How can you help a 12 yo make friends. She has many people calling wanting to go out but refuses. She only wants to go out with the same girl. What can I do?
invite the girl over.. but invite two or three others... for say pizza or a taco party.. or to go bowling... gbood luck
Just wondering, does your daughter seem happy? If she is, I would not worry too much about it as long as her friend is a nice girl who behaves well and is does not have lots of negative issues. One suggestion, is your daughter involved in sports or any type of club or volunteering? If not I would encourage it Mom. She will get to know more girls the more active she is. I would not worry too much about this especially if school is starting soon for your girl. She may meet a few new girls in her new grade. If she seems sad and thats why she doesnt want to do much, then I would be more concerned and have a mothter daughter talk about it. Tweens and young teens can often get moody and down at times and it they can't get out of it some need to talk to a counselor. Hope this helps.
The fact that "many people" are calling to spend time with her but "she refuses" says to me that she already HAS friends.
Does she say why she only wants to be with this one girl?
Do you think it is possible that she has a crush on this girl? (as in, likes girls not boys)
Or maybe she just idolizes her for some reason. Or maybe she is more interesting than the other kids.
In any case, it sounds like she is already popular, so I don't think you need to worry about a lack of friends.
In addition to suggested reasons for this that other Moms have written, it's possible that she knows the girls who are calling and knows that they are not friend material. I would trust your daughter's judgment.
I also suggest that if she appears happy in general, to let her decide how many and who her friends are. She's 12 and able to make decisions about friends. I's difficult for us moms to let go and let our kids learn things for themselves. I'd only be insisting that she do friendships differently if the friend she's spending time with is not a good influence. i.e. uses drugs or alcohol, stays out late, encourages your daughter to disobey. That sort of thing.
We all go thru periods of having more or less friends. She's maturing and forming her own rhythms in life.
I don't agree with some that she needs more friends. If she's happy with one, that should be her decision. I think she's past the point where you can force her to make more friends. Did your mom ever force you to hang out with people you didn't care for? I think at her age, having one really close friend is a blessing. She's almost a teen, and girls need someone to share secrets with. If they fight and don't hang out anymore, then maybe you can help her, if she wants. You really have to trust that she has good values, and maybe take a step or two back.
Can you make friends with another girls mom and do a mini trip to the zoo, mall, museum, etc.? That's what I have done with my daughter. My daughter also tends to have one friend she does things with and then her other friends she only sees at school.
Talk to her about the importance of having a variety of friends. Friends who are good at this or that and can help her learn, grow, etc. Remind her that there are lots of other people who have ALOT to offer and so does she.
Why does she want to be so exclusive? THIS is not a good thing! It's okay to have preferred friends, but not to the point of isolation.
When you're baking, cooking or whatever, use that as an example of how a combination of ingredients work together to make something REALLY GOOD. Friends and relationships are the same way.
Vanilla alone.......baking soda alone, oregano or basil alone? etc.
Plan an activity and tell her that you want her to invite another friend. I'd avoid inviting the preferred friend, too, because they might make the other girl feel left out. Interact with both of them some of the time and stay within earshot some of the time so that you can find out how they interact and relate. THIS IS NOT BEING NOSEY OR A SNOOP! It IS important for parents to know what kids talk about and how they interact.
There have been several occasions, in the car, at home, etc., when I've overheard conversation that needed a change in direction. Step in when you have to and help them when needed.
She also needs to realize that if she continually refuses their offers, at some point they will stop. What if this little girl moves, etc? Having a wide variety of friends and being able to relate to them is key to other life skills.
