How Bad Is Calling Yourself Stupid in Front of Your Kids?

T.,
Don't be so hard on yourself!!! Things happen. You were traveling with three children. Heck, you have three children! I only have one and it's hard to juggle everything! Kids model what they see. So if they see you being super hard on yourself they are going to do the same thing. If you can replace the things that were lost great! If not, take it as sometimes sh*t happens and continue to be a good mama.

Hi T.! Don't be too hard on yourself about what you've already said, but please try to stop putting yourself down in front of your kids. It can be unbelievably damaging to them. Here is my experience - while I was growing up my mother constantly called herself fat. She was not fat, she's 5'7" and I clearly remember her weighing herself in front of me - she weighed 130 pounds. I did not develop anorexia or bulimia, but I do believe I have some sort of eating disorder. I think about food, exercise, if I deserve to eat, etc. ALL day long. I'm not kidding. It's obsessive. I am 5'8" and weigh 140 pounds. I KNOW in my heart I am in good shape (I ran 6 miles today!) but I look at myself every day in the mirror and see fat. I would never tell my mother this, but I think a lot of it stems from the words she said while I was little. If she looked like a fat mess, then what about me? I've never seen a therapist, but have considered it. Try to keep your comments about your "stupidity" to yourself, and save your kids from the therapist they're bound to need when they're my age. Good luck :)

Because of the context you are using it in they are just attributing it to making a mistake. If you call yourself stupid when you make a mistake then your kids will think stupid means mistake.

I could say mom is a dog every time I make a mistake and my kids would start saying they are dogs when they make a mistake.

You can't use a word in one context and expect your kids to know there is another, ya know? Stop beating yourself up.

You may want to clear this up mind you because when they get in to school I am pretty sure the first kid who makes a mistake is going to be called stupid you are going to get a phone call.

I would not label yourself as stupid, young kids don't really understand differentiating things like that, and she is starting to model the behavior she is seeing. You would be sad if she called herself stupid if she did something accidentally. You can say mommy was forgetful, or wasn't being careful or something, but try not to put names on actions like that. Really though, it's not even good for you to call yourself stupid, even if noone is around. It was an honest mistake! :)

Look, you goofed, you know that. Stop beating yourself up over it. You have learned a valuable lesson. Now tell the kids you should not have said that about yourself, you gave yourself a time out, and now THEY have to learn not to say it. If they do, they will get a time out. And mean business.

They will forget eventually that you called yourself that. Resolve to not allow the word out of their mouths at all. Give a tough consequence. It will work itself out.

What you say instead of "I'm stupid" to teach them that EVERYONE isn't always competent is "Everyone makes mistakes, kids, and that includes adults and mommies." But don't be foolish and tell your kids that you make mistakes they don't know about. At this age it is OKAY for them to see you as super mommy at least a little bit...

Dawn

Please do not even think of yourself as stupid, let alone call yourself stupid. You are not stupid. You are human and made a mistake.

As you're noticing your kids will take on the word for themselves which is detrimental to their self-esteem. You want your children to think of themselves as smart.

I strongly urge you to build up your own self-esteem by telling yourself that you are smart. You are human. You can say, I goofed. I should've remembered the bag. But you are not stupid.

I suggest that one reason you keep leaving things is because you think of yourself as stupid. I suggest that if you tell yourself you will remember the bag, that you will.

When my daughter was little, "stupid" was a bad word in her opinion. Don't bash yourself, your children will pick up on the self bashing and emulate it. Accidents happen. Your kids don't want to see you putting yourself down and it's not a great example. It can be a family goal to keep better track of your things.

Not ok at all....as you've said your 5 yr old is already starting this and is this how you want your kids to perceive themselves? Because that is what your causing by doing this. All you needed to say to your kids was, "I'm sorry mommy forgot the diaper bag and I'll replace all the stuff we lost." And that's it...

Not good at all. I keep doing it...bad habit as I am very hard on myself. My husband gets so upset because I've done it repeatedly. We really do need to edit what we say and how we say it. I am constantly reminding myself our kids are watching our every move.

The problem isn't the mistakes, the problem is that your children now believe that you think someone, including yourself, is stupid if they make a mistake. Your kids need to know that it's okay to make a mistake and that mistakes are forgiven. So, from now on, instead of telling your kids that mommy is stupid, simply tell them that you made a mistake and that it's okay, everyone makes mistakes and let them know that it's okay to make a mistake and that people who make mistakes are not stupid, they are human. Your kids are taking their cue from you so you need to change what you're saying and they will change their idea of stupid.

This shows your kids that you don't love yourself for who you are - warts and all.

This is a HORRIBLE message to send to your kids. My mom is like this. So I was like this for a long time. It took me many years of therapy to not be so down on myself.

you aren't acting in the spirit of forgiveness. You aren't teaching your children to love themselves.

Please listen to the song Perfect by P!nk. And then change the voices inside your head.

You are not stupid, you made a misstatement.

I do not like the word stupid.. for any reason.. we almost treat it like a curse word..

Nobody is stupid.. They just sometimes make mistakes.. They sometimes can be clumsy. They may be tired and not paying attention. Sometimes they just need more practice.

Maybe we do not feel well and cannot concentrate.

No one is perfect, but it is really hard to call any one stupid, without it being one of the worst insults.

Just try to break the habit.. Have each of you remind each other to pick another word that really fits the situation,

" I'm starting to hear this kind of talk from my five year old when she writes letters backwards or doesn't like her own artwork."

I think you answered your own question. Stop calling yourself stupid. If yoiu make a mistake, apologize to your children. But you don't need to add that you're stupid.

How about "Silly me." Mistakes happen.

How you talk to yourself is generally how they're going to talk to themselves.

I call myself stupid all the time... when I'm laughing at myself.

"Oh. THAT was stupid!" and then I fix it

Until 2 years ago, my son picked up on that attitude. Drats. Screwed that up, time to fix it! And he'd laugh and fix it. He didn't get why "stupid" is considered a bad word by many people. Ya do something stupid, you fix it. Everyone screws up. That's part of life. In my son and my life "stupid" happens. No one's perfect. Whoops. That was dumb. Lets not do that! Better think that one through a bit! Time to fix it!

2 years ago, my husband (his dad) started trying to be around more. This is the man who MEANS stupid. As a state of being. As something horrendus, to be looked down upon.

He'd say "Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" and pound himself in the head
He'd sneer and talk about "If you weren't so CARELESS." or "It's STUPID to blah blah blah."

Stupid went from 'mea culpa' to an epithet.

Stupid became a bad word in OUR house.

So, to me, it really all depends.

I think you just need to ask yourself how your want your kids to react to frustration as they grow up and as adults. Do you want to have child who beats himself up and calls himself stupid when at 8 fails a math test or 13 he says something silly in front of a girl or at 16 doesn't pass her driving test or at 20 gets dumped for the first time?

I think it's fine take responsibility and show regret, but you shouldn't teach your kids to call themselves names anymore than you would teach them ot call others names.

Stop beating yourself up about everything. And don't beat yourself up about using the word "stupid." But maybe think about how you want them to react when they have similar experiences. You are a perfectly competet grown-up but you are teaching your kids how to feel about themselves and their own confidence. Cut it out!!

It hurts your kids to see you hurting. Kids don't see boundaries between themselves and their parents. You might as well bei calling them stupid. they don't distinguish. They feel your pain. Embrace their empathy for you and encourage their forgiveness of your mistakes by forgiving yourself.

DON'T DO THAT!!! What does it add to what your saying? Yes, you made a mistake. Yes, you're sorry. Yes, you'll make up for it. What can "I'm stupid" possibly add in value to that line of conversation? First of all, it doesn't have anything to do with being stupid, so it's not true, it's just modeling self scorn.

Nothing will scar your kids for life if you accidentally do it now and then, but still, DON'T do that! I'm saying this, because my mom does it, and I HATE IT. I literally cringe every time I hear her saying she's stupid. She thinks it's "humble and self effacing". Only as an older, confident person who overcame the overboard humble act she passed down to me can I now see how awful that is. I got used to her saying it when I was little (yuck). I've since read many places you should not criticize yourself in front of your kids if you want them to be confident about themselves.

Whenever my mom calls herself stupid when we visit, my kids look stung, and say, "no your not, grandma!" Then finally I heard my son say "I'm stupid" about himself. It almost brought me to tears. I said, "You are not stupid, please do not say that about yourself, you have a wonderful brain that God gave you and it's not nice to say that about yourself." He liked the attention and did it a few more times, but I did get firm with it. The kids are not allowed to say that about anyone, including themselves. And I don't do it.

Yes, I apologize and admit mistakes all the time, and yes I left my wallet on top of the car and drove away three times in one week, but I don't call myself stupid. Your kids don't like to hear that. How did you feel when your daughter said it? That's all you need to know.

I don't think it's ever ok to call anyone stupid. PERIOD. It's a relative term -- one person's judgement of another person (that's right, calling someone stupid is a form a judgement) is going to vary greatly from someone else. The only thing accomplished is that your opinion is being voiced in a forceful manner - there are way more effective and positive ways to do so.

A perfect example of how this can be put into perspective stems from reading that you have called Governor Walker stupid - I feel differently. Who's right? Who cares? It just causes pointless arguments and protests which only waste time that could be spent much more productively and effectively. Just my opinion.

In my opinion, "stupid" would have been to have left the diaper bag behind KNOWING you had done so.... just because you didn't want to go back and get it. Your intentions are good. You are not stupid at all. I've not read any other responses but I think you should check into why you have such a bad memory. After having my 2nd child I have the same issues, I was actually relieved to hear of someone else who sounds as bad as I do. Have you had your thyroid checked? You probably just have a lot on your plate and instead of giving yourself put downs you should give yourself praise for being a loving caring mama. It's the easiest job to get but the hardest job to do well and if your kids are loved, I'd say you're doing pretty well :).

Best way to teach your children to respect you is for you to respect yourself. This will also teach them how to have self respect and self esteem.

I haven't read the other responses.
I am guilty of calling myself stupid sometimes. I didn't think it was a big deal until my 6 year old started berating herself, calling herself stupid whenever she made a mistake. Hearing it come from her mouth really showed me I need to be more careful. I hate to hear any child calling themself "stupid", "fat", or any other derogatory word. Sometimes I will still slip, and then I will say, "I mean silly!" (or "I didn't think that through"). I think, how can I expect my kids to show me respect if I call myself bad things?

btw - you say you searched, but did you call the truck stop? just thinking maybe somebody found it, even tho some things might be gone...

Don't call yourself stupid. Change the wording--it can be liberating for both you and the kids. My oldest struggles with staying on top of things--he really needs to, and is fearful of not being on top of things--so it's soooo good for him to see others making mistakes and it being ok. Change the stupid talk, and perhaps switch it to "mommy is forgetful!" and say it with an eye roll and a laugh. They need, need, need to learn to accept you for who you are, faults and all, and they need to know you're STILL a functional, happy adult. You need to role model for them, not teach them that you're imperfect and stupid--it';s ok to be imperfect, and they NEED to learn that.

Instead of belittling yourself, look into why you seem to have these memory losses.
I am going to enclose this from cafemom --side effects of haveing a tubal.

http://www.cafemom.com/group/416/forums/read/15355242/The...