Help with Toddler's Morning Tantrums

How is she on the weekends about getting up? My only thought is maybe she doesn't want to go to the daycare?????
But if she acts the same on the weekends, then that's not the case. Hmmmm
I wish you luck and look forward to reading others responses.

Something that worked for me in a similar situation was to have a few minutes of rocking time before getting her dressed. She loved to be rocked, and that few minutes on my lap got her into an upright position and helped her to wake up while she was feeling safe and loved. It made the transition into morning a bit more gradual and easier for her.

I didnt read the responses yet, but the first thing that came to my mind was that something is happening at daycare. If she is a pretty good talker I would find some quiet time, maybe just before sleep, to talk about it and see if anything comes out. There might be a bully, or a change in routine at her daycare. Also talking to her caregiver to see if they have noticed anything going on different. Good Luck, Jen

You might try packing her an extra bag of clothes and explaining to her that the car is leaving at a certain time (now, when I get my shoes on, when all of my stuff is at this certain place, etc. since she probably doesn't know what 5 min is yet)and if she is not ready, she is going as is. And then follow through. If she is not out of bed and ready, simply pick her up, put her in the car and go. Just make sure to take her some clothes for her teachers to put on her and explain to her teachers what you are doing. I have taken my son (3 1/2) to school with no shoes and no coat before. It does wonders to get him moving. Since he knows that I WILL LEAVE with him not ready, all he has to do is see me grab my purse and he is ready in 10 seconds flat.

My son is the same way. He doesn't want to go to daycare, and it gets worse if he spends less time with me. I get up an extra 1/2 hour early so that I can spend some time holding him while he watches cartoons to wake up. I also physically remove him from the bed if he won't wake up. He seems to do better this way. He still doesn't want to go, but he gets to feel connected to me before we do leave instead of ignored because I am running around getting ready. Good luck!

Would your provider be opposed to your toddler coming in pj's with breakfast in the lunchbox? It would make it a lot easier for you. But be sure to change that morning diaper!
I do daycare and I see lots of sleepy kids in the morning. I let them get ready at their leisure. I guess one of the things I regret the most raising my own daughter was the rush rush in the morning to get to work. Kids don't like rushing.
Nancy

What kind of bedtime routine do you have? Maybe there are some things you can add to get her to sleep a little earlier. Soothin bath, dim the lights, soft music, block out the windows since it's getting dark later. Start earlier so that she's relaxed by the time you want to try to get her down.
Maybe try putting her to bed in comfy pants and shirt that could even be worn to school the next day. If she's being so stubborn, let her have her tantrum and just ignore her, but then she's ready to just go when it's time. Eventually she may decide to join in the morning routine.
But, I do agree with the others that you should check out the school, make sure nothing is going on. Even if it's just another kid being mean or something.

Being woken up is enough to put anyone in a bad mood, and it just sets her up for a miserable morning. Try whatever you can to let her wake up naturally. If she is still sleeping, then it is because she needs more sleep. Keep in mind that she needs between 11 and 13 hrs of sleep per day. It may work better for your family if you move her bedtime earlier and allow her to wake up when she is ready. It will take about a week of this before she gets onto a new schedule. If you do have to wake her up, don't expect anything of her. Just pack her a bag with her clothes, breakfast, etc. Carry her out of bed and let them get her ready at daycare.

Well, you could try what I did....KITCHEN TIMER. My son absolutely HATES the sound of it and it helps them understand consequences and time. I give my son time to do what he needs to do and then I create consequences to what happens if the timer goes off. Could make it a game as well. My son is almost 5 now, but we started doing this when he was about the same age as your daughter. We started a thing where he wasn't allowed to play his toys in his room or do anything else until he completed his morning routine...(I.E. bathroom, eating bkfst, brushing teeth, getting dressed) Believe me, she'll catch on. It might take a few weeks to get the hang of. Everything takes time. :D Hope this helps.

I'm afraid this isn't so much advice as commiseration. My 3 1/2 year old does the same thing, and I am six months pregnant now and suffice it to say very stressed all morning until I actually sit down at my desk (usually late and exhausted). What works occasionally for us is taking a more boisterous CD (like a Laurie Berkner one) and playing it in her room LOUD 15-20 minutes before we actually need her to get up. I walk through her room counting down to how much time she has left before she has to get up. I will be honest though..sometimes it works, sometimes not. I have been kicked when trying to dress her while still asleep, and I have gotten tantrums (throwing herself on the floor dramatically) when I've threatened and when I've reasoned ("when you and I are late, mommy's boss gets mad at her and that makes her sad" etc).

Of course, on the weekend when we tell her she can sleep late she gets up early on her own....:) such is the mind of toddlers!

Have you considered the possiblility that something happened at day care that she is unhappy about? Might check that out.

You're right to consider what might be triggering these tantrums, but that doesn't help you to get to work on time. I like the woman who leaves when it's time to go regardless of how ready her child is. It sounds extreme, but you really only have to do it once. Another thing to try: start getting her ready before she's fully awake. My daughter, when she was little would fight about going to the potty in the morning. One day we had to get up very early to catch a flight and so we left her in bed as long as possible and right before we left I picked her up from a dead sleep and sat her on the potty. She was peeing before she even knew what was happening and it was no big deal! If you can start getting her clothes on before she's really awake, she might be out of it for long enough that she won't fight you.

My question for you is has anything different happened at her day care? You might need to talk to her day care providers and see how she acts while there and interacts with the other kids. It can be really hard for a 2 1/2 year old to tell you if something has been going on that maybe she is having a hard time with. Good luck!

I just want to say that my daughter went through the exact same thing waking in the morning and from her nap. She also did it at exactly 2 1/2 and it seemed like it lasted forever, but now a few months later she seems to have stopped.

My daughter would be singing in her bed and happily calling for me and then when I would go in the tantrum would start-so frustrating. I hate to say it but I often used food. Before she would turn on me I'd say "I have a bowl of blueberries waiting for you downstairs, and while you eat them I'll read you your favorite book". When I got really bad I would actually bring a treat up to her room like a box of raisins.

I feel your pain. I don't work, but one day I tried everything and could to get her out the door to pre-school, and she LOVES pre-school so don't necessarily jump to the conclusion that Day-Care is causing it.

She might have had a bad experience at school and she may be too little to tell you about it. It could be something as simple as another kid taking her favorite toy, another child pushing her, or feeling uncomfortable about a change at school you may not know about. Unfortunately, at age 2.5 it's pretty hard to ask her, so hopefully you can ask her teacher.

Also, maybe offer to let her go to school in her PJs and change there if she wants to. It will give her some sense of control if she is able to understand the offer. (I guess you have to ask the teacher about that too.) This will save at least one battle.

Finally, I know at least one mom who sends my daughter's pre-school classmate to school with a little bowl of cereal, a spoon and some milk in a cooler-type sippy cup each day. She eats her breakfast after she gets there since her morning starts so early.

I hope this helps!

My first question is What is going on at daycare? It maybe nothing. It may just be the age but I would check out the daycare first and go from there.

While I agree that you should check into the daycare to see if anything has changed there, the reality is that she is 2-1/2 and is going to change her routine as quickly as the weather in some places. Figuring out what the root of the problem is isn't always where you find the solution. Daycare may not be the problem at all. I have a few suggestions:

1. Take her in whatever she is wearing when it is time to go. I have taken my kids to pre-school in their pajamas, in their undies, without shoes, etc., because we were going no matter what. While they may have gotten in the car in a state of undress (and frustration), they immediately changed their minds about going into the classroom in their pjs or without the appropriate clothing when they realized that their friends would see them this way and may not be able to participate in activities.

2. Challenge her. My adorable now 6 year old daughter (we call her Sunshine Girl) is rather stubborn and enjoys playing rather than doing what she is supposed to be doing (getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc.). I have found that challenging her to do something by saying I can do the same thing faster is a great motivator. She almost always "wins", but there are times when she amazes me with how quickly she does this.

3. Have her participate in choices. Giving her choices about what to wear and deciding the night before helps. If she changes her mind in the morning, then you make the decision about allowing her to choose from the other outfits or reminding her that she made her choice. I would go with the former, since forcing her to stick with a choice she made the night before could lead to more of a tantrum.

I hope that this helps you tame the mornings.

Has something changed at the daycare that she could be anxious about? A new employee or routine?
Probably not helpful but that's all I could think of. Good Luck!

My daughter started being what we call, "The princess of stall" at around you daughter's age. Everything takes FOREVER. She wants to do everything herself and she has no sense of time. She won't get ready if she doesn't want to even if it is for soemthing she really wants to do. She doesn't understand that certain things start at certain times. For example, if I tell her that if she wants to go to Gymboree we have to get ready now, or we can't go because it will be over. She will say, I want to go, but after I finish this puzzle. If we miss it because she wouldn't get ready, she is really upset. Now, at 3 she is starting to get it, but can still stall and dawdle like nobody's business. You may just have a developmental stage on your hands. My daughter goes to daycare one day a week and I find that waking her up and getting her dressed while she is still half asleep is a lot easier. Then she eats a snack cup of cereal and a cup of milk in the car. Maybe your daughter could eat at school since it is so close? she also brushes her teeth at daycare. I just keep a toothbrush and paste in a bag at school and the provider helps her. Godd luck! It is hard when you are trying to get to work and your child doesn't understand your hurry!

S., it does sound as if something at daycare could be disturbing to her; or perhaps the setting is fine, but she longs for you. That is where the detective part of motherhood comes in! Here's what I do when we have to be somewhere early in the morning: Instead of changing my children into pajamas at bedtime, I put clothes for the next day on them. My 3 year old daughter likes to help me choose her outfit. That takes one struggle out of the morning. The other thing I do is make breakfast the night before and have it ready in the frig to be taken with us in the car. Something like a grilled cheese sandwich and piece of fruit is filling and healthy even at breakfast. My children are (like me!) not morning people. If they are dressed and their breakfast is packed they can lie on the couch and slowly wake up instead of having me hurrying and nagging them. Hope this helps. Good luck!

I know what you are going through. My son too has gone through the same emotionally crazy mornings. I hate to say this, but you sort of have to get through them. I mean what i did was let him cry it out in his room until he was finished and then I would say "are you all done"? "Is that ok behavior"? Letting her learn to recognize whats ok. However it went on for well it seemed like a month or so and then he just woke up happy one morning and I was like Woe! My good friends son also went through screaming in the morning just plane grumpy. It must have to do with them going through some sort of change in there body. If its molars coming in or growing aches-
who knows but what your doing sounds good. Its hard if you have to be somewhere, but yea get her up early enough that she can cry out and get those grumps out! Hope that helps if not know that your not alone. Also don't feel like you are not a good mom you are doing a Great Job! Two year olds are Hard and draining- they are just going through something we cannot see we just need to train to help them learn how to deal with there emotions and where (in there room) So don't lose sight there is a light at the end of this tunnle. Oh sometimes its fun to turn on the music and start dancing she just might not be able to be grumpy anymore-my kids love to dance. It can seem emotionally heavy if there screaming and your just waiting for them to be done. Music ya try that! Well good luck !

Something might be going on at daycare that makes her dread going. But at 2 1/2 she may not yet be able to express what it is. If you look into what's happening at daycare and don't turn up anything... this may sound a bit harsh... but you could always try some cold water in her face :) Haven't had a chance to try it myself yet, but I have friends who have used this technique. I've heard it startles them, gets their attention and calms them down. You could also try a spray bottle if you don't want to soak her bed.

You could be seeing a classic case of the Terrible Two's. Your strong-willed daughter could be struggling against what feels like (to her) too much scheduling, control and manipulation. And really, from a toddler's point of view, most of what adults "have to do" could seem incomprehensible, especially when it's not fun or interesting, and more especially if they're tired.

To whatever degree you can, try looking at life from your daughter's point of view. She is probably getting verbal enough by now to tell you what she likes and what she would choose for herself in a given situation. And, to whatever degree you can, make opportunities to meet your daughter's preferences positively, in a planned and thoughtful way, not by way of giving in to her when she's fighting you. Help her to feel cherished and respected – you'll be modeling for her how to cherish and respect others. Including (eventually) her mom!

Packing up her clothes and breakfast to take to daycare is worth trying, too. Could reduce some of the stress for both of you. (I'm also wondering if this has really started only in the last week, or since the time change. She might need to have her bedtime moved up just 10 minutes at a time if she still hasn't adjusted.)

Maby there is something that has changed in daycare that she does not like. That is my first thought. I know she is young but try to figure out what she is trying to tell you. I doubt sleep is the issue. -Washington

I'm sorry that I don't have any real advice, but the first thing that came to mind after reading your story was that maybe something at daycare is causing her to throw tantrums because she doesn't want to go. Was there a change in routine at daycare that might be causing her anxiety? A new teacher?

I feel for you. Good Luck!

Hi S.,

This is going to sound ridiculous! Try on the weekend of course....waking her up with the same tantrum. Sometimes they do not realize they are being difficult and unreasonable. By showing her...her actions may sometimes change her ways. However each child is different and being blunt with them can just plain shock them.

Good luck
Christa
PS let me know if you do...and what happens.

Hi S.! i may not be the best person to share advice, i have a 16 month old son and haven't hit the tantrum stage yet. However, i recall reading something a while back from a single mother of 4 girls. To help her save time in the morning, she bathed her girls the night before, and dressed them in their clothes for the next day. I know it sort of sounds dirty, but if your little one is not a sweaty child when she sleeps, maybe giving her that extra 30 minutes of rest, and then just popping her into the car after a quick face wash, hair, and teeth brushing might be a bit easier than fighting with her all morning. It might be a temporary solution as she goes through this transitional stage... My mom had my sister and i less than one year apart, she loved every minute of it, but when it got difficult, her motto was "its just temporary"... Good luck! I would love to hear how things work out!

A. H.

Perhaps there has been a change of her enthusiasm for the location in which you are headed each day? If this is a sudden change only occurring lately, maybe it is not about you and her and mornings, it could be about where she's headed.
If so, a change in greetings upon arrival or a change in ritual upon arrival in the first hour of the morning could be arranged? Is this daycare or pre-school? Maybe you can discuss some positive exciting changes to encourage her enthusiasm to come back out to play in a short time with consistency.
If it is not about her enthusiasm for where she is going, you can tuck her into bed at night with a reminder of a fun event or surprise in the morning... something she will look forward to? Only for mornings?
Last but not least, children her age go through growing spurts that honestly require more sleep or a change in waking rituals because of the change in mental development and she may be naturally fatigued, which means it shall pass. Just keep positive with her, as any negative consequences during waking hours may cause her to be grumpy out of habit. I am currently seeing how this can happen with my granddaughter, who is 2 1/2 so just keep loving her and encouraging her, and carry her kicking if you have to sometimes, but let her know that there are fun things to look forward to whenever she's finished being a grumpybear. *lol*

Sounds like a battle of will! And you have to show her that you are in control and just do what you have been doing, but maybe give her some guidelines, as to what you will do each morning, and stick to it. Like say you tell her every morning at 7:00 it is time to get out of bed, (maybe you can put a digital clock in her room too)and if she doesn't do it on her own then you will do it for her. 2 1/2 is a hard age! When I went through power struggles with my daughter, I finally did the gold star on a chart system, and each day we would evaluate and see if she was obedient in her problem areas, and after so many stars she would get a treat/toy or lunch out. It worked great for her. You'll get through it! Just be consistent!

Well, maybe this isn't the best answer, but when I have been in a desperate hurry and my incredibly stubborn and cranky 3 year old wouldn't cooperate in getting dressed, I turned on the TV for him. This provided a distraction and allowed me to quickly get him dressed (in front of the TV) and hair combed, etc.

I am just coming out of the same thing with my 2 1/2 year old little princess myself! I tried altering bed times and got identical results as you. What has helped ease the "fight" was letting Sofialena pick her clothes out the day before (one out of three choices) and letting her take her "breakfast" to day care; this consists of a ziploc bag of dry oatmeal or cheerios and some times yogurt, whatever she chooses in the morning- this way there is an illusion that she's running the show. There have been a couple of times where we let her go to daycare in her jammies and had her get dressed there but I don't know if your child care is that lenient. I am here to tell you that it does pass, and for me, the less of a big deal it is- the less the fight seemed to matter to Sof. Good luck!

Hello, If you daughter was fun to get up in the mornings and then something has changed. I would suggest you check out at her day care. Maybe someone is picking on her, or bothering her, or God forbid something worse. But that is where I would start. Just my 2 cents.

Maybe something is going on at day care?????????? Is there a new care provider? Was there an incident with another child?
Check it out.