10 Year Old Step Son Won't Sleep Without an Adult, @ Our Home.

Updated on April 08, 2008
S.E. asks from Rapid River, MI
3 answers

My step son initially did fine @ our house. Had a room of his own, got scared from time to time, but did o.k. Now that baby sleeps in his room, he sleeps in his sisters room. When we shut the t.v. off @ nite, he gets freaked out by any little noise. Now mind you, he's been in this house for 8 years. We usually have him the whole summer, and every other weekend during school mo.'s. We kind of feel (mom too) that he may be "playing us a little" If we try to just make him stay in the room, were afraid the way he goes on, he'll wake his sister, and not to mention, start scaring her too. Weve tried several things, from pleas, to threats (shutting the door if he doesnt control himself). They have a nite lite in the room, and a aquarium that lights up...pretty well lit. We leave our door, and thiers open so he can see us. Any sugg.'s????

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J.R.

answers from Minneapolis on

white noise!

our 4 year old had a difficult time staying in his room because of general house noise. we started by putting a quiet CD on repeat all night long (whatever works - ocean sounds, popular music, anything!), then he got tired of his "sleepy music." in the winter months we run a humidifier in his room all the time - the fan is loud enough to mask house/tv noise well enough that he can stay asleep. in the summer, we really don't like running the a/c & prefer to keep our windows open. obviously a 4 year old goes to bed earlier than the older kids in our neighborhood, so we run a fan & that helps mask the sound enough for him to sleep well.

bargaining, threats & conversation never worked with our son - he knew we wanted him to stay in his bed/in his room. it didn't change the fact that he was afraid or just plain didn't want to. music/white noise was the only thing that helped!

good luck!
J.
mom to chase (4) and paige (due 6.2.08)

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P.P.

answers from Minneapolis on

I completely agree with the white noise suggestion. We've used a fan of some sort with our kids since they were babies.
You may also watch what he's eating at night and how close to bedtime. If he's still digesting when he is laying down and starting to dose off, he may be having intense images or thoughts in his head which are scaring him.

I also agree that punishing him for being afraid is not going to work. I completely understand how frustrating it is if you suspect he's being overly dramatic for attention and you don't want him to wake up, or work up, the other kids. But, if he's truly afraid, you want to ask yourself what you're telling him if your response is to shut him in the room that is scaring him.

Have you considered arranging things so that he can have his own space again? Even if it means sleeping on a couch in the living room or office or somewhere away from the other kids. You wrote, "Now that baby sleeps in his room, he sleeps in his sisters room." It sounds like he doesn't have a room that is his at all anymore. I have an 11 year old step son who isn't with us as frequently as your step son is, and he currently sleeps in the top bunk with my 5 year old in the bottom bunk. I am already planning on putting a bed in the office so that he will have his own space.

My sister had two kids with her first husband, they divorced and she remarried and had two more kids with the new husband. My nephew spent summers and one weekend a month with his dad and the rest of the time with my sister. He told me once that he never really felt like he belonged either place and always felt like a visitor in both homes. I think this is a common feeling among older kids who split their time between homes. This may be part of the reason he's acting this way.

I would keep trying to keep communication open with him. Pretty soon he's going to be a teenager and then you're going to have other behaviors to worry about. :)

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful
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T.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

Hi S.
Have you thought about taking him to counsling.
Has any thing changed in either house. Mom has a new boyfriend or moved in with someone. I think you need to listen to your stepson and get him some help. this is not normal behavior. It may be a simple as giving him his room back. he may feel unloved since the baby got his room and now needs everyone to reassure him he is still loveable. Good Luck :) T.

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