The subject line says it all. He has no problem being in underwear at daycare and always tells his teacher he needs to go. Yet as soon as we walk in the house, it's like his brain shuts off and he forgets until it's too late.
I want to have him wear the underwear at home but with the missed bathroom visits, the cleaning up takes up the dinner prep, house cleaning and quality time with the kids so I keep him in pull ups after the first pee in the pants. Going number 2, he's much better at telling us.
Aside from taking him to the bathroom every 15 minutes, is there any "trick" you've used with your children?
Hi,
The daycare most likely has a routine that his body is used to. It would be helpful to ask them when they do potty time, ie before snacks, lunch, nap etc...then try to stick to the same timeline at home.
good luck
This is the same situation I had with my boy, and his daycare provider said that on the days you have him, ask him every hour (at first) if he has to go potty. Then gently suggest that he go potty if he says no. This reinforces to him what you expect of him. It seems like alot at first, asking him every hour, but it will pay off in the long run.
Also, what I did was asked his teacher at what times do they take him to the potty. Keep that schedule as well, and it will be no time before he is fully trained at your house.
Another idea to keep him motivated is to praise him each time he goes potty, or whether he just sits there.At least he is trying.
Good luck and keep up the good work!!!!
Kim B.
Hi A. - I am getting ready to potty train my almost 3 year old starting this weekend! AAHHHH...Two things came to mind when I read your request. 1. As soon as he gets home he is comfortable and probably wants to play with his toys and sibling. He forgets! Maybe as soon as you walk in the door, put him on the potty. 2. get rid of the pull-ups. When I potty trained my first I never did pull-ups, it's just like a diaper. I know they have the ones that are supposed to make a kid "feel" wet, but there's a big difference between that, and actually having the pee run down your leg and pool in your shoe, you know what I mean? I remember potty training my first son (now 6) and I felt like I spent the whole first week on my hands and knees cleaning up pee (and poop). I know the frustration, but he almost has it! I would take away the pull-up and then any accidents he has have him help yhou clean up, yuck, kids don't like that! Good luck, and wish me luck too!! L.
My grandboy, at 2 1/2 plus, is in a similar situation. If he's in underpants or bare-butt, he'll generally catch himself immediately before or very early into a tinkle, and I think that will be more reliable over time. When I sit him, I set the timer or watch the clock, and scoop him up or cheerfully herd him to the bathroom every 45 minutes. It's been working fine, and is considerably less work than cleaning up accidents.
Try setting the timer for whatever time period you think is necessary (15 minutes might be as irritating for your son as it will be for you, so I'd suggest no shorter than 30 minute intervals). Your son will begin to notice the timer as his signal to stop what he's doing and go to the potty. It might also help to let him bring along whatever he's playing with so it feels like less of a loss of fun or engagement for him.
A.,
It's about consistency. You aren't consistent at home, so he's not there yet. The pull-ups are just another type of diaper, they get used to it after a while.
I posted my own plea for help with potty training back in February, I'm adding the link to the 59 responses that I got, maybe some of it will help you.
Melissa
Rather than have him go to the potty every 15 min, know that food/liquid takes 15-30 min to digest in the system. Watch his cues and look for a steady routine that works for you both. My son is now 5 and I never did the reward thing, made sure I had a steady routine, consistency, and discipline.
Have a rountine that works: I.E. First thing in the morning, before you leave the house...etc. Make sure you don't ASK him if he has to go, but rather TELL him he has to. I learned early on that if you ask them, they are more likely to tell you NO because you are giving them an option. Especially if they are involved in other things. :D
He's also at an age to be taught responsibility for some of the things he does. If he accidentally goes in his undies (you urge him to go, he's 1/2 way there and just doesn't make it)then help him in the cleanup process. Vinegar and a bit of water with a cleaning rag does wonders for the smell of urine and is safe for him to use as well. :D But, if you know he purposedly avoided going to the bathroom, let him know the consequences...he will have to learn to clean up his messes. So, if he does go, even after you urged him to go, grab the spray bottle of vinegar and a rag...and let him clean up his own mess. Believe me, sounds cruel, but works. My son picked up fast. (Kinda like when they draw on the wall...you make them start cleaning up their drawn up artistic views and they start learning paper is the new way to go. :D)
This all takes a lot of time, love, and patience. For night time, (make sure day is ALL DONE...one thing at a time) purchase some plastic fitted sheets. Don't use any pull ups/diapers. This takes a lot of time, but I know it works. Once you have established daytime potty, nighttime takes lack of sleep and patience, but with steady routine, within a few weeks, you'll have it down. I would have him go potty shortly after dinner, right before bedtime, before YOU go to bed, and (here's the part that sucks, but is VERY important) wake him up once or twice in the night to go. This trains his body to wake and go. I didn't do this at first and my son kept urinating in his bed. Once I did this routine and stuck to it for a few weeks, the results paid off. He has been going and doing it on his own with no setback. I had some lack of sleep, but it was totally well worth it.
Sorry this is so long. I just love sharing the way that I handled my son's potty training. I shared it with a few friends of mine that have boys/girls. They too have had it work. The reward is knowing they are growing to be a big boy/girl. They shouldn't get rewards to go to the potty. Would they be rewarded when they become older? No. They should be taught that it's part of growing up and they are becoming big kids. Also, make a BIG deal out of each time they go to the bathroom. :D Feel free to write me back if you want. :D Hope this helps. Again, sorry if I yapped myself away.
Hi,
My son struggled with at home for over 6 months! By 3 he needed to be 100% for preschool; he had a couple accidents. I realized that my son was more stressed when we were at home-- my frustration was that I would directly ask him; do you need to pee, and his responce was no; and 2 seconds later he had started to wet just a little in his underwear; we were going through 5 or 6 pairs in one day! (In Hungary; we had one load of wash for 1.5 and need a day to dry). So, I just kept washing them, and kept up with trying to get him to go, and tell me. I did a sticker chart; when he told me and went he got a sticker for his chart; and this chart also helped us get into a routine. If he messed up several times I had to take a sticker down. So, I think it's part needing my attention and focus, and just endurance! Another is he is too involved at play, or whatever. Now for the most part we are good. I remember the frustration... these days will come to an end. Just get him into cool underwear, and let him take the needed time; lots of praise, sticker charts, and endure! Free him of needing to potty trained; and the pressure; and it may come faster.
Best wishes!
S.
I agree with Laura, Peg, and Misty. Perhaps more consistency at home would help. At daycare they have a schedule and take the kids to the bathroom at set times. I also agree that it would probably help if you took him to the potty when you first got home and then set a timer for him to go at regular intervals. Also continue using the same underwear he wears at day care.
We adults tend to not use schedules and give up too soon because it seems simpler to use pull ups so that we have less clean up. If we would tough it out for a few weeks while paying closer attention to the signs and putting up with the clean ups, the toddler's body will learn more quickly.
My grandchildren did use pull-ups or went bare bottomed until they were trained. I suspect that it was the consistency that helped train them. My granddaughter was trained by the time she started preschool but my grandson was not trained before he started day care. His day care worker had less than 6 children and had both the time and experience to follow up on training. I don't know how often she took him to the potty but I would think she was able to pay more attention to him and the signs that he needed to go. However, it did take a couple of months to get them trained.
On a related situation. My mother was incontinent and had to be in a nursing home after open heart surgery. They wrote down and posted a schedule for when she should go to the toilet. She said she was able to stay dryer when she followed the schedule. The nurse told us that our bodies do respond to regular toileting times. The schedule helps our body to stay on track. I'm thinking that the schedule would work even more effectively for a toddler whose body is naturally changing as it matures.
I surely would understand if you don't have the energy or time to focus on potty training in the evening especially during those 60 hours/week weeks. My daughter chose to keep her kids in pull ups because that was better for her. She knew it would just take longer.
One piece of advice: NO PULL-UPS. The reason it works at day care is he knows they aren't going to put diapers back on him, no matter what. I would make it very clear when he forgets that his behavior is unacceptable. I even made my son help clean up the mess (I know that sounds awful, but it works!) I hate to sound bossy, but using pull-ups at all messes up potty training horribly. I've seen it over and over, so when it came to my own son, I was ready with a dozen pair of undies, and I never put one of those things on him again (though I can see why nighttime would be an exception, at least for a week or so).
He needs to know you will follow through in the same way the daycare would. Then he'll know the rules are consistent.
Good luck! I've heard boys are harder to train than girls, if that makes you feel any better!
Next time he pees at home don't put him in pull ups, calmly and as if it is no big deal give hime a rag to clean up his own mess. If he can't spare the time to go to the bathroom at home then he can take resposibility for going on the floor. No drama just act as if it is a fact of life (since it is) "you pee on the floor, you clean it up." You know he is capable of the control to not pee on the floor. He could just be distracted at home with fun stuff to do. He could be wanting the attention. He could just not want to have to deal with the responsibility of remembering to go when at home.
He is almost three, he is old enough to take responsibility for his pottying. Big hugs and kisses, and a i'm proud of you when he is done
I let my son run around with no pants or underwear on, so when he had to go his choices were on the floor or in the potty. If he chose to go on the floor he got a time out and I made him clean it up himself. Good luck. T
Bottom line....do not put him in pull-ups and make him clean up his own mess. Kids are smart and know what they like and don't like and how to control the situation. Just explain to him ahead of time that there will be no more pull-ups and if he has an accident it will be his responsibility to clean it up. I can almost guarantee you he will test you on this. But stick to your guns and don't give in.
