Somewhat Irrationally Upset with husband....You?

I'm a let-it-fly kind of person. It's not productive, or effective, but I feel you. What he did doesn't seem that unreasonable - his timing just stinks...
I hope you and the baby stay healthy through the pregnancy. You're almost there!

I'm upset with my husband too! Lol we've been married for 8 years and have 3 kids... 7, 5 & 2. Well my husband is (& always has been very selfish)... Atleast when it comes to the family. He will bend over backwards to help a friend but when it comes to us, he's gonna do what he wants when he wants no matter what I say or how I feel. And before we moved to ND it would bug me but I had friends to hang out with and things to do to keep me busy when he was out running. Now that we are here I don't know anyone so when he takes off it really annoys me! This last weekend was spring break, so the kids had a 4 day weekend. Well he made plans to go out of town with friends while I was left with the kids. So he left Wednesday afternoon and came back Sunday night, so I decided to take my kids out of town too and go have some fun! And we did have a lot of fun but I'm still so upset with him for taking off and doing what he wanted instead of spending spring break with his kids! Idk.. And like I said he has always been very selfish (his mother even says so lol) but it has been getting to me more and more lately... Usually I'm mean and say what I want to say but then he shuts down. So lately I have been tryin to drop subtle hints when I'm upset and when he doesn't understand then I try to talk to him in a calm manner and tell him what's bothering me and I ask him if he even realizes what he's doing and how he treats me and most of the time he doesn't... Guys just don't get it most of the time...

Relax. Watch TV. Go to bed. Do whatever you need to get out of your own head. While you sit at home, fuming and having conversations in your head (which in my experience is NEVER good! I've had full blown fights with my husband that he took no part in. LOL), you know what he's thinking? Nothing. His thought bubble is "I apologized and she's at home relaxing and perfectly fine." Why? Because he's a man. To him, it's all over and he's out with his buddy. My husband is the best guy in the world, but men just don't think and dwell on things like we do. If you give him a snarky text, he may not even understand why and it won't end well. Feel better and try to have a nice weekend.

Cry. Really. I cry then. Usually hubby will come lie down on the bed with me and offer me tissues or let me wipe my face on his shirt (lol).

It's hard. And as much as you don't want to look like a blubbering fool, be honest with him and tell him (when he gets home) that you KNOW you're blowing things out of proportion, etc.. but the hormones and the stress and the worry and ________ are just more than you can shoulder on your own right now. Burst into tears (you won't have to try and you don't have to feel like you are manipulating him---you just will cry-- I find that when I am really honest about my vulnerabilities that I cry, profusely) and he will hug and console you, and apologize and tell you that everything is ok. And he'll be super sweet to you, maybe even all day tomorrow. ;)

Sorry you are feeling the world on your shoulders tonight. Maybe hubby actually thought to himself: I wonder if she would rather my friend not be around tonight? and decided to get him out of your hair... maybe?

ETA: The other thing I have noticed is that when I am scared/worried, I get angry more easily. Perhaps your anger is a way you are masking your fears about your pregnancy? Tell your husband that you are scared. It's ok to be scared. Obviously you can't turn into a block of wood and do nothing until the baby is born. You have to live your life and get through it. But being scared is nothing to be ashamed of. It is normal to feel scared when scary things might be happening. Dwelling on things you can't control doesn't help, but if you at least FACE them and accept that yeah, you can't change them, but they are SCARY, can help you move through it.
I wish the best for you.

Hormones can make a gal downright hateful with even the most innocent. But I like the saying that "Feelings aren't facts."

I am currently 9 wks. You are fortunate to have a husband who doesn't drink and that you completely trust. WOW. Anyway, maybe his friend just wants a family such as yours. Good luck and this too shall pass.

Gosh you have more will power than me, I usually can't restrain myself from sending snarky texts or saying snarky things directly. But it does only add fuel to the flame so I admire your restraint and your lucky that your hubby doesn't drink! Lol I can't stand my husband when he drinks, unless we're out having drinks together. But anyhow I would tell him how you feel once you calm down and can talk rationally. I do think it was a little insensitive for him to go to a bar since you were at the hospital today, so don't worry you're not being too irrational, I'm not pregnant but I can imagine how you must feel:)

I'm just very confused....

How did your post about your husband going out make the leap go from:

"frankly, I'm fine with because I feel so crappy I don't want to have people around...well, having my husband around would be nice but he's a pain right now so I'd prefer to be by myself.
Now, my husband doesn't drink...his friend likes the bar scene, my husband just orders water and plays "wing-man"...like once every 2 years he'll go out like this."
I COMPLETELY TRUST HIM

to:
"I'm insecure because I'm furious with him for being such an insensitive jerk"

What the heck?

I can't connect those dots. The guy goes out every 2 years and you don't want to go, yet you're "furious"?
And btw, you're insecure because you're insecure...not because of anything he did or did not do.
Do you want him glued to your hip for the next month, seriously?
My husband was 600 miles away when my water broke. He made it home in time. We lived. Get a grip! LOL

Oh do I understand where you are at right now! I am 9 months pregnant and irritable as a heck and want to bite everyone's heads off right now. The only thing that helps me is to have a good cry and then write it out in a journal or pen and paper etc. Write it all out how mad you are, frustrated etc and then burn it. Its very therapeudic! :) Hang in there, it won't be hard like this F......do your best to relax, take a bath and watch your hoarders... You will feel better, you are just on emotional overload.

M

aw, baby. i SO commend you for understanding yourself so well, and recognizing the source of your upset. what disrupting things hormones can be!
have you tried writing therapy? sometimes, no matter how much you 'know thyself' and are capable of rationally observing your own behavior, there are emotions churning away there that just HAVE to get released. so rather than unleash it all upon the poor fellow, write him a scathing, dripping, furious, balls-out letter (or text or email), really let it rip. then delete or burn or flush it. (and don't 'accidentally' let it get found!)
and despite the fact that this is mostly about your state of mind, it IS kinda insensitive for him to be wingman-ing for his buddy when you actually need an emotional wingman right now.
if you really do need them to clear out and give you some private space, then it's okay for them to go out and do some bro-time. but if you really do want him there, you need to let him know. try to figure out what *precisely* you want (a back-rub, some company while you watch hoarders, the nursery painted) and tell him.
good luck, mama! i think you're pretty wonderful.
:) khairete
S.

i give you so much credit .. im 21weeks right now n lately have been a little nutty .. i dont usually have ur willpower i let the nasty texts fly lol my fiance knows its the hormones so after a minute or 2 of arguing he just appologizes i think he realizes there no shot of him winning, like u i consider myself lucky he is that way... i think u did the right thing but at the same time youre not over reacting you cant help the way u feel

i am also irrationally mad at my husband. we have had a trying couple of weeks and this weekend i was FINALLY going to be able to get out of the bubble of the three of us in our little house, and have some fun, and *poof*, i had to have a new phone and he had to have work done on his car, so we are out of spending money and on house arrest for the whole weekend. i thought i was being very generous giving up my gardening plans and plans to go visit my sister and go to a movie or out to eat...but i really wanted to go out to my mom's tomorrow and hang out since it has been like a month since i've been able to hang out out there, because she was getting new floors, AND haven't been able to talk to her on the phone because mine as on the fritz...not to mention it only costs about $10 to drive out there and back...and yet i was told "NO" without any discussion or any nod to my sacrifice of all my other plans for this weekend. i realize we overspent this week and we don't really need to spend the gas money (not that we don't have it - we just don't need to spend it) but I WANT WHAT I WANT AND I AM MAD I AM NOT GETTING IT!! GRRR!!

i hate being a spoiled brat and being mad just because i can't have what i want. i don't know how to fight it. this morning (after waking up, cleaning, and making breakfast, yaaaay fun weekend!) i locked myself in my bedroom and read a book while they ate breakfast. i do feel better but i think it's more in their delivery, not their message, sometimes. if my husband had just said, "honey i appreciate you being willing to give up your plans this weekend for financial reasons, but i don't think we should spend more money on gas for you to go to your mom's EITHER - let's think of something fun to do just the three of us, close to home instead." i would have taken it a lot better. sorry. i'm rambling. i'm not even pregnant!!

also, i am really sorry you're in the hospital and i hope you feel better (in all ways!) soon!!

Actually I do not think you are being overboard. The timing was just bad. He is basically being an insensitive jerk. And I am sure he knows it, so under these circumstances I would say let it go, be overly sweet and then one day when you are feeling better and alright, be equally vengeful. Let's see how could we plan this...

I will tell you that I am married to a sensitive guy. No he doesn't cry, okay he has cried but by sensitive I mean I can be a little peeved and he is right there with what is going on.

He will do some of the most boneheaded things. Not because he isn't sensitive to how I feel, how my brain works, it is because he doesn't even see how it would annoy me.

I guess what I am saying is even the perfect guy isn't perfect all the time.

The other thing is he is stressed too and is probably focusing on what he needs. In this case a distraction, like laughing at his foolish friend. He probably hasn't even considered you could see it as he is around other women because that is the last thing on his mind, ya know?

Oh in your case after I am calm I would tell him I was very insecure and why. It always amuses me when that light bulb goes on. That and in the future he adds that to his knowledge of what makes me tick.

I get it, i know what you are saying, you are sick and exhausted and already stressed and you just want him to WANT to come home and be responsible. I shouldn't assume that but is that what you meant??

So you are hurt, but I really can't see that texting/calling while you are in the midst of an emotional melt down will help. I do think you should talk to him about it when you are calmer.

Do you have a mom or girlfriend to call right now and blow steam too??? I"m sure the mamapedia mom's would be a good subsitute if you don't :)

Here's a big hug, You'll have a happy healthy baby soon and things will look much brighter.

This story might cheer you up a little lol I laugh at it now. When I first found out I was pregnant it was literally a week after my husband went back to Afghanistan (He's in the Army) he had just been home for two weeks for his vacation during his deployment. So I was literally 3 weeks pregnant when I found out. We were extremely happy about this seeing as we had gotten married that Feb. (I got pregnant in July and found out the second week of August back in 2009) I was a little afraid I was going to have this baby without him because he would have been still deployed. But to our luck he was chosen to come home early (That October) because they were having a draw down of troops over there. at that point I was almost 4 months pregnant and already showing. When he came home he was different because of some of the situations he went through, he had really bad PTSD and we fought all the time. It got so bad at times I threw things at him, like I threw my remote at him and it hit the wall and left a hole. Then I would lock myself in the bathroom. this went on for months, I would get mad at him for stupid reasons because of my hormones. His best friend would calm me down and talk some since into him. (Sadly his best friend was killed in a car accident 3 months after our first son was born. June 2010 and we really miss him seeing as he was a ray of sunshine when we really needed someone to lean on. He was a great man.) So ironically the night before I went into labor my husband and I had a fight which triggered my labor lol. Don't sweat how you are feeling, it's your hormones. But if you really want him home, send him a nice text saying, "Honey I would really like you home with me instead of out." Don't go all crazy on him lol. Good luck.

We're all entitled to have irrational emotional outbursts. Especially when we're pregnant :) you're a human and even though we "know better" that doesn't make the circumstances feel any better sometimes. Please cut yourself some slack.

I say let him have it (mildly maybe) and later when you are a little calmer just explain to him you're not specifically mad AT him but that doesn't mean the situation sucks any less for you and your entitled to be crabby about it. If we can't let our emotions out and then apologize later, I'm not sure that's a good relationship. If you have an understanding hubby he will forgive you :) I'm sure you've forgiven him for overreacting before!

"scale is already tipped into crazytown"!! LOVE IT!!!

What I normally TRY to do is to text him that I love him. I may or may not follow it up with the fact that I'm upset with him/situation, but I also know I'm being irrational. It depends on what I want from/for him.

If I really want him to go out and have a good time but I'm still upset about it, I normally won't tell him. If I really would rather he be with me, I'll let him know that I'm upset, that I'm being irrational, but that I could really use his support right now and then leave it up to him as to what he decides to do (and try REALLY hard not to be even more mad at him if he decides to stay out).

But typically, the first contact/text is always to tell him that I love him. It helps calm me down some, typically.