12Yr Old Son Rebelling

Hi D.,
I've heard of people making contracts with their teens. You and your son make agreements about rules and consequences. Both have to agree. For example, "You know one of our family values is not smoking underage, what kind of consequence do you think is appropriate for getting caught smoking?" I've heard kids often make bigger consequences than the parents had in mind. Anyway, teens need to feel empowered and this is one way to allow them some say in the matter. In the end consistency, firmness, sticking with what you say, and often biting your tongue are usually good principles to follow.
Good luck,
Wendy

D., I hear you loud and clear. Having been a teacher for many years and now a Family Wellness Coach I know what you are talking about. I will speak what I know tot be true. It may not resonate with you, but maybe it will be for you.

I will share with you what I know:

I know that children learn what they live.
I know that children will model their parents EXACTLY, either exactly like them or exactly the opposite.
I know that behaviour is learned.
I also know that with the right education and nutrition, children can be exactly the way you want them to be.
I know that teen test their boundaries, and as a parent you get to decide what they are.
I know that your son needs you as parent right now and not as a friend.
I know that rebellion is a cry for help, not professional help necessarily but a cry for help because they don't know what you expect, they don't know what they expect.
I know that love, understanding and guidance goes a long way.

I work with families just like yours. If you want to connect, please just ask: ____@____.com

Here are what some of my moms have said recently:

Rita, Mom of Austin 13

“My son was heading down a very BAD road in school and at home. He was defiant, angry and rebellious, and did I mention defiant? I was at my wits end. By the “bazillionth” time I had to punish him for behaviour, I decided ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!! I called B.. She set us up with a nutritional program, for both him and me (protein shakes for breakfast was going to help all this??? I didn't know how but I was desperate) Sure, even my kids could drink a smoothie. Oh, and I had to too.

That was a Friday. We decided to do the shakes as a family for 7 days and see what happened. It couldn't hurt right? I am not going to lie to you. They wanted those sugary cereals for breakfast but I stood my ground, nutrition first thing in the morning, no substitutes.

RIGHT! By the end of the week, it was like we had a new family. NO, all our problems did not disappear, but I personally was now able to better cope. Austin made better decisions at school and at home. When we fight, we listen TO each other, not just yell AT each other.

I don't know why the shakes made such a difference in our lives but I can tell you they did, and still do!
UPDATE: (6 months later)
B., I just had to tell you. Austin just made the basketball team. He has his anger under control and now, when he needs a release, he shoots for the basket! Thank you. I owe you…well, my family.

D., you get to decide what is important. You get to be the parent. Be one. Take a stand for your family now and you and they will reap the benefits of your stand in the future.

B., B.A.:B.Ed.
Family Wellness Coach
"Eduation not Medication"

I don't have any idreas. It sould like you are doing everything right. It also sounds like he is a preteen, and he needs his dad. And his dad sounds like he needs to be agrown up.

D.:
I really feel for you right now and I had some trouble with my daughter when she was twelve and thirteen. She was just extremely mean and reclusive but my concern was how her behavior would rub off on her younger brother and sister. I hope your four year old isn't effected by your twelve your old's behavior but I don't see how that would be possible. You may want to seek a new family therapist, and get a second opinion. Your son seems to be displaying some pretty strong negative behavior that could really effect the rest of your family in the long run.