10 Month Old Never Sleeps

I think since she sleeps for day care I would ask them exactly what they do to get her to go down and start from there. Maybe you are waiting until she's too tired to try and put her down for a nap. Try keeping her on the same routine she has in day care to get her to go to sleep. Maybe they have soft music playing or something that soothes her that you aren't aware of. Maybe it's just the time of day. If she is napping at day care though then she still does need the nap. You need to find out exactly what time and what the environment is like and just do it like that. Routines are very important at this age and sometimes straying from them can be very stressful.

Good luck getting some sleep.

Hi K.,

I had the same problem with my daughter. The good news is that your daughter already knows how to take a nap in her portacrib. I,like you, do not believe in the cry it out method- it's too harsh and how can a baby understand why you're doing this to them all of sudden? So, what I did was instead of taking my baby to bed with me, I explained to her throughout her bedtime routine (bath, stories, nurse) that when we finished I was going to put her in her own bed and that I would lay right beside her. The first 2 nights she was mad when I put her in there, I would lay beside her(me on the floor-next to the crib) and sing softly or shush and tell her that I was right there and for her to lay down, put your head down, time to go to sleep. If she didn't settle down within a minute or two, I would tell her that I was going to pick her up and hold her/nurse her/whatever, but that I was going to put her back in her bed when we finished. The key for us was that after every time I picked her up and comforted her, she always went back into the portacrib. She caught on that I was there for her, but that she wasn't going to get into our bed. Now when I put her in she fusses, but I just have to spend about 2 minutes doing soft shushes and telling her to put her head on her pillow and then she's asleep for the night. Believe me, I didn't think it would work, but it has so far- knock on wood! You could also start by setting up the porta crib (since she knows the feel of it) next to your bed and doing the same thing and then eventually, once she masters going to bed without you, transition her into her own real crib. Hope this helps!

I would suggest setting up a routine. My son was 10 months old when we finally got him to sleep through the night in his crib and not our bed! We did let him cry for a little while maybe 10 minutes. He was fussing more than actually full blown crying. Within a week he was sleeping through the night in his crib. Whatever you decide to do you need to be consistant. My son is now 2 and a half and if I don't put him down at his nap time or bed time it's harder for him to go down. I always play lullaby cds in his room at nap time and bed time. It helps him fall asleep. :) We love the baby einstein CDs. You might want to use your pack and play at home for naps so that it's the same as daycare for her and then try to get her to sleep in her crib at night. Goodluck, I hope you can get a good nights rest soon.

K.,

I totally understand. My daughter cap naps during the day but for the most part goes sleep well at night and I am still exhausted. Is your daughter able to sleep in the sling? Or maybe try the Moby wrap - my daughter sometimes sleeps in that for me. Sending a vertual hug your way, hang in there hopefully it will get better.

L.

Oy. I can so relate to your post. I have 4 young children,
and am stay at home for a year, so my full time job is taking care of 4 under 7. When my youngest was 10 months, he was still sleeping in my bed, cuz, like you, for a while this bought me more sleep. At 10 months I was going insane from lack of sleep ( I am not really joking). I resorted to kicking my 3 yr old out of her small room, putting my 10 month old in it in his own crib, and stacking the three girls into their own (small) room. My husband had moved into the office/guest room too, by this point. It ended up that my 3 yr old slept with me most nights, but I didn't care so much, cuz at least she slept like a rock. The boy, once in his own room just started sleeping SO SO much better - like for 2 hours in a row sometimes. I would still get up to nurse when he wanted to , I don't like the scream method either, but I waited just a couple minutes to get up and get him, and sometimes he would sleep 4 hrs, etc. Sometimes now at 13 months he'll sleep through the night. And my three year old just decided that she wants to sleep in her toddler bed in with the big girls (her two older sisters 5 & 7). I felt bad kicking the three yr old out of her room, I know this was not an ideal way to go about it, but it was the best solution for us, and bought me some more sleep and a lot more sanity. I recommend this to you!! Is there anywhere your youngest could sleep that is out of your room, but within earshot?? This works. I really wish you luck. Plus me & my husband actually have "conjugal visits" in the guest room now - I, like you, was too too fried to have sex with that little sleep. Too much of your energy is being drained from you. You gotta get the kid out of your room. That's what I think , from someone who's been there more than once.

ugh. my baby who is now 2 was the same way. I think once you stop nursing it will probably get better. I nursed my youngest until she was 15 months, and the kid never slept. shed wake anywhere from 8 to 12 times a night (she always needed the boob), id have to lay with her during naps just so shed get some sleep, and I was sooo exhausted it was fine with me, except i had a 4 year old in the other room bored! So, I can hardley imagine working full time with this problem. Now, I am a strong believer in nursing as long as you can...but you may need to ween her, she will probably do alot better once that happens. Mine went to sleeping through the night and regular naps in TWO DAYS!!!! I was frickin dumbfounded. Good luck

There are a variety of sleep methods - my advice is to read, and pick one you like, but then stick with it. Don't try 5 different methods over the next 3 weeks. The other thing you can add in to any method you try is a white noise machine - get one of those air filters that take the dust/allergens out of the air. It will help block out sounds from outside (birds, cars) and inside (TV, phone) - my son was highly sensitive to stimuli and just never fell asleep until we put a constant sound in his room. He still uses one and he's a teenager! Works great! You have a lot of stress now and need to reduce it. I'm not sure sleeping with you is good for the long haul - you will have to do a transition one way or another - perhaps just bite the bullet and get it over with. Try it over a long weekend like July 4th if not before. At least you won't have to go to work exhausted. Good luck.

Hi K.,

I'm VERY anti CIO too. I did try it with my daughter which didn't work and it was miserable! However I did find a solution. Elizabeth Pantley's book 'The No-Cry Sleeping Solution' is awesome. She gives lots of great tips and is extremely gentle in her suggestions on how to get you and your daughter to sleep better through the night. I hope it helps!

E. P.

Hi K.. Sleep training is SO very hard. I did it with my LO and she is now over 7 months old. She can now sleep by herself at night and at nap time (though now she is going through a phase of wanting to play at 4am - not fun)!
I would recommend you RUN out and get the book - The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. She has some terrific suggestions on non-CIO tips on getting your baby to sleep.

Your baby will cry - but NOT by herself. You will be with her. She will cry because you are changing the rules on her. Sleep is a learned habit - not innate - unfortunately!
Also, the older your baby is the more time it takes to train, and you need to be consistent - using the same method for naps, bedtime and middle of the night wakings - each AND every time. But if you are consistent it will probably take you 2 weeks. Start on a Fri and see if you can take a couple of days off of work.

I hear ya on the no-husband time. I am having scar tissue problems and cannot medically have sex and it bums me out. I am going to have the scar tissue removed for the THIRD t ime next week! And getting up at 4am is not exactly sexy either. Now maybe someone has an idea for me so my little girl will no longer want to play at the crack of dawn!

Good luck to you!

Hi K.,
glad to hear the baby is taking a nap finally! I am going through this myself with a 9 month old, though thankfully am a SAHM. He rarely naps and is only beginning to wake ONLY 2 times a night and is up at 5am for the day! I am totally against CIO and my baby also sleeps with me, and hubby is downstairs!! While sorting through this I was thinking you could get your older kids to do some of the chores. They can totally fold laundry and do dishes to help out. Also, if your bed is big enough, try sleeping farther away from the baby. I have been doing this and mine has been sleeping better and longer. He knows I am close but he isn't so tempted to nurse as often. Also, if that works for you, maybe try putting the crib next to the bed so you can reach over and touch her. That might be enough to comfort her and stay asleep. I also noticed my baby wakes more often during teething episodes and ibuprofen and teething tablets have helped.
Good luck, some of these babes just take longer, hang in there!

Wow.... I was compelled to respond because my second child did the same thing to me! Your life could have been mine! Please be assured that I do not have all the answers for you, but I know that more than one issue is at play. In other words, don't take on too much or try to change more than a tiny piece of the world right now. I think you and your husband should have a talk and get on the same page. It actually might help if you can get away for a night (much easier said than done, right?). I think consistency with whatever you decide to do (with the baby) is key.... No doubt she misses you during the day. Is cutting back at work an option while you try to ground yourself and get some rest? Swing into survival mode right now.... do only the things that HAVE to get done (work, groceries, laundry, whatever). Cut yourself a lot of slack on everything else and tell people why. You might actually get some help. Like you, I couldn't do the cry-out method (despite having done it with my older daughter)..... It took about 3 years before I wasn't summoned to the crib/bed once a night for comfort. I think you can do it, but it definitely took longer for me. However, I am happy (for me) that I did it this way. Start a bedtime routine and stick to it..... You could actually try lying down with her in her room (not your bed) as a transition. Just don't let it become a longer habit. Please try not to overwhelm yourself right now.... They say it's always darkest before the dawn! Start with one thing and build up from there..... Good-luck!

Ive had the same problems with my son there is no easy way out i can just tell you from being there that the older your daughter gets the harder it will be to get her in the crib she will be bigger stronger and capable of screaming longer and stronger! My son who is 18mo now would nap for my mother and sometimes my husband never for me. Working full time i brought him into my bed because i was just so tierd and it was a quick fix. When i made the dision that we were done with co sleeping i was lucky enough to take 2 days off during the week and work the weekend i took five days straight and worked on it when he was 8mo old it was hard but the longest he cryed at bed time was 45 min and i kept explaining that this was where he needed to sleep and he would have lots of room to roll and find a comfy position we also read some bed time stories that should animals or people getting ready for bed and sleeping alone. the first night he woke at 1a and stayed up till 3 i cleaned the kitchen while he protested after that each night was easier the crying wasnt that bad it was more a protest. I dont know how much this will help but things got better then they got worse and after a late night at work back in october i made the mistake of taking him to bed with us and it started all over again my biggest advice i guess is that once you break these habits dont start again. As far as napping goes i will admit the only way my son naps is in the stroller and still today i push him back and forth in his room till he is asleep and he sleeps for 2hrs he wont any other way i figure the crib was a huge accomplishmnent every now and then we still have trouble some kids are just horrible sleepers goodluck with what ever you do

You are right, having her sleep with you at this stage is a big part of the problem. I'm no sleep expert with babies, but maybe for your own sanity you need to try a gradual approach, like letting her fall asleep with you and moving her. Or putting her in the crib and you sleep in the room with her for a few nights until she settles into it. You could also try putting a port a crib in your room and letting her try that for a few night and then moving her gradually farther away. While I am not an expert on baby sleep, I am an expert on parental insomnia. It is NOT healthy for you to not be sleeping. Everything else that is normally a small thing becomes a big thing in a hurry when you are overtired and stressed out. ANd, you can truly get physically sick, I nearly ended up in the hospital in the summer of 2005 because of something known as sleep deprived psychosis. If you truly just can't let her cry it out, maybe some of those approaches above will work out better. You need to invite your hubby back into the bed and move your daughter away from that dependency and into her own more independent sleep situation. Maybe for naps for a few days you could try putting her in the port a crib near a couch and lie down yourself for a little while. If she can see you, but you don't keep picking her up she may settle quicker and then you could get some things done. Once you get a routine, perhaps she'll be more regular in her hours. Try to copy the routine at day care since that is a daily thing for her. Part of being a good parent is taking care of yourself, so don't feel guilty, you will be better for her, for your family as a whole and for yourself if you take care of YOU! Mom's are notoriously bad at that, myself included. Good luck.

I think I could have written this post a few months ago. Has it gotten better? Sometimes. My daughter (now 1) still REFUSES to sleep in her crib (she will scream until she poops, pukes or both), so the CIO method has not worked for us AT ALL. So she sleeps between me and my husband, and occasionally with our 3 year old crawling in. Ridiculous. Thank goodness we have a king!

I think the problem for us both is that our girls play us because they know they can. My daughter would sleep for others and not for me. Friends could lull her to sleep easily. Not me. Dare I say that at daycare, they let her cry it out a bit?

All I can say is that if you are not sleeping, it's going to make you nuts. If CIO is not an option, how about a mattress on the floor or pack n play in your room next to your bed? You may be able to get her to sleep and they just crawl into bed. Knowing she is nearby but not too close may be just the thing you both need to get some solid rest. We have a mattress on the floor in the nursery (we have made the room completely baby-safe); our daughter generally starts out there, and when she wakes, I bring her to my room. I hope to get her used to her new bed gradually. I'll let you know if it works. Good luck to you...

Deja Vous! This was (and sometimes still is) my son - who is now 21 months. Honestly, everyone kept saying just let him cry it out for two nights and your life and HIS life will be more peaceful. I would get anxious just at the thought of CIO. HOWEVER, as one Dr said it to me, "let that happen so he can learn to sooth himself, this is something he needs to learn to do. The added benefit is that you will get sleep, but he needs this sleep too. He is missing out on a good night of sleeping." I still don't like it and often find that we are doing a "modified version." But he does (as I am sure your daughter does) need a full night of sleep. Look at it that way, it's benefiting them in the long run and teaching them how to fall back asleep on their own. Good luck!

I hate the cry it out method, too but my husband convinced me to try it once when he/I were dealing with similar issues to what you describe...amazingly, my son cried for 5 minutes, put his head down and slept like a log. I was mentally preparing myself for an hour of crying torture and knew I wouldn't last that long. Luckily, we didn't have to, and you might not either- each kid is different and your daughter might not be the same as your son. Can't hurt to try it once, right? We also transitioned our son from our bed/b assinet to his own crib in his own room when he was 8-9mo or so, and he slept much better without us in the room (and we slept better, also!). It will take a couple nights, but think how happier you all will be if you can get back your night, your room, and your husband :-) It wasn't the big trauma everyone/the books led us to expect, so don't be afraid to do it- you will need to do it at some point anyway, and it sounds like you and your daughter need to have some private sleep time asap.

Now we try to stick carefully to the schedule that he has at daycare during the week, since he is used to sleeping at those times and goes down fine for them. It doesn't always work (sometimes he wakes up after only one hour, needs to be soothed, etc) but some is better than none. I also noticed that he cries a lot more if he can see me, so I put him down and walk out...I listen carefully and go back in after 5 minutes if he is still crying, at which point he usually lets me rub his back for a few minutes until he falls asleep.

If you are still struggling for ideas, try the book: "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, MD it has some good CIO alternatives and his suggestion of an amazingly early bedtime worked for us also.

Good luck!
L.

K.,

I think there might be several issues here. My baby had similar issues, and she also slept in our bed with my husband and I. She would cat nap, and as a result, so would we. Now, at 7.5 mos. she sleeps all night from about 9 to about 7am, and naps 2 times per day about 2 hrs one time, and 1 hr the other. Here's what we did...

We set a schedule. Feeding, sleeping and napping are always at the same time. She must be swaddled in order to sleep through the night, and the room must be cooled. We also learned that if she can see us while she's trying to go to sleep, she doesn't sleep. We placed a blanket over the side of her bed, and that has worked wonders. In order to set the schedule, we did use the cry-out method, but not to an extreme. If the baby's still crying by about 15-20 mins, then we take her out, play with her, feed her, change her diaper, then put her back in a half to an hour later.

This works most of the time, but babies have growth spurts, and teeth growing, and illness, that changes all of this, but as long as you keep to a decent schedule, it will last the kids through their toddler years too. I have 3 girls, and they all sleep through the night, without a fight.

My husband and I have also not been intimate much since the birth of this baby, and not at all throughout the pregnancy, but we still come first to each other and prefer to sleep together, than away from each other, even if sleep is all we do. We did sleep apart at first, but it was only making our relationship suffer. Now we agree that we can only be at our best, if we come first to each other. Also, my doc assures me that lack of intimacy is normal up to about a year. After that, consult with your doctor.

I wish you luck!

As hard as it sounds the only way to get this baby to sleep, and you too, is to have a set time every single night for bed. Set a routine and once he/she is tucked in and dry, fed etc. then let the baby cry. The first night will by hard. In case it goes on a second, it will be shorter. By night three, no crying will happen. I had success with this with children and resently with my grandson, ( it took ONE night, his parents are thrilled)also in the past with my Goddaughter, and granddaughter. It may sound awful but it DOES work, I promise, and you'll get some sleep and the baby will be on a schedule. I know it's hard to listen to their tears, but not sleeping is hard on you and the baby too. They need sleep and so do you,. Good luck..I feel sure this will work for you.( it is also recommended by "The Nanny") show on TV. Sweet dreams. L.

Your situation sounds so challenging. I hope you find solutions soon. There is a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child or something like that by someone like Weisbluth. It is the absolute best guide to helping children sleep. And it doesn't involve crying it out. I can't remember the ten month old phase, but the book describes each age and it's particular best methods. My daughter has struggled with sleep along the way and this book was the best. Good luck. when you're not sleeping, it is the worst. Best, M.

OMG it totally sounds like ME. My kid NEVER slept. She will be 2 in a couple of weeks. She would literally skate all day by with a 20 min. nap and THAT WAS IT. I finally went back to work and her daycare provider is getting her to sleep between (are you ready for this - - - 2 to 3 HOURS A DAY) Yes. You have read that right. I don't know what the trick is, but she sleeps. NOT in a bed, but a couch!!! She is doing most of the night in her own room, but ends up in my bed by 4:00 a.m. I can't wait for her to be done with this stage and finally sleep in her big girl bed (a real bed too mind you, b/c she HATED her crib)!!! I have two other boys who always stayed in their cribs, little boy beds, etc. NOT HER!!! And like your baby, she was happy and well behaved, just never napped! GOOD LUCK - I'm sorry I rambled, but it was nice to know I wasnt the only one out there with a NON-NAPPER. L.

Do you have enough room to have a crib or porta-crib in your bedroom? Our living situation at the time necessitated it but it really worked out well. I would put my son in the crib and then lay on my bed and he could still see me. I would comfort him by telling him that I was right here... Eventually, I was able to leave the room and tell him I would be back to check on him soon. We used the No Cry Sleep Solution as a base but tweaked things as we went along. I decided that I could let him cry for 10-15 minutes but no more. Once he got used to it he would cry for about 3 minutes and then fall asleep. I would sleep much better in my bed and was close enough to help him in the middle of the night that I could go back to sleep. I made the changes on a weekend and it was tough but it just took a couple nights for him to get it. I should say that I didn't have near the problems that you do with my sons sleep. However, I think part of that was because the sleeping arrangements we had really worked for us. Just something to think about. Feel free to email me if you have any specific questions.

okay K. i feel your pain,my third was very similar to yours,but my suggestion would be,if she sleeps great in the pack and play at school set up your pack and play at home and put her in there to nap. I would see how that goes then i would wean her out of your bed into there at nightime,no one says it has to be the crib and she is still only 10 months ,when she gets older she might like her crib better. Another thing i can suggest is a routine put her in for a nap the same time she goes in for a nap at daycare,so she is expecting it,consistency is the best thing. Good luck