My oldest is turning 13 on Sunday. She asked her dad for a camera for her birthday. She didn't really want a party but wanted to go to Dave and Busters. He decided he wanted to get her an ipod touch instead of going out and getting the camera. Now normally we would split the cost of the party (but she decided she didn't want one). When he brought up the ipod he wanted me to pay for half of it. I don't think she really needs it and I didn't have the $100+ to give him half. I instead bought her some clothes sinces she's really out grown everything...he was upset because I wouldn't give him the money because he basically told her she was getting it already. So was I wrong??
Well thanks to everyone with the responses....I thought I was doing the right thing...sometimes we just need that confirmation...Let me just say after all that fussing...he showed up yesterday with a camera...and he had nothing else to say to me!! I guess he just realized...sometimes he's slow :-)
he proceeded to get a gift that expensive without consulting you and then expects you to pay half?
this will be an excellent learning experience for him.
i hope she enjoys her new clothes and her fun outing to dave and busters!
:) khairete
S.
I agree with the others here that he doesn't have the right to decide what YOU have to give her. I'm sure she'll love the iPod and it has a great camera built in so it will cover what she requested. It is an expensive gift though and it was HIS choice so HE needs to pay for it. I think turning 13 is a big deal for girls so make it special for her and don't let him rain on her day!
You did good!! You asked him to split a party not a gift. He's just trying to control the situation.
Why can't he just get her what she asked for? An iTouch gives her a camera and constant access to the internet - and all the nastiness out there. This is NOT a good thing. I'd tell him to bring the iTouch back and get her a nice little $89 camera.
YMMV
LBC
Hi
As he was the one that decided he wanted to get this expensive gift then let him pay for it! She wanted a camera so why wouldn't he get her the camera? An ipod touch seems a tad extravagant for a 13 yr old anyway , I don't even have one!!
I think your right , if you can't afford then that's all there is to it...being a girl and a teenager I'm sure she will prefer getting new clothes anyway.
I hope she has a happy birthday!
I totally agree with (I think) just about everyone else. He is a jerk to make this purchase and then expect you to pay for half of it without consulting you first.
You are absolutely not wrong! He should have discussed with you prior to purchasing such an expensive gift and agreed upon a gift that you both wanted to get.
You are not wrong, however clothes are a necessity, and a gift for her would be something that she wants outside of her needs. In my opinion, I would not split for the ipod, especially when she already told him what she wanted. Take her to Dave&Buster's and enjoy the day with her. If he chooses not to get the camera, if you can afford it, get one for her. Be encouraged. God's got you.
It was his fault for buying a gift he couldn't afford without you and mentioning it to her before he asked you to chip in half. You don't have to spend $100 just because he did. If he overspent, that's his problem. If he tries to turn it on you, simply say that it was his gift and he made an incorrect assumption.
You said you split the cost of a party in half not the cost of the gift. A gift is something you want to give. Since she did not want the party then it seems to me that is money you should keep. Put what you would have spent for the party in a savings account or whatever you want to do. You are so right to not give half of the cost of the ipod touch to him. My step son is almost 13 and he wants a cell phone too. My husband and I have said there is no reason for him to have one. They (meaning all 3 of our children) have been told when they turn 18 and if they can afford one they can get their own then but we will not pay for one. There is no need! So congrats for standing up and saying NO!
The camera is what she wanted and that is what he should have gotten. It is not your fault that he changed the gift so he needs to pay for it. Give him the portion of what you would have had to give if he would have purchased the camera.
I think he should have discussed it with you first and not mention it at all to your daughter. He shouldn't expect you to have money to spend automatically when you are a single mom. He was wrong in my opinion, he should have thought about it and discussed with you. He could have went ahead and purchased himself or you two could have agreed on something else. She asked for the Camera, he could have bought that for her. I would have bought what she asked for as long as it was in the budget. Men don't always see eye to eye and that is sad at times. They expect so much and give so little. What can you do though. Good Luck
You did the right thing. You did what you could.
God Bless you as well.
S.
Hi there,
I take it you are no longer together, so you don't have to pay for any gift that he has decided to get for her. It's on him to pay for her gift from him, as you have for her, yourself paid. I can understand splitting the cost of a party, but she doesn't want that. You are not obligated to pay for the gift just because the party isn't taking place.
Don't worry about it, if he wants to spend alot of money on her gift, that is his decision. If he is that upset, he will reconsider his gift, and cost. Besides, you got her a great thing....clothes!
Good luck! :-)
It's a shame he did not get her the camera she wanted. Thirteen is old enough to choose something you have actual interest in- he could be squelching her creativity and opening her up to the evils of the open internet-not to mention futher costs of downloading music. It is a far too adult gift. Most schools do not even allow you to have them on you during school hours due to the distraction and theft value. He bought it -he can pay. Stand your ground and contuinue to think in complete "parent" mode- somebody has to. Sounds like he is overcompensating for whatever reason- that's all on him. If you can afford it, i would still get her a an inexpensive camera-13 is a big milestone. Not to mention a 13yo with a camera gives Mom a decent visual insight on what goes on in her life if you view her photo's with a 'prfessional'-like and objective demeanor.
I totally agree with the others. You are not wrong in not paying for half the ipod. What does a 13 year old need with that anyway? She's already got other things on her mind like what she looks like, how her hair looks, how her friends treat her, school, homework, after school activities, Chores (if she has them). She doesn't need more. I agree that if her father wants her to have it, he should pay for it. I have a friend who is 14 and has a cell phone and I am always concerned for her because she sends so many text messages to people that are not really all that appropriate for her, but I stay out of it and keep an eye on her when possible. You as her mother, have all the right in the world to do what you believe is best for you daughter. You go girl. God Bless.
No you don't have to pay. And am I maybe picking up a continuation of the relationship he had with you - manifesting with your daughter "He doesn't LISTEN and regard the wishes of the women in his life?" I mean - how much more clear does it have to be that she asked for a camera? Hold up a mirror to THIS guy. And hope he can create a better relationship with his daughter. Gees!
