My Four Month Old Is on a Sleeping Strike!

Okay Deanna Leigh said it all... ditto. Take this as good advice. Because it's true.

Another thing, I personally would NOT start her on cereal.... she is only 4 months. It is a myth that just because you give them cereal at such a young age, that they will sleep all darn night. No, it's not true nor a magic solution. In some cases, it just makes things worse and upsets their digestion making other problems.

This is the way breastfeeding is.. .and yes, you have 2 kids... that is how I was when I had my 2nd child. Not always fun, tiring, and well, they will grow out of it. But for the first year of life, and per our Pediatrician... a baby needs to be fed ON DEMAND. Day or night. There were MANY times that I nursed my kids even every HOUR... ALL day. Because of their growing. Normal stuff. But it passes. You need to keep up with "her"... and not the other way around. This is what a baby needs.

The thing is.... ask yourself, will you be giving her cereal because it is good for HER.... or for you?

YOu also might want to make sure your milk production and output is keeping up with HER growth needs.... as a baby grows, naturally they NEED more intake. And, make sure she is getting enough intake during the day.

ALso keep in mind, that babies go through periods of "cluster feeding"... and it is normal and natural...per their development and growth spurts.

Another thing, if she is waking between 2:00 & 4:00... then let her be, IF SHE IS NOT CRYING. She may surprise you and go back to sleep herself. But sometimes, if "we" wake up and go in and interrupt them/bother them...THEN this is when they wake up "more" and then cry and other things. Just try to gauge her... then IF needed and she is crying, then go in and pick her up.

All the best,
Susan

Okay, here's what's going on...she's a baby, and at this stage four month old are yes, GROWING and this is probably best attributed to a 'growth spurt'.

As in the case with my son his feedings at night increased as he began to grow and then tappered off once he was on a steady diet of solids at around 7 months old. But, I still feed on demand to ensure his needs were being met. If your pediatrician said it was okay to start on rice cereal than you will want to introduce that slowly and with small amounts. I personally, started with a few teaspoons in the morning just after the first feeding, and then increased it to include 'lunch' and 'dinner' over the next few weeks.

Are you trying to feed her at the time she wakes up? Are you feeding on demand? Is she breastfed or bottle fed?

Her routine is going to be ever-changing until well, forever! It will never 'stay' consistent for longer than a couple of months, until the next phase begins. At this stage my son also began teething, which can be tougher at night while they rest. So, check her gums for any new teeth that may be breaking through the gums. In this case, teething tablets, gel or drops will help ease her through those symptoms.

But, in all honesty I would take a look at the feeding schedule/routine and when you put her to 'bed'...at this age, I tried to avoid any kind of 'schedule' and just kind of went with the flow. Honestly, we maintained a generic bedtime routine (began at around 7pm) but, really didn't start one full force until around 6-7 months when my son was starting to sleep longer sets at night. Otherwise, it was every two to three hours he was up for feeding.

Four months is such a huge period for change, that I would avoid waking her to feed and let her tell you when she needs it. If she goes to bed at 6pm, then let her wake to tell you when she's hungry. It worked really well for me and my little dude, and made napping more consistent during the day. Which for us boiled down to about three naps a day of two hours...until this stage and went to two naps of about two hours.

This is too early to start the 'bedtime' bottle in my opinion, and she really should just be fed when she's hungry. The 'bedtime' bottle is helpful in older infants who need a signal that it's time for bed and does usually help with sleeping through 'most' of the night. But, this age is really more in need of nourishment to meet the needs of her bodies growth and development. The vomitting in my opinion is due to an overfull belly, and not having anywhere to put the formula. I've seen this happen when my son was in the NICU after birth. Babies belly's are SO tiny they really only take about 2 to 4 oz at most, hence the constant waking for food throughout the day.

Check out www.babycenter.com for sample feeding routines and sleep routine by age and development. It was my saving grace and a super help with guiding me through rough patches...

It sounds like normal behavior for a 4 month old. Sleep patterns change at that age as they enter a new growth and development spurt. Don't walk around with her at night, and don't wake her to feed her at your bedtime - just feed her when she wakes to eat. Rice cereal is not the answer. Try putting her to bed later and cutting out a nap during the day. I'd be more concerned about why your 2 year old is having nightmares. Since you are married to the best man in the world, have him go in to your 2 year old when she wakes at night.

well 4 months is usually when reflux can start..is she spitting up more than usual? 6pm bedtime seems a bit early to me..my son never went down at 6pm ..i think the earliest i could get him down back then was 7-7:30pm..
maybe put something under her mattress so that her head is elevated and see if that helps ..in case its reflux..
also start w/ oatmeal not rice..rice constipates..then she'll really be struggling at night.
but i think it's still too soon..
why did u choose soy formula? soy is hard to digest actually..have you tried Good Start Supreme Comfort Protein formula?
did you introduce it slowly..one ounce at a time?
also soy is getting a bad rap these days..
My son is almost 3..was an awful sleeper..very active also..but now he's a great sleeper...
i remember back then he would only sleep til the middle of the night and then i had to bring him into bed w/ me for the remainder of the night..but i felt like he was learning how to sleep longer from that.

Hi K.,
I started my son on the cereal at 4 months. It definitely helps keep them satisfied through the night. Also, as other mothers suggested, you might want to move sleep time a little later or even go to 2 naps during the day. As the kids get older they need to sleep less during the day. Play with the schedule a lttile to see if she responds better to this. Also, if the baby is sleeping, let her sleep. You don't need to wake her to feed her. She will get up if she's hungry and she'll be fine sleeping through the night without eating.

I hope this helps! You need your sleep!

Your baby sleeps way more than mine did at that age! I would have loved a baby that took two or three naps a day and went to bed between 6:00 and 6:30!

Have you considered putting your baby to bed a couple of hours later (8:00 p.m.)? I don't know if this would eliminate the 2:00 a.m. - 4:00 a.m. alert period, but I think that it's worth trying.

Lynne

Go to www.3daysleep.com and get Davis' video. It's quick to watch and cheap. You are putting her down at the right time (for that age). Good for you!
My 9 week old is sleeping 9hrs/night because of Davis' system and my 20 month old has been sleeping 12hrs/night since he was 4 months old (because of her!).
She is awesome and guarantees it will work or you get your money back!
Good luck!!

Three words for you...cry it out. I know it sounds harsh, but a four-month old IS old enough to sleep through the night. After they adjust, they end up sleeping more soundly throughout their childhood. My younger two were sleeping through the night at six weeks and eight weeks. Since I had three I really needed my sleep too. With my oldest we waited until he was nine months to make him sleep through the night and it was a nightmare! He cried for 45 minutes before he fell asleep. Both my younger ones cried for five to ten minutes tops! Do it now before it gets too hard. Your body will thank you as well! BTW, we tried adding rice cereal to his diet, especially right before bed, but that didn't work either because it is a habit for them to wake during the night and get your attention. You just have to brace yourself for it and give them extra love and attention in the morning when they do it (if you feel guilty, again, by the third child, there is no guilt greater than a mom' s need for sleep!) Trust me, one friend actually called me cruel when I told her to do it at 5 months. Now her daughter is 2 1/2 and is STILL up every night. Now she wishes she had done it earlier because their crying just gets louder and more demanding. Also, eliminate the third nap. That is way too much sleep in the day and it will help her sleep more at night. Good luck!

All I can say is that maybe it's time to move bedtime to a little bit later. Try keeping her up an extra half hour each day until you find the right bedtime to keep her sleeping through the night. When my boy was 4 mos old, he'd go down at around 9pm and sleep until 7:30-8am on good days (bad days, like colds and teething threw routine out the window). Now that he's older and only taking 1 nap per days, he tends to go down more like 7:30-8pm and still sleeps through to about 7am. Try moving bedtime later, tiring out your DD enough to get her to sleep through the night without long periods of wakefulness.
Good luck!

Both of my babies were pretty good sleepers (and by some standards, I think they might have been considered "exceptional") but even for them, it seemed that they had some quirky sleep habits, especially around the 4th month, if my memory serves me correctly. I do remember that, for both of them, the 3-4am hour was a restless time. They would wake to be fed but then have a REALLY hard time getting back to sleep. I don't know what it was about that time of the night, but it was troublesome for both of them. The problem really didn't resolve itself until they stopped waking for that feeding and slept all the way through until morning. Hopefully that is not discouraging.

When you say that her routine is what she does on her own, I don't know if you are opposed to a schedule, but you said you were looking for "any/all words of wisdom" so I'll tell you what worked well for us (I know schedules don't work for everyone!) :) I attemped to have my babies on a routine from a very early age, and I found out that it was not a popular notion, but it did seem to be very popular among the "professionals" to start a consistent routine around the age your baby is now. So I don't know if that makes it sound any more favorable to you, but the thought occurred to me that maybe that is just what she is needing right now (as a baby who is keeping her own consistent routine, maybe she is routine-oriented and needs that consistency). If it is something you want to consider, I would suggest falling into her normal self-regulated routine as far as feedings and naps go, and try to keep it the same throughout each day, even if she behaves a little outside of her norm on a particular day.

The 2-3 naps during the day sounds the same as what my babies did, and is fairly typical from what I understand. I used to worry, especially with my first baby that he would sleep too much during the day and not sleep as much at night, but my mom (who had 7 babies) told me over and over again, "the more a baby sleeps, the more a baby sleeps." I always thought if I kept them up longer and got them really tired out, they would sleep better, but it was always just the opposite! When they got overtired, they never slept as well, but when they were getting sufficient rest, they slept better overall. Around 5-6 months they dropped the late afternoon nap and took a morning and afternoon nap until about 15 months, then just an afternoon nap.

For bedtime, 7pm has always been a good bedtime for us (waking at about 7am) but if her current bedtime and eventual morning wake time is good for you, then I wouldn't change it. Otherwise, you could gradually change it by about 15 min every few days, if she tolerates it. I also woke my babies to feed them before I went to bed at night and it worked well for both of my babies (meaning, it helped them sleep through the rest of the night). The thought has occurred to me, however, since you are demand-feeding your baby throughout the day, to alter that with that one night feeding may be unsettling to her. I am not an expert on this, but I wonder if a baby does best on one or the other: demand or schedule, but not a little of both. Not sure of this myself, but just a thought (hmmmm), especially since your baby is typically pretty consisent on her own.

Some people say rice cereal helps, but I tried a little with my first baby and it didn't help a bit. He ended up sleeping through the night before I started him on solids (same with my 2nd baby) - the solid foods did not have any effect on my babies' sleep habits. When I started my first baby on formula, we started with soy and he did not tolerate it, but he did fine on regular formula. If you are giving her the formula only to see if it helps her sleep better, I wouldn't recommend it. From what I know, it doesn't seem to make any difference, and if you are content to exclusively breastfeed, I think that would be best for her (not only nutritionally, but also for the sake of consistency).

I don't know if this has been any help at all, but one thing I do know is that this WILL pass. I know that doesn't help in the sleep-deprived moment, but do what you need to survive and get through this. Hopefully your husband will understand that you can't handle 2 babies through the night on your own. I saw another mom recommended a 3-day sleep program - I would highly recommend that if you are open to it. I don't know about that program in particular, but I have heard other moms say it is great, and it is probably similar to another program that I am aware of and it is very good. It is probably very "routine-driven" so keep that in mind if you are considering it.

I hope this is helpful!

Hi K., I am a sleep consultant and parenting coach. Your daughter is at an age where she is starting to realize that she is a seperate person from you and this can lead to some changes in her sleep as she becomes more and more aware of her surroundings. With that said, your daughter is capable at 4 months of sleeping all the way through the night without eating or waking and taking three long naps a day. Giving her cereal will not make one difference in her sleep. The change that needs to happen is that she needs to learn how to comfort and soothe herself. Until this happens you can count on interrupted sleep and short naps. Please visit my website if you want help with this transition and we can set up a consultation.
Best wishes,
K. Smith
www.theindependentchild.com

Hi K.
Maybe you could push her bedtime back an hour and have her go to bed for the night at 7- 7:30 I would also suggest placing her in the Guardian Sleeper If she wakes during the night you know she is comfortable and warm and the Guardian Sleeper will help her self soothe, and feel like someone is holding her.
Good luck

I used to have that schedule too a month ago when my daughter was 4 mo. welcome to the "what the heck" sleeping schedule.
We now eat take a bath have a boobie and then take a nap at the reg bad time for an hour. Now she goes down by 10pm and sleeps through the night. we also hardly nap during the day except for every few days she makes up sleep during nap time. her naps consist of sleeping for 10 min in the car twice a day or so. But she sleeps through the night.
just go with the flow and see what happens. we get going on something and then a few days later she changes again. I cant wait for her to decide what she is doing when it comes to sleep.
T.

K.,

I suggest trying to move her bedtime to a later time. 6-6:30pm seems pretty early. I found with my son, who is almost a year now, that establishing a good bedtime routine has really helped. I did nurse him to sleep until he was about 6 months, but after that I did what I call a modified cry it out. I can't stand to let him cry, but I started by letting him cry for a few minutes and I would pat his back and reassure him that everything was okay. When he was really worked up I would pick him up and hold him. It took a couple of weeks but he soon learned that everything would be fine. Some nights he would be tired and go right to sleep others he would cry. I wasn't harsh about it, but found that reassuring him helped, but he did have to learn to soothe himself. Now he has an excellent bedtime routine and we end the evening with reading (either me or his dad) while he relaxes in his crib. He actually seems to love his crib now! The routine is very predictable for him and the pattern is always the same dinner, playtime, bath, a bit more playtime/reading, bottle, and then he goes down while we read to him. We also have relied on white noise (it's been our savior). You can purchase a CD online or at Borders/Barnes and Noble, etc. This has been a great thing which helps him relax at night. I also use it at nap time when I'm home with him. Overall our nights have improved since we established a consistent routine. I don't personally advise crying it out, such as leaving your little one to cry for as long as it takes, but some crying is going to occur. But they are so smart and soon understand that everything is okay. My little guy often sleeps through the night now, but not always. It does get better but establishing a good routine is probably the best thing you can do. I really do recommend white noise! Good luck!

I have two kids, both of whom I nursed on demand until 18mths-24mths. I'm pregnant with my third and have vowed to NOT EVER WAKE MY BABY TO NURSE AGAIN! I think it messed up both of their sleep patterns. I also think it's not the best to start rice cereal. I think that's a myth--at least for me it was. Two things: One, don't go into to nurse her while she's still sleeping at that 9/10 time. She'll wake on her own maybe a little later, and then her body will get on the rhythm it needs at night. Secondly, EXHAUST her totally with play, bath and massage before bed. Give her more time to wind down to send the sleep message. As far as the brutal wake up time. Have your husband only deal with the older one. You can't do it all. If she throws tantrums, she'll get over it--tell her before bed daddy will be there for her, not you.
My first born responded to the hair dryer or shower running and would instantly fall asleep to the hair dryer as if it was a switch. Very bizarre! Remember it's all only temporary!