12 Month Old Throwing Temper Tantrums

M., I am 28 and a mama to 5 wonderful blessings, and we homeschool! Recently I wrote a whole thread on another forum on how we handle our home, here is the under 2 discipline excerpt and my regular e-mail, ____@____.com I read your request I though this might help! So...Here ya go!
UNDER 2 Discipline

At this age I have either a designated spot on the floor, a carpet square or sometimes a recieving blanket (we had one child that was a bit more... well she has red hair and the temper to go with it-lol- anyway her spot needed to travel so a little blankey worked good) that we put in a spot somewhere kinda out of the way. I could careless if they throw tantrums but it is not acceptable- if they are going to do it they will not be doing so at my feet. So... even now with our 18 month old- if he gets "itchy" then to the spot he goes with a verbal " I realize thatyou are upset but throwing tantrums is not acceptable- you may not yell at mommy" or whatever the offense maybe- you may not cream in my kitchen etc- then to the spot they go.. "you may get up when you are all done" if they get up and are done fussing they get hugs and kisses a high five- etc if they are still bent out of shape we bring them back.
Always using a calm and loving voice- They may not hit or kick walls but the floor is fine- I completely ignore them in their spot unless they are being destructive to my home- if they get up I automatically asuume they are done and give them the benefit of the doubt but if they come at me whinning then we go back.
Being actually removed from my current area is a huge thing vs throwing a tantrum at my feet. Anyway-
I do not "make them stay" in their timeout spot- they go to the spot and get up when they are done. If they continue to do whatever it is that they went there for and keep getting up and comming to you you keep bringing them back saying the same thing- such as "you may not whine at me like that... you may get up from your spot when you are finished with your icky sounds" or whatever the issue is.
This is a hard age because their communication level is not up verbally to where their mental level is- however teaching proper communication skills is still a must. (by the way we do sign language to give them an added avenue of communication)
when they get up and come to me we then give loves and then I redirect them.
Here is another example (I actually just did this with Adam lol) Adam is shutting himself in a room and then crying, we, meaning one of the kids or I keep opening the door- he immediately shuts it again. I thus grab a towel and throw it over the door- he then started crying because he wants to shut the door- to the time out spot he goes. "I am sorry you are mad but you were being foolish- you may come find me when you are done" I then walked away he whinned for about 13 seconds and came to give me a high 5 and a kiss- I then offered him loves back and engaged him in playing with his tractor.
Sometimes he will go for big fits like that- sometimes it is for wretched sounds he is making because he is mad that he is not getting what he wants.

You have to have grace and mercy and understanding with this age but you also need to be ontop of things and be constantly strearing them in the right direction.

for many of our timeout moments it is a combination of behaviour combined with attituted... vs behaviour combined with circumstance. If he is crying in the kitchen because I have dinner 30 minutes late- I can't blame him for not understanding why I have not fed him and thus I bend- to the table he goes to start on whatever is ready! thus grace-
If he however is in my kitchen mad because the girls shut the bedroom door in order to put their clothes away and he is not accepting my redirection then he will go to time out.

I hope all that makes sence- we don't do the 1-2-3- stuff if they can listen on 3 then they can listen on 1. I do give healthy reminders at this age and have a lot of understanding.

However I do not want a yelling, attitude prone toddler on my hands and thus the behavior that is unexceptable is delt with- always within reason to the attitude/circumstance at hand.

Kids know what you expect from them and they are constantly pushing the boundaries- so set the boundaries and they will gladly live within them!

I've read many upon many of these post and my answers are still the same. I'm a firm believer in spankings. Now that's not to say I don't use other methods like the corner or a privlidge taken away but sometimes certain behavioral problems call for a more strick punishment, something they definately don't want to toach base with. I don't believe in punishment until your sure that ur child understands when their told no and that it leads to a punishment. Once their aware of their aactions I usually start with the pop on the hands or a little tap on the butt to catch their attention. Once that no longer works I raise my standards and I take no prisoners. If I say no, and he keeps asking or does it anyway he gets carried to the room and he gets a few pops on the butt, then I explain to him why he got popped and how to aviod it next time. I make it clear that no matter what he done to get the spanking I'm willing to put forth the effort in enforcing the punishment. If he doesn't see that it's important to me then it won't be to him. I don't know how well the other methods work or for how long... but honestly, it's not logical to try and think that you can give punishment while being pleasant. Imagine if he were to hurt someone seriously, something that couldnt be reversed....would you say to him "Honey, that was very bad...please don't do that anymore." Hopefully not. Hopefully you would say, "I hope ur butt stays in tacked after I'm done with it." If you let the little things slide it will lead to bigger things. It's atleast worth a try.

Sounds perfectly normal to me. The terrible twos started for my daughter right around that age. There ar a few things you could try.
Try baby proofing his play area, for us, its the living room. I took out all "adult" stuff (or stuff your son shouldnt be messing with) put covers over all thr outlets, hid all electrical chords, and DVD, remotes, pens, books, etc.
I know its kind of a bummer to have to completely change but its what we have to do.
I found 2 stackable tool bins that match my entertainment center to use as toy boxes, so there is nothing BUT toys for my kiddo to play with.
I put the coffee table infront of the tv so she cant stand too close or pull out the plugs, or change the channels.
I also feed her a light meal every hour.
Who knows maybe he's fussy because he's also a little hungry or sleepy.
Please dont be the type of parent that thinks he has ADD or ADHD it is so over diegnosed and the cure is truly discipline!
Good luck with it all!

I think your going to have to throw your dicipline routine out the window if it's making you both miserable.

At 12 months old there isn't much he's going to remember for very long.

What's worked well with us, both now with our 18 (almost 19) month old is telling her

- please don't scream, it hurts mama's and brothers ears
- no ma'am please do not scream, it's not nice and hurts mama and brothers ears (daddy too if he's home)

Usually I just get down at her level to say this to her.

the third time I remove her from the situation and sit her on her bottom and tell her again that screaming hurts ears and it's not very nice so please use her gentle voice.

12 month olds don't really "get it" they're still babies, but it's ok to start setting boundries. Be consistant, be fair.

Good luck!

I'm 27 and have a nearly four year old and a 12 month old. I'm going through the same thing with my one year old. He was always so happy and calm, now he yells a lot! He's the same way as yours as far as being with other people. I think he is going through a frustration stage because he knows what he wants but has no way of getting that across to me. Because they are so young it's hard to disipline, I think it's something that he will out grow you just have to be patient. I try to ignore my son, or give him something else that I know he really likes. As soon as he is more capable of understanding certain things are not okay your life will become easier. Hang in there!

The one thing the other posts seem to have understated is that at a year old, he is sensing your anxiety. You are expecting a new baby at the same time he wants to really start testing his boundaries. That can be a HUGE stresser! Since he is learning to test boundaries, the more you stress, the more he will push. It's not because he is bad, he is just learning how his relationship with you works. Here I agree with the other posts: consistancy, consistancy, consistancy. While it is HARD to get up and chase him down when you are humungo pregnant to make him behave, it will be much harder if he thinks he can get away with these tantrums. I have two 25 months apart and my third 35 months later. Good luck to you!

the closer it came to the birth of my daughter the worse my son got too. It will pass. I made all my friends aware that HE was the first born and that when they came to see the new baby that they needed to bring him a gift as well.....even if just a toy from the dollar store - and they needed to congradulate him and give him some attention over the birth of his sibling. This helped imensely. They can feel the changes....the last two mths of pregnancy are the hardest...mommy can't do everything she used to.........this is the only way he has of having a voice as he can't tell you how he feels.

blessings!!

My youngest started doing this a lot around his first birthday. I realized that he had several teeth coming in, and that the pain was bothering him and aggravating the tantrums. Once I started giving him more relief for the teething pain, the tantrums happened a lot less often.

When they did happen, and when they happen now, I will usually lay him on the floor and back away from him. Sometimes I end up putting him in his crib as almost a time out, giving him a chance to calm down. Distractions are another solution at this age. Don't use cookies or treats, which might encourage the behavior. Instead, pull out some different toys.

Also, he may be cluing in to the changes that are about to happen with the arrival of the new baby. Babies have great intuition about things like this. He may need some extra one on one attention from whoever he can get it from after the new baby arrives. That way, he'll know he will feel more secure with the changes.

Good luck!

I agree with everything Minda has to say. I think it's pretty normal at that age. He's just starting to be mobile and get a little more independent and probably doesn't like you getting in his way. I'd try to baby-proof your place as much as possible so maybe you can say "no" a little less. I like what you're doing with the playpen... sort of like a time out, which he obvious doesn't like, which is the point, right? Any time you try to correct behavior it gets worse at first instead of better. He's testing you. Stand firm. He'll come around. I think I'm pretty firm with my kids, and have been able to enforce a standard of behavior without resorting to spanking them at age one. Consistency is the key... By the way, my kids are only 15 months apart, and while it will be a challenge at first, you will be so thrilled when they get a little older and can play together. There will come a time when you realize it'es EASIER having two than one beause they will occupy each other! Good luck!

Hey M.,
I loved Minda's response and as a mother of a 17 month old, I've been there recently and your child is at an age where he wants to explore everything, but doesn't quite understand "no". I don't want to diss others' ideas, but I too strongly believe spanking is just not the way to go, children should not fear violence from the very ones they need to trust and feel safe with, especially a little one year old. I started time outs when mine was about 11 months. I started out with a "look", then an "uh-uh", then, "no", and then "no-time-out"(this allows him to not only learn more about non-verbal commmunication but gives him the chance to change behavior before hearing "no"). I would repeat to him "time out" as I put him in a designated spot. This is where he can tantrum, do whatever he wants. General rule is one minute for every year. When time is up, a hug is needed. Be patient and persistant, he will learn. By 15 months, all I have to say is "that is a time out" when all the other non-verbal cues don't work, and he stops. I ignored the tantrums completely, it didn't matter where he was. But more than that, I tried to avoid the tantrums. Does he have trouble transitioning? I started using verbal cues as well as my finger "3 more mins, 2 more mins, 1 more min, bye-bye". When you take something away, do you immediatly replace it with a toy and divert the attention? AskDrSears.com, discipline and behavior is a great site to help understand the underlining reasons behind tantrums, and help parent and child co-exist. You will find that tantrums are a form of communication, and instead of fighting it, you can learn more about your child and help them better communicate so they will soon forget that tantruming is even an option (for a while anyway!) Now is a good time to start signing with your child too, it is very easy and now my son tells me when he is thirsty, hungry, wants to read a book, when he is ready to leave, etc..Eden is much better behaved now than 5 months ago-good luck!