We have the next Oscar winner in our house right now! Oh the DRAMA my 10-year old can cook up!
The problem is, while I know she's all drama, other mamas don't! Recently we were out and she banged her knee on the grocery cart. I saw it, it wasn't that hard. Well she fell down on the floor and started yelling "it's broken! It's broken!" which is what she yells any time she hurts herself. We've explained many times that her limb is not broken, and if it was, she'd know. Well I'm trying to calm her down, I know her knee is not broken but of course she creates a scene with other people asking if I need an ambulance. Of course I don't need an ambulance! I try to explain she's fine and I get her to stand of (of course she's fine, not even a red mark) but she's sobbing and finally I tell her sharply to "knock it off" and she does. But I get dirty looks. *sigh* Of course 10 minutes later she's skipping down the aisles with dried tear-tracks on her face.
Another time she told her friend's mom that we never fed her lunch when she went over to play. Of course we did! But her friends' mom took pity and fed her a big lunch. I almost died of embarrassment again, and my daughter stood there in front of me insisting she didn't have lunch. Well, she had slept in until 10:30 and when she ate it was 12:00 so really she didn't have breakfast but she insisted that she had only ONE meal, and that was breakfast, and therefore she had no lunch.
We ignore the drama at home. I can tell when she's really hurt and when she's drama. But other people can't. What can I do about these public scenes? Is there an appropriate consequence? Or will I just have to wait for her Oscar speech, thanking her mom and dad for putting up with the years of drama :)
Be equally dramatic, every time you go out wrap her in bubble wrap for her own protection. That should make her reconsider her venue. :p
Have you talked to her about the boy who cried wolf?
You might also consider using exactly what you have stated here when she puts on a dramatic performance in public. For exampe:
She bangs her knee on the cart and falls to the floor, you start clapping and say "beautiful performance my dear Drama Queen" "You'll have an Oscar before you are 21!" with a HUGE smile on your face. Don't be sarcastic though, or the folks witnessing it will think you are emotionally abusing her.
Just look at the other parents and, with a droll look, say "she's a bit of a drama queen, don't worry, she's fine."
Then walk away. Eventually when she sees that she isn't going to get any payoff for her behavior, she'll stop.
As far as the neighbor is concerned, I would make your daughter do something to recompense that neighbor. Your daughter lied to her and got her to make her lunch and give her positive attention. If it were me, I'd send her over there, make her tell the truth, and require that she do a day's worth of chores to pay her back for the lunch. You might have to talk to the neighbor in order to clarify, but it should be a little humiliating for your daughter.
Severe punishment because this is more than drama, this is tantamount to lying. She isn't being honest by exaggerating her circumstances. This behavior should have been nipped in the bud a long time ago. My guess is the appropriate response would be to tell her to knock it off right from the start or even worse join her in the drama. Most drama queen's hate to be upstagged or when their mom has more drama and attention than the do.
What ever solution you come up with, follow through with a ton of varied consequences for her actions. That stunt with the friend would get her on punishment. It would be at least 3 months before she could visit that friend again and no company to the house either. You must know her heart and what she is passionate about and use that as leverage in your arsenal of corrective measures. Reward good behavior and punish bad behavior.
I saw a 13 year old girl get injured at the pool. She begged me to call an ambulance, but I wouldn't. It was a CUT and I told the lifeguards to get the first aid kit. She made her dad carry her to the car and he did it because of all the people staring. She never came back to the pool which I think was a harsh consequence. So you are not alone.
She obviously gets attention for these moments...
I think she needs a reminder about crying wolf -- read her the story about the boy who cried wolf. Talk about it with her. Compare it to what she does.
I never reacted when my kids were little and they got hurt. People thought I was awful, but I didn't want the drama. It worked. Now if they get hurt, I don't hear about it unless it's bad. If they can deal, they do. If they need a bandaid, they get them. I have a first aid kit in the bathroom for them to use complete with antibiotic cream and bandaids.
I think she is going to need constant reminders that she is not really hurt. That the people in the store really don't care that she got a boo boo. That her friends' moms don't care if she ate or not. You'll need to be proactive with the parents...
LBC
