not uncommon, my first son was extremely affectionate, he is 13 now and still is. My second son, 3, was not. Extremely independant. He had been since he was born. Around 2 was a big turning point for him and I. He always came to me if he had a scrape or nick, but not a lot if I just wanted a hug. Well, I kept trying and trying and now he gives me hugs and kisses all the time. We made a game out of it to even sometimes I am like oh no please don't kiss me... and he will do his very best to smother me in kisses until we are on the floor, rolling around, giggling. He is just his own person, with his own personality, and you know that when he gives that affection, he means it 100% and to me that is not a bad thing, it is a honest reaction and fills me with joy. He is a delight and I am glad that he is that way and his brother is the way he is. They are fantastic.
Keep trying, but not overbearingly. I felt the hurt and pain since my oldest did the lovey dovey stuff, but all of that is behind us. They will come to their own understanding and that takes time. Show love with others and they will see that and begin to want that too.

I see that you are a single mom, as I am, and I am back in college finishing up too as you are. I understand that need for affection and appriciation that we look to the children for sometimes. If you have family, make sure they know what is going on and when they come to your home or you to thiers, kiss them and hug them Hi and let your child see that. Do not have the friends or family make the kids hug or kiss them,but simply say hi how are you or something. Never force the child to give affection.

Good luck and remember, your child does love you, she just has her own way to express herself.

My second daughter was not affectionate until the past yr. She has a highly independant personality and unless she needed comforted she was not a snuggle bug. However she didn't deny it if we asked for it. Where as my other two children can't get enough of it. I have been told by pre-school teachers that all three of my kids are leaders and not followers. But when they are home my oldest is somewhat the other mommy and yet would not attempt things unless her younger sister encourages her to. My second loves to play and loves imaginary play. She is fearless at playgrounds..not to a point of dangerous but my first gets scared of heights, etc and its that independant secind child of mine that helps my oldest get past her fears. I wouldn't worry about it yet. She may grow out of it. Mine did. And as much as it may hurt your heart a little that you can't love on your baby as much(I know the feeling), you may find that to be a gift in her that turns out to be good later. Her strength may also come to surprise you. In a family we are each a puzzle piece. No piece is the same as another but when the puzzle is put together and works together to help where others lack then it becomes a beautiful thing.

M.,

My daughter is 20 months old and she does not show much affection either. I hug her and kiss and she usually tries to pull away and never gives any in return unless I ask her over and over again. I think that it is just their age and that they don't understand affection yet and they would rather be playing than have someone trying to hug and hold them. I think the advice that the other mom gave about them not wanting to be restrained is very accurate.