Hello Mamas,
I really need some sound advice right now. I found out yesterday my 11 year old niece has told some of her friends at school that she wants to stab herself. Just a little history on my brother and his ex wife... they had my niece when they were 15 and 16 years old. After high school graduation my brother joined the army and has not been home for more than two weeks at a time since then. He has been to Afghanistan and Iraq which I know was very hard on my niece. My now ex sister law was married to my brother for a few years but he had multiple affairs so she understandably divorced him. They also have a son together that is now 8 years old. My brother has continued to have multiple women in his life and has another son that lives in another state. My ex sister in law has had two live in boyfriends since she and my brother have divorced. Her current boyfriend my niece used to call her step dad but is now calling him her mother's boyfriend. So you can see my poor niece doesn't have very much stability at home. So my question is what do you moms think I should/can do to help my niece. I don't know exactly where this is coming from because as you can see there are many triggers in her life that could have caused these feelings she is having. But I do realize that teen depression is on the rise and it is a very serious problem not to take lightly. And now my brother and his ex are pointing the finger at each other. They are still so young and immature sometimes. Maybe you can share some informational websites/reading I can look into. It pains me to know that my beautiful little niece is dealing with such adult problems when she should be a kid right now.
How close are you to her? Can you invite her out to a girl's lunch and have a talk with her? Let her know that you are there for her and she can call you anytime? Can you invite her over more often so that she can see a positive relationship?
Do you and your niece have a close relationship? If so how about letting her hang out with you for a weekend and just talk about her and things she is interested in? This might help her open up, she sounds like she is trying to get attention any way she can and she just needs to talk. I'm sorry she is going through this but you are a great Aunt for caring about her.
Do you live near her? You can help her a lot if you can become the adult she can talk to and confide in.
Ask her how she feels about all these things. Listen and sympathize. You should tell her that you heard that she said she wants to stab herself, and ask her to tell you about that.
Someone has to be there for this girl, and it can be you.
You need to talk to her mom. Like today, now, if you have not already. I agree with the other Moms - your niece has experienced a lot in her life and at her age she just doesn't have the coping skills. A threat like this is a cry for help.
My son (oh, I hope he never knows how much of his life I reveal on this site) threatened suicide at age 12. I immediately took him to a psychiatrist for crisis intervention then followed up with a therapist. He has experienced the same absentee father situation that your niece has - tho' no live-in boyfriends with me. Turned out the threat to suicide was a cry for help and an a result of built up stress and frustration. A year and half later, he has stopped therapy and is well adjusted.
Let's face it, they hear about kids hurting themselves (and others) on the news all the time...in some cases suicides are glorified by popular TV. So it is an easy way for a struggling child to express their need for intervention.
Please do take it seriously. Talk to her parent's, grandparents, whoever you need to and make sure that this issue is addressed.
Good Luck and God Bless.
I think it is great that you care about her and the suggestions that you spend time with her are nice, but please get her to some kind of counselor or therapist. The first step could be a school counselor then maybe that person could give suggestions to follow up. Since the parents are immature, if you could go with them to any appointments, that would be ideal. And what is up with Anthony's response below!! How is that even helpful?!
She has verbalized suicidal ideation and may very well have a plan. This is a psychiatric emergency. Talk with her parents or her school immediately.
Don't wait!
Can you raise her?
I know... that is a shot in the dark.
Her parents, will not change over night nor become 'good' parents, suddenly.
Do her parents even know or care, that their daughter is in a critical emotional state? AND suicidal????
Call the suicide hotline.... get help there as well.
Its best if she is not left unsupervised.... since she seems suicidal....
Is she being abused at all?
She needs medical help... but you are not her parent... so you do not have the legal right... to consent or deny nor get her medical help.
Have you talked to her parents???
She needs real immediate help....
It sounds like this girl, is raising herself... and her parents... are not parenting, at all. They are so wrapped up in their own bad habits and dating. Who knows what kind of people they are bringing home.
What does your brother and ex sister in law say?
Can you talk to your niece? Maybe you could be an outlet for her to speak to someone? Sometimes talking to parents (and it sounds like her parents aren't around much to help too).
Go to the american academy of pediatrics website
http://www.aap.org/healthtopics/depression.cfm
hopefully there will be info that can help there. If you don't think her parents are actively helping the situation I would step in!
