11 Month Old Whining

Updated on December 21, 2009
M.C. asks from Santa Monica, CA
7 answers

Hello Moms- Okay need your help again. My baby is especially attached to me since I am home with all day 24/7. I don't have much opportunity to leave him with anyone as the only person I have available to babysit is my sister on occasion. Do any of you SAHM have this problem at his age? If so, did it go away on it's own (out growing the stage) or did you do something to help it change? I will even be in the same room and he will whine for me even when his dad is trying to soothe him. I do leave him twice a week when his half sister is here to go the gym for about an hour or dinner with a friend (she helps soothe him so he doesn't cry the whole time). Any thoughts or suggestions on this? Thanks again moms.

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M.V.

answers from San Francisco on

i totally understand. my daughter is now almost 5 and we went through that for a while at different stages. my son too, who is now close to 3. what worked best for us was to have consistent short practices with clear communication before i would leave that i would be back...then when i came back, i would verbalize that i always come back.
my mom suggested too that i start treating babysitting times as treats...telling my kids that whoever is coming over is special and the time is so much fun. one of my children needed fair warning of babysitting, while the other was better off being told closer to the actual time...
i would also suggest leaving the room when your husband is trying to soothe your baby so you aren't a temptation...but communicating that to daddy first is really helpful for him to know his role.
good luck!

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D.Z.

answers from Yuba City on

Megan -

Most of my kids had this starting around 9 months and usually ends by 18-20 months. It is a little stressful, but when you realize 1) most babies go through it, 2) you are not alone, it is a bit easier to handle. One of my just turned 2 year old twins is still my little "Cling-on" child, but she'll get through it too. She's much better now. Take care & have a blessed Christmas season!

D.

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D.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Hello MjC, Motherhood is not ever convienet, nor easy. Your child is just a typical child of the age. They are used to being with someone that adores them and feeling safe.
Dads are great people but they get to come and go so their arrival is something to celebrate and the child can cheer abouteach evening ( so can you)
I have 5 children and they all did this. I can share what we did since we had to move so often becasue of military. We made friends at church and found outfrom the Bishop who does daycare, and who can be trusted. I made sure that we made friends with those people so that I had someone to pay to watch our children. You might consider talking to neighbors and getting to know a teen, or asking at your gym if anyone knows someone that you can leave the child with to get out. I hired a teen to be with my child so that I could do errands and grocery shop and we were both happier. Does your gym have a child care area? I know that ours here does so that doesn't put it all on the sister when she is there. I also belonged to a baby and me group through the Adult School and often the other moms and I would trade days doing child ccare for one another. Believe me you will be sad when yo see that your little one doesn't need you as much. It was a very sad time forme and yet one of great rejoicing as well. Nana Glenda

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K.D.

answers from Dallas on

If he knows that whining gets you, he will do it. If he is whining for no particular reason, let him whine and he will stop. I am not talking about totally ignoring your child here-- I am talking about letting him know that "whining" is no way to get what he wants.

For example, if you are doing the dishes and he starts whining, and he has a clean diaper, isn't hungry and has plenty of toys to entertain him, then its OK to leave him to play for 5-10 minutes instead of dropping what you are doing just to answer the unnecessary whining. He has figured you out, and the only way around it is to show him that it doesn't work. Its totally a phase also. My daughter went through it then, and shes 2.5 now and shes starting again so we are at it all over again, hehe Good luck!

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M.G.

answers from Chicago on

Yes, your child is right on! It goes away, though. Just give a positive goodbye whenever you leave, saying you'll be back. In the same room is tough; I tried to stay in another room, sneaking along the hallway,so I could do some house/school work while my MIL watched our son.
But if I left the house, I always let the baby know.
My daughter got over this separation anxiety a little before she turned 2. My son took longer, and our new baby is not old enough yet! :)

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P.W.

answers from San Francisco on

Yes, they do outgrow it. My 20 year old and my teenagers don't whine for me any more. In fact, they usually want nothing to do with me.

I remember that's it gets overwhelming, but enjoy it while you can. It does end.

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K.B.

answers from San Francisco on

Totally on track for a phase of this -- sometimes starts around 8 months, yours is a little late but still very typical. It will pass. Just keep going out as you normally do, the more he sees you leave and come back the sooner it'll click in his brain. I vaguely remember reading about this as development, it's like they sort of see you being the same person, so when you are not near he gets uncomfortable. It will pass, hang in there!

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