Lying 5 Yr Old HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am reading a book right now that has a good chapter on why children lie - NurtureShock by PO Bronson & Ashley Merryman. "We may treasure honesty, but the research is clear. Most classic strategies to promote truthfulness just encourage kids to be better liars." Studies show a 4 yr old will lie about once every 2 hrs and a 6 yr old will lie about once an hour! Most lies are to cover up a trangression - the kid does something they shouldn't and then to stay out of trouble denies doing it. Children are much more disapproving of lies and liars than adults are. Lying is actually a developmental milestone - it's related to intelligence. As kids get older the reasons for lying get more complex - lie to spare a friend's feelings, increase their power, vent frustration, get attention, etc. They did a study of which story reduced lying more...The Boy That Cried Wolf or the story of George Washington cutting down the cherry tree. Believe it or not it was TBTCW didn't cut down lying at all. GW's story did - reduced 75% in boys and 50% in girls. In the BTCW the boy ultimately gets a kind of punishment. Kids that live in constant threat of consistent punishment don't lie less but become better liars. GW however got both immunity and praise for telling the truth. "I won't be upset w/ you if you cut down the tree but if you tell the truth I will be really happy." Kids are trying to please us! Also a good point they brought up is that kids learn to lie from us - tell a telemarketer we are just a guest here, etc.
They advise to keep teaching your kids that lying is wrong but once we catch a lie have your approach be different.
I highly recommend the book. They also talk about the inverse power of praise - we should be praising the EFFORT. Why white parents don't talk about race. Teen rebellion, the sibling effect, etc. A variety of topics. They have performed studies on everything to come up with their information.
Good luck!

Place them in the hands of God. Pray for the help you need and read the book of proverbs in the Holy bible there are life changing instructions on how to raise our children properly in today's society. Bible is our instructions before we leave earth. It's help us raise our four children. Our children need limits that must be started at the time of there birth. No! has to mean no, and yes! when it is right. A child need absolute signs of directions. I know being a working mom makes it hard to punish our children. If a child is lying, first examine where they are learning this behavior from. Children are like sponges they pick up on every thing they hear. Your child has learned the act from some where they don't come here knowing how to do this it is a being done in there presents and they will past it on to there sibling.

Here's some links:

http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=702

http://www.babycenter.com/404_how-should-i-respond-when-m...

Dear S.,

As a parent coach, I can assure you that lying is a very common behavior for kids. Here is a link to an article I wrote about why kids lie. I hope that it is helpful to you.

http://www.gilabrown.com/GB/Blog/Entries/2009/4/6_Pants_O...

I also have a parent workshop series starting up next month that would be perfect for you. The focus is on positive discipline and effective communication. Here is the full class description.

http://www.gilabrown.com/GB/Classes.html

If I can be of any further help, feel free to contact me.
Be well,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Educator
www.GilaBrown.com

hate to say it but maybe she needs more one on one attention, even possibly her father. i give you much credit for raising 5 kids on your own, but seriously stop having babies. It's hard enough to raise them right with two parent but on your own...with 5.

S., I have years of experience as a family wellness coach and, well, I will tell you what I know.

Children learn what they live. lying is NOT normal. Lying is NOT something all children do. Lying is NOT a phase. Lying may be a sign of frustration or a way of getting attention. Lying is UNACCEPTABLE.

So what do you do?

1. Each time she lies, you stop whatever it is that you are doing and you get her attention. Get down to her level and say, "we do lie in this family. Are you part of this family?" (wait for an answer) then say "good, remember we don't lie in this family". DO THIS EVERY TIME. Acknowledging the bad behavior may just be what she wants. Catch her being good. You will have to repeat this over and over again, but it will stick.

2. Be consistent. If you "let it go" once, she will be affirmed that she can "get away with it" again. The more consistent you are the sooner it will stick.

3. Get your family on board.

S., this consistency works for all challenges.
When we tell our children what we want...
stay close to mom when crossing the street
hold my hand in the parking lot
eat your veggies
play nice with your sister/friend
sleep well
make good choices
respect your toys, etc…

IT IS EXACTLY WHAT WE GET!

Try this little experiment with your kids (and on your self).

Say to them
DON'T THINK OF A PINK ELEPHANT. Now ask, what did they just do? Right they thought of a pink elephant.

Now try this: THINK OF A BLUE DOG. What did they do? Right. They did exactly what you said… BOTH TIMES.

Focus on what you want and you will get it.

B.
Family Wellness Coach

This is an age where children are SUPER imaginative - they can convince themselves that what they are saying is actually real, so they don't think they are lying. They just don't have the same concrete thought processes as adults do. SO, try to understand that you don't have a rotten kid - it's just maybe very confusing to HIM as well.

That being said, it is important to HELP them be successful. If you know your child did something, DON'T ask him, "Did you do this?" It is just setting him up to fail. It is much more productive to say, "I see that you did ____. This is how you need to fix the problem." or "This is the consequence for that behavior" without blowing up at the kid about it.

We would tell our son (who had a HUGE period of lying) that if he told the truth, we would not be angry at him. He'd still get a consequence for his behavior, but if he lied, we would be VERY upset. It lasted about 3 months of crazy lying, and then we made sure to get into a better routine where he had less "idle" time and he has seriously improved. He's only 5, so it wasn't too long ago.

Good luck, stay positive, and be consistent and he'll finally understand that telling the truth is a value that you hold in your home, and that he's expected to live by it.