10.5 Month Old Not Wanting to Breastfeed

I don't think he is trying to wean himself. I think he just needs to bite. Keep a soft teething toy near you, and pop it into his mouth whenever he bites, so he learns that it's okay to bite -- he just needs to bite something appropriate.
Please don't give up. You've come this far! He still needs that breast milk, but you don't have to put up with pain.
(I teach child development at a community college)

My son did exactly the same thing at about the same age. I also tried to continue breast feeding and he started biting. Basically I think it was his way of saying he was done. I pumped and gave him breast milk in bottles for a while. When he started biting, I found that he was really interested in starting on more solid foods as well.

Have you tried to pump and bottle feed him the breastmilk? At least he will still be getting the breast milk. My cousin's son was about 10 months old and he just turned his head and wouldn't take the breast again.

Dear J.,
I had two children, just under 10 years apart. I was told I could never have babies, so certainly when I got them, there was never a doubt that I would nurse them. It just seemed like the most natural thing in the world to me. My first baby was very tiny, although full term, and she is tiny to this day. But, at 3 months, I became afraid she wasn't getting enough nutrition and thought that I could supplement with formula. She preferred the formula and there was no turning back after that. My hopes of nursing for a year were dashed. She wouldn't take breast milk from a bottle either. At 21, she still can only tolerate soy milk. My son was a different story. My boobs were his life. And he started biting me when he was teething. I just tried to give him plenty of other things to chew on and if he bit....I took the breast away and gave him something else to chew on. He didn't like it, but he quit biting me. I nursed him for 15 months and was forced to quit when I had to go into the hospital.
The biting could just be that he can't tell the difference between biting you and biting something that won't hurt someone. He may not want to nurse when YOU think it's nursing time. If he is done nursing for the most part, don't feel badly about it. There is a sadness that comes from letting go of nursing, but it's a natural progression sooner or later. And if you do introduce formula, be prepared for the fact that thinking you can do both, as I did, may not work and you could be done with nursing all together. As you know, babies have a way of doing things in their own way and in their own time. As long as your little boy is healthy, you will both get through all of this, and soon, you will have scraped knees and the band-aid phase to look forward to.
Do take care.

I agree about pumping and using a bottle with breast milk at the times he has been biting.

AND

Remember that the tiniest infants cannot speak to us but they understand MOST of what we say. By four months, many babies CAN communicate, and by 10 months, some babies even use words. ALSO there is such a thing as a "nursing strike" where a child will not breastfeed or becomes agitated and bites or otherwise creates a problem breastfeeding. Any parent not ready to give up breastfeeding can clearly VOICE what it SEEMS the child is communicating (e.g. "Your biting me seems like something is wrong. I want to know what it is and I do NOT want to be bitten.") Also, tell your son that you will not nurse any time you feel uncertain if he might bite, but that you will KEEP offering it, and he can say NO or shake his head or just turn his head away if he does not want it. AND because babies have no sense of time, you can do this OFTEN or rarely - your choice. Just keep telling him what you need and want, including WHY you want him to keep nursing.

Remember, babies are not like adults. He may not LOOK at you as you speak, but he will be taking it in - especially if you are consistent.

There are SO many benefits to nursing as long as possible. Review the online lists of a 101 reasons, etc., to fortify your desire to keep re-offering to re-start for quite some time. Most people don't know that milk returns easily, even after it has dried up for months (OR YEARS) with ANYONE sucking on the breast again (especially your own child). Dad's can keep up the flow, or help to regenerate it, too :) I will tell you more about what I did and my stories as a parent and health coach, if you like. Just email me back.

~M. McGuire ~ ____@____.com

you have to get that new recipe book that jerry sinefeld's wife wrote, excellent way to incorporate fruits and veggies in your babies diet. good luck

I would pump and bottle feed during the day. Is he a usually active baby? Sometimes they don't have the patience to sit and nurse during the day, there are too many other things to do. Or it may be a phase. Don't fight him or you'll both be miserable. Continue to nurse in the morning and evening and pump/bottle feed during the day. He will probably be completely weaned of his own accord by 12 months or so.
My daughter was a biter and I continued, painfully, to nurse. Finally my husband took the kids for a weekend and didn't even bother to bring breast milk or a bottle (she was about 12-13 months old), she did fine and I had to realize that she didn't "need" me anymore, at least not for nursing. (She'll always be mama's girl).
Its hard to let go of nursing and sad to realize your baby is growing up. Since he is only 10 months I would definatly keep pumping though. He needs the nourishment, there is nothing better than breast milk. And then you can be glad later that when he's 2 you won't be trying to figure out a way to get him off his nighttime bottle!
Best of luck!

Hi J.,
I understand your wanting to make it to the "1 year" mark. I was in your same situation...20yrs. ago. I remember it like yesterday. You have your best solution right there in your email. Listen to your own heart. You don't need the frustration, nor does your son. Formula during the day, nurse him at night. Look how far you have made it. Some aren't able to nurse at all. Sometimes children do wean themselves. My second son nursed until age 2 and never bit me. You can try flicking a baby when he bites, but, for me, that would just make me cry. Be encouraged.

Dear J.,

I breastfed two of my three children for an extended period of time, one to 16 months the other to 2 years. When it was time to end breastfeeding both went through certain phases. In both cases, I did slow down on my nursing some before and it sounds like your son may be making indications in that direction. Instead of starting formula, consider making the times he is reluctant to nurse times toward introducing solid foods, water, and juice. I never even bothered with bottles with my two daughters and went straight to sippy cups.

The beauty about not stopping breastfeeding completely is that if he becomes really sick, you can add in more feedings again if needed. This happened with my daughter when she got a flu bug. Breastmilk was all she could handle for a couple of days and she did not dehydrate at all. My son got the fu around a year of age, and I had a very hard time keeping him hydrated with bottles.

I was down to a feeding at nap time and the evening when my middle child did the hard biting routine. She actually latched really hard and then did a suction release. OWWW! That was the last time I gave her the breast. She was ready. My other child was down to one or two feedings at similar times. When she decided to try to undress me publicly, I decided it was time to stop. BTW with the daughter I nursed until two, I also worked as a part time teacher. Breastfeeding was a wonderful way to stay close to her and she still has memories of it. We have a very close relationship and I am sure this has a lot to do with it. Also she nearly stopped nursing at 2 months when I had to mask myself while nursing for health reasons. I found it helpful to go to a quiet room and lie down to nurse with her. She was so highly stimulated by her siblings and wanted to miss nothing. I found I needed to go to a quiet place to nurse most of the time afterward. She is exceptionally bright (now at Berkeley), so it may be your son is just overly stimulated during nursing times.

Good luck,
C.

Hi J.,

One day when my son was 10 months old, I sat down with him to breastfeed after lunch. When I tried to put his mouth to my breast, he balled up his fist and punched me in the chest. I looked at him and told him he just had to say no. From that moment he had weened himself, he never took the breast again. I was very sad, but it was his choice and I felt I had to live with that. I leaned that day, my son was a very determined person and knows what he wants.

HI J.,
Don't be so hard on yourself or your little guy. Nursing for ten and a half months is a great accomplishment, and so good for your baby! I have heard of many babies weaning themselves at just about this age. They become too interested in the big world around them to pay attention to nursing. My daughter did this at about the same age. She would latch on and them bite down and stretch me! Ouch!!! And she would also bite when she was teething. It may be a phase for him because of the meds or illness, but he might be all done nursing too. All kids are different and change at their own pace, so listen to what he needs and go with your gut.
Good luck!

Unfortuantely, it does sound like he is weaning from the daytime nursing. I know it is sad and frustrating and you are not a bad mom for turning to bottles during the day. You should feel very proud of both of you for breastfeeding this long and if you continue at night, you will probably still make it to 12 months.

You could pump so you can feed him breastmilk and ensure there will be plenty for the evning/night/early morning nursing. If you pump, he can continue drinking breastmilk in the bottles during the day or mixed with formula. Just make sure not to microwave the breastmilk to heat it. You may be able to borrow a pump from your local WIC office or you may be able to rent one from your local hospital or a lactation specialist...check your phone book.

It is important that if you decide not to pump breastmilk for his daytime bottles, to keep evening/night nursing on a schedule in order to maintain milk supply. You may need to pump off a little during the day to keep your supply even if you decide not to pump breastmilk for his bottles. If this is your plan, purchase a hand pump so you don't get engorged and/or lose your milk supply.

You might also try contacting the La Leche League for their advice on this issue and help with the pumping and milk supply. However, it is pretty impossible to force your baby to breast feed when they have decided they are done. I am so sorry for you...your baby is growing up and you can't stop it from happening! :0) Good luck!

My son weened himself at 10 months too. Just refused to nurse. Let him be the guide. Nurse as much as you can stand being bitten since breastmilk is so good for them but then if he is ready to move on, give him some formula too.

It sounds like a Nursing Strike, when babies stop abruptly it's a strike, not weaning.. Babies rarely wean themselves before 18-24 months.

Offer the breast often. Have you tried laying down to nurse him? Does he sleep with you, you may want to try that. Make your attempts in a dim lit room to avoid over stimulation. Lots of skin to skin contact, lay him next to you for long periods and try not to stress just think of it as snuggle time. While you have him laying next to you hand express some milk so that your breast is wet, the sweet smell may entice him.

http://www.askdrsears.com/faq/bf6.asp

I am a Lactation Educator...I have more ideas but have to get my son ready for school... I will check back later... Good Luck and keep in mind what a great job you have done breastfeeding for 10 months... I wish more people made it that long! :)

Hi J.,

Our youngest decided the breast wasn't for him anymore at about the 8 month mark.. He started in with biting, unlatching, and generally squirming enough that an actual feeding was impossible.

My wife also wanted to go the full year as we had for our first son, but it was obvious the little guy wasn't happy. We finally figured out he was trying to wean himself. Once we listened to him, we kept switched to formula bottles and he never looked back. He's as much of a healthy, happy, and generally cute mini-man as his older brother.

Is he ok with bottle feedings? If so, my advice would be to keep pumping and using that for bottle feedings to get the benefits of the milk, but it sounds like he's ready to move away from the breast feedings ( and no more bitten boobies! )

Hope that helps.

Is he teething? My middle son teethed really early and nursing was a challenge until we hit the one year mark. Crying and fussing while nursing.

The same thing happened to me, but my son was 11.5 Months. I believe it was largely due to the discomfort from teething. I tried and tried to nurse him, but he would scream. I decided to start giving him cow's milk. The doctor said that cow's milk was fine as long as he was eating other foods as well. Why introduce formula for just a month and a half?

All of my children weaned themselseves by the time they were 11 months old. If it is frustrating for you and him, it seems to be time to stop. Forcing the issue will only make it worse. You nursed for a long time, so don't let anyone make you feel guilty for not nursing longer. Enjoy the next phase in your babies life.

I am a Stay at home mom with 4 children, 13, 10, 7, and 4.

My little girl is 9 months old now. She will bite most every time. I just think she is still getting used to the teeth. She will eat for about 1-2 minutes on a side, then resist and scream out at me like she's telling me to let her get up. Then I'll switch her to the other side & the same thing happens.

I think she is getting her milk faster & doesn't want to waste play time on the breast. When she is sleepy though...that's another story. She will just have it in her mouth and sleep. If I try to take her off she cries like I hurt her feelings.

I think they are trying to wean themselves.

Oh yeah, her doctor suggested pumping and giving her the milk in a sippy cup during the day. She said this is a good time to wean her from the breast straight to the sippy cup.

I went through this with one of my twins at 9 mos. Possibilities of the biting could be: teething, poor milk flow, self-weaning.

Biting - La Leche League told me to remove her from the boob when she bites & end the session/put her down for a few minutes (this worked for us over a couple days of it) or push your boob into their face when it happens (my daughter thought this was funny & just laughed).

Milk flow problem - try breast compressions

Self weaning - one of my twins didn't want to nurse as much after going to 3 solid meals per day. We had introduced a cup at 6 mos during the mealtime & she seemed to enjoy the independent drinking more during the day. If the dinner meal was large or too close to bedtime, she sometimes wouldn't nurse before bed. If you want to keep your supply up, in case it's just a rough patch, pump when your baby skips a nurse.

babies sometimes do that with ear pain. You have to understand that everytime he feeds there is movement in his ears which (at this time) happens to be painful. It may be that you can pump and give him breastmilk in bottles until he stops the clenching. The bond that you have established through breastfeeding should be able to remain intact for a couple weeks if he truly still wants to breastfeed; HOWEVER, believe it or not, some babies give up the breast on their own. He may be doing that. If so, don't take it personally. He still loves you!

Hello J.,

I recently joined Le Leche League and learned that babies shouldn't always wean themselves, and that it is much healthier to breastfeed for at least one year. Some children may act out (like your little one biting) because they feel uncomfortable on the breast. Your son might need to nurse in a more comfortable environment. You mentioned that he nurses well before bed - is that because you nurse him in a different place? Maybe he feels most comfortable in that location. If you are nursing him in the same chair all day and night, then maybe you just need a new spot.

Do you feel nervous, hurried, or stressed when feeding? Sometimes your nerves will affect how your baby eats. I found an article online that suggests taking a bath with your baby, and then nurse skin-to-skin, so it's warm and comfortable for both of you.

I have the book "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" and it calls your situation a nursing strike: a baby under 1 year of age refuses to nurse. "A baby who is really ready to wean will usually be well over a year old, will be eating lots of solid food and drinking liquids from a cup, and will gradually loose interest in one nursing at a time." A baby who is just on a nursing strike will "show signs of being obviously unhappy about the whole situation. He wants you to figure out what's wrong..." Some things to consider: teething, outside interuptions/distractions, a recent change in your nursing pattern, too many bottles, being left for long periods with a sitter, etc. "Sometimes a nursing strike occurs after baby bites mother a time or two, and your understandable reaction has upset him. He bites, you jump or let out a startled cry. Baby is frightened, cries, and won't resume nursing for fear of another jolt or yell."

The book suggest nursing him on a normal routine or when he's really sleepy or already asleep. Some children will be the opposite and will nurse while the mother walks about. Either way, spend a few days putting all of your attention on him (or as much as you can). "Lots of cuddling, stroking, and skin-to-skin contact may help. Relaxing together in a warm bath may help...time just with you away from the hubbub of the rest of the family."

BTW, I am also a college professor. I teach near you at the DeVry University in Elk Grove. =)

Good luck!

YOu can always pump the milk. I've also heard that an instant loud reaction to a bite will stop that. Like a quick sharp scream of shock. You are trying to go "by -the-book" on breast feeding and I applaud you. When mine staarted rejecting, I figured he was ready to be weaned and I weaned him. You've done a GREAT job keeping him on breast milk this long. So many Moms these days dont even try hard to breast feed. If you switch to pumping, you have to pump every two hours to keep the milk coming on strongly enough.

My daughter weaned herself at 6 months. I was so upset by it - I had gone back to work already and had been pumping several times a day to keep up my milk production, and would come home looking forward to spending time with her and nursing. But she kept biting me and screaming, and when I didn't get the message, she would even hit me! (She's such a redhead!)

If your son will continue to nurse a few times a day without incident, keep up with it then and either pump or use formula for the feeding times he's been biting you. He will still get the benefits of breastmilk, and you won't have to endure any more battle scars!

J. -

I have 5 girls, 11, 4, 2 & 2 month old twins. My first 2 did the same thing as your son, I wanted to make it to the year mark as well, but they had other plans, so I did exactly what you put in there, I Nursed when good for them, did formula in the day, and eventually, they lagged off all nursing within 2 weeks and were sleeping through the night. (Celebrate). My 3rd was a very hard nurser & bit me so bad that before she got teeth at 8 months I quit, put her on formula and she was just great. The other alternative is to pump several times per day and feed the breastmilk by bottle. I do that for the twins, alternating nursing and pumping and one prefers to nurse the other prefers the bottle and I have no hard feelings about it at all. Do what makes you & baby comfortable and DO NOT let anyone make you feel 'bad' for not getting through the first year, we are all different, as are our children, you've done great in my book, but we all need to know our limits and let go of what isn't important. You love that baby, you'll do right by him.

D.

I've heard this can sometimes happen. I would call laleche league for advice.

Hi, I am a Certified Lactation Educator and hope I can offer some support to get you through this trying time. It sounds like your son is having what is commonly referred to as a nursing strike, brought about by the pain and discomfort of his illness. He probably associates the ear pain with nursing, so is reluctant to nurse when he is awake. The fact that he is still nursing at some times shows he is not ready to wean. I just worked with a client whose child was exhibiting all the same issues (biting, screaming, nursing only when sleepy) as your son as a result of teething and a severe GI illness. It took a few weeks of gentle reassurance for both mom and baby (18 month old) but now they are again enjoying a positive and productive breastfeeding relationship. Does he eat solids yet? If so, try nursing prior to a solid meal so he is hungry and more likely to nurse. Give him water in a sippy cup during the day to keep him hydrated. I would caution against supplementing with formula as it is sometimes difficult to return to only nursing. Mercy SW has an excellent Lactation Support Department. Contact them for a consultation. Another good source is WarmLine. Since your son has seemed to increase his screaming over the last few days, I would also recommend having him checked again by his DR. Ear infections are sometimes very hard to clear up. Fluid may still be hurting his ears. I hope this has been some help to you. Keep up the great work.

When my son was 11 months he started biting me too, and turning away from my nipple. We fought through it for about a week, then I realized he was done. We had a great 11 months of nursing and moved on. It sounds like your son is ready to wean too. Sometimes it's harder for mom to stop nursing than it is for baby.

Have the docter make sure the infection is gone, my oldest had cronic ear infections, on medication she would get infected in the other ear. Possibly change where you feed him, not in his regular spot. Did you have to bottle feed him when he was sick? That might be part of it or he might be teething, thats when mine bit me, I hope things get better, good luck!!!

Keep trying the breastfeeding. I went through something very similar when my son was around 7 months and had been sick and teething. Could your child be getting a new tooth? If so it's a very common thing for a nursing baby to go on a nursing strike for a couple of weeks during this time period. I kept trying the nursing with similar results and feelings that you are having. I gave him bottles more often during that time period but I continued to try the nursing. I also kept a very slow flow nipple on the bottle so that he still had to work to get the milk out so that he wouldn't get lazy and only want an easier feed from the bottle. The nursing strike passed and he now takes bottles (less often) and nurses without frustrations for either of us. Good Luck!

Hi, my name is J.. I have "only" two kids, but that is enough to know that our nursing/feeding/bottle plans do not always match our individual childrens' nursing/feeding/bottle plans. Each child has his or her own needs or even just preferences about this and everything else. Your little guy has absolutely no clue about any one-year mark...but he knows that there is something "more" out there. Is he eating any foods yet, pureed or cereals or anything? I would begin this, if you haven't already. His biting could mean more than one thing... he wants something more substantial to chew on, your milk comes out too slow and not enough (THIS IS NOT anything against you...it's just that he is BIG now!) and maybe he is frustrated, or remembering pain he was having from illness. Moreover, it hurts when you get bitten, doesn't it? We moms are 99% of the time behind our children as they grow to the next stage in life. It is better for the kids for us to not drag our feet on this. When they are ready to grow, help them, don't drag them down by insisting our own emotional needs get met by them. I would reserve nursing for sleepy time some-times...not the norm. My kids are teens now, and just believe me...our close relationships are from me supporting them in the changes life brings, not keeping them small for myself. It is hard, I know. but so worth it to see our little ones gain independence. When you let them go in all the little and big ways that are coming up, they come back. You can do it! J.

My daughter decided she didn't want to nurse anymore at about the same time, she never bite me, she wanted to take my boob with her to look around the room and when it wouldn't go she started to refuse to nurse. With my son I had to go back to work, so I would nurse him in the morning and at night, and he took bottles in the day. The night nursing were the last to go. I don't think it is worth getting to upset about, I know it is hard when you aren't ready to stop and they decide it's time. Enjoy the times he will nurse.

When a child is breast fed, medications can make a child refuse breast milk. Try draining yourself and give it to him in a bottle. When my son bit me, I stopped breastfeeding him, when he was 9 months old. Medicines can make a child react differently, maybe he's allergic to the medicine. I took my son to a dentist when he was 5, and the medicine made him flip out. They tried the pill again with another medicine, and he bit me in the shoulder. Some babies refuse milk when they are sick also.

Hi J.,

Just to let you know, I breastfed my 2 boys for a little over a year each.

I think your son at his age is just not needing to nurse as much. You are coming out of a stage in which "baby" needs to nurse all the time, but now it's passing. So, offer the breast less. Your son will take the breast when he wants it. Maybe he only wants it when he's drowsy and wants to relax.

With my boys, especially as they approached age 1, their breastfeeding habits would rise and fall. Your son is just getting to an age in which he needs to be held less.

So, bottom line: Offer breast less -- when he's thirsty he knows where the milk is and will come get it.

I'm not sure why you want to spend money on formula? Especially when you want him to breastfeed?

Hope this helps.

He may be trying to wean himself. Rather than feed him formula why not try to pump and offer him your breastmilk in a cup or bottle. Also, try giving him more solid foods. If you still want to nurse, nurse him with your pinky against your nipple that way he won't bite (or at least not as hard). I have to do that with my little guy every time he gets a new tooth (he has 8 already and is 11 months now). It took a while to get used to it, but allowed me to continue nursing. Maybe some nice hard/crunchy (graham crackers type stuff not really crunchy) things. He may just want to chomp because of teething issues and you are usually pretty nice! If none of these work for you, use the formula. Just remember your son won't starve himself.

I'm going through something similar with my nine month old son. He has been teething (got all four top teeth one after another) and fighting colds, congestion, and had one ear ache. The pediatrician said that there is residual pain in the ears from teething. Sometimes my son will scream when I try to nurse him on one side, but is comfortable on the other. I don't want to wean, so if he "skips" a feeding (he tries to bite or starts to scream) then I pump. I had planned to give him breastmilk in a bottle or sippy cup, but so far, he has nursed an hour or two later -- long, good feedings. Maybe this will work for you too? And don't forget, your baby might have a decreased appetite from being sick and dealing with teething. As long as he is having wet diapers, you are probably okay. This could just be his way of telling you that he's still not feeling all that great. If you start to give him formula, he might wean himself. If you really want to keep breastfeeding and your son is otherwise okay, you could just wait and see... is he eating other foods or solids? My four-year-old daughter nursed exclusively until she was over a year. She just wasn't that interested in solids - and I remember worrying whenever she wouldn't nurse regularly. I never supplemented with formula, and she always did nurse when she was hungry. And now that I think about it, she stopped nursing a lot during the day (except when she was tired) when she could crawl around and play a lot more. Perhaps that is allso affecting your son? Hope that things improve for you! And if he is healthy and happy (despite his recovery) than you shouldn't worry too much.

The biting is probably from teething. I know that that happened with my son. It should go away soon, as it only seems to happen in the very beginning on a new tooth coming in.

With an ear infection, it hurts for them to lay down, so that's what all of the screaming is about. See if you can find a way to feed him with his head raised.

And overall, if you wait until he's really hungry he'll be much more focused like he is in the morning.

My son went through this a couple of months ago and I know how awful it is. I had many nights of crying and doubt. But it does go away and the benefits of breastfeeing are worth it!Especially for a baby that is recovering from pneumonia.

It sounds as if he is trying to wean himself. Your idea about just nursing him morning and evening when he still enjoys it, sounds good. Don't fight with him about it. Accept what he is trying to tell you. My daughter (now 11) weaned herself at 4 months (!!) when I went back to work. My son, now 17, nursed until almost 2. Every little one is different; we need to accept their individuality.

Hi there,
Well, it sounds like he is just ready to be weened. I had the same thing happen with my firt born. She never took formula and then right at 10 months she just didn't want me anymore. My second one was similar but I think it was because he saw his sister drinking out of a cup and wanted to be like her. But my third was 13 months old before he gave it up. I never forced it I just let the babies be my guide. Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing but when it becomes stressful it's no longer good for either of you. Let nature take its course and remember you did a great thing for your baby as long as he needed it. Good Luck to you.