Mother's Day and Step-Grandma's

Hi A.,
I think kids are so lucky because they get lots of grandparents. My step daughter has never been like a daughter to me but more of a friend however her kids are definately my grandkids and I am grandma not step grandma. Something to think about.
Happy Mothers Day!
A.

My Dad is also remarried, she is referred to as his wife, not my step-mother.

It is mother's day, not grandmother day. I would think that if the step-parents are not close to the child - no card is necessary.

I think they do have step-mother/grandmother cards.

As a child of divorced/remarried parents, I have held grudges and felt like I shouldn't be expected to give cards to someone who is not my mom. However, she loves her grandchildren as much as any grandmother could. My younger sister made me realize that it is more beneficial to have as many people who love my son be a part of his life and to let my feelings stay out of it. Let the grandmas all be a part of this wonderful little life - especially since they have been around for his whole life. My husband never knew his paternal grandmother as she died before he was born. His mother held a grudge against her stepmother and because of it my husband now has one grandma that he barely knows and another with dimentia. What a loss.

Hi A.,

I am in a similar situation as you. My parents separated after I was an adult, so I don't have a parental relationship with either of their new partners. I like them both, but we all acknowledge that pretending that they are in any way my parent would be just that. However, they are interested in my son's life and as such I try to include them in the same way that I do his other grandparents, sending pictures, email updates, etc.

The policy in our house is that Mother's Day is for your own mother. I do something for my mom but not my grandmas, my husband does something for his mom on his own (the only gift I don't help with all year so it's like a present for me too!) and my son for me but not his grandmas. I know that this is not how everyone acknowledges this day, but being consistent in this way has really helped make things simple and equitable in our family.

(There is a Grandparents Day too, you know)

Hi A.-I too have a step-mother that I have mixed feelings about (putting it mildly) My sisters and I were pretty much made to give her things for M-day...which we hated of course. When my first was born I struggled with the thought of even calling her grandma and sometimes I still cringe when I hear it. When Mom's day came up that first year I took advantage of having a little one and made her something from my daughter. Now that's what I do every year. My kids...love her...bless their hearts and I don't see the point in messing with that so I just cringe and go with it. That way I don't have to give her anything personally from me....maybe that's wrong but it's the way I've handled it all these years. :) good luck.

Mother's Day is Mother's Day and not Grandparents day or Mother-in-Law's day (these are all separate holidays). Get your mother a card, have your husband get his mom a card and call it good. If your children want to send a card for the other holidays that's great, but KEEP MOTHER'S DAY SPECIAL AND UNIQUE. My husband asked if he should get my mom a card and I said "she's not your mom, even though they have cards for Mothers-in-Law or stepmoms it's not that day." Plus, you'll save money on cards if your kids draw or make their own and it's even more special that way!!

What can it hurt to spread a little more love around? Children mirror their parents behaviors. If you want them to love and respect their elders you need to model that behavior. Set a great example - you'll never regret it.
P.S. Anyone with a Y chromosome has the ability to drive those of us with only X chromosomes a little crazy! :-)
P.S.S. On that same note, it is very important for your hubbie to make a big deal out of YOUR first Mother's Day.

i am in the same boat as you. both my parents are remarried. i don't call either of the step parents mom or dad, just their name. however i do get them a card, but they have cards out there that say for example, you've been like a mom to me, or just a card to someone special on these days. but my stepparents have been in my life since i was in middle school, so it's easier. however when i had my first child, i was questionable on what to do. and my husband and i decided that since these "grandparents, step or not" have been in our child's life since birth, i have my kids call all of them grandma and grandpa. my husband's parents are still married, so from my side and his, they have 3 sets of grandparents. and it's really nice. they know my parents were married once, and now are married to others, well the oldest knows that. it' can't hurt any child to have more grannies and grampies that love them! just how we do it. good luck!!!

We had this same problem 10 years ago. The way we do mother's day or father's day is this..Since I call my stepmom Mom the boys get her a card and gift since she is 'grandma' to them. My stepdad does not get anything from them not even a card. My FiL's wife didn't get anything but a phone call and My MiL's husband gets a gift and Card as he has been like a grandpa to them but his are Poppa gifts and are usually just paintings from the boys to hang on the fridge. They know he is Poppa not Grandpa. Now my FiL was actually a step-Grandpa but had been in my husbands life since birth so of course he got gits and card but that gift was usually a personalized grandpa shirt or mug. I guess it all depends on how close you are to them. If you give them a gift or card your children should, if you do not then your children should not unless they request to give something at a later time, then maybe just have them make something.

My husband and I share four children. We have never used the "step" terminology, even though all of our children, who range in age from 30 to 11, know that they are not blood siblings. You don't mention how well you get along with your Dad's wife, and that really doesn't matter. If it's not a good relationship, you will go a long way toward changing that by acknowledging Mother's Day to her. Hopefully you are at least appreciative of her love for your father! My children acknowledge their father on Father's Day as well as my husband, whom they call by his name. It is a sign of respect. My husband is Pappaw to my two grandchildren. He was there at their births. His daughter is expecting a child (his "blood" first grandchild) soon, and we plan to be there -- along with his ex! This new baby will not be treated any differently than the two we already have. I just think family is family. It always hurts me when I hear families talking about "step" children / grandchildren / siblings, etc. Children are never at fault when marriages break up and new spouses arrive. They should understand the relationship, but should not be forced to dwell on it. I believe all children should be treated equally.

I believe the children should get the step-Gradma a card or gift. I'm in the same situation you are and we just give cards that say Grandma. Our kids call our step moms Grandma, it makes it easier for the kids and they should accept the step mom as a Grandma.

I am remarried. I have three kids. My oldest is not my husbands, but from day one when Mike and I started dating his parents even came to Aaron's third birthday party. I had not even met them yet and they drove to my moms house for the party. I had invited them not knowing what to expect, but they were grandma and papa from the get go to my son. Aaron also has a great relationship with his "real" dad, but Mike is still dad to him too. Aaron is now ten and has a four year old brother and 2 year old sister, but never feels like he is less of a grandchild or child in this family. I think that is the most important thing. That your child never really see that it is any different. Because in the end it does not matter who gave birth to you, but who is in your life and loves you very much. I know my grandmas, moms, godmothers really do not care if they get anything for mother's day or not because they know they are loved. Besides, MOther's Day is my birthday! We'll probably just call or send an e-card to all the mom's this year. My mother in law is actually not even home this year. She is in Idaho with my sister in law who is about to have her first baby! My sister in law also got married just before Christmas last year to a guy who has an 11 year old daughter and 5 year old son who are now grandkids too! The dynamics are so different because of divorce, but the love is the same. Hope this helps!

I would say that it is up to you if you want him to get them cards, but I would take into effect how involved they are in his life, or how involved you want them to be. But FYI, they do make step-grandma cards.

My grandfather was a widower before I was born and remarried soon after. My mom never considered his wife to be a mother figure, but she was -always- my grandma.

My own parents are divorced and remarried and my kids consider my step-parents just to be grandma and grandpa, even though my relationship with both has been strained at times over the years and I don't feel a parent connection with one of them.

I think sending mother's day cards is a nice gesture from you, and when your son is old enough to scribble on a piece of paper (even now?) he can send cards to his grandmas. Kids need all the love they can get and grandparents can be so good at providing it. Why deny him that extra grandparent experience? And why ruin it by adding "step?"

Hi,
How do the step parents treat your child? I have a stepmother myself who decided not to acknowlege my son as her grandson and told him that she's "not really" his grandma. So I never get her anything but on the other hand my stepfather has always treated my kids just like he does his other grandkids and so we always get him a father's day card and a little something from the kids. So I would say depending on how they view the child is whether or not they should get a card, your own personal feelings aside.
Hope that helps
C.

If they are part of his life, they are grandmothers, not "step-"grandmothers. There is no need to make that artificial distinction for a child. However, in my opinion, it is Mother's Day, not Grandmother's Day, and there is a lot of commercialism involved in extending the gift-giving range. (In my family it's pretty hit-or-miss if Mom even gets a card on time, but my M&FIL even give cards and gifts to their daughters and me.)

If you would like to acknowledge their role in your son's life without calling them "Mom," this would be a great opportunity to do so and generate some extra warm-fuzzies for your son (and incidentally maybe ease some little hurts for you and your DH), but don't feel obligated to do so.

I am a "step" grandma and could not love my grandkids any less if they were blood related. They all know me as gram. The first one is even my special child. I was able to cut the cord when he was born and he lived with us for 11 years (he is now 17) and I just got an email this morning. He wants to come for the weekend. His mom and her sister (step children) have always remembered me a "another" mother.
I think you would be allowing your child to miss out on some very wonderful times, memories and love if you don't treat the step mom as his real grandmother. Remember, it takes a village and you never know when this step grandma could be very important to him. Why does it matter that these women are not blood related? I am sure that you will be pleasantly surprised when you start including these women as family, because they are family.

I have a step mother that I have become very close to, so we send her cards and the kids pick out grandma cards for her. They know that she is not my mom, but she comes to visit and they call her grandma, so why not. It makes her feel really special.

I also have a step father with whom I lived with since being little and considered him more of a father than my biological father. We are still close. My mother died at an early age and he eventually got remarried. His wife is not warm and friendly like my fathers. Out of respect I would sent a generic happy mother's day card, not a mom or granda. I'm not sure how she what she thinks, but I know my dad enjoys the gesture and it doesn't take much to do.

My advice is that if you don't feel that comfortable just send one card and sign all of your names. Then there isn't a weirdness between you.

My parents are divorced and both remarried. My dad for 15 years? and my mom for 11. I do not get my step parents any thing for mother/father's day and don't from my children either. My step-mom has kids and grandkids so I figured she was covered. Plus we were never really close, I hated her as a teen! My step-dad is a little more tricky because he doesn't have kids but loves my girls to death. So far we have gotten away with it because we never see him on Father's day, we are with my in-laws or my dad. My girls call them grandma/pa but it never has been an issue with us.

I agree with Patty's post. Your children will not know them as anyone but Grandma/Grandpa - no matter how many grandparents they have, thus it would be kind to have the kids send a card.

They do make step-grandparent's cards and step-parent cards. I know because I send them to my step-grandparents and stepdad every year! You will have to LOOK for them though, because they can get burried.

honestly, this might sound mean, but I wait to send out cards from the kids to the grandparents, until September, on grandparents day...

either way it should be from the kids POV...if the kids call them grandma...there is your answer, send them a card

Hi A.,

Just so you know, I do give my step-mother-in-law a present & card for Mother's Day. And our kids do as well.
But, my husband is the only one that does out of the 7 kids, and it's because of me. If it were up to him, she woudln't get anything. They have been married for over 20 years too.
They have been very good to us.

Back when our kids were growing up, they didn't make "step" mom cards or "step" grandma cards. We got the cards that said "to someone special on mother's day, or the kids made their grandma thier own card.

Hope that helps.

J.

Cards are such an easy and thoughtful gesture. Of course step-grandmas are grandmas as well, we don't even use the word step in our family, our kids are just so lucky to have so many grandmas and grandpas who love them. I know that the "hallmark" type cards are expensive. I buy the packs of blank cards that have 8 or 10 cards with beautiful patterns, they are much less expensive and I write my own notes in them, they work perfectly for holidays such as Mother's and Father's Day. It's not easy to come into a family as a "step" parent, little gestures like a card on Mother's Day goes a long way.

Is the relationship good between you and the step-mom's? Are the real mom's still around? I guess, if your child will be calling the Grandpa's wives Grandma, then yes, you should get them cards from your child. I totally understand where you're coming from too. My Mom-In-Law has a significant other who's been in her life for over 10 years. My Father-In-Law passed away before my daughter was born. My daughter has only known my Mom-In-Law's significant other as Grandpa. So we always get him a Father's Day card from her. I hope that helps.

Hi A.,

I just buy grandmother/grandfather cards for my daughters step-grandparents on Mother's and Father's Days. I look at it from my daughter's perspective - she will grow up with these grandparents and consider them grandparents. I decided it was best to make the effort to give my child an extended family. A card is a simple but caring gesture that helps keep your child's family together.

Happy Mother's Day,
S.

I also have a step-mom that I don't consider a mom. (Her and my dad have been married for 25+ years too.) I actually get her a card (no gift) just to keep the peace, but I sign it from me, DH, and the kids. You can find Mother's Day cards that just say Happy Mother's Day and aren't intended specificaly "for mom". You can also find cards "from child to grandma", but having him MAKE one would be a great way to go. Since he's only 10 mths. just give him a crayon, a big sheet of paper and let him go to town =)

Yes, I truly believe that you should give a mothers day card. I have a step parent and even though I was 22 when my mom remarried, I have always purchased a card for my "dad" for fathers day. He may not be my real dad, but his is my childrens Papa. He is an important part of our family. Your job is to teach your kids to respect grandparents as much as they are to respect you, and you need to teach them to love them as much as ever. I had a hard time embracing my step dad. But now, believe me, there are times I love him more than my biological parents. He loves us. And he ADORES our kids! That is all I think required to deserve a fathers day card and gift from us. I think your step parents deserve the same honor and respect from your family. They are as much of a part of family as your husband is to your mom, and as you are to your husbands step mom. How would you feel to be left out?
Yes, they make cards for these type of blessed additions to family. And when your baby is old enough, your son can handmake a card that I am sure will be greatly treasured!

Hi A., My name is A. and I am a step-mom and grandmother. Is there some reason you and your husband don't consider your step mothers as mothers? I did not have a hand in raising my step son but every year he at least tells me happy mothers day. His children (has 2) sends me cards. His father and I have been married for 11yrs now and my step son and i have a comfortable relationship. I think you might want to look at how you can incorporate your step mothers into mothers day. Maybe by making a card or a picture of you son card for them. My step grandkids call me Nana so that I don't take away from their blood grandmothers. This was by my choice. Think about it. It might help out in your sons later years if there isn't any confusion. Be sides, I've all ways found home made is better. Means more, and it shouldn't take away from his biological grandmothers. I enjoy all my grandkids and love them all the same. I have 4 all total. I hope this helps.

I have been divorced over 20 years and have 4 children. My two oldest have the same father and my two youngest each have a different father. My third child's father passed away before she was born. My youngest child's father ran out on us when he was 2 years old. My ex-husband remarried about 25 years ago. They have a son who is 20. His wife has been very involved with all of my kids. My ex and his wife were invited to my daughter's wedding ( not his daughter)and he came to the hospital when she had a baby 2 months ago. My son ( not my ex's son) and my ex's son are very good friends and my son goes over to their home and spends weekends. My ex's son calls my Mom grandma. He didn't understand why his brother and sister could call my Mom Grandma and not him. Some people think this is strange but I feel that love is supposed to multiply not devide families.
I know that sometimes after a divorce the kids have split loyalities. And that parents feel left out or hurt when the kids love their ex's new spouse. So analyze this, how does your step-Mom treat you? Does she welcome you as a part of the family or is she distant? Does she treat your son any differently than her own grandchildren? Parenting is a difficult job and why try to devide your son's love between his grandparents. He won't understand that your step-Mom is not grandma. If there were a family emergency with your Mom, she is hospitalized for instance, would you be able to ask your Dad and his wife to take care of your son so you could be with your Mom? How would your step-Mom take care of your son? Would she step in and take care of him as one of her own?
I feel that you should open your heart and take both of these women into your heart and love them. They are a part of your life and loved by your respective fathers. You don't have to call them "Mom". But truely if they love you and your little one what is the big deal? Love them back. You can get cards that read "For soneone who has been like a Mother to me", and get them a small gift. If your Mom has a problem with it explain how you feel and she will learn to deal with it. If a mother can love 2 or more children equally why can not a child love 2 or more mothers? Personally I took the words step sister, step brother and step Mom out of my vocabulary. My kids are brother and sister to all and treat each other that way.
I know this is difficult, I did not always feel this way. I tried to keep my kids loyal to me and not let them call my ex's wife Mom. But she has stepped up to the plate and taken my kids, all of them, into her heart. The grandkids are hers too, she loves them and would do anything for them. This is was not easy for me. I had to learn to open my heart to her and now I really think she is great. When you open your heart to loving everyone truely life is better.

Hi A.,
They make Mother's Day cards for Grandma's. I would have your children give them one. It will make them feel special and I'm sure they will appreciate it!

A.,

I have a step-mother and even though we aren't close, I do get her a Mother's Day card, but, it is very generic. We also, try to find the "step-mother cards", not "Mother" cards. I don't get anything sentimental, because there is nothing to be sentimental about. Our boys, now grown, call her grandma, but know that she is not their biological grandmother. (Biological grandmother died 51 years ago) We used to get cards for her from them, but, again, very generic sayings inside. I'm not sure if they have step-grandmother cards, but if you have a program on your computer, you could make one.

I don't celebrate mother's day for my step-mother, nor do we have my son do it. We're just not close. On the other hand, my son and I do celebrate father's day for my step father. We're very close to him. So in my mind it has to do with how close (personally) you are with the person. If your son sees these step-grandparents regularly and is close to them, I'd say a card or something nice might be in order.

I have a similar situation and my step-grandma is involved in our childrens life so I give Mothers Day presents to them. I think it's a good idea. Why not make someone's day rather than make them wonder how you feel about them. I say yes.

My dad remarried when I was 16, and at that point, I didn't need another mother. I never called her mom, but we had a good relationship. When my husband and I had kids, they just knew they had a bunch of grandparents. I had a step grama too. She was horrible, she wouldn't touch us because we were dirty... Anyway, she was still a grama and she got a card no matter what. My kids made all their grandparents cards for mother's day/father's day (I have a step dad too now). No matter your relationship with the step's in your life, it's not fair to keep that from your children. They may make their own decisions later in life whether or not they'd like to continue certain traditions. When my sister and I were about 8 and 10, we stopped giving cards to our "evil" step grama, although our cousins continued with their relationship with her. One thing too about names, in my child hood, each grandparent had a name, grama, grampa, nana, and then my dad's parents were dutch, so they were oma and opa. That way we didn't get confused as to who was who. With the step's in my life, we talked to them, along with the blood grandparents, and we decided they would all have grama or grampa in front of their names... If you choose to have different names for step and blood, there are plenty to choose from. Good Luck

Yes...give a card at the very least to the grandmothers, from your child. Your child will not know the history behind the divorces, etc...so will never know anything except for the fact that they have 2 grandma's.

My father (who lives in Seattle) re-married a few years before our daughter was born, and we send a card with a few pictures. My daughter will never know that I don't really recognise her as a mother to me, but she is a grandmother to my daughter, even if it's a fairly new relationship or a distant one.

A. -- I have to ask you ... are these women mean or disrespectful towards you? If so - I can see why you wouldn't want to recognize them. If not, then I would treat them as part of the family - if nothing else out of respect for your fathers. My mother has been remarried for 26 yrs and I send him a father's day card (I do not call him dad though) and all my kids and now the great grandkids call him Grandpa.

I too am remarried for the past 9 yrs and even my children have the grandkids call my husband "Papa" which he is quite proud of. He loves my children and grandchildren as if they were his own blood.

I feel that making a separation is disrespectful and I'm quite sure they would be thrilled to be acknowledged as someone special in the family.

Blessings Always,
D.

A.,

I am sure she would appreciate a Grandma card for Mother's Day. We have a similar situation and no one would ever consider calling my kids Grandpa "Step-Grandpa John." He is just Grandpa to them. It would be a nice gesture. I think she would appreciate it.

S.

It really depends on the relationships involved. My mother's parents were divorced and remarried early enough that to me, it was Grandma Dee (mother's mother), and Grandma and Grandpa M (mother's father and stepmother). I never thought anything but love and affection to all three of them, and to this day do not consider Grandma M my step-grandmother.

My parents were divorced when I was 8, and then my father remarried. As a result, I gained a set of step grandparents from my stepmother. Again, they treated me and my sister as grandchildren of their own and I still care about Nanny and Pop-pop as if they were natural grandparents.

Kids form relationships with people regardless of the blood ties they may or may not have. It's the roles that they fulfill in children's lives that matter, in my opinion.

(And yes, they make step-grandmother cards - though again, depending on the relationship, you may not even care about whether or not the "step" is emphasized).

I hope this helps :)

My dad is remarried as well. He remarried when I was 20 years old, so I don't call her my step-mom either...she is known as my dad's wife. But I still send her a Mother's day card each year. It fairly generic, just a way to say happy mothers day to you...just like you would with a co-worker or a friend. As for your kids...I have my kids call her grandma. Reason, she will be there for their entire life, unlike she was for me. So for my girls, she will be getting a grandmother card.

My grandma remarried when my mom was a teenager too. She calls her step dad by his name. But I've always called him grandpa.

This is a personal decision that you need to decide what to do...just thought I'd share what we do.

Not to put the Father's in the middle... but maybe ask your Father's and see if they would have hurt feelings. If nothing has been done in the past... I would imaginge that they would not expect anything. If your children are really close to them and you want to foster "her" relationship with your children... then I would think a card is not a bad idea or homemade picture. I am sure they make some kind of "special person" card. If not ... they make blank cards and you can add your own note. When all is said in done... isn't life really about family .... I agree with others, if there is a reason not to observe her ... then don't. But maybe out of respect for your father you should.

As far as my kid is concerned, he treats his step-grandma and his step-grandpa the same as his blood grandparents. Seriously, why not? Why clutter up that relationship with "step" this and "step" that. Just treat them as bonus grandmas!

Why even make it a step-grandparent card? I grew up in this same situation when I was a child and only knew them as my grandmas, your son will know no different either, unless you constantly point it out ....they will all just be his grandmas. Even if you don't share that relationship with the step-moms there is no reason your son can't. And I think it would hurt your fathers to not have your son acknowledge these women as a significant part of his life. I couldn't imagine referring to my grandma as only my step-grandma!

My aunt was single most of her life. She married a man after retirement who has 4 sons and along with that many grandchildren. Everyone gave my aunt mothers day cards. This made her feel like part of the family. Not Step-grandma or step- mom cards. They hand made many of them. When she showed them to us I almost cried for her. How great, that they were open to her in their life. Maybe this could be a way to show them you accept them into the family. If you have issues with them, let your children do it. I am sure they would be happy and touched to be included on this holiday.

Hi A.,
My mom married my step-dad 5 years ago and my 4 year old has always known him as Grandpa (my real dad hasn't been in my life for 14 years). I think it's all about how they treat your child. You could always have him "make" his own cards as well. My step dad and daughter have a WONDERFUL bond. He spoils her rotten, just like any other grandparent would!!! It's not about being related by blood it's about how they treat your children and what roles they play in their lives. Is your son talking? Since my mom and step-dad were only married for a year when I had my daughter I wasn't sure what he wanted to be called but I asked my mom and she's the one who started calling him Grandpa to my daughter. He didn't mind of course. It depends what you guys are all comfortable with but I'd definitely have the little guy give them cards if they play a positive role in his life. Good luck.

I have a step-grandma myself. My grandma passed away several years ago, and though she will never replace my grandma, she's still my grandpa's wife and he's happy and we all get along well with her. So we do send her mother's day cards and since this is our first year with a daughter, going to take a picture with her with a sign saying happy mothers day and send that along with the card. We just call her by her first name, so it feels weird calling her step-grandma, so I actually picked out one of the more general happy mother's day cards. One that doesn't specifically say, "Mom" or "Grandma" or "Step-Grandma". (And Hallmark did have several to choose from!)

If these "step-mother/grandmothers" are good to you and your child then YES!

My dad has remarried twice and I cannot stand his current woman. She's not good to my child or myself so she isn't recognized.

I have a step Mom who is with out my Dad now ,since he died she has turned to her family she and he created thru adoption and half brother.
Now she wants me around but the drama is to much.
So I will maybe call her.

Maybe your child can send thru you a small photo or e card.

I know the pain of this for i am or was close to my son and now his friend took all the holiday s from me which was bad enough with him going to Iraq soon but now this special holiday
is hers and her Moms she dislikes not mine.

So please re think your situation and see how you would feel if you was in the same postion as the new or new but there along time step parnet.

I can not tell you what you should feel or do but when i got the call some one I loved and wanted to know (my Mom may be dead) all I could do is screAM AS MY SON DROVE.

Please do not let this hurt into your life.

Let love in.

D.

Try www.sharemykidsart.com. We got the grandparents a calendar and they loved it!

I think it is a personal choice. That being said, my kids have always called my step-mom grandma (they made the distinction between my mom and step mom by calling my mom grandma C. and my step mom grandma Jeane) and on Mother's Day we went to the local Wal*Mart and got all 3 grandmas an orchid corsage and gave to them. It was way less confusing for the kids than explaining why we got a gift for this grandma and this grandma but not this grandma. It became a tradition that my kids looked forward to and it was inexpensive. And all the grandmas loved it. And they do make cards for step moms or 'other mother' cards.

Not sure if this will help, but figured I'd give you some info from a child's perspective. Both sets of my grandparents were remarried before I was ever born and although as I got older I knew they were not my "real" grandparent, they were all the same to me. As I got older I noticed (and still do) how differently thier children were treated based on whos was whos, but luckily all the grandkids were treated equally. I have aunts and uncles that are step/halves, but when it comes down to it....family is family.
You didn't really state if there was a reason. If not, I would say if your child is going to be treated as a grandchild but both the steps then they should be treated as a grandparent. This doesn't mean that you'd have to treat them as a mom, but if they are gonna be a part of your sons life as a grandparent it'll prob be eaiser for him