12 Year Old Son HATES CAMP!!! HELP...

Ditto Dee, he will also owe you $100.

My sister used to pull this on my mom.. Money was always so tight. My mom made her go each time and the one time my sister did back out of something she had begged for, my mom did not say a word, till the next time my sister asked to go with a friend and her family to an amusement park and my mother told her "no you may not. You owe me for the money I wasted on that "class" instead you will stay here and earn the money you owe me.

If he doesn't understand that he needs to suck it up and tough it out for the week or whatever it is, then I say use these words on him....maybe they will work: "you owe me $100. right now". and stick to it. Good luck!

Read him your excellent post, which says it all, then give him the choice of camp or spending the week scrubbing the bathrooms and cleaning out the closets with you.

This is something that is taught threw out life. My daughter who is nine already knows I will sign her up for something like swimming or gymnastics but that she must finish that session because it costs hard earned money. But I would definitely do a surprise visit on the camp and make sure nothing serious is really happening. If he is being bullied or something you will want to step in right away.

I agree, give him a choice between finishing camp (which he should have the option to leave if he TRULY hates is and is miserable there) or paying you back for the money spent on it.

The best teacher of these lessons is life itself and your son is old enough to start experiencing the results of his decisions in a real way.

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great responses here.
Ditto.

YES, have him see and read your post here.
He will see.. that he cannot pull that... and that there is a consensus on HIS behavior.

And, your Hubby should also be backing you up on this.

Tell him that a 12 year old having a 'tantrum' is not cute.
He is 12.

Also though, have you asked him WHY he does not want to go?
How is the camp?
Is his friend ignoring him?
How are the people handling the camp?

I went through the same things with my daughter when she was 10 back in the good days when we could afford camps the whole vacations.
She would get bored at home but when we send her to camp she would hate some, but we never allow her to give up. We gave her the option before we pay to pick what she wanted, but once it was paid she would have to finish. This include Girls Scout.
Some times she would be open to hear why I wouldn't let her give up, but other she just wont listen, so she would have to deal with it and next time won't pick that camp.
Now she is 12 and she knows what she wants, unfortunetelly this year we could only afford one week of camp.
I wouldn't talk to your son now when he is mad, wait a couple hours and "try" to explain what you just told us in your e-mail, but if he doesn't want to listen just say, "You wanted to go, is paid and you have to go, try to make the best of it and if makes you feel better you can decide next time, before I paid for, if you want to come back next year or not."
I don't agree with let him pay you if he doesn't want to go, unless he is being mistreat (which in that case you should ask for your money back). Other way, is like teaching him that everything with money can be fix, and if when he goes to collage if he doesn't like it then is ok as far as she paid the money you spend.
Then again, that is just me and I could be wrong.

I am probably a little late for today, but I would discuss why he hates it, why he doesn't want to go back and how you can give him practical help to make it through. Just making him go doesn't give him the tools to solve whatever problem he is having. Good Luck!

I am saddened by the responses....First--WHY does he not want to go back? You have never mentioned this.. what happened? It could be something that he has every right not to want to be around.

Second--you are his parents, and in this you decided to spend the money--this is not something that a child "pays back" are you going to make him pay you back for the clothes and food you have bought him the past 12 years, as well? This is one of the responsibilities YOU take on as a parent.

He is also only 12--they do change their minds, and yes, need to finish what they start--but WHY doesn't he want to finish it? Have you found this out? Have you actually opened your ears to him and really listened to why he does not want to finish this (or whatever else you feel he does not want to finish?) This will also show him that you care, and that it's not all about the money (in which he will learn that money is more important than feelings)

Ask yourself is the battle worth it? Seriously? To have you AND him angry over something that should be fun and enjoyable?

I would start by saying you are sorry he had such a bad time--and that you are sorry for getting angry Then ASK him what happened, and LISTEN. If the reason is legit, swallow the fact you spent the money and enjoy the time you have with him. This time passes SO fast and soon he will be off on his own...or something may happen that makes you regret arguing over something so trivial...

It sounds to me like you care more about the fact you spend $100 on this than how this whole thing makes him feel.

Ask--Is this really the battle I want to have with him? And remember he is only 12--he is not an adult, so don't treat him like one.

I've been to or worked at camps for many years and I have to say that, for a twelve-year-old to have such a strong reaction, something big must be going on at camp. I would guess bullying, but even joking/teasing on the part of a teen staff member with poor judgment can cause a lot of discomfort.

There isn't necessarily anything wrong with the camp, it's just likely a situation that he doesn't know how to handle. He probably won't tell you right off the bat, but I would definitely find a quiet time (I hear boys that age talk better if their hands are busy) and ask why. I'm sure you can get an idea of what it is then.

Then I would just handle it as I would at school. Is it something he just needs coaching on or do you need to speak to a staff member or the director?

I think the the other issues will vanish if you tackle the why of it!

I feel your pain. My son (who is just turning 5) hated camp and cried. The only thing I said that seemed to make a difference was "if you go to camp saying you are going to have a terrible time, the only thing for sure that will happen IS THAT YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A TERRIBLE TIME." I told him attitude is everything and its all in how you set it up in your mind. I don't know if this will help as your son is 12; I do know how you feel though. We had already paid for it and I had the guilt of being a working mom too - all his friends got to stay home and play and he had to go to camp. I cried. But that night he did come home and said he had fun. Good luck to you Mama!

Ditto.

Don't teach him there are no consequences for being a quitter. Being a quitter is bad as a tween, but horrible as an adult. I've seen families go into horrible stretches of poverty because the bread-"winner" was a quitter. "Winners never quit and quitters never win."

Chores for him to do should include the toilets being mentioned, cleaning the dog poop out of the yard, picking up trash,washing out trash cans (so they won't stink), digging a garden and planting flowers or vegetables. You live in Florida so you have wonderful weather for learing the consequences of his actions. Digging a garden in the afternoon Florida weather is a great idea, especially pulling the weeds out of the place where the garden is to be. Of course there is not time for swimming or video games until you are paid back. $1 per hour or less is an appropriate wage for a reluctant 12 year old.

Good luck to you and yours.

He may have sensory issues that are coming to a head with the stress of a new environment and new kids. Sometimes when kids are younger they can compensate and we really don't notice but at this age stress will get the best of him if he does not fit in. I would seek out an evaluation with an OT and see if there needs to be intervention. Usually a problem with the body equals a problem with the mind/behavior.....

Did you ask him why? Maybe you need to understand. Perhaps.

If he doesn't want to then how about having him do chores until he has paid the $80 he didn't use. Life lesson.

best, k

Whenever my kids say they don't want to do something my response is, "Do you want to vacuum and dust instead?" Of course, they never want to do that! So, then they do what ever they were complaining about or not wanting to do. It works every time! I just can't understand why they wouldn't want to dust & vacuum ;)~

Definitely have him pay you back w/ some dusting, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, cleaning closets and/or the garage, mow the yard, weed eat etc..

I think that if a 12-year-old doesn't like camp, then either the camp is very boring or something big is going on (like bullying as others have suggested, maybe his friend isn't hanging out with him, or even worse). I guess you have it resolved now. He does have his friend there so it should at least be bearable. If you need to have him in camp (like if you are working), then he really has to suck it up and go. But I don't think that's the situation. If you get to the bottom of the situation and he has a valid point about why he doesn't want to go, then don't make him go.

Sorry, Terri B., but I'm with Kitty B. My kids have sometimes been crazy to attend camp, and sometimes crazy to avoid camp. I'd have to know exactly why they wanted to come home to make a decision on that particular matter.

My 15 year old daughter has begged off of her third week of camp this year, and I trust her. I hope we can get the money back, but even if we can't, she won't be attending against her wishes.

Sometimes there is something beyond "babyishness" that will make a kid not want to face camp. I heard my daughter out and ultimately agreed with her.

I hope this does not offend, sorry if it does.