12 Month Old Still Waking up 3 Times a Night!

S.,
I would highly recommend Elizabeth Pantley's book, "The No Cry Sleep Solution." It is awesome!
Best of luck to you. I have been there too.
J.
http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/links/1.html

You didn't mention whether or not you are feeding him any solids before bedtime. By that age my daughter was usually eating an evening "meal" - she would have baby cereal and some veggies or fruit and also her formula. She was done with the breastfeeding by the time she was 8 months old - most likely because I was working and my production went down. Anyway, if you aren't doing that, it could help a lot with getting his belly full to sleep longer at night. Good luck!

Obviously your little one is using nursing as a "security blanket". He NEEDS to learn to self sooth. I understand not wanting to let him cry it out, and I don't think you need to....YET! However, he is a year old and eating very well....he doesn't need to nurse three times a night for nutrition....he just wants to. When you get up with him and he would normally nurse try replacing that soothing act with something else....something he might be able to accomplish on his own. For example....when he wants to nurse give him a favorite stuffed animal instead, or a blankie. I understand you don't want to let him cry, you don't want him to take a bottle and you don't want him to take a pacifier, but you need to help him with his independence a little too. That may mean letting him cry a little bit now and then. Sooner or later he WILL find something else to fill that need. And if he does this on his own he will be a more independent and better adjusted little boy because of it. Good Luck!

S.,
I am curious if you fed him oatmeal or rice before his last feeding if it would help him feel full longer. I had to do this with my second daughter, she seems like that is all she wanted to do, she has always been normal weight. Her metablism always worked differently then my other two. You may have already tried it, the other suggestion would be a later bath to calm him, but please don't use the number one name brand baby bath & shampoo for it contains formeldahyde in it which is toxic to our babies. You might find this site helpful www.rmbarry.com or gotgreennow.fourpointmoms.com

I have an 11 month old who had the same problem, and the advice my pediatrician was exactly what you don't want. He told me that when they are this big, they do not nutritionally need the feedings and that it is a comfort thing. He told me to start one by one taking out the nighttime feedings. My son cried for a few minutes, but when he realized we weren't going to give him a bottle, he went back to sleep. The Doctor said that if he is crying for more than 10-15 minutes, then you have to see what's wrong, but they don't have to have the food. Also, we moved rooms that he slept in. He had been in our bedroom in his crib and even though we were sleeping he could see us and would wait for us to take care of him. Once we put him in a different room from us, he gradually worked his way out of the feedings. We put him to bed around 8 and sometimes he wants to eat around midnight, but other than that, he is good until 6 in the morning or so. Heis even back to sleeping in our room most nights and is still OK. That's the advice I have, even though it's not exactly what you want.

You may not want to hear my suggestions, but I was in your same situation and this worked for me, so please read the entire thing before blowing me off...! My son goes to bed by himself (we did the cry it out at 6-8 months and it was the hardest week of my life, but I am SO thankful we did it...oh, and I was a parent who said I would NEVER do cry it out!!! Some kids just respond well to it as my son did! If you ever want to try it, I would suggest putting him bed early 730-830ish and put on a comedy video or movie you love really loud and turn off the baby monitor and enlist dad's help to hold you on the couch and hug you lots...you will cry, but that's okay...that's a normal Mommy sign...for the 1st night, go in every 10-15 minutes, pat his back, cover him back up and kiss him goodnight, but don't talk too much to him and don't pick him up...after an hour or two, he will fall asleep...each night, extend the amount of time between going into the room...i.e. 20 min, 30 min, 45 min, 1 hr...etc...and if he wakes up at night, you can make the decision to go in or not, but a fan works really well to block out some of the crying noise...like I said, not for everyone, but some kids really respond well to it and don't feel like a failure if you decide to try it and bail out after 30 minutes as I did the first night...I just made the decision to wait a week and try again...and did trial runs during naps when I was busier and could do something else than just focus on his crying!!!)

Anyway, back to my solution, my son would still get up 1-2 times each night to nurse. After posting on here, I made the decision to wean as we were planning for baby #2. I put him to bed with a no-leak cup of water (he hasn't taken a paci or bottle ever!!!), which worked like a charm! Now, if he gets up, I don't nurse him, I just give him his cup. I also try not to pick him up (unless he is sick of course) and just pat his back and tell him I love him, but mommy has to sleep in her bed and he needs to sleep in his room and he cries for a moment and then falls back asleep. He is doing so well that we have even moved him to a big boy bed with a gate at his door! My suggestion would be to solve this problem now rather than later because the older he gets, the more ingrained it becomes and the harder it will be for him in the future (my neice is 3 and still needs Mom to sit next to her bed until she falls asleep)! I would NOT suggest putting the child in your bed unless you want to have to wean AND remove a child to his bed in another year or so! Good luck! Hope something here helps!

S., 26, mom of Tyrrone, 14 months, and #2 on the way in Aug and married for almost 5 years!!!

The best advice I was ever given is "if you want to change a behavior or bad habit in a child, you yourself have to willing to put in the effort and energy for it to truly change and nothing like that is easy".

Meaning, you say he is nursing to sleep, well you are his pacifier. If you won't do crying it out, well, he won't magically give up that soother,he won't.
Maybe in three years but not now.
He hasn't taken a pacifier because you are his pacifier.

I highly recommend you can go in and rub his back, get a white noise machine, music box or something else to help at night but you scoop him up and automatically breast feed, he is using you as a pacifier. If you want the end result of him sleeping all night, you will have to tolerate crying and be consistent.

I can say from here on now you will have fits, tantrums and a lot of crying as he goes into toddlerhood, becoming immune to this is better for him. If you cave when he cries you are setting yourself up! There is a difference if a child is afraid, sick or hurt and that crying always deserves immediate attention, crying because he needs your help going back to sleep and you not letting him learn that himself isn't helping him at all. If you allow him the gift of getting himself back to sleep you all will benefit! Promise.

I HATE it when my children cry, I do, however I do know you have to be willing to step it up or plan to have him wake well into his toddlerhood!

i would never suggest cry it out, or bottle or pacifier. . . good for you sticking to your guns on these things. it's difficult to get baby to give up these favorite nursings, especially night nursers. . . . 2 years is the recommended MINIMUM given by the world health organization for breastfed babies. so keep at it. . . . my 2.5 year old is still nursing, and until maybe a month ago she was waking at 3am every night. 1 is a big developmental milestone, he may ease off soon. does he sleep with you? i felt the same way. . . . when will she grow out of this waking pattern night nursing pattern at least. . . but then i realized, she's only little for a little while and i'm just going to soak up this time that she wants to be near me all the time. if you're in UT it can be so dry here, if you'd really like to wean him from night nursing, consider having water nearby, giving him sips of water instead. it may be a little while longer (like 6 months to a year or more) before he understands "no, we need to wait til the sun comes up" or will allow you to soothe him to sleep by singing or something other than nursing him. so, my thoughts are just. . stick with it if you're willing to and it's not driving you nuts. "mothering your nursing toddler" is a GREAT book!! with lots of info for nursing past the first year, perhaps something in there will give you peace of mind or answers or suggestions. great job mama!!!

Hi S.,
I know you are going to hate this but it's what makes him comfortable. Since it is a comfort when he is even slightly awakened he wants "boobie". Out of my kids 2 were like this my now 13 year old who nursed until he was 13 mo. old. He wanted it every hour or so all night long, & that was while eating solids. But he was & is a big boy. He seemed to need it more for nutritional needs & comfort. I would just start telling him "no boobie, go to sleep" & after a few weepy upsets he started to sleep through the night.

Then there currently is the 2nd baby addicted to boobie & that is my 15 mo. old. It is different with her as she is limited on solid foods due to her dairy allergy so she still receives alot of her nutrtional needs from me. But she loves to be comforted by nursing wanting it whenever she is upset or ready for bed. I take each instance seperately to either let her nurse or not. There isn't an all out crying session. I tell her "no boo" as she calls it & she might be upset for a few minutes but she understands. And your son will too. Just choose a couple of time throughtout the week to not let him have it.
He will start to understand "hey I can't get this all of the time" & his sleep habits will start to change. Josie is down to 1x about 2-3 am & 1x @6 am.
All of my kids co-slept which made it a bit more difficult but it does work & they don't suffer emotionally. Hope this helped. G

Have you ever tried Baby Wise? I don't agree with everything mentioned in these books but it's scheduling system based on getting babies/children the much needed sleep they (and you!) need. The basic steps: Feed/Wake/Sleep and get on a 3-4 hour feeding schedule depending upon how much food baby needs. During the daytime feedings, keep baby awake 10-15 minutes after feeding and keep awake during feeding. As a nursing mom this means I feed both sides, burping between then we play together for a bit and then put him in his crib. This also keeps from 'nursing to sleep' and tiptoeing around the house to avoid waking baby. This also makes sure he can put himself to sleep. There is no need for 'crying to sleep'. You also know if there is something else that might be wrong. Second step, try to get on a 3-4 hour feeding schedule. This is easy if you're giving full feedings. Third step: Nightime feedings, including that last one of the day when it's time for baby to go to sleep, feed baby and put right to bed. They begin to develop a schedule and before you know it they have night and day all figured out! We have been using this system for our 9.5-month old and he was sleeping five hours a night at 2 months. Now he sleeps from 10 at night to 7 in the morning give or take a half hour each way. And he is such an alert, happy guy during the day!! We get lots of comments about what a content, happy little man we have. We have also never had a 'cry to sleep' session nor have we ever used a pacifier. I know there's lots of controversy about this book but we followed the basic idea in the book and certainly didn't use it as a 'religion'. The scheduling idea has been a dream for us and our baby was 3 weeks premature. We also had a month and a half of nightmarish breastfeeding problems.

Hi S.!

I think the best way to address this is to adjust your expectations. Babies do not sleep through the night. They have much different sleep cycles than adults do. They are shorter and they move through the sleep levels more than adults do. Some kids will wake up, but then go right back to sleep- others need a little help.
My suggestions:
Share your bed with your baby. When he needs to nurse, you don't have to get up, he nurses back to sleep and you are back to sleep in no time. I cherish the time that I get with my daughter as we cosleep- I absolutely love it!
I would also recommend The No Cry Sleep Solution- you can read the original one, or she also has one for toddlers, which might be a little more helpful as your son is a year old now. Elizabeth Pantley gives great information, tools and practices. She does not advocate crying it out.
It is completely normal for babies to wake several times a night, and to need to nurse at night as well. Somehow, we have the belief that babies need to be able to be independant and sleep on their own, otherwise we are creating these little dependant monsters, and that simply is not the case. Even if you choose not to share your bed, there are simple things that you can do help the sitaution- and a big part of that is adjusting your expectations and getting more knowledge about the sleep-needs of your baby.

Good luck!
H.
www.naturalchoicesforliving.com

I can't believe that after you asked for no "just let him cry it out" advice, that is what most people said....did they not read your post???
My daughter did not sleep through the night till @18 months and I am also very against CIO. I needed to night wean her because I was planning on getting pregnant in a few months and I knew I would need the sleep in my 1st trimester. I took the advice of a few friends of mine who practice more peaceful parenting and they said to have my husband become the night time parent. At the same time we were transitioning her out of our bed(she would sleep in her crib for 3-4 hrs., wake up and then sleep/nurse in bed with us the rest of the night). I had my husband go in every night when she would wake up and yes, she cried but I feel it is different when they are being held and comforted by a parent than just making them cry all alone in a dark room. A few nights, he even put a blow-up mattress in her room and slept there so that when she woke up, she knew someone was still there. It didn't take very long (1-2 weeks) and she got used to it and stopped waking to nurse since as much as she loves daddy, he had no milk(just a sippy of water). Have you read the no-cry sleep solution? I have skimmed it but hear it is pretty good. Ultimately, just keep following your motherly instincts. Having your child CIO goes against most mothers' instincts and they in essence numb themselves to their child's cry..which is sad to me. We were able to successfully night-wean my daughter without ever making her cry alone in her crib to "learn" how to soothe herself. I would much rather she not give up on the people she trusts the most. Also, the whole, "you are just a pacifer" thing...think about it..what is a pacifer? A replacement for a real nipple. That is one of the purposes of nursing as well...for comforting..and that is okay. Anyway, I will stop but I just want to to know that you don't have to give in and go against your better judgement. Good luck!

S.-
I don't have any advice for you, but I just wanted to let you know you're not the only one! My son is almost 1 and still wakes up at least 3 times a night... sometimes once an hour! Hang in there though, he'll learn to sleep through the night eventually... and there's no need to let him cry through the night. He'll get it all figured out. Let me know if you need anything :)
J.

You might try putting him to sleep with a "lovie"..something that maybe smells like you as a comfort object. Since he might be nursing as a way to sooth or comfort himself to sleep, he might need a new comfort object so mommy can sleep. My daughter's is her paci...but I am trying to switch to a lovie...because she wakes up several times a night if she looses her binkie. It is exhausting, I know, but this too wil pass! Hang in there.

Hi, S.! I found that giving my son a cup of water when he wakes up works great. I think he's not really wanting to nurse/isn't really hungry--his throat is just dry and he wants a drink. As soon as I give him a drink, he calms down and goes back to sleep. He's down to only waking up maybe once a night, sometimes not even at all. Good luck!
S. H.

I am totally with you on the no CIO. Its painful for you and the baby and no one is getting good rest. I also recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution. We didn't follow it step by step, but it gave us lots of helpful hints. I will say it can be a long process. I had to have my daughter learn to fall asleep w/o nursing for a nap before she was able to do this for the night or sleep through the night. If she wanted to nurse, I gave her a sippy cup of water and rocked her and sang her favorite song. I also had to be sure to wear a turtleneck, because occasionally she would look for her milk if I wasn't going to give it to her. Many moms I've talked to haven't been able to get their baby or toddler to sleep through the night until their weaned. This was also the case with mine. Other things that helped were her favorite silk blanket and a classical music CD that is on repeat whenever she is sleeping. These are her cues its time to sleep. Hope this helps and remember it can be a long process. If you get too tired from waking up at night be sure to nap when you can.

Hello,
I found the best way to wean night time nursing is to start with the first. Let him nurse but cut him off 2 minutes earlier that he would normally stop on his own, do this for three days then cut back another 2 minutes. If he shortens on his own one night, set that as your new limit. Once you make it to skipping that nursing completely don't go back and they you can start working on next feeding in the same fashion. It takes two days to form a habit and seven days to break it! I had an early morning nursing with my son until about 15 months, but we were able to get that one later for the last couple months, one very tired morning around 3 am when he woke up I asked my husband to go tell him "It's not time yet"...amazingly it worked he stopped crying and he went back to sleep. Don't underestimate their understanding at a year, and give it a try it may work for you. Our son is now 20 months and has been sleeping beautifully for almost 6 months now...no crying to go down and no crying to wake up. We still have the rare night when he wakes up, but it is usually related to teething or sickness.

I was really against crying it out and hated it when people told me to do it because I thought it was mean. We became desperate when our son was 5 months old and tried it (we would go in every 2 minutes to reassure him) and it just didn't work. We tried again a month later and it has been such a lifesaver. He's been sleeping 12 hours at night for months and still has to cry just a soft cry to get himself to go to sleep. It's a good quality to learn to self soothe too and not have to rely on someone else all the time. Seems harsh I know. Anyway, I just wanted to see if you had tried to let him cry it out recently again? Just because it didn't work for my son at first but did at another time. You also have to be consistent if it's going to work, it'll take a few days to a week. They know what they want and will ask for it because he knows he is going to get it. Anyway, of course every baby is different, but have an open mind. Otherwise you may never get sleep, Also, the body gets used to getting nutrition during the night and his body will continue to wake him up to tell him he's hungry. Try to offer him a sippy cup with water in it, soon his body will readjust to the fact that it doesn't need nutrition at night and he will also feel like it's boring and not worth waking up. Also make sure you feed him a large meal 5-10 minutes before bed. We have my son eat a good snack full of carbs and protein and a lot of milk. Good luck with whatever you try to do. (my 14 mo old is a Nathan too and I have been married to my husband 4 yrs this May. Thought that was funny.)