Suggestions to Help My 3Rd Grader Not "Hate" School

Talk with her about the social issues at school. There could be a mean girl or a rowdy boy that is making her school life miserable. Reach out to the teacher, they will keep an eye on her. Good luck!

I feel for both of you. I don't know if this will help, but we thought 3rd grade was a slog and I imagine it might be the same for most kids since ISAT testing starts in 3rd grade. Our 3rd grade teachers were pretty buttoned-down. Nice people, but there was a lot less leeway than in 2nd grade. So far, fourth grade is a lot better for my son and I've heard it's a more fun year in general.

My son's attitude about school sounds a lot like your daughter's. I really don't have an answer, but it seemed to help last year when my son was able to get some individual attention from his teacher. Luckily, she realized the writing essays in practice for the ISAT was kind of tedious for the kids so she was OK with him being creative with a few other assignments, like social studies, to help make the rest of the day a little more interesting for him.

Maybe try to ask again if something has happened with a bully or somebody treating her badly. I used to teach third grade and had a student who had been fine most of the year all of a sudden saying he didn't feel well and wanted to go home first thing in the morning. Turns out a fifth grader was bothering him on the bus, so we took care of the problem. He was afraid to speak up on it and just said he didn't feel well.

I feel bad for her and you! Talk to her teacher also so she can be on the lookout for anything like this happening.

Hi S.: Coming from a homeschool mom, sounds like boredom with the work. Sounds like you have a very intelligent young lady on your hands. I have two girls and when I finally sent my oldest to her Freshman year of school, she said the same things. She didn't speak to me for a while. She was bored. She was tired of repeating things in school, tired of the same old homework and she says now, she was not challenged enough. She is in her sophomore year and we have been able to work things into her schedule (as well as still homeschooling), that challenge her capabilities and she still enjoys the social side as well as the academic she will need to graduate. You may try talking with the teachers involved and see if there would be some things that may help her. I think that sometimes the "work" is tedious and that causes problems for them. I would also further consider that something may have happened in school this year that is bothering her and she doesn't really want to say anything or is afraid to say anything. If you haven't already, consult the teacher or teachers and see what you could do to help her.

I suggest that every time she mentions this sadness or fear, you sit down with her and ask her to draw a picture about the piece of that sadness or fear that she's thinking about at the moment. Then you could make a notebook of these drawings and have it somewhere nearby where she can look at the collection of drawings and perhaps be able to process her feelings a little more each time. I think that this way, over time, she might start to feel heard. I also think that this way, you might also start to learn some useful information about what exactly is so distressing for her. In gaining that information, you might start to be able to respond to her distress in ways that will help her to feel comforted and strengthened to face each next day and the next challenges contained in that day.

Another idea I have is to ask her to make a movie of what she's feeling on some days. She could plan the scenes and the plots, using dolls and/or pets and/or various objects around the house. Then when she's ready, you could film the scene or the movie with a camera or phone or computer. This would help her to act out what's going on inside of her, which might be another way to help her to communicate it better, might help her express it better, might help her to understand it better herself, and might help her progress through the feelings better, and again might help you gain much useful insights and information on how best to parent her and help her through the process.

Best wishes,
J.

I am having the same problem with my 3rd grader. She has always hated school, everything about it. Now that she is in the 3rd grade the work is obviously getting harder and she is having a lot more home work too.

Everyday she asks me to homeschool her and I am to the point where I feel like I have to for her sake. The problem is that I don't think homeschooling her is going to make a difference, she just hates school work period. =(

Are any of her friends in her classroom? Could you check with their moms and see if her reaction is common for this room? One of my kids was a little upset that none of his friend were in any of his classes (3 of mine are into the changing classes grades).

Third grade is harder than 2nd grade. There is lots of new material introduced as well as getting ready for the ISATs. The change in the atmosphere could be part of her not liking school as well as any friendship changes. Do they have assigned tables at lunch? Who does she sit with? Could that have anything to do with it?

I did switch one my kids from a private school to a public one and that changed his whole attitude. While I thought the strict schedule and atmostphere would be good for him, he has actually done better with the later start, no uniform and more laid back approach to teaching.

I would do some investigating and see if there is something influencing her attitude or if it's just 3rd grade. As far as getting her to change her mind, I don't have any ideas there. I would find out some information first and then come up with a game plan. Talk to the teacher maybe she/he is seeing something.

Sorry I don't have more specific ideas. Good luck!

My daughter's hardest year was third grade. The dynamics in the classroom were awful! She had some mean girls and my daughter's friends became the victims. Those "girl triangle" friendships were in full-force! My daughter tried to be a "problem solver" and that was not a good place to be. Daily, my daughter came home, I listened and gave advise and tried to guide her but... shame on me for not being more proactive and contacting the teacher to work together for a solution. I waited until February and called the teacher, because, I figured that if I was hearing it, daily, so was she. She was so grateful that I called her and we worked, together.

Your post from Cari is right - work together with the teacher. Ask the teacher what she "sees". Share your daughter's attitude about school, with the teacher. Have her give you some guidance. Your daughter's concerns can stem from boredom, lack of challenges, bullying, hasn't met that "best friend" yet. Sending her to school with a family picture or pictures of her pets can make her desk space a little cozier. My kids used to love cute short notes, inspirational little quotes, or cut-out comic strips, that I placed in their home lunches. Finding a quarter at the bottom of the bag, helped too.

Good luck.

Hi S. - You've received some great advice here. I agree that partnering with your daughter's teacher and working together on the issue will help tremendously.

I'd like to also add one additional strategy that I have found has worked very well when my son has experienced similar problems. The strategy is to examine your own thoughts about this issue. Do you have any underlying fears or concerns that may be contributing to your daughter's experience in school? How did you view your own school experience when you were her age? Did you have issues with other kids or homework that could be contributing to the anxiety your daughter is now feeling?

It is important to ask yourself these questions because our children pick up on our feelings; even those that we may be consciously unaware of. It might be worth spending some time quietly contemplating your own thoughts, as what we see in our children is often a reflection of our own beliefs.

By simply bringing awareness to your own feelings and thoughts, you've done 90% of the work to resolve the issue. I have experienced on numerous occasions 180 degree turn in my son when I have first examined my own thoughts on whatever negative situation we were dealing with. Once aware of my thoughts and feelings, I can change them to be more positive. And when I do, I usually see changes literally overnight.

It sounds simplistic, but awareness and management of your thoughts and feelings about an issue is a very powerful catalyst for change. So, in addition to partnering with the teacher and implementing the many wonderful suggestions by the moms here, I would recommend also giving this process a try.

I wish you and your daughter all the best!
http://www.ishinekids.com

My oldest had a hard time at this age too. I had a private conference with the teacher to get her help too.

We talked about ways to make my daughter feel special, to make sure she was teamed up with the right kids for group time, etc. The teacher kept an eye out for kids giving her a hard time, and other helpful things.

Since you are not in school with her, use your teacher as your "eyes on the inside". The conference might also shed some light on school work that you weren't aware of.

Don't wait. You can fix this now.

My son has always cried and complained and tried to stay home from school. I don't know how your daughter usually is, but my son complains in the morning and is very happy after school. I let him ride his bike to school and he gets to talk to his friends. I have play dates for him so he can build more friendships.

Maybe you could have some play dates over the weekend or a party for your daughter and some of her friends from her class. We all need things to look forward to.

Whenever my son was in an unusually bad mood in the morning before school, I would go right home and email the teacher to give her a heads up. The teacher would email me back around lunch time saying there was nothing wrong. If your teacher notices a problem, too, you could have a quick conference and ask how to boost your daughter's confidence by giving her things to look forward to.

Good luck!

Have you ever considered homeschooling your daughter. We homeschooled our son for a while and it was absolutely a fabulous experience. He attended public high school for the sports but the year he was home were wonderful for him as well as me.

S.
PS: Son has now graduated and still involved with a home school workshop program.

My daughter did the same thing. About third grade it became a constant struggle to get her up and out of the house. I did two things finally that helped: once a week we went out to breakfast and sat down and talked and had a relaxing breakfast. The second thing I did was talk to everyone that had contact with her during the day including the lunch monitor. I found out she didn't have enough time to eat her lunch and she was very nervous about being hungry during the afternoon. I fixed that by packing smaller lunches with lots of protein so she could eat less but feel full. Some days she also needed a Tums because her tummy hurt from worrying over things. She ate one of those and it fixed things. It's not easy, but you have to stay calm and find out what's bothering her at school. It might not even be anything she is aware of. Third grade is fun, soon she should realize that. I have a happy and healthy 14 year old now, and she goes to school everyday!!