10 Yr Old Son Behaviour and Self Harming

Like you I am also trying to lose some weight , I am not hugely overweight but would like to shed around 14lbs just to make me feel a little more comfortable. I also love my food and I got to the point from Nov last year up until and of Jan where I literally was eating all the time , not meals but just picking all the time. I tried to cut down but felt like I had a continual hunger pain. So at the beginning of Feb I decided (for 1 month) to try an actual weight loss plan , I chose slim fast (I am not a fad diet person and am well aware that you cannot do this long term) , but what I have found it has helped to do is decrease my appetitte , because I have gotten used to eating less , when I do have a meal I don't need as much as I used to. I am doing this for 1 more week and then I am going to introduce breakfast and lunch gradually BUT with smaller portions (that was 1 of my big faults aswell) , that and going to the gym 3 times/week I am hoping to keep off the 7lbs that I have lost so far and lose a little more and keep it off.

Good luck

Whoops really sorry posted this to the wrong question...it won't let me remove though!

Wow, you are facing some pretty serious issues and my heart hurts for you. I am a mental health professional and have had more experience with adults than kids. But I think you need to know that in the mental health industry there are very few hard facts and connecting with the people who are helping you is really important for you to get help for your son. You have to respect them, trust them and educate yourself on your son's issues.
I know it's very easy to go into environmental issues and life experiences - they ARE important and can be key, however, there is much, much more to it. There are biological, physical keys as well. If it's a really good mental health professional they will want to know everything and that includes any problems in pregnancy of that child.
Please, I urge you to do alot of your own research and investigation about your son's problems. Cutting yourself is a symptom of some other crucial problem your son is having. When people cut themselves they do it because the pain inside is so bad that they feel the need to physically hurt themselves so that pain is relieved for a little while. It becomes a habit, too, and is a serious problem. There are so many mental illnesses that people don't understand or want to blame the parents for. And often the parents can be responsible but there is alot going on with your son and that needs addressed. Getting help in this arena is hard because there are so many ways to go about treatment. Keep looking for what works for your son and for you - help that works for you. Don't give up. And do it quickly because this will get worse as he gets older if he doesn't get assistance now. It's not easy and you will get through this and learn how to work with your child.
I'm saying a prayer for you to find the help that works easily and quickly.

I am so sorry that your son is having such a hard time. I am sure this is taking its toll on you and your family. I can't imagine how scared for him you are. I hear you say that there has not been anything in his life to trigger the new behavior. Can you be sure that something outside the home has not occured, perhaps at school, or a friends house, is he in sports or another after school activity where something could have happened? Is it possible that he met trouble over the internet? Is there a family history of depression, anxiety or other mental illness (maby a grandparent, aunt or uncle)? Sometimes an undiagnosed learning disability or ADHD can trigger behavior problems.
Let him know and show him that he can trust you and confide in you. He is suffering, although you cannot condone his behavior, try not to make him feel like he is a bad kid, he is obviously dealing with some serious emotional issues. If you have not already, I would research mental illness on the internet, type in his symptoms and sometimes you will find books on amazon which apply. Be careful there is alot of scary false info on the internet, use reputable sites such as government sites, college sites and mental health associations and foundations. Keep searching for the right professionals. Make sure that you and your son feel comfortable with the professionals that you are working with. You may need to see 10 different professionals before you find the right fit. If you happen to read a book or find a web site that you can relate to and you agree with their philosopy, contact the author (I have done this). Spend time with him doing things that he likes and at these times do not discuss his problems, take him out for ice cream and talk about other things and if he does not want to talk, then just sit there. Keep this up, he will eventually start talking. I know that going out for icecream is not the happy fix it all, but I think that you need to open your line of communication and rebuild trust. From what I have read about cutting, The person is so numb with pain that they cut to release the pain and to feel something.

Take care of yourself, I am sure that you have so many mixed emotions: anger, fear, frustration, love, hate, all these feelings are o.k. and normal. The stress must be horrible. Keep in mind that you are doing everything that you can and that you WILL find help for your son.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through with your son. It definitely sounds as though some professional assistance is needed. Please find the right counselor for him. If he is suffering from a mood disorder or severe depression, you may need to consider looking into medication to assist him. Remember that what you're seeing very well may be a medical disorder, not a behavioral problem. Sometimes it takes time before counselling and/or medication can help - what are the professionals you've seen saying about diagnosis and treatment? This is a very serious situation, please be sure that you are continuing to get him help.
Remember that improvement, when it comes, may come in small steps.
Good luck.

I just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you. Your title made me so sad that I had to come in and read the whole thing. I hope that your son's situation improves soon. I'm sending hugs, thoughts and prayers your way.

I have a friend who has rapid mood swings, cuts and burns herself, and engages in other self-harming behavior. She has other problems as well.
I am not a professional, but I have done a lot of research on this. The topic to research is called Borderline Personality Disorder. You will need a good professional to make the diagnosis, and many are reluctant to make it because many insurance companies do not wish to cover it. In the old days, it was considered incurable, but effective, scientifically tested, procedure has been devised about 20 years ago and gets good results.

Here are some sites to look at:

http://www.behavioraltech.com/index.cfm?CFID=2856399&...

http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/index.html

http://www.tara4bpd.org/dyn/index.php

If you read only one book on the subject, I suggest

Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder
by Marsha M. Linehan.

This is a comprehensive almost 600 page book for professionals in the field, but it is clearly written and understandable. You can get it from www.behavioraltech.com or Amazon.com

I would not attempt to treat your son personally, but it can help you deal with this. Behavioral Tech can also help you locate therapists who have been trained to treat this.

Hi J.. I'm sorry about what your little boy is going through. You sound like a caring mom, but I have to ask you the obvious: what is going on in your home or your son's life to trigger this behavior?

Are you divorced from his dad? The loss of a parent to divorce is very traumatic to a child, and in a very sensitive child, can be enough to trigger extreme behavior like this.

Is the atmosphere in your home peaceful and loving? Is your son disciplined and criticized a lot?

There really is no way to answer your post without more information about your son and his environment, because his behavior is extreme and very worrisome. Are none of the mental health professionals helping at all? Maybe you should keep trying until you find a good therapist. Sometimes it takes forever to find someone competent.

First he needs a complete psychiatric evaluation. It should probably
be done in hospital if he is that out of control. I would definitely look for
a parent support group. I am sure you are not alone. There is help
out there for you and your son. Good luck.