New Baby Coming

I included my older one as much as possible, talking about how great it will be to be a big sister and help with the baby. I even told her she could be "mamacita" little mama in Spanish. She was a little older tho. She was there to see the baby come out, and was allowed to hold her safely when she was a few minutes old. She says that experience was a highlight of her life.

Pat

I had the same worries with my 2 oldest children. My son was about 18 months old when my daughter came along. What I found to help was to get the child involved as soon as possible. Have her help you set up all the baby stuff. Tell her that you might need her help changing diapers and putting the new one to sleep. My son loved helping me with all the babies needs. I asked him to get me diapers or even help with the bottle feeding. He was a great help. He was very protective of his little sister. As they grew older they had their fights, but all in all they always hugged and loved each other. Good luck and congrats with the new addition.

Hi E.,
My Daughter is 2 years older than my son and from day one I have had her help with the baby. If I needed something for him (blanket, diaper, etc) I would ask her to help. I also let her hold him (with close supervision). I would try and include her in everything so she can feel like a big girl.

My kids are almost 4 & 6 and it is really nice they play really well, most of the time. She is very over protective of her little brother and she asks like his mommy sometimes..not always a good thing because he wants his independence too.

There will be times your daughter might be a little rough with the baby, but you just have to correct her right away...

I think it is the best to have the kids close in age.

The "throwing the dolly" thing is totally normal...don't stress about it. It's really normal to feel anxious about this. I know I was. However, you are already on the right track by just being conscious of the fact that your daughter may feel slighted, etc...
Keep talking about the baby. Praise her when she is nice to the dolly...relate it to the baby, etc... Don't scold about negative behavior to the dolly, it's normal. Also, when she's frustrated (which is bound to happen) it's better she take it out on the dolly :)
When the baby is born ask her to get diapers for you, etc... and when she does, always tell her what a big help she is, how much you appreciate her, etc...
When the baby is napping, have special time just for the two of you. Once in a while, have Daddy babysit and you and your daughter go out and do something special together.
I know it's overwhelming...but you'll be fine!
I hope this helped :)

Hi E.,

I would agree about having your daughter "help" as much as possible once the baby comes, so she feels useful and not pushed aside. Believe it or not, your lap will be big enough for both...at the same time !! :-) I saw my S-I-L nursing her newborn while her next youngest (4 1/2 at the time) climbed on her lap and I thought, "You've got to be kidding!" Well, about 6 months later it was my turn and I found it worked out just fine and I could even read her a story at the same time! Wow! Who knew??? My daughter loved to just watch her little brother while he ate or slept etc. My daughter and son are 22 months apart, and it has worked out well. The other thing would be to just keep telling her about how she's going to have a little brother or sister, and how fun and exciting it will be. When you see other newborns, point out to her that that's what the new baby will be like. If you make it sound exciting to her, she's more likely to be excited. You will all adjust...

Congratulations!

My kids are 5 1/2 yrs apart.....The best advice could be keep explaing about mommies tummy, and get her her VERY OWN special baby....if u can afford it maybe her OWN stroller, blanket and crib (doll size of course)........Good luck and keep me posted.......

E. congratulations on your growing family. My expirience didn't go so smooth, even though I read many many articles about prepering a young sibling, advise such as to install the car seat with 2 months in advance and place a teddy bear for the child to get use to, set up the new crib/bassinet with time for the child to adjust to the new members belongings, have a gift ready for the newborn to give his older sister, and let family & friends know that your older child needs lots of attention as well. Well I did it ALL and then some! My son was 19 months when my daughter arrived and it was awful for about 3 months.
I'm not trying to be a debbie-downer, but be prepared for anything and know that at the end it really all works out & it's all so worth it. I really trully believe that it all depends on the first borns personality, so I'd say do your best at preparing your child & prepare yourself for anything.
My Children play & love each other so much now, Priscilla turned 3 last month & Ivan is 4.5 now. Good Luck!!!!

hi! my boys are 3 and 2 (15 months apart). i think you giving your first child her own time with you is really important. and trying to get her involved with the 2nd child(like brining them a toy or diaper to help). also giving her special toys too. because many people will bring stuff for the new baby, and she may feel left out. good luck!!

E. , believe it or not she will be fine , I have 2 sons 15 months apart and I let my oldest help with everything like feeding his bother and yes I nursed , I allowed him when I bottle fed to hold the bottle also have your daughter help change the baby by getting the diapers or wipes or some rattles , little things like this let her see she is helping you out ( she will like doing it too ) Also pick her up a book that is about being the big sister and read to it her . Im not sure what you daughters sleeping arrangments will be but I had to by a big boy bed for him so I allowed him to pick his own beding out this help me get him ready to leave the crib . I think we as parent stress more about things like this I know I did too , you will be surpised on how well your daughter will adjust in the first few weeks . Congrats .

Everyone is different. My first two were 23 months apart and my daughter went through this stage after 2 months that my son was born. She was pretty bad but is ended. Then when my third child came, my son was 17months old and my daughter 3. My daughter was excellent this time and I think my son was so young that he didn't know any different. Just know that it will be a phase because my daughter and first son play so well together now. They of course have their moments but all in all they truly love each other. And now I can't wait until my second son is old enought to interact with them because they are both so gently with him. It is very cute to watch. You will have moments were you will think what on earth was I thinking but then when they get a little older you will know why you had them close together. It really doesn't take long before you have that moment. Good Luck!

THANKS for asking this question. My daughter just turned 2 and I am also due in August. It was great to read all of the responses.

I also am a stay at home mom, all we can do is enjoy the time that we are able to be with them. Good Luck!

I just had my second born about 4 months ago and my girls are 23 months apart. To prepare my oldest, we read her books about being a big sister. Also, at the hospital when she first came to see her sister, I had her sit on the bed with me and then dad handed the baby to both of us. That way, when she first came to see mommy, we didn't have to deal with any shock of mommy holding someone else first, etc.

We also had the baby give her big sister a gift when she came home. It was a cabbage patch newborn doll with carrier and bottle and everything. That way, when mommy was feeding the baby, so was she, same with changing diapers, etc.

Both my husband and I also took a week off of work a couple of weeks before the due date, so that we could spend some quality time for the last time with just our oldest.

My 2 girls are 19 mo apart. We read I'm the Big Sister to our oldest every day. I really think it helped her. Good luck. Everything has gone pretty smoothly, except now that our baby can walk, the elder has taken issue with sharing with her. But... they love each other!
K.

Hi E.,

I have 4 kids under the age of 7. Things I did with my daughter are let her sing the "baby in my tummy" to sleep. Tell the baby bout her day. And your local hosp. should her big sis classes to help her w/ the do' and don'ts of big sishood :)

Dear E.,

My kids are 21 months apart. I bought a book for my son that was about being a big brother. When the baby came, I made sure that I let me son help me with her. I let him get the diapers. I even let him sit on the chair and had pillows under his arm and let him hold her. When it was bath time and he wanted to help he got to hold the soap. When I nursed I read books to him and then he would help me pat her back to burp her. But since I am a single parent I also made sure that my friends and family would come and sit with the baby while I took him out to McDonald's for a quick lunch. My parents also started taking him to more places. Which we told him it was because he was a big boy and could go. Eventually he quit going because he didn't want to leave his sister. Now 2 years later he will only go every once in a while with out his sister. But I spent quality time with him when the baby was asleep. I wish you the best of luck!
B.

You know, I would definitely recommend taking your child to a siblings class. They offer them at hospitals. I took my daughter to Rush Copley Med Center when I was going to have my other child a while ago and it really helped. Also, what is a good idea and I have seen many clients do when I suggested it and it worked, is get her a doll that is hers and she can take care of her as her own baby and also let her know that the baby you are going to have is her baby too. She will love it and feel like such a big girl with that. I hope this helps you.

S. Bailey CLD
Aurora
www.tendermomentsdoula.com

Hi E., I tried a few things that really seemed to work.
1) Woke up with baby about an hour before my older son would wake up. That way the baby would be fed, changed and back down for a nap when the older child woke up.
2) Scheduled a sitter once a week for a few hours so I could have a "date" with my son.
3) Started the baby's bedtime routine about an hour before my son's. That way the baby would be in bed and I would have an hour to read, bathe, etc., my son.
4) Be prepared for a lot of crying. It will get better, but until you get into a new routine, the older child won't understand why you can't help her whenever she wants it.

Good luck!

Hi E.,

My name is D. Klein. I am a labor support and postpartum doula. I may be able to help with your concerns for your 15 month old and new baby. There are a few things that help in making the transition a little smoother for your toddler. When the new member arrives, let your toddler come and interact at the hospital. Give her a gift that is from the baby. Also when family and friends come by to visit make sure that they show her that she is still very important and direct some attention her way. I have seen visitors enter and walk right past the older sibling. It can be very sad.

It is hard to make a child of approximately 2 yrs old understand that a new baby is fragile. Just keep her close and involved as much as possible. Making special one and one time with her will reassure her that she is still getting your attention.

Good Luck
D.

I have 2 boys who are 19 months apart. I started home day care after the second boy was 9 months old. My older boy has always been a lot rougher with a doll who represents a baby than with an actual baby. There've been times that we reminded him to be more gentle and needed to show him how, but overall from day one, he seemed to understand the difference, that babies he had to be more gentle with. The first couple weeks went great. Then he got a little jealous. Not real obvious, but he did try to push the baby off the couch when he was about 3 weeks old. A little jealousy like that is totally normal and to be expected. I just tried to pay special attention to the older boy particularly when the new baby was sleeping, had the baby watch us play, let the older hold the younger with some help or at least with me RIGHT next to him, etc. A big advantage to under 2 years apart is that the older does transition pretty easily with not having a big memory of having mom and dad to herself. It was definitely a harder transition for me than my older son. After the second, you realize how easy it was with just one. Especially harder getting out the door, but with the baby being due in August, it will be nice to be able to spend some time getting out before the winter, playing outside and going places without bundling up. Much harder to juggle everybody getting out in the winter. :) Overall, I think it's a tough transition when the second is born, but it does get better and better, and so nice when they play together and entertain each other as they get older. My boys are now 15 months and almost 3 and they love to play together already most of the time. Best wishes to you!!

Erica, congrats on your upcoming new addition. I have an 18 month old and I am expecting another in May. Something my mother-in-law started with my daughter was making a baby book. She cut out pictures of babies from magazines and they glued them togther into a sketch book. We add picture to the book when ever we get new onces and my daughter loves to look at the babies. I talk to her about what the babies are doing and what she can do as a big sister once her sibling is her. She really enjoys looking and her baby book. Good luck and I am sure your daughter will do well.