11 Month Old Temper Tantrums

If she is old enough to figure out how to get her own way she is old enough for a time out or just letting her scream it out. I will give a couple ideas, that I know can work.
First is letting her scream it out. When she starts to have a fit, make sure you are down at her level (eye to eye) and take her little face gentle on both sides so you know she is looking at you and say something like, "there is no need to scream please stop. If she continues to scream calmly stop what you are doing repeat what the above but say,"If you can not stop screaming than just scream." Stop feeding her or playing with her and sit down and just let her scream. Do not let her see you looking at her because she will be looking for you to get upset or some kind of response. (Might want to invest in ear plugs) In most cases they scream to get a response from you and when you respond she scream louder. Just don't respond or look directly at her. (look out of the corner of your eye) You may want to pretend you are reading a book. Remember when she stop say thank you, tell her you love her and give her a hug and continue on with eating or playing like before.
If this does not work it is time for timeout. You and your husband need to decided on timeout mat or timeout chair. When she starts top act up first come down to her level, eye to eye and tell her, "Please do not do that" if she stops and then starts again repeat but add if you will not stop you will need to have a timeout. If she repeats the behavior you again come down to her level and tell her you will need to go in time out. Walk her over to the time out area/chair, explain that she will need to sit in time out til the bell ring. (use a cooking timer) After timeout is over ask her, "do you know why you were in timeout? (OF course you can not do this if she can't talk yet) If she says yes, then ask "are you sorry for screaming" and if she says yes. Then you say I do not what to do put you in timeout again so please do not scream, give a hug and tell her you love her. If she say not she does not know why she was in timeout, explain to her why she way in timeout and then tell her you do not want to have to put her in timeout again and give her a hug and tell her you love her.
I know if sounds like a lot and maybe your daughter in to young but I think if she can understand how to get her way by screaming she is not to young to learn it is wrong.
Just a few thoughts.

It is not just a phase, in my opinion, but a step in her growing self-awareness toward becoming her own person. Isn't it amazing, only 11 mos ago she was a helpless infant, now she is asserting her right to have the world exactly the way that she wants it to be. Cause for celebration and education. You are right, she will continue this behavior, or a variant of it, for the rest of her life unless you gather your forces together and begin to teach her: what it is reasonable for her to expect, how she should go about getting it, and where you put your foot down. Since she is only 11 mos, she can understand the tone of your voice and the look in your eyes, even if she cannot understand your words. Keep them few and simple and to the point. "No, JOJOBean, No, you may not eat my food!" "No, JoJo Bean, no chew remote control!" Feed her as fast as you can, don't stop to wipe her chin, talk to her in a calming way as you feed her, modeling the tone of voice you want her to have. Cup your hand gently over her mouth as soon as she starts to scream, repeat as many times as necessary , saying , "No scream, no." Make exaggerated facial expressions of disapproval and speak to her softly. Divert her attention to listen to a soft sound, opening your eyes wide, such as that of a music box, so that she has to quiet down to hear. She is your child, presented by you as a gift to the world and you decide the limits of her tyranny (because, believe me, every child has it in them to want to rule their world) and guide her toward awareness of others and proper behavior.

Check out www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com I don't like all the methods of discipline until they are older (18mths), but as she ages this may be a good resource.

When she starts to scream, IGNORE HER. Withdraw all attention. If you respond at all to the screaming, you are just reinforcing it, and she will just do it more and more and more.

My daughter tried this act on us when she was 11 months. We ignored her for a day, and that was that. Let her sit there and do her screaming/crying, etc. but just do something else. Once there is no audience, she will quickly find that her tantrum isn't getting her what she wants, and she will stop. Then what you need to do is really work on signing/vocab development, pushing her to use words instead of cries.

She is 11 months. This is totally normal, developmentally appropriate behavior. You may want to learn some sign language with her as one reason children at that age get so mad is that they can't really communicate. There are lots of good books on this topic. Other than that, you can try to tell her not to do it, but my guess is that she will ignore you and for your own sake, it is better to realize that this is very normal and to accept it as part of the joys of a 1-2 yr old. You will be surprised how of their own volition, they will stop doing some of these things after a while. For instance, my 2 yr old used to be a fiend for flinging food and then one day I realized that somewhere over the past few months she had stopped doing this for the most part. She also used to spit her food out a lot (ugg) and she has over time stopped this. Screaming - hmmm not stopped yet :) Enjoy

It is hard to do but if it just a tantrum, try to act like it doesn't affect you. She will see it doesn't get her what she is wanting and might stop. I have found with my son it works. Hopefully it will end up be a short phase.

I hope that perhaps these resources might be helpful for you...

http://drphil.com/articles/article/488/

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T063300.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061700.asp

Best wishes,
J.

We had this with our son too. Fortunately, it's just a phase. We found out later that he was having a hard time communicating what he wanted or needed, and once he was able to communicate more, things got a lot better. Just make sure that you control your tempers and show her how you want her to behave, with kind voices and hugs and kisses. Also, if she is doing something dangerous or is not allowed to do something, make sure you tell her "no" and redirect her attention elsewhere. This is where you start to discipline. It was a hard couple of months for us, but then one day, it was like someone flipped a switch in our son and he started to listen. I think it was around 17 months. Good luck!