Suggestions for 6 Y/o Son with Severe Anxiety

P., I also suffered from severe anxiety as a child. In my case, I think it was a combination of dysfunctional family and genetics. Have you thought about therapy, maybe in combination with some meds? I would never want anyone to suffer as I did and it sounds like you know how he's feeling. I outgrew my debilitating anxiety as a teenager although I still suffer bouts of it now and then. I also want to mention that severe anxiety is often self-medicated by people as they grow older and alcoholism or drug addiction can be the result. My thought would be to treat it aggressively and treat it now.

Do you get treatment for your anxiety? A child behavioral therapist should be able to help, but since he's learning the behavior from you (I don't mean anything by that, it's just factual), even if the therapist helps him overcome it, he will still be mimicking your behavior, and won't really be cured. I am under the impression that anxiety is extremely treatable. Good luck!

One of my sons is like this, he works himself up so much it breaks my heart. I was fortunate enough to have the best second grade teacher who coached me through dealing with it. Basically he works himself up so much, he was getting headaches, crying, getting sick and everything every time he had to go to school, if anything happened he didn't expect, or if there was something uncomfortable looming in his future. So here is what she helped me do:

-First, don't warn him of the bad stuff, it doesn't help anyone. When it is time for the bad stuff, basically make it a non-issue, In other words, do not respond to his reaction, only talk about what good things will happen after (go for ice cream, read a book, whatever, something good though).

-When it comes to going to school or having a sub, ignore poor reactions (sometimes this is where I have to walk away to hold it together) and focus over and over again on how excited you are to see him after school and hear about the substitute or how his day was.

-DO NOT SHOW YOUR ANXIETY OR CRY!!!!! This is the hardest but most important. They will learn the behavior from you, it is not all heredity. They will also feed off of you, if you are full of anxiety about him getting a shot and he knows it, it will only get worse. This was the hardest to control for me, but this is the one step I got the best results from.

Now these are pretty basic and it took me a year to deprogram him and myself. We still have some anxiety moments but very far a few between. I will assure you that you will feel like you are being mean and uncaring but it is quite the contrary. You are giving you son the tools you never got as a child. You won't regret it.

Good luck!

Hi P.,

You've got some great suggestions here. I would add that another option is a simple technique called EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques). This is something that you can learn and apply to yourself and your son. It seems to work best with anxiety, although it is effective on physical and emotional issues as well.

You can download the manual (for free) through my website (http://www.healingtreewellness.com/EFT.html) or go directly to emofree.com. If you go to my website there's also a little introductory video on that page.

I've used EFT for years now with my four kids. It is amazingly effective (and free and nontoxic and painless and noninvasive).

I hope this helps you (along with the other good advice here) in dealing with the anxiety. Good luck!

Blessings,
B. in CO

Glad you are trying to address it and give him coping skills. It could definitely set him up for a pattern of behavior and reactions in the future, so you are wise to see what you can do now.

I'm in the process of getting certified in the Emotion Code www.drbradleynelson.com. During that time, I've worked on 35 people and animals to release trapped emotions that impact the energy flow in the body and have emotional or physical impacts. I've worked specifically with anxiety on a several people with good results. You would be amazed at some of the physical results I've seen as well too - decreases in motor ticks, decrease in the need to run to the bathroom constantly (8 year old male), decrease medication dosage, decrease pain, decrease anxiety, plus improvements in sleep. I've worked extensively on myself and in 3 months saw a 31% decrease in my LDL, 25% decrease in my total cholesterol and a 73% decrease in my LP (a). The supplement I added was studied to only do single digit increases. The better energy flow and decreased anxiety in my body account for the rest of it. I was amazed. It is definitely something you can learn to do yourself or email me in a few weeks when my certification is complete.

Take care,
S.

I dealt with an anxiety disorder myself as a child. I still have relapses but for the most part I got it under control. I also helped a boy at the school I used to work at that had one. Your son sounded a lot like him Even if there was nothing to worry about he would create things like it was hard to breathe and he was about to die. The entire staff worked together to help. One thing was not to feed into the anxiety. We talked calmly and logically to him ie, you are 9 years old with no previous medical problems, we have air filters, you are not going to die. When he had a sub we explained how nervous she must also be to be in front of so many people she doesn't know, etc... The classroom teachers were always given a heads up including subs that he may have an attack and to handle it as calmly and non chalantly as they could, usually by sending him out to our couch in the hall to take a break. I also encouraged him to find a creative outlet to illustrate the things he felt anxiety about. Keeping a journal and doing creative writing helped me a lot since I have no musical or visual art talent but whatever you enjoy doing. It helped me work things out in my own head before I got all worried about them and I still do that because some of the silliest things can get me worked up. I was medicated for years but noticed no difference but that's not always the case. My psychiatrist finally said he didn't think it was chemical. I can't say seeing a therepist helped me but I know it has helped other people. I've always been an independent, stubborn person and talking about my life with them giving no examples of how they could relate and giving advice just didn't work with me. I went from the age of 9 to 18 and again for a couple years in my early 20's. You have to find what works best for you and for your son. Feeding into it is the worst thing you can do which I know is hard if you are used to playing out the worst case scenario in your own head as if it is the likliest possibility. Relaxation techniques may work but if you are like me, anxiety hits suddenly about sometimes odd things and you need a quick fix. I carried my notebook everywhere. Before that I read a lot and carried a book I liked everywhere. I could escape for a minute when I needed to and come back when I felt a little better and try to logically take on the situation.

Hi P.,
I don't know if it will help...but, my niece has Sensory Processing Disorder. She has suffered from very similar symptoms that you described about your son. If you take him to a specialist, they can evaluate him and help determine the best course of action. It has made a world of difference in my niece's life to understand what's going on with her. No drugs involved in her treatment...just different activities that help her brain process the information in a more positive way.

Consider ways to help him relax - there is a great series of books for kids by Lori Bright, you can get them on Amazon for sure, all about ways to cope with anger, fears, anxiety. She also has relaxation CDs, which I have used with kids and they are great! If you want to both try some tools together you can also purchase Coping Cat, by Phillip Kendal and Krista Kedtke - the workbook has all sorts of suggestions. Therapy for the family or for him could also be very helpful in teaching you both ways to deal with anxiety - it is as much something he "inherited" from you as something he likely learns from your reactions. You are nervous about his first day of school, he sense that and so he too will be nervous.

Good luck! Feel free to send me a message if you want some more information about therapy for kids.

P.: I would recommend you contact Laura Henelund. ____@____.com
I just talked with her about meeting with my son who has some of the same kinds of issues. She teaches your child coping techniques they can use throughout their life to help with stress, anxiety, etc. Good luck!

Have you tried therapy? We went for my son's ADHD for several visits. His therapist wasn't "shrinking" him or us, but giving us coping strategies. He was 5 when we started going. We played a lot of board games-one was about feelings & how you would react to each situation, one was about anger management. It sounds like you all need ways to help him deal w/changes in routine, etc-I suggest outside help. Since you dealt with this, you already know what's coming for him & how rough it was for you to deal with. A counselor could help you help him, & hopefully minimize your anxiety as well.
Good luck to you both!

I would try and get him a counselor. The school counselor can probably work with him but I find that their case load is so intense they don't have a lot of time. I would call your pediatrician and get a recommendation.

Good Luck

My son went through some anxiety and giving him tips to deal with it really helped.

There's not much out there in the way of books and help, but see what you can find. There is a book that helped my daughter -- What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids) by Dawn Huebner and Bonnie Matthews -- It's a workbook that helped my daughter understand that she's not alone, and what she can do to not worry about things so much. Unfortunately this is something that Mom can do very little about, it all has to come from the child changing the way they think.

The school counselor wasn't much help at my school, hopefully yours will be, 'cause it's their job!!! If they're not help, I recommend counseling for the little guy. It's such a hard way to grow up. Good luck.

Hi P.!
I would agree with the ladies who have suggested behavioral therapy. One of my best girlfriends has an anxiety disorder that did not surface until after she gave birth to her daughter--in the form of severe postpartum. Around the same age as your son, her daughter starting having anxiety attacks. My friend takes meds for her disorder but does not want that for her daughter. Her daughter now sees a behavioral therapist, and it has really helped her. She gives her really effective coping tools and exercises. Best of luck to you, I know from my friend how hard it is to see your child have difficulties--and how hard it is to try hide your own anxiety from an anxious child.

First of all I know how difficult it must be to see your son suffer. I also know how much children feed off a parent's feelings and emotions. Before you try to deal with his anxiety I would focus on your anxiety. May teachers will tell you that school is harder for kids who's parents are having a hard time. Have confidence in him and he will feel confident. Don't stress about a shot, and he won't stress (as much) He needs to feel that you think things are okay before he can feel they are okay. I hope you catch what I mean. If you can show him that he is okay (even if only on the outside) than he can feel it too! Try it out and hopefully you can see a difference in his outlook on life! Good luck, may you find peace and comfort in your daily life.

Honestly, I would not know what to do for the lil' guy. I would definately ask his pediatrician about the situation. Sorry, I can't help out. I'll be praying for ya'll. Take care!