When Someone Says Their Child Is Advanced for Their Age...

Yep--I think ALL parents view their kids as "advanced" in some ways!

Truly advanced kids are much fewer and farther between than society would like to think.

That said, I think all kids have their own strengths and weaknesses, but that doesn't necessarily make them "advanced" or "delayed."

parents put WAY too much stock in developmental milestones. that 2 year old who can read is probably a 1 year old in an emotional milestone. the 8 year old who can walk confidently on stage and perform a shakespearean soliloquy is likely behind on his hand-eye coordination. kids develop at different rates in different areas, no matter what the charts in the pediatrician office and scope-and-sequence outlines are in schools.
khairete
S.

The terms 'advanced' and 'delayed' go by the 'normal' milestones... most kids can walk by 1 year. If your baby was walking by 9 months, they're advanced. If your child is not walking by 18 months, they're delayed. But these terms are only specific to that particular age's milestones (again, the average norm), but hold no weight once the child gets older.

In some instances, these 'advancements' continue through adulthood... then, my friend, you genuinely have an advanced child.

Like I said, it's age-milestone specific. Parents tend to blow it out of proportion to boost their own ego's... it's obnoxious ;)

LOL, very funny. I know what you mean. I think it's just the bragging of the parents more than anything. We've all done it.

I have to agree with M.M. What's the back story here? The examples you use are probably meant to be humorous (I hope) but come across as rather angry. I suspect you are reacting to another posting that got your goat.

Please bear in mind that many moms who post here might come across as bragging like crazy, but often I think they are sincerely wondering if their kid is different one way or the other from other children. And many first-time moms frankly don't get yet that their children will change, and their gifted and mature young child will indeed go through tantrums, or not behave maturely in front of adults the one time mom really wants them to, or will end up being only average or lousy at one subject in school....In other words, they may not realize yet that their kids are fully three-dimensional human beings who may indeed be really advanced for their age but who will have other hurdles in their futures.

I try to cut a lot of slack to the "my child is super-gifted" posts because the parents may honestly be inexperienced and groping for ways to handle children who aren't, well, as child-like as they'd expected, or who are more demanding than expected. But if someone's post about an advanced child made you this angry, I'd ask myself, why not just ignore those posts in the future?

If you hear a mom say their child is advanced for his age it's mom's way of bragging about their kid. A pretty transparent approach if you ask me.

My daugher got fabulous grades in 1st & 2nd grade and could have been in the "gifted and talented" classes in 3rd grade but her 2nd grade teacher thoguht she wasn't mature enough. I considered fighting that recommendation and putting her into the G&T classes anyway but realized it wouldn't matter in the long run. The teacher was right. So although she may have been "advanced" on an intellectual basis, she was actually delayed in terms of maturiity. As a teen she struggles with depression and other mental health issues and still has trouble developing relationships. The G&T program would probably have caused all kinds of problems for her. She is a bright kid and take some tough classes and does well - but being advanced doesn't make a difference in her life one way or the other.

My son, who has language based learning disabilities and had a really tough time in elementary school and still gets extra help now in middle school will probably excel in life becuase he is a very emotionally balanced person. So although he would be consdiered "delayed" for his age (academically) he is a go-getter, dynamic and gets along with everyone. So would we think of him as "advanced" for his age as it relates to social skills?

The term "advanced for his age" is really very nebulous. Studies have found that being emotionally well-balanced is a far better predictor of success in life than intelligence. In fact some of the really highly intelligent people I know have difficulties in life - it's almost as if they're too smart to deal with the rest of us! ;o)

So let's just all wait and see how our kids turn out. It's kind of like the author who wrote about having a child who was born with Down Syndrome - she compared it to planning a trip to Italy, seeing the Vatican, the colliseum, going to Tuscany, etc. but instead, ending up in Holland. And while the windmills and tulips are lovely, it's not what you planned. But after a while you learn to love Holland and the beauties of the place - although you still have wistful feelings about Italy.

Life is like that - we are in this competitive mode when our kids are in elementary school - we see how other moms seem to have it all together and we feel inadequate - or how other moms are so disorganized or their kids are just a mess and we feel better about ourselves. Then we get to middle school and high school and we realize that our kids are who they are, we have to help them discover their gifts and talents, and while they may end up being someone completely different than we thought they would be, if all works out well they will become the person God intended all along.

Don't worry about that mom referring to her kid as advanced. Pray that her child doesn't get arrested at age 16 becaue he is so "advanced".

I am sorry but you sound a little bitter and it makes me wonder what the back story is here. FYI the things you listed would never be considered advanced for there age they would be considered a genius!! advanced for there age simply means statistically the child of such age is doing or comprehending things of an older child it could be one year older or more. Its not always an ego trip though by your response to this i sense jelousy aggrivation. Though its none of my bussiness but you seem really tense about this.

I think its all a big ego trip for parents or grand parents most of the time to brag about how advanced the child is. I even felt some sense of pride just telling friends my baby weighed over 9 pounds when born, as if this was some great and wonderful thing I had done, or he had managed to accomplish, even before birth! Right... think about it, I stretched "that part" of my body so big his huge head fit... whoop T do...Not something to brag about is it? Then we all strut our stuff bragging about how early they ate cereal, (too early for their tummys we know now) and when they walked at 8 1/2 months, but fall all the time and get hurt. We are so proud to report they are in the 90% growth charts as if we all desire to have that kid who ends up 7 feet tall weighing 350 pounds and feels so out of place with his classmates. Who wouldnt want thier child to be in the gifted program in 4th grade? NOT ME! My son was in this program for a short time, but I saw nothing but an overblown egotistical teacher who talked way over the kids heads and only told what he wanted to tell and made them sit and listen to him brag about his college days. It took the kids away from a good healthy fun recess and reading time in thier regular class. My son was reading before he entered kindergarten and knew his numbers and colors and seemed advanced compared to most, but he was bored to pieces when the teacher tried to teach the other kids the ABCs and caused nothing but trouble in class because he didnt want to sit and listen. He already knew that stuff! Being advanced got him in trouble a lot. Our daughter didnt know most of the letters, and barely counted past 5 when she started kindergarten and she was the best student you can imagine because she was eager to learn and very excited to sit and listen to every word the teacher said. Now they are both adults and both read, both know numbers, both did college, both are fine, and no one can tell who was advanced and who wasnt. I feel if your 4 year old is playing the piano like a pro and your 18 month old is talking in 3 languages, maybe youve got something special. The range of "normal" is so wide, both my kids fit into it but were very very different from eachother. Now, if you want to talk about an advanced child you should see my grand daughter! lol
ADDED: I had a neighbor whos son was dumb as a post, but she would brag about how smart he was. I figured, maybe SHE wasnt as advanced as most parents and didnt know the difference in kids. (o:

It depends on who they are talking to. If they are telling their friends or other moms, it means that they are very proud of their child and are crowing about it. If they are talking to an educator, they are trying to figure out how best to work with them or have others work with them.

There are so many things that kids do that could be considered to be advanced. But a lot of it has to do with timing. What one kid can do early, another child will catch up to and they will both be able to do the same things just as well later on. So does that really mean advanced? Or does it mean EARLY?

There are certainly kids who can talk early, and very verbally adept, are great at math early on, can build trains and legos and the like. My own firstborn was like that. He's very smart, tests as gifted, but he's not interested in being an engineer. He doesn't really like math enough to put in the effort, and he'd rather talk philosophy and psychology. So does it matter that he was great at math early on? That he could build and loved building for many years? Nah. It doesn't. What matters is what he has found to be interesting to him as a young adult.

So, moms will always be comparing their kids to others to make themselves feel good, and other moms will always worry about why some other kid can do things when their's can't. And kids will do what they do. There is nothing like a smart kid turning into a difficult or messed up teen to make a stuck up parent have some humility.

Hope this helps,
Dawn

I have to respond. I asked a question that I have honestly been struggling with. I found out this morning teachers are recommending my daughter skip a grade. Am I bragging by stating this, or am I now I feel concerned for long term social implications? You get to be the judge.

I feel confused by my daughter's intellectual capabilities. She baffles me and as others have stated, I feel ill equipped. I don't know what to do about it, if anything. If my daughter was at the other end of the spectrum, people would be reacting compassionately, reassuringly.

This tongue-in-cheek question you asked, this sort of reaction, is the exact reason I used this board rather than go to friends. When someone gives a response that is a shared experience, it normalizes the situation, lends some perspective. Making fun of a fellow parent for their concern? Kinda low.

For me there are so many different ways to be advanced. We have 2 kids. One seems to have been born with an "advanced" verbal part of his brain. He's just always been good with verbal stuff (early talker, early reader, reads at a much higher level (4-5 grades higher than he is). Our other child is not like this at all...slow to talk, etc. Anyway, I have never told anyone here where I live that our son is in the gifted program at school bc it seems like bragging...but I HAVE said it on Mamapedia bc no one knows me. ;) Anyway, I do not think my son is the greatest thing ever...he is great at some things and not so great in other things. We really have to work to teach him to handle his emotions. He is strong willed and stubborn and very quick to anger. He is very self centered and has a hard time seeing someone else's viewpoint. So, although I am proud of him that he tests well and reads and understands things well and has a high IQ, I worry about him and really work hard with him to make sure he is a nice person in life. My daugher on the other hand has such a sweet and kind personality. She likes to help others and take care of others. She may not be so verbally adept as her brother but she is a breath of fresh air bc she is naturally kind. As for how they will both be by the time they are college age - who knows!

I know! Lets make fun of autistic kids and their parents next! After that we can kick puppies :)

Giftedness is a brain disorder, just like autism. In fact, a lot, HFA kids are gifted. As are most ADHD kids.

The struggles people with kids who are 'advanced for their age' aren't "Hmmm... Tolstoi or the Bard?" it's asynchronistic development (look that fun one up), it's your 4, 5, 6yo just reading about fellatio in the grocery store, or your toddler reading instructions on a dangerous piece of equipment (those 2-3 years of development, like IMPULSE CONTROL and discerning cause and effect, are pretty crucial with reading. 5 or 3, what's the difference? 24/7 accidental suicide watch, that's the difference). Ever had one of your children melt down? Okay. So you avoid those situations, right? And if those situations are EVERY FREAKING DAY? How about school? Most parents can happily send their kids to a k12 school and know they'll be good. Special Needs parents, otoh, have to fight and struggle with school systems who don't have the funding or resources to educate their children. Have a spare $15k per year you'd like to throw my way? ((It's "no big deal" to parents of neurotypical kids for brain disorder kids to just "be in school" or "so what's so bad about being bored? The other kids will catch up in 2-3 years))... but I DARE YOU to make one of your children sit and stare at a wall for 8 hours. Until they cry with boredom. Now do that FIVE DAYS A WEEK. Oh. And for then next 2-3 years. Of course, you'll only be allowed to let them move away from the wall for about a month or two before they've gotten ahead again. Back to the wall! Stop your sniveling.))

Of course, this is just tip of the iceberg. One also has obnoxious parents that don't get this isn't being "smart". That this isn't something you work for, or achieve. This is a brain disorder.

I'm glad our lives are so FUNNY to you.

I say my 2 year old daughter is "advanced" for her age because she can do a lot of things a 4-5 year old can do.. Her ped agrees but it's not something I've ever told another mom... especially because I'm sure other kids will catch up and eventually she'll be just like the other kids.. some kids just get things sooner, it's no big deal. And if a kid learns to read at 2 and continues on that path with other educational achievements of course a college will care about that, that's when you see the kids graduating high school at 15 and entering college afterwards. It sounds like you're angry about something..

I think all children are advanced in certain areas. My son was definitly advanced in reading, he could read at high school level at 5. But his fine motor skills were crappy, hence his writing looks like a spider.
My daughter has wonderful fine motor skills, but she can't read like her brother.
Advanced means to me, they can do something WAY WAY beyond their norm for the age group they are in.
I have a 10 year old boy in my chemistry and physics class, he is 10, and he is top of the class, gets 100 in everything. He is advanced, and it WILL matter when he goes to college. So I do believe being advanced when you are young, sets you up for advancement in life.

LOL.. liked the question.. Yeah i think every normal kid is "advanced" for their parents in some way or the other. Guess its just parents' pride ;)..

Did I mention my son is also advanced for his age.. in smartness! :)

I always laugh to myself then congratulate the "superstar" parent who obviously created this small "mini me" genius child. :-)