How to Handle Drop-ins

okay this is a twist on everyone else's answers... which were all great (keeping them in mind!) but maybe if they do keep dropping in... and you know they just want to see the grandson... say "wow, great you're here to see the baby, would you mind if I did a load of laundry or took a shower or cleaned while you played with the baby?" maybe it's rude(??) but it's also rude to just drop by whenever! plus im sure they would love to spend time with him and bonus you could get stuff done w/o worrying about entertaining the baby! :-) just a thought

N.,

Count your blessings, it goes to show you have inlaws that love and care for you. Take advantage of their visits and go do your cooking and cleaning etc,. Who know they might even pitch in of their kindness. Have a heart to heart talk with them and they'll understand, instead of them resenting you. Avoid having a negative relationship with family.

Hi N.,
I had a similar problem with my mother-in-law. To make a long story short, she expected me to be her girlfriend to hang out with because she didn't have much of a life. You could offer to them that you'd like to see them once a week for dinner but you really need them to let you know when and if they're stopping by. Then, you can tell them no, sorry this isn't a good time. If they show up unexpectedly anyway, you can also tell them no, sorry, not a good time and keep re-inforcing the once a week dinner thing. That way, they still get to see the grandchild and you don't feel like they're stalking you. If they are truly nice people they may feel a little hurt but should understand that you need a little more space and privacy. I won't lie to you, it's going to be hard but it will keep happening til you start feeling like you hate them if you don't take some kind of action. If they have a key to your front door, get the locks changed--I'm serious! That's what my brother-in-law and sister-in-law finally had to do. They lied and told her the lock had been broken and then just never gave her another key. Good luck to you,
A. K.

Some people are bothered by people who just drop in, obviously you are one of them. I have to say though, be grateful for what you have. It would be horrible if they lived a couple of doors down and never came at all to visit. You might find at some point it is very helpful. They can help when you want to take a shower, or cook a nice dinner. Use what you have for the positive. Setting boundaries isn't always bad either. Just be careful you don't do something that you later find you regret. It isn't like they are just "friends," they are family. Are they that bad? I ask this only because sometimes they are... LOL

I totally understand what you are going through. My motto is If you don't call first you won't get in. This used to happen to me all the time. Not only with family but with friends. If sombody would pop by unannounced. I would let them in and say " Oh we were just about to run some errands." I would get the kids together and walk out the door and get in the car. We might only drive around the block but they got the message. Sometimes I would sit in the house and not answer the door. One friend was famous for just popping up at my door. One day she rang and rang and rang the bell. I didn't answer. She went home and called me on the phone and said "I was just at your house. Why didn't you answer the door?" I told her I wasn't expecting any visitors. When I'm not expecting any visitors I do not answer the door. She got the hint. Now She calls ahead of time. You don't have to be as crazy as me, but you can sit them down and tell them that you prefer it if they call before they come over. If you are honest and direct with them then they should understand.

Buy thicker curtains or blinds and close them between a certain part of the day. It sounds like they are normal grandparents just wanting to be involved. You could also let them know that between such and such times your son naps and that is your only time to shower, launder, exercise ect. Mabeye they will get the hint. Also, let them know that you dont always have your unmentionables on since you nurse your little one and them calling first would help so much.
Take care and good luck!
K.

Why don't you ask your fiance to tell them. It's his job to address this type of thing with his family and your job to handle your family. Maybe he can just bring it up casually one day to his mom. Like "Yeah, N. has been crazy busy these days. She's trying to get the baby on a schedule that will allow her to get more done, so maybe you guys should call her before stopping by". Also, if they do stop by un-announced, let them in and keep doing what you are doing. If you are breastfeeding, go in another room. If you are about to exercise, pass the baby to them and go do it, if you can. But I understand how you feel because I am the same way. Even with my very good friends. The only difference with me is that I keep the blinds to my front windows cracked, not all the way open, so that I can peek and see who's at the door and decide if I'm going to answer of not. A lot of times, I don't answer. And I don't care if they know I am home, because I let everyone know that I like to know when I'm going to have company. The way I see it is, if you don't care about my wishes, I don't care if you get your feelings hurt because I will leave you standing outside knocking! Let us know how you work this out. :)

I would definitely ask your fiance to say something and if it doesn't work, then you need to step up and say something. My husband told me that he had to "train" his mom when he first moved out. I asked him what he meant and he told me that he would always tell her to call before coming over, even if it was 5 minutes before she was coming, he just wanted a heads-up. Well she would always just stop by and it would make him mad, he would let her in, but always tell her to call first. Finally he had enough and she came by unannounced and he asked who was at the door (even though he saw her and she knew that he had seen her) and she said, "mom" and he told her that he wasn't expecting company and to go away. She was flabbergasted and asked if he was going to let her in and he said that he expected a call before she showed up and he didn't care if she went to the Turkey Hill down the street and called, he wasn't letting her in without a call. Well she went and called and he let her in and she has been calling ever since!
I thought this was ridiculous until we moved 2 houses down from my parents. I just couldn't believe how invasive they could be, but I guess those grandchildren really make a difference. We had to treat my parents bad if they showed up unannounced and now they always call first. It really works. It is upsetting for you that you have to treat them that way and it's upsetting for them to be treated that way, but it's the only way they will learn. I make a point to tell anyone who shows up without calling first that they need to in the future. I am not a confrontational person either, but I muster up the courage and tell them because I hate that!
Good luck!