Why Is Not Breastfeeding Considered a "Sin"?

I just have to defend the "walking cows" among us (referring to a post below). I mean, as hard as some people try to be discreet, others seem think they are not discreet enough. As moms I say we try to be as supportive as we can of one another, breastfeeding is hard enough!!!

My children were not breastfed and are now 14 and 11. Both healthy, happy and well-adjusted. Just smile and ignore those other people. Better yet, don't discuss it with them. It's none of their business.

www.TracyWhiteside.com

I'm with you on this one. I had 2 children that grew up healthy on formula and they could care less what I fed them as babies. My first one was 7.5 weeks early and my second was 4 weeks early and I still chose not to breastfeed and everything was fine. Go with what is going to make you happy.

Hi M.

I agree people can't stop wagging their tongues if you don't breastfeed. I did for the first 3 mos, and then I dried out, so I switched to formula.

Moms, lactation consultants, breast-feeding fanatics, etc. wouldn't stop nagging me telling me she'll get sick all the time!!! Oh my goodness, formula is made of all garbage! And dear, your child will get obese and her IQ will be lower than non-breast fed babies!!! You are depriving your child of the best nutrients, shame on you! Oh goodness gracious, the sky will fall and there will be no tomorrow!!!!

Geez.

A lot of a child's characteristics are determined by parental influence, genetics, and lifestyle choices RATHER than what is in breast milk, thank you. And formula is made according to strict FDA standards.

Well, my little one is almost 15 mos old and during the first year while on formula, she only got a mild cold ONCE despite numerous playgroups and outside contacts. She's so healthy now you wouldn't know the difference.

She will grow up and live a full life because my husband and I will show her the way. Whether she was "formula fed" or not does not impact what she does later. And that applies for any kid.

For those of you who want to wag and click your tongue at a mother's choice, RELAX, and realize you must repect a person's decision and BACK OFF. Do you question why a person chose to dye their hair black instead of blonde? Do you question why a person decides to go to Art School instead of Medical School?

We are adults and have a right to make our own choices without others judging us. Simple.

Keep up the good work, M.!

Hi - I totally feel your pain. I am a first-time mom to a 4 month old baby boy - and I just could not get the hang of breastfeeding. I tried it for a week and it was so painful that I would sob several times a day and dread every feeding. Plus, I had a painful recovery from a c-section so I just could not take pain from all ends.

No amount of lactation consulting seemed to help. I pumped for 6 weeks but no amount of pumping would boost my supply so I had to supplement with formula from the beginning. And then pumping became so time consuming I had to stop.

I have received the guilt trip from pediatricians, nurses, fellow moms, etc etc. And at first, it would make me cry and feel like a bad mom. It's hard enough adjusting to your first child and then to be bombarded with "how could you not breasfeed???" is just horrible. Now I know better.

I can not be a good mom if I am miserable! So formula feeding has worked out best for us and I'll never regret it again. My baby is thriving and healthy - and that's all that counts.

We plan on having one more baby in a few years - I think I will pump immediately so my baby can at least have breastmilk for a little while. I may try full fledged breastfeeding again, but I will not feel the same guilt if I decide to switch over to bottle feeding.

Nearly all babies born in the 60s and 70s were formula fed and we turned out just fine - so go with your gut and do what makes you happy and simply ignore the naysayers.

Happy mom = happy baby! Enjoy your second baby!

Hi M.,

I understand your frustration. I actually breastfed my son for 10 months and though that is opposite of your choice, I agree that it is up to you to decide what is best for you. It seems like no matter what you choose, people will make harsh and unwelcome judgements. I was so tired of hearing people say, "Oh, you're STILL breastfeeding??" yeah, so what's it to you?!?!?! Not everyone wants to or can breastfeed and so if you decide not to all you have to say is, "NO, I'm not going to breastfeed. It's not right for me." End of story. You're the mom and your child will not love you any less if you choose formula over breastfeeding. Good luck and try not to stupid people's comments get to you.

Denise

Oh my how I know what you mean. I couldn't breast feed due to surgery (not implants) and I found I had to tell everyone why I wasn't doing it. With my second I was giving him a bottle in the park in Naperville and two women walked up and asked me if I had considered breastfeeding. Imagine!! Total strangers who if they knew ANYTHING would realize that my newborn was a month old it was too late anyway. I think the lactation Nazies have brainwashed enough people into thinking that it makes a huge difference - it doesn't. The only thing you can do is keep your mouth shut about your plans. You know when someone has a boy no one asks "Are you planning on having him circumsized?" It would be rude if they did and it should be the same with breast feeding. It's ok to feed formula, you're a great mother.
A. F

Yes, it is a personal decision, but only since formula was invented. Breastmilk is shown time and time again to be superior and it's hard for some people to understand why someone would feed their child formula when breastmilk is shown to have such amazing benefits that formula doesn't have. I work full time with 2 kids and wasn't sure I'd be able to breastfeed (pumping at work) and keep up with the household and do a good job at work. Now that I've had my second child, I am willing to try. I want the best for her. I'm surprised that you did breasfeed your first child, but not your second. Did you have a bad experience? Regardless, it is your decision, but please remember what benefits your first child got from it!

well, obviously "sin" has nothing to do with breastfeeding. but I would have to ask why you don't want to breastfeed, knowing all of the benefits it provides for both baby and for yourself.
your friends are probably feeling that your decision is kind of selfish given the huge health benefits and immunity boost that it provides to baby. of course nursing is not always easy or convienient, but it's a short time in the life of your child, a time to bond and to get that baby off to the healthiest start possible in life.
I can't imagine not wanting to provide this to my child.
Perhaps you should discuss it with your child's doctor and think about why you don't want to nurse again.
and if you decide to stick with your decision, then your friends and family will have to accept that decision and support you and the baby anyway. and of course they will.
what feelings do have about breastfeeding that make you so adverse to doing it with your second child? I would discuss these feelings with your child's doctor.

AMEN!! We have a 19 month old son and will be trying for baby #2 soon. I breastfed our son for 7 months.....7 LONG months!! Don't get me wrong...I thought it was totally worth it...BUT, WOW!! It was SOOOO hard. My son would only eat about 4 minutes on one breast at a time....that's it. SO...he would eat every 2 hours (if I was lucky he would go 2 hours between feedings!). If I wasn't nursing him, I was pumping because I had to 'relieve' myself since he wouldn't eat enough at one time. There's no way I will have time to nurse our next baby if he/she eats the way our son did...I won't have time too! I'll try it, but I will not stress myself out and go straight to formula if need be. Everyone else will learn to keep their opinions to themselves by me telling them to whip out their breasts if they want my child to be breastfed so badly! :-) (My mom formula fed all 4 of her children, and we are all just fine :-)

Rest assured, people just want to make sure that you feel supported if you do decide to breastfeed. Breastfeeding is most certainly NOT the "norm" in the US and babies are lucky to be breastfed for the first 6 months, let alone longer. Not sure how long you breast fed your first but it must not have been a good experience otherwise you wouldn't dream of not doing it with your second. Maybe if you spoke with a lactation consultant or someone knowledgeable about breastfeeding rather than family members who may not understand the reasons behind your decision. I found it extremely difficult to breastfeed without the support of my husband, mother, and family but it is possible if you find other support systems and find confidence within yourself. Good luck and congratulations!

Since I am an adoptive mother, breastfeeding my son was not an option. People have very strong feelings about breastfeeding but even a generation ago it was very different. I was not breastfed and neither were most of my friends and family, and I think I've turned out ok; my son was on formula from Day 1 and (in my opinion and his doctor's) he's developing just fine so far and at 18 months is a very active, talkative, intelligent little boy.

The trick I found with formula is finding the best one for your child. We went back and forth from regular to soy before finally settling on soy, which worked best for us.

Friends and family who think you should be breastfeeding seem to forget that they can also benefit from bottle feeding - more people can share in that experience of bonding with your child because they can feed him/her and it's not entirely on your chest (sorry, couldn't resist).

You should definitely do what is comfortable for you and be confident you are making the best decision for you and your child. Good luck!

~E.

RRRRRR! This makes me sooooo MAD! I am so sick of these women who think that life revolves around breastfeeding! Especially the one's that whip the boob out in public with no concern for people around them. Hey, don't get me wrong I understand that it's a natural thing to do and it's your choice. Is it so hard to COVER UP! That in my OPINION it should be a feeding/bonding thing not everyone bond with us thing. I think it's very annoying to have to tell my children to stop looking! I guess I offened people with the walking COW thing. So I have taken it out!

All three of my children were bottle fed and they turned out just fine! I bonded just as any other mother does with their child. If you spend quality time with them that will happen no matter what you do. They are just as smart if not smarter than any other kid out there and just as healthy and are NOT obese. Imagine that!

And let me tell you do not DARE to tell the hospital that you might consider breastfeeding. The will try and force you to breastfeed and not give you any bottles. I did that with my first and I about had a nervous breakdown because they kept trying to FORCE me. I also think it is very personal thing and it's your choice to brestfeed or NOT if you want!

Sorry I am off my box now I could go on and on as the pro brestfeeding people can.

To all the women out there offened- Think if you were ALWAYS being told what a BAD mother you are for breastfeeding!! I just think it's a bunch of CRAP! I have the right just as you to voice my opinion which what they all are OPINIONS. There is no right or wrong it's what is good for you.

Peace
K.

Hi M.-

Sorry in advance for the length of my response. I just happened to come across your posting as it was in the "Spotlight" section and caught my eye. I know you've already received loads of great support and advice from other moms on the site but felt inclined to write you too.

A few months back I posted a question asking for help/ideas in weaning my 4 month old baby from breastfeeding and getting her on a bottle. I had wanted to breastfeed my daughter for 6 months but it was becoming so taxing and stressful that I was desperate to wean her and couldn't. When I say couldn't, she was so "addicted" (as in, was obsessed with being latched on 27/7) and wouldn't take a bottle. She had taken a bottle since day 7 of her life and at 3 mos. just stopped and I tried absolutely everything. I had always heard of women having trouble with breastfeeding in terms of pain, baby wouldn't latch on, etc. but never had I heard of a baby who was obsessed with it. I had never heard of this before.

This attachment was wonderful in the begining but became so difficult for me that I began to wish I had never started breastfeeding in the first place. I basically couldn't be without her as she wouldn't take a bottle and felt like a total prisoner to my lovely new baby which is an awful feeling. This also caused stress between my husband and I. We are planning baby #2 in the spring and have not yet decided if I will nurse again or not. These issues have really caused a lot of stress for us.

I posted my question in absolute desperation and the responses I got on this site where distressing. I was hoping for support and advice and mostly got other moms making me feel guilty for wanting to stop. I cried at the computer. I made an educated decision for what was best for our family. I don't know why our society has to make us feel guity for our decision of how we feed our baby? It's very upsetting to me. My daughter is now almost 7 months and I'm still nursing her because she won't take a bottle. I've honestly tried everything and have not gotten any advice from doctors, lacation consultants, other moms, etc that has worked. I've accepted this situation and will continue to nurse for a few more months if necessary but still feel like a prisoner.

We're the only ones that have to walk in our shoes and therefore the decision should be completely ours with NO guilt.

M.,

This is a decision that every mom needs to make for herself. I tried to breastfeed but had problems and none of my family had breastfed so there was no help there. I called la leche for help and they tried to make me feel guilty for using some formula with breastfeeding.

I think hospitals are backing off on pushing breastfeeding. I keep thinking that when I was a baby, mothers were told not to breastfeed. I think my generation turned out OK and formula is much better now.

If I was to have another child I don't think I would breasfeed. Don't let your family make you feel guilty. It is your choice. Do what is best for you and your baby.

M....that's awesome that you're standing up for yourself! I have three kids, and they were as healthly as horses and never were breastfed. They fight off flus and colds just like any other child around them...and I'm sure that their classmates weren't ALL breastfed babies. So, if my formula-fed baby turns into a just as smart, and healthy child as the breast-fed ones, then I'm not sure that anyone could convince me that either choice is "better" than the other. (Okay, I have a crabby, disrespectful teenager...I KNOW! I'll blame it on the formula!) I was a young mom for my first, but into my 20's with my second two. It was my decision to not breastfeed any of them, but no one argued against it - AT ALL! With my first child, it wasn't even talked about, regarding the pros and cons. I had my first two kids in Southern Illinois, but I know the information is out there in the hospitals just like it is up here in crazy Northern Illinois. I didn't feel like it was natural for me...there was just something about the whole idea that I wasn't comfortable with. I'm sure someone could have coaxed me into it, but I was just fine without any advice. YOU know the "benefits" that are talked about regarding breastmilk, but formula served all of my babies' needs perfectly. And I was a formula-fed baby, too...and I feel like I turned out okay! :) P.S. I cracked up when I read about the Naperville moms that confronted the one mom on here (with the 1-month-old). HOW DARE THEM!!!

I just had to giggle reading your email. I know what you mean and I haven't read everyone else's responses but I'm sure they are telling you it's your choice! I wasn't able to nurse my first (it's a long story), I did with my 2nd but by the time my 3rd came I knew it would not work out!! I was too busy and nursing took so much time. Bottles were much easier. I always think back to that time when mothers actually were discouraged from breastfeeding and now breastfeeding is the norm! You do what is best for you. Breastfeeding is not easy for everybody. Just enjoy that baby!

M. - I have discovered that being a mom requires me to have a thick skin about many MANY things. First of all, how you choose to feed your baby is no ones business but your own. When someone asks you if you are going to breast feed or bottle feed, ask them why they want to know? Do not feel compelled to answer every question that comes your way. If they are rude enuf to keep asking, then continue to sidestep the issue, perhaps saying something like, "I haven't yet made up my mind about whether to b'feed or f'feed." Then change the subject.

I was a formula fed baby, and I think I turned out pretty darn good! And whoever says that b'fed babies don't get sick, well...trust me....that's a complete lie! I exclusively b'fed my son, and he was sick w/colds pretty much from the minute he went into daycare, until he was 2 years old! And a recent study found that b'fed babies are NOT more intelligent than non-b'fed babies. Don't get me wrong...I think b'feeding is the best for a baby. But there is nothing wrong with formula.

Congratulations on your first AND (upcoming) second baby!!!

It doesn't stop there! Wait until you get the "Oh, your child isn't reading yet, mine read at 3." or "My baby walked at birth and yours is how old?"

Moms can be so critical. Where does this come from? I have found that I befriend other moms who are supportive and not competitive about their children's milestones.

Come on moms, and family members who have gone before, see the good in our children. All kids have great strengths and areas that are still growing. We need to encourage each other as women and mothers.

Wonderful news about number two. It is easier to stand your ground this time around.

Well, since you obviously are informed about the benefits of breastfeeding, you know why people think you should. The problem is, it's none of their business.

You know from the minute you get a positive pregnancy test, people started giving unwanted advice. This is just more of it. Yes, there is proof breast is best. But there is also proof that eating McDonald's is not good for you, how many people tell their friends that?

My advice would be just to ignore or minimize their comments. Say "Oh, really?" and change the subject. Or if you're the snarky type say "Do you think I should? I think you should lose 10 pounds, it's healthier." I have resorted to those things in the past, it is not the friendliest but will get the point across.

By the way, I breastfed both of my kids with great difficulty. I am sometimes jealous of those who do it easily or resentful of those who could and choose not to- but that's my problem, not theirs. Do what's best for your family.

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me (I BF my 5 month old DS and would never dream of saying anything negative about moms who don't) I would be secretly wondering why someone chose not to even TRY BFing. In your case, you DID try - with DD#1 - and decided that you don't want to do it again. Still, it seems a real shame not to at least give your new baby the colostrum with all of the good immunity boosters in it. I guess I feel like moms really owe it to their kids to give them the best start possible - but not at the expense of their own sanity. Still, does BFing your kid for a few days immediately after their born - and at a time when they're new in the world and being close to mom is the most comforting thing they will ever experience - really put you out THAT much? If you decide after your milk comes in that you dont want to do it, or after you go to work that you want to stop or supplement, fine. It just seems kind of selfish to me to not at least START out BFing.

That said, I dont think you're a bad person or that your kid will end up "damaged" in any way if you decide not to BF. Just that it seems silly to me not to. Not to mention the cost savings....

Dear M.,

I kind of know what you are going thru. My I was pg with my first one everyone kept asking or even telling what to do. Where I lived in Ohio they didn't breastfeed, so for me to do so was like a sin. I even had a babysitter dump my milk down the drain and feed my child formula. Then when I moved to IL and had my daughter everyone thought I should breastfeed. I did for the first 9 weeks. My job didn't let me go and pump but once a day. So to help my daughter out I put her on formula. Everyone here says I should have tried harder. But I told them that it was my place to decide. My brother came to visit with his family and their 3 month old. My brother was out and his girlfriend wanted to lay down and take a nap. so I offered to watch the baby and I asked if she bottle feed or breast feed and she came straight out and said it was none of my business and that it was rude to ask. I told her that I wouldn't have asked if I didn't need to know how to make a bottle. We then sat down and talked and she said pretty much what you said. I told her that I yeah I breastfeed, but that I felt it was her choice to choose. she told me that a lot of people don't feel that way.

So I am saying sorry that you are going thru this and don't let them change your mind. Only you know what is best for you and your baby with the situation you are.
Good Luck on having the baby!
B.

M. - Don't let it bother you!! The formulas now a days are pretty much the same as breatmilk (or as close as they could get). You need to do whats best for YOU!!

It is your choice. I did with my first and didnt with my second. My family was the same way at first. Just stick to your guns and dont listen or change your mind just because of someone else. What worked for them might not work for you. My kids are 15 months apart and I think I would have gone crazy if I breastfed my second one.

Maybe there are some issues you need to look into before you decide not to breastfeed. Could it have been a negative experience that you could avoid with help? Maybe you didn't put the effort in the first time either and you just walked through the actions, not getting the support from others including husband to do what's best for your kid. I think ppl. are nosy and they need to butt out regardless but you should give it more effort before writing it off... Breastfeeding can be an awesome experience even with the struggling. I won't even tell you what I had to go through to breastfeed. It was a nightmare...But we succeeded and prevailed the hardships. Good luck no matter what you decide.

Hi!
I completely understand where you are coming from! My baby was born with holes in his heart and put in the NICU. I was very stressed and not doing well after my delivery so I changed my mind on the breastfeeding. Many nurses kept trying to talk me "into" it--everyone asking why I changed my mind! I told them to back off and I wasn't discussing it! My sister-in-law still bothers me that I missed out and need to try it next time!

Well, I don't want to try it!! Formula feeding is great! My husband helped me out at night and I can honestly say I was not sleep deprived. We worked out a great sharing schedule, my child slept good at night with a full belly, and he is doing great! There is nothing wrong with formula! People need to lay off and keep their opinions to themselves. Everyone needs to chose what is best for them and their family.

Dont let them get to you.. I am with you on this one.. I did it for #1 but not with 2 or 3 ...I did not want to, I also liked the fact that my husband could feed them and I didnt have to spend my days pumping and feeding, dont get me wrong breastfeeding is great, but not always right for everyone.. My formula fed babys are doing just as well and just as healthy as the breastfed one....You do what you think is right for you and YOUR baby.....Good Luck.....

M., Good for you for making YOUR OWN decision! I am the mother of a 3 year old girl and 10 month old boy. I hated breastfeeding. I only got through one month with my girl. I didn't want to breastfeed my boy, but was pressured into it, and it was miserable. I maybe lasted 2 weeks with my son. My daughter is a very smart little girl even though she mostly had formula for her first year. Who would of thought that a "formula" fed baby would be smart. Good for you!!!!! Jen

Michele,

This is always the moms decision. Sure you will listen to whatever the others have to say about your decision. But this is your baby and how you work you life and everyday way is for sure up to you and only you.

J.

M.- I feel your pain. I only bf for 2 months with our son and hated it. I gave it 2 months, I gave it a shot, but many, many people expressed how sad it was that I did not bf the child till he was 2. My mom grew up in the day when no one bf, I sort of wish it was like that now. I would just stand firm, it is your body, and that is what makes you happy. If we had another one I would not bf at all either. I hope that makes you feel better and no that you are not alone. And if people give you any grief over it, ask them to come over and bf the baby- that you don't mind at all if they do it. (smiles) S.

I get the same reactions. I have four and have done different things with each one. I felt different with each one. Do what feels right and ignore the rest. My peditrician asked why I only nursed my daughter for 8 weeks. He said his kids were nursed at least six months. To which I pointed out that his wife did it not him therefore he gets no opinion on the matter. Good Luck!

I know how you feel, I did not breastfeed either of my children. For me it was just uncomfortable, I felt awkward and almost embarrassed by it, I am quirky like that, anyway, I heard it from everyone, even my doctor, but you know what both my kids are smart, healthy, and all around great. Bottle feeding allowed my husband to help in the middle of the night, I returned to work without a problem, did not have to worry about pumping and all that. For me, I knew it was the right choice and I dont regret it and if I have a third, I will not breastfeed either. Stick with your choice, you know what is best for you and dont listen to anyone else. IF you do it to make others happy, you will just resent it in the end.
M.

Okay... If you have read all you can about breastfeeding and feel confident that it is not best for your baby, then stick with your guns. It is ultimitly your decision, but remember what is best for you may not be best for your baby. But, if you are not positive about breastfeeding and do not have a good support group around you, then breastfeeding may be more difficult. Just remember when you are making the decision, that it is not all about you. It is about you and your baby. Good luck with whichever you choose!

oh, M....this is so horrible...i am reading through your responses and you are getting grief through those too. I was the first one out of all the moms that I know to try breastfeeding. It works for me and my situation. But, I get the conversations that start with 'your still breastfeeding, right?' and i get so aggravated with it. my brothers and I were all bottle fed, all the babies that I babysat when i was younger were bottle fed...there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula. I am back to work now, so when im at work, my daughter usually gets formula those days. (unless i find the time between work and feedings to pump) Even the nurses at my doctors office frown upon me giving her formula! its rediculous! I guess that since we live in a society that practices free speach, we all have the right to our opinion. But come on ladies...we are all moms here, and we all want what we think is best for our children. If a mother decides to bottle feed, then dont make her feel bad about her decision. We have enough going on in our lives with the arrival of a child...why add the stress upon someone when there is no need to!

Liz - a pro-choice mommy!

Dear M.,
Just remember that you are the child's mother and it is your decision, not anyone elses. I tried to breastfeed my son, and he would not do it. I had nurses all over me in the hospital trying to get us going, follow up calls from the "lactation specialist" at the hospital, etc. and I felt extremely guilty about starting him on formula right away. I was very exhausted and didn't have family support, so I gave up, mostly because I was afraid my son wasn't getting anything to eat. Not breatfeeding caused me a lot of needless guilt and anxiety. My son is developmentally fine and doesn't get sick often and has never had an ear infection, and he's almost 3. Remember it is your decision and not anyone elses's business.

Nothing worthwhile doing is ever easy. I'm one of those walking cows (which, by the way, made me pissed off to be referred to as one) and I admit there are times I wish someone else could feed her. But the decision to have a child was one made with an open heart to give the best chances to our baby at having a wonderful life. I felt, and still feel, nurturing her with my body is the best head start. That said, make up your own mind and power through all the criticism. Another gift a mom can give to her babe is to show him/her what it means to own yourself. Personal strength under constant challenge....

Hi M.,

I feel your pain. I too decided not to breastfeed when I was pregnant. And I was scorned by many. I couldn't believe the amount of complete strangers that would think it was their business to ask me if I planned on breastfeeding and then go on to berate me when I said know. Even men who clearly could never do such a thing themselves. At first I really let it get to me but then I realized these people obviously have no lives of their own. My daughter has been formula fed since birth. Although I am not claiming that formula is better than anoher mother breastfeeding, my daughter has never been sick, sleeps through the night without a feeding since two months, I lost all my baby weight by two months, and my daughter seems to be way sturdier and quicker than the other babies I see that are her age. She can sit almost by herself. I am a SAHM but also a childcare provider and have a ton of experience with both. I would never think to give a mother a hard time about her decision to breastfeed, why should I not get the same respect. Some peope just need to mind their own business and raise their own kids!

Hm, and why aren't all our children the same and why aren't our children perfect angels? Why do we expect husbands to be something they are not? Why do you work? Or not work?
M., we are ALL different! What works for one person doesn't work for another. What is important is that your child is healthy, you both are happy. Tell the people who frown on you NUTZ to you, this is MY child! BTW, I DID breast feed all 3 of my kids and enjoyed it. I taught breast feeding classes and all I asked of the women was that they TRY it and do what is comfortable for them. Even the second time around. =) And if you don't, I support you!!! So go team D!

Obviously this is a hot topic. The only thing I have to say is you do what is best for you. People that say breast is best and the only way to go obviously never had any difficulty. I have 3 children. I attempted to breastfeed all 3 of them. My first I lasted 5 weeks until I went back to work. I had trouble pumping and had to quit. My second I only made it three weeks. He was nursing every hour on the hour and would fall asleep nursing so he was not getting enough. I could not even pump! Once he switched to formula he ate like a champ and started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old. My third I actually made it 3 1/2 months before HE decided he wanted nothing to do with it! He refused to nurse and when I spoke with my doctor she said formula would be fine. All I am saying is that you do what is best for you!!! If you are stressed out and unhappy that will affect your milk production and you may not be able to nurse anyway. I feel a calm and stress free experience is what matters since the baby will pick up on your state of mind. Good Luck!

Hi M.,

This is always a hot topic! Yes there's lots of research saying "breast is best" but if it isn't what you feel is good for you and your family ignore ignore ignore - and I breastfed our first for a year and plan to do the same with our second. I say this b/c I feel like I got the opposite reaction from my family and freinds - they all thought I was nuts for breastfeeding. I didn't think it was going to be my choice to breastfeed but when the time came it worked for us and I loved it. Even my husband was uncomfortable with me feeding in public despite the fact most people wouldn't even notice what I was doing. You are the mother and you have the right to make this choice regardless of what ANYONE else thinks. Congratulations on making what you feel is the "unpopular" choice and sticking to it.

I don't understand why everyone else feels justified in telling a mom what they should do with their baby. Breast vs. formula is a big one. I have a good friend who formula fed her daughter from birth and was constantly defending her decision. I am still breastfeeding my 19 mos old and plan to breastfeed until he's 2 -- most of my friends and family have been questioning me since he was 1 month old on why I would breastfeed, when I'm going to wean him, etc.

My mother in law forbid me to breastfeed in her house and bought bottles and formula for me to use there. I stopped going to her house. All the other family members were all over me about how I shouldn't be breastfeeding anyway and using formula wasn't a big deal -- blah, blah. I felt completely disrespected, which is how I imagine you feel about your formula decision. Do what you want. Don't feel you have to defend it. If you had never breastfed, I might feel compelled to tell you to check out the benefits, but since you know what it's all about I think you're making an informed decision. Good luck and congrats on the new baby!

M.,
Bottle feeding is often considered a sin because breastfeeding is so clearly best for babies. Plus, you have decided not to breastfeed even before this child is born. (Most people who formula feed also attempt to breastfeed.) It is almost like you have started a confrontation with the people who are objecting to your choice not to breastfeed. I would look at your feelings and previous experience that have made you decide against breastfeeding this baby. For example, maybe the baby was not latched on properly, causing you unnecessary pain. At any rate, La Leche League is there to help you. There's no way around it--everybody knows that "breast is best," so you're going to get some grief for your choice to not breastfeed.
Amy

You have already gotten a ton of advice, but I thought I would add my 2 cents worth.

You are your own person. You are an adult and YOU (not the entire world)can make a decision. Make sure your decision is an informed one and one you won't regret.

When I was pregnant with my first, I wasn't sure I wanted to breastfeed. (Honestly, it kinda weirded me out). My mother-in-law was appalled at my lack of interest and would go on and on about how great it was. Anyway, I tried it in the hospital and actually enjoyed the time and bonding. I breast fed for six months and it got to difficult with working, and pumping and not being able to leave because I didn't have enough stored milk, etc. Anyway, it was less time with my son. It definately is demanding and can be stressfull. And, I was fully committed to NOT breastfeading if it at all made me uncomfortable. Both my children are happy and healthy and seem to be pretty smart, but on the flip side. My sister and I are happy and healthy and I have my bachelors degree with honors, and my sister is working on her master's and we were both formula fed 25+ years ago.

So, basically what I am saying is. Don't drive yourself crazy. It is your baby and you will always do what is best for your family be it to breast feed or not to breastfeed.

E.

It's the current trend. In the 70's there was a big shift for bottlefed being better and healthier for the baby. Now it's breastmilk again. While the mom does make the milk specifically for the baby and it can be quite wonderful - it also technically places restrictions on the mother to eat/drink responsibly, with the baby's diet in mind. If the mom, (not you - just an example) were to eat nothing but Cheetos it would not be the best diet to pass on to the baby. And there can be any number of reasons why a mother would feel formula is better for the baby. I ended up switching my son to formula at around 2 months, as my milk wasn't making enough for him and he was gassy and miserable all the time. We tested formula while I pumped and he was a happier baby! It was an agonizing decision, but I switched. My milk came in better for my daughter and someone finally bothered to tell me it WASN'T a sin to supplement with the occasional bottle, so I've had success this time around. It can be a difficult, painful, and emotionally draining thing to breastfeed, not to mention time-consuming. I don't regret doing it, but I can totally see why someone would choose not to.

But right now, breastfeeding, recycling, organic foods, cloth diapers and natural childbirth are "trendy." While I support all those things, so many people just don't see that there are reasons why people might not want or be able to do these things. When the idea of balancing natural and convenient to a happy middle ground becomes trendy - let me know? :-P

Hang in there. You need to do what's right for you and your baby, and only you and the baby know what that really is.

I guess the bigger question is- why would you not want to do the best thing for your child if you are able?

Why do they deserve 2nd best?

If you have issues with breastfeeding, perhaps counseling may be a good start. If you had difficulties with #1, LLL can be a great resource and remember that the situation may not be the same this time.

I think it's impossible to win with people on this. I breastfed my daughter for 14 months - we had family members and friends that CONSTANTLY asked - "when are you going to start her on formula?" Uhhhh - I'm NOT!

And I have a close friend who decided breastfeeding wasn't for her. She had family and friends CONSTANTLY asking her - "when are you going to start breasfeeding/why aren't you breastfeeding?" Uhhh - She's NOT!

You can't win. It's so annoying. I don't understand why people can't understand that it's a PERSONAL choice and has NOTHING to do with what THEY believe!!!

Just my 2 cents. Despite only breastfeeding my first daughter for 3 months, she never gets sick. For my twins, I breastfed them for 2 weeks only because I developed a medical condition and had to go on meds. I could not breastfeed as they did not know if the meds would be harmful to the girls. I felt sad and almost guilty that I could not breastfeed anymore. I think as mothers we have enough guilt, and this issue should not cause us more. Do what is best for you and your baby.

Oh my God I agree with you. I tried to breast feed my son. It did not work. Oh my, I caught H@@@ from my family, you should try, you are selfish and so on. Don't listen to them girl. It is fine that you don't want to breast feed. Just love that baby like your first and your bundle will be ok. I don't think anything is wrong with it, if it was they would not have the formula for children and they turned out ok. Good luck

You need to do what you feel is best for yourself, your baby, and the rest of your family. Do not let anyone pressure you into doing anything else or into feeling badly about your decision. I breast-fed until six months for my older two and am currently breast-feeding my newborn. She had her first bottle of formula yesterday and will have one bottle a day so that others can enjoy feeding her and so I can get out with the older two sometimes (or out on my own, imagine that!). That's what feels right for me and my family. I feel strongly that there is a right and wrong on this, but it's not breast-feeding versus bottle-feeding, it's doing what feels right to each mother and her family. If it helps at all, you have my support!

I would expect that your friends and family probably just want what is best for the child and since it is pretty widely know now that breastmilk is best. That is not an opinion....it is fact. However, once you have made YOUR decision about what you are going to do, it really has nothing to do with them and it is just like all parenting decisions in that everyone usually has feelings one way or the other, but they should not push you if you clearly don't want to do that.

It is best for your child......and I know it is hard. It took me almost 2 months of pumping while my son was screaming cause I couldn't get him to latch. And yes, sometimes you are feeding every half hour. But, with all the benefits for the child (and also the mother) I feel it is definetly worth it. I am sorry you had a bad experience, but breastfeeding can be wonderful.....it fosters a very strong bond between you and your child, it comforts them like nothing else can, and it gives all the health benefits others have already mentioned. Yes, it might stress you out a bit and you might be sleep deprived but it is only a short time...your baby is only that young once, and they have their whole life ahead of them. So, in my case I felt that the possibility that they might be smarter, less sick and not as obese for the rest of their life outweighed the fact that I might not get much sleep for a year and that I would have to spend more time doing it and would have some physical discomfort because of it.

I am not trying to put even more pressure on you or anything, I am just trying to explain the viewpoint, which seems to be what you were asking. Just like breastfeeding Moms have to put up with the opposite criticism, so do you have to put up with yours. Just smile and ignore and keep in your mind that they just want what is best for you and your child. It is true that those who haven't done it don't understand how demanding it is......but they just want the best for you guys is all.

I am actually "speechless" by some things moms have posted here. I would like to know what hospitals and employees have said such things when you decided not to breast feed. I have never experienced such pressures. Friends and family have been nothing but supportive. It has been always, what is best for the family.

For those of you that have been harsh to people that have made the choice to breast feed and may need to do it in a public setting, shame on you! We are one of a few countries in the world that acts in this manner. If your kids are looking at it, teach them, educate them. It is not sick or dirty, you are making it that way and thus teaching your children that it is bad.

I am dissappointed in some of the posts here. If you do not like negative attacts then why do the same!
K.

Why do you choose not to breastfeed? Is it because of inconvenience? You have to ask yourself why because breastmilk is the ideal "formula" for a baby. Did you know that with each passing day your breastmilk changes with your infant's nutritional needs? You can't find that feature in something manufactured by a large corporation. The reason the trend to bottle-feed was, and in my opinion, still is so prevalent is because of corporate advertising and the public's lack of education on how beneficial breastfeeding really is. Whatever your decision, good luck. I remember breastfeeding both my children and it was definately a commitment, but now that they're teenagers, it's a decision I never regret.

Hello M.,
I agree with the majority here, do what works for you. I breast fed my first for 9 months and am now in a situation with my 5 month old where I would like to at least have dad give him a pumped bottle so I can have a break once in a while and he REFUSES a bottle, he wont take formula or breast milk, we have tried just about every bottle out there, and it is harder with 2. I am all for the benefits of breastfeeding but when they refuse to take a bottle it does make you a prisioner even as a sahm! In any case its YOUR DECISION to do what is best for you and your baby and if you are miserable with breastfeeding then your baby will pick up on that. Good luck, Jen

Wow, I thought it was the other way around. There has been more than enough press coverage as of late regarding the poor treatment of women who do breastfeed. While things are getting a little better, there is still very little support and a whole lot of criticism of breastfeeding women. Doctors, hospitals, peds, etc. all pay lip service to breastfeeding being 'best', but the encouragement ends there. I am a staunch advocate of breastfeeding, but I sincerely understand why so many women choose not to do it. It can be incredibly difficult. Breastmilk is unquestionably the best thing for your baby from a nutritional and developmental standpoint, but so is a happy mother. While I have chosen to do things differently, I fully respect your decision to nourish your own child as you see fit. This is a hot-button issue because the public at large thinks parenting is everyone's business and it's not (I suppose that stems from the whole "it takes a village" mentality--but don't get me started on that--LOL). As mothers, we need to stop judging each other and perhaps the public will follow. Good luck to you.

I'm a little late on the response, but have skimmed over everyone elses here. I, personally, was determined to breastfeed our son and I did. For about 8 months (dried up then). It hurt like hell at first and I would jump in pain with tears in my eyes when he first latched on in the first couple of weeks, but I knew it was better for him and natures way, so I did it. I pumped at work when I came back and it worked for me. My husband and I were in agreement that if we had a child we would do the best for him/her every single day and TO ME, that was one way to do that.

A lot of our friends have kids under 3 and I'd say there's a split 50/50 on BF or not. I don't judge those who choose to formula feed, it's not my business. But, in all honesty, I do have more respect for those who made the sacrifice to BF as I know the effort involved. Am I saying they're "better mom's"??HELL NO! I wouldn't trust Jacob with some of them alone! But, I know the sacrifice involved with BFing.

You've done it, you know what it's like and you are making an INFORMED decision to do what works best for you and your baby/family. That's how it should be.

Good Luck and congrats on #2!

PS - I do have to admit that I know of more than one person that refused to even try breastfeeding because they were sick of not being able to drink/smoke and wanted to start once baby was born. THOSE Mom's - I had a little bit of a problem with.

If it makes you feel any better. I did my tour of the maternity ward at the hospital the other day with 4 other couples and when the nurse asked what our intentions were to bottle or breast feed, I was shocked that ALL of us said bottle! You are not alone and you have to do whatever you feel most comfortable with. If you are not comfortable, your baby more than likely will not be comfortable and have problems with feeding properly. Stick to your guns and just ignore those die hard advocates. Everyone has different feelings, don't let them tell you yours are wrong! Good Luck.