Hi Everyone,
There have been numerous posts on this subject, but wanted to post one more with more specifics to my situation.
My son is 11 months, and isn't doing any of the gestures that the milestones say he is supposed to be doing. He does not clap, although he greatly enjoys clapping my hand with his. He will only point to one thing in a book--the caterpillar egg in "Hungry Caterpillar" by Eric Carle. He doesn't wave hello/goodbye, or shake his head for yes or no.
However, he seems to be extrememly communicative in other ways. He has little games that he plays--for example, if you ask him for a kiss, he say "aaaaahhhh" as if he is winding up for a big kiss, and plants a big open mouth kiss right on your lips. He thinks this is very funny, and loves this game. He loves to put his fingers in my mouth for me to nibble, and laughs himself silly at the ritual. He is all smiles and laughter, and loves eye contact. He seems very engaged in the world. He is also very focused on his motor development. He is cruising and standing, and even dancing.
I find myself wondering if he just isn't doing these things because I haven't encouraged him. My husband and I talk with him all the time, and he is in a very language rich environment. But I haven't been terribly aggressive with gestures, and he is able to get most of what he wants without pointing, so there hasn't been too much neccesity. He is cared for by me and my husband exclusively, and he is still asleep most days when I go to work, so I usually don't have occasion to wave "bye-bye". But my husband takes him out and about, and he has been exposed to waving from grocery clerks, and other folks on daily errands. I also haven't played that many clapping games with him (although you can be sure I will now!)
The only other thing I have noticed with his language development is that he doesn't follow commands that well, but again, I haven't really done that much of that with him.
I should also mention that I used to be a Montessori Infant/Toddler teacher myself, and ran a program for at risk infants. So infant development used to be my bread and butter. But I changed careers about five years ago, and even after all my experience, find myself asking what is normal? Even though I know that there is a wide range of normal, I find myself terrified and anxious. I've never seen a child who seemed more engaged in the world, and yet his lack of gestures makes me start worrying like nothing else. Please help!
Thanks to all that answered--it means a lot ot mean, and was very reassuring. I spoke to the nurse practitioner at his pediatrician's office, whom I trust, and she said the same thing--he is fine! She said if he is not doing some of these behaviors by 15 months, then we might have reason to worry, but not at 11 months. And she has seen him many times, and knows how engaged and verbal he is. So that helps a lot. I feel much eased, and even embarrassed for getting so anxious about it. I spend much of the day with him, and he is so playful and sweet, it also made me feel so much better. Thanks so much to all.
He is 11 months old. You do not have to sit and say bye bye, wave etc. these are things you just do in everyday life. He will get it when he is ready. My granddaughter did all these things early, like 9 months. She is 15 months and has a big vocabulary. However she is not walking yet. She is getting there so I think within the next few weeks. Relax and just enjoy him, don't push they are all different.
I would ask at one year appt, but it doesn't sound overly concerning. Try som sign language too.
Hey..once you have a baby, if you are not worried about one thing you are worried about another. I think also sometimes when we know too much, we get ourselves even more in a bind. Like you said there are ranges and not all kids do the same things at the same time. When you go in for your check ups, is the pediatrician worried? I would wait for now, enjoy this time and if things continue to be behind, look at starting to screen things out.
My standard rule is, does he light up when you walk in the room? if he does,
He's most likely fine! Just because he doesn't wave or point just yet, is not a big deal.
Communication is tough to do in a way satisfies both people.
Wait till they don't email or text you in their 20s, lol.
You are correct, clapping and waving are learned behaviours and if they aren't taught they won't learn them. If he has learned to "high five" you or "blow kisses" then he is capable of learning. Practice waving "bye bye" each time you leave the room. Clap whenever he does something cute and clever. He will begin to emulate you. Clapping and waving are listed as the milestones because those are common things people generally teach baby.
Deep breath. Then remember: wide range of normal. Also, clapping isn't an indicator of anything... just a simple gesture that most parents can recognize in their babies. Probably because they do it a lot around their babies. And you haven't. So your son has picked up other non verbal communication skills - like blowing kisses and nibbling fingers.
As a mom who's been in that panicked stage of "oh my gods - is my child normal??"... trust me, your son IS.
Start doing gestures with him on a regular basis and in a month he'll be a pro. But wait a full month before you freak out that he's not picking up on waving good bye or clapping perfectly.
You're probably right that your son doesn't do some of the gestures you mentioned because you weren't too aggressive with them. At 11 months, my daughter (now 14 months) didn't know how to shake her head for no or wave for bye-bye either. Of course, I started to get anxious like you and I decided I was going to be very deliberate with gestures and made sure my husband was too. And that worked. It's all about exposure.
Also, with regard to following simple commands, he's still young. My daughter still doesn't follow simple commands well and I mentioned it to her pediatrician at her 14 month appointment. The pediatrician told me not to worry. But you should definitely mention all of your concerns to your son's pediatrician at his 12 month well-baby visit.
Hi, S.:
From your extra long post, I wonder if your child is overwhelmed by your diligence to be a perfect mother.
D.
