Vegas Bachelor Party...

I'm much older and find these extravagant parties to be a HUGE waste of money.
I've been working for 38 years and my money is important to me, and if my husband said he wanted to go to Vegas and get drunk, gamble, go to stripclubs...I don't think I'd be too happy, but then again, I'm older.

I don't know if you work or are a stay at home mom. Or if you own a home or rent...but spending that kind of money out of obligation seems ridiculous to me.

Most guys think their wives don't want them to have fun without them, my beef was I never got to have fun, because my 1st husband was so busy having fun, and going out and I was stuck in the house with my 2 kids. I resented it after a while.

I think it is normal to feel as you do, but again most women are more responsible than their husbands. I don't have the answer for you but maybe he could scale the trip down to a weekend down the cape or something. Good Luck!!

If he can't PAY for it w/ Cash and has to charge it - he shouldn't go. Simply put - he/ you can't afford it. If his friend is a good friend, he should understand. Good luck.

I wouldn't begrudge my husband a trip to Vegas, and I don't think that the fact that you haven't been there is any reason for your husband not to be able to go.
You said that the wedding is not until next year, so you and your hubby should be able to save up some money between now and then so that you don't have to go into debt to finance this trip. Maybe you two could sit down and come up with a plan for how you can save some cash in the next few months. What is your husband willing to give up so that he can afford to take this trip? If that isn't possible then he needs to figure out how to throw his friend a party that he can afford. There is no reason to run up charges on your credit cards for this trip, but there may be a way to do it that works for you financially.
As far as not wanting him to have fun, it actually sounds to me like you don't want your husband to have fun that costs money without you. Is that true? I understand the impulse when money is tight and you feel like you need/want a vacation. Can you work out a plan to figure out how you will both get what you want?

I agree, he shouldn't be spending the money, if he hasn't put family first. Secondly, you remember those ads..."What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas?" Well they're not far from the truth. I wouldn't be so relaxed about this "tradition" of mega-bachelor parties for your husband and his friends. If you truly believe they're not up to no good, you need to open your eyes. Someone in that group is up to no good...or they wouldn't want to go. It's like playing "chicken." I don't know a bachelor party yet, where someone, if not all parties involved didn't get into devilment. Whether it's flirtation or worse, your only hope is that your man's devilment isn't going to cause irreparable harm. If I were you, I'd tell him to get real, grow up, and be a family man and explain to his friends (if they're pressuring him and it's not solely his idea) that he doesn't have the money and it's going to have to be a nice day on the links at the local country club instead.

By the way, you might want to watch this movie this weekend...dark humor but oh so real.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cnuEsRf5x4

As long as you keep it about the expense, then you have every right to have a fit if you two don't have money to cover it -or if it will really strain you! It's great to go off with friends for a weekend, but if you can't pay for it, then it sucks. Maybe he should suggest a cabin in the mountains or something? Guys usually like being together as long as there is satellite tv, food and beer! If there's fishing nearby or something, that makes it even better and that's usually pretty economical.

Not sure how old you all are, but I also find that the older we get, the less these extravaganza bachelor and bachelorette parties play very well. I mean, before people have kids and get mired down with mortgages, two car payments, etc. it's one thing to blow a few thousand in Vegas getting wasted, but as people mature and get deeply into their 30s and head toward 40s -a nice dinner out with drinks, pool, darts or even a strip club should be fine! Your husband and his friend should realize that some members of their group (you are most certainly NOT the only ones) just don't have the bandwidth to do all of that anymore.

This is a special thing for him, and for his buddy, it is not something that happens every year like a family vacation, so it is not fair to compare the two so directly. Rather than complain that you have never been to Vegas so he should not be able to go, sit down with him and figure out what you can afford for him to spend on this special party, and than expect him to stick to whatever number you two agree on. With other friends pitching in they still may be able to do Vegas on the budget, and if so you should not begrudge him it. On the other hand, if this is about trust rather than money, than you have a bigger issue you need to communicate about.

I can understand wanting to go big for the bachelor party... but there are several ways to save money... Vegas is definitly cheaper than Mardi Gras...

But he does not have to go for 3 days, nor does he have to pay for everything.... the other groomsmen should all chip in.

How many friends does your hubby have getting married? Are they all existing friends or is he making new friends and then getting himself put in the position of being a groomsman? I like to think I have a lot of friends, but your hubby might want to tone down his throwing the hat in every ring....lol.

I would say no way too. Enough is enough especially now that he has a bigger family than before. Not sure how much you trust him but you know that old saying "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." He's hanging with a a bunch of guys and where prostitution is legal. I'd say Absolutely NOT!

Umm tough dilema for sure.. BUT if he truly wants to go.. then let him start saving for it now.... is this a possibility? and if he can't save enough money by next year, then the deal should be he doesn't go...

I have to agree with you. I would be more than miffed. My husband was in a wedding two years ago. I told him that was his last one. It cost way to much money and now they are divorced!!! At our age he can gracefully bow out of that responsibility as far as I am concerned. And it was only one night out!! I would stop the 3 day mini vacations in a snap!

That sounds like a lot of bachelor parties, and really extravagant. I know that my husband went to a few before we got married, and his own included golf and a bit of gambling. I have never been to a bachelorette party, and didn't have one myself, so I'm not sure how those normally are, but this seems like a lot to me. Nevermind that you can't afford it, I would be pissed if my husband wanted to spend that much time in Vegas without me (I've never been either), and you know what kind of "fun" they are going to have. Let him know how you feel. He should take that to heart if you are able to express it in a way that isn't accusing, and isn't forbidding.

If that fails and he is going to do it anyway, I would say that if he has the cash for it (NO credit cards), fine. Have him save the cash, and then split it! Half for the party, half for your vacation.

Tell him if he wants to go, he needs to save up for it. I would flip out if my hubby was going to do that also, because we put nothing on the credit card that isnt going to last us many years (refridgerator, etc.). If we can't pay cash for our trip, we dont go. Surely there's somewhere cheaper he can take his friend than Vegas?

Get him to see your POV by sitting him down and showing him your bank statements, CC statements and how much (or little) you have in savings.

That's what I would do.

My husband is a visual person. I can talk his ear off about finances but unless I actually show him the bank statements, it doesn't mean diddly squat to him. It took a lot for us to have zero balances on our CC and have money in our savings account, but we got there. It took sacrifices from both of us! My family comes first.

Since the wedding isn’t until next year talk about how he can save money to go. Also talk about saving so that you 2 can get away together!!!

Best of luck!

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These extravagant bachelor parties really IRK me to say the least. It always has to be some big porduction, trip out of town for the guys. I absolutely hate it! I was lucky to get a night out with the girls, let alone a weekend trip with all the activities. My husband has had his share too, and I don't have much advice for you, just know that I feel the same way.

I would be furious too. It's one thing to take a trip like that when money isn't an issue, but to charge it on a credit card is just irresponsible. I would also sit down with him and tell him how you feel about it calmly and in a way that doesn't make him feel attacked(i feel instead of your doing this). I would also tell him its not that you don't want him having fun, but you don't want it being at the expense of his family. I also think that you need something from you're not getting...if he was spending the time with you that you need and making you feel important and special in his life, then the time he spends with friends won't upset you. good luck...it's never easy when opinions differ!

Rent "The Hangover" and then cancel the Vegas trip!

Your family should come first. I still don't see the value in drunken sprees. A lot of couples are shying away from these and doing other types of parties. There was just an article in the Boston paper about different types of parties that are fun, not expensive and more "wholesome" but still enjoyable. Sounds like the boys still want to be boys, you know? But I really hate that expression because it excuses immature behavior.

People should do what they can afford, not what they feel obligated to do because someone else did it when times were not so tough.

The other thing I would suggest is that they NOT do something like a canoe or rafting trip if there's going to be a lot of drinking involved - people have drowned during this type of thing.

If going to Maine every year with his family isn't thrilling you, I think he needs to help you address that.

If he can't reassure you about what his plans are - strip joints, gambling, what not - then I think you need to have a real heart-to-heart. How much money is he planning to save every month to have enough to bankroll a bachelor party. Which of his own pleasures & pursuits is he willing to give up for a year to save the cash? I'd put my foot down about the credit cards and see how much he's willing to sacrifice, starting now, to save up a nest egg. Then see if he really wants to blow that nest egg on three days, including airfare & hotels, or spend it on something your family has been yearning for.