Gender Problem??

This kind of behavior is totally normal and nothing to worry about. When I was a little girl I often identified with male characters in books and also even wondered if I could grow up to be a man. I am not a lesbian nor have I ever been attracted to women. In fact I love men to a fault. I honestly think it was because the more exciting characters (in books and cartoons) are male, it's a slowly changing societal thing to portray males as strong and interresting and females as the soft, comforting back-up role. Perhaps you daughter is a strong individual and in looking for role models finds the strong characters to be male, I would suggest that you find strong female characters (in stories and books) for her to identify with as well, but do not expect her to stop "playing man"

It sounds like she is ready to get involved in sports. I was a tom boy my whold childhood. And I don't regret anything. I had a blast and she will grow out of it, no worries! I never had to deal with mean girls in school because I hung with the guys. You have a leader in her and she knows who she is. You are blessed with a tomboy! :)

I have 2 girls. One's a tomboy in that she just doesn't like the hassle of much make up or girly clothes. The other loves princesses and dresses (granted she's 2years old). They are just different personalities, and it has nothing to do with gender preference.
It may be unrelated, but I do believe, that girls need their fathers or grandfathers (or uncle, etc.). around as much as possible. Give a male in her life the opportunity to treat her "like a princess", dressing up, opening her door, treating her with respect etc. There's strength in knowing who you are, and feeling valued!

L.,
no worries, I was a major tomboy, in fact I didn't grow out of it untill I was in Jr.High, perhaps even high school. I never had issues with thinking I was a boy, I just wasn't interested in ANYTHING girly, I wouldn't be caught dead with a barbie!!!! I had every He-man figure and both castles, Iwas a ninja turtle for halloween and I was one of the best football players in my neighborhood!!!!! And Iwas always trying to escape the house inteh summer with out a shirt, cause none of my friends had to wear them, Of course my mother put her foot down on that one.

BUT, my best friend was as girly as they came, and my He-mans would marry her barbies and they all lived happily ever after. It's just a phase, you can even think of it as a blessing if it works out for her like it did for me, I wasn't even interested in boys till late in high school cause I they weren't a mystery, they were freinds and playmates. (of course when I was interested in them, they all still saw me as the girl next door, but I think that too was to my advantage)

I still to this day get along with Men better then women and my closest friends, my hubby aside, are still boys.... (I say boys, cause that is how I see them, LOL).

I'm sure your daughter will be fine, kids are just gonna liek what they like and if action figures and heros are her thing, no biggy. I think it's good for them to have "strong" icons that are teh good guys....

H.

P.S. on a side note, I have and a totaly princess for a daughter, dress up, make up, jewlery my littel pony. And heres teh kicker, I have a son who loves to play house and cook and takes my daughters baby dolls and pushes them around the neighbor hood to take care of his babies.... Life is funny some times, huh....

I dunno but I think it's normal at that age. My five year old sometimes insists he is a girl and says he doesn't like boys. I think it's because he's more gentle playing and prefers to play with girl toys and girls rather than with boys and play rougher. I don't worry too much about him although my hubby teases me about it. My five year old boys favorite color is pink and last time he got to choose what to buy at the store he picked Barbies. And now we have barbies all over our house and we have 3 boys and no girls. :) Like i said i think it's just a stage, or maybe she just prefers to play with boys and thinks they won't play with her if she says she's a girl.

my daughter insisted that we call her mogley from the jungle book and that her little sister was raja for close to a year! don't worry about it. she has a great imagination! i am glad you decided to just go with it! enjoy her!

It looks like you got tons of great advice and support. I just want to add something to that. There is a range of gender that runs between the most masculine and the most feminine. Gender is not one or the other. There are so many gay, lesbian and transgendered people in the world. There is always a chance that a child might not fit into the stereotypes that society places on gender (this is something I've been thinking a lot about through my pregnancy). Although I agree that there is nothing to worry about, it might be worth looking into what expectations you have for your daughter and your comfort level with gender difference. Educating oneself about these things can make them much less scary. In the meantime, it sounds like you have a fantastic child who is healthy, happy and active! Have fun with that :)

Hi L.,

I grew up in a household of boys and I was a bit like your daughter...played with boy and girl toys. My favorite was playing with GI Joe action figures (from the cartoon at the time). I hated being a girl because that meant my mom dressed me up in dresses that I couldn't dirty or destroy. The only superhero that I associated with at the time was WonderWoman and ofcourse I had to get the WonderWoman underoos when I was ready for a training bra.

I wouldn't worry about it. She's too young right now and she doesn't understand sexuality as of yet. As she gets older and she is still acting the same and it's a concern for you then you may want to see a child psychologist to have her evaluated. But again, no major concern. She is just a normal imaginative little girl. :-)

Not to worry...I think...I actually have the same issue with my 4 year old daughter. She is our middle daughter...the oldest is only 15 months older (a sister) and younger one is 23 months younger (also a girl)...Yes, 3 girls..but she is the only one who does this. She LOVES Spiderman, Superman (has boy panties even, cause they don't make them in girls...or none that I have seen)... She also plays the role of prince charming, or plays "daddy" when they play "house"... There are days when she says she is a boy and others she is fine and content with being a girl. I just keep trying to reiterate to her that she is a beautiful girl and it is absolutely fine that she plays with boy stuff...She says she likes "boy style" stuff...where the oldest likes "girl style"....They all play wiith both boy and girl stuff, but she is the only one that will tell me she is a boy...Maybe we should get them together... Take care and good luck. :)

I don't think there is a problem...I have a boy, 5, who loves to get down and dirty like the other boys, however, he will play house with his sister, 3, and other neighborhood girls. Sometimes they all take turn role playing, and sometimes he is the mom. I think it's okay to pretend like this, it helps them recognize roles in and out of the home. Give it time, she will out grow those imaginative days and you'll be wanting them back!

L.,
I know how it feels to have some concerns. My oldest daughter is turning 11 in August. The last time I can remember her wearing a dress is in Kindergarten. She is very athletic, and enjoys playing flag football at school with the boys. I have learned after several years of getting upset that it really is no big deal. My dad actually pointed out to me a couple of months ago that I should just let her be. I was the same way when I was her age, and I seemed to have turned out just fine. In fact, due to her enjoyment of sports, she has found her calling as a pitcher on a fastpitch GIRLS softball team and absolutely loves it. If anything, the tomboy phase she is going through has turned her into a natural born leader. I wouldn't put too much stock into it at this point. Let time take its course and see where she ends up. My daughter went through her Bratz/Barbie phase as well. She is learning everything she can about playing everything, regardless of her gender, which I admire in her. Good Luck!

I have a little boy who is so girly! Loves pink, animals, dress-up (he'll walk around with a blanket wrapped around himself, wearing beads and swaying his hips... I dont know whether to laugh or cry) etc etc. He is an only child but now that he's started kinder, it is getting better. He will often pretend he's a cat or this girl he really likes in his class, or a dog or a baby dinosaur, or (this past wknd) Punxsutawney Phil (the one that "predicts" spring or a longer winter on groundhog day).
I think a lot of it was a lot of the moms I'd hang out with had girls. Boys are rough. He is very little for his age, has a gentle nature. As a baby/toddler I did get a doll for him, but he LOVES his stuffed animals! (OH MY, does he LOVE them! Me & my brother and 3 sisters all only had maybe 1-2 a piece and didnt care for them, but him?! His room is full of them and I couldn't take any away!)

Anyway long story short. I used to really fret, but now I see that yes, he is slowly outgrowing it, not as quickly as I'd like and I worry that kids at school will tease him but so far there hasnt been a problem (I'm aware of anyway). He does play with the girls more than the boys so I try to set up playdates with the boys as well as the girls after school.

Just make sure she knows who she is, you love her, and that all the other stuff is "pretend" play.

I also had a cousin who was *very* tomboyish - you couldnt put her in a dress. She was in high school and roommates with another girl that was kinda the same way, and the rest of their friends were boys. I remember my aunts & uncles talking about it, and I had to tell them I honestly didnt see her as a lesbian. Just a late bloomer. (I am 4 yrs older than her). Sure enough, she started wearing the lovely necklace her aunt gave her, wore a dress(!) just in time for her high school graduation, got interested in boys in college, and all that. She's a mommy now and a lovely lady!

Hi L.,
I wouldn't worry about it. Role playing at this age is completely normal. And children are stubborn. Sometimes even at 4, if you tell them to do one thing, they will do the opposite because this is when they are learning their independence. I have 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. My youngest daughter went through the same thing. She is still a tomboy and runs with the boys but...her attitude is that of a girl. She has a boyfriend and when I ask her why she runs with boys, her reply is that girls create too much drama. I don't know how much this helps you but she was the girl at 4 who was into climbing trees, power rangers and fire trucks. She still hates dresses but loves dressy pants and I don't worry about her because she is secure in who she is. As long as you raise your child to be secure in who she is and able to talk to you about anything, I wouldn't worry too much because when she has an issue, she will come to you.

Dear L.,

Don't mess with her. Just love the dickens out of her, and stay close with the communication and no judgemental remarks. She will find her OWN life and you need to be an important part of her entire life. I bet she is quite bright and entertaining. Have fun, take her to all sorts of different types of events so that she can see a good variety of the world . O.K.? o.k.
Have fun with the light of your life. C. N.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. At this age kids have huge imaginations. I have a 4 year old who loves barbies, dinasours and rocks! I think at this age they just explore everything around them.
My sis was a tomboy all her life until about 3 years ago. She's now 22 and becoming quite the lady.
I wouldn't worry. :)

I don't think this is strange, kids play pretend My daughter says she is a cat. However, if your daughter grows up and has gender issues, you can't change that, she is who she is. We just have to love and accept our children. Just let her explore and be herself.
Takecare
J.

I would not worry about it. She is still young. When my daughter was that age, she did not carry dolls around with her, her thing was hot wheels. Since she had an older brother who was into hot wheels, if he got a hot wheel, I would have to get her one as well. She is still a tomboy but is becoming more girlie girl as she has been approaching womanhood. I also have a friend that her daugher that is 9 years old and last year at her birthday party, she requested hot wheels and the car tracks for it. Even though she is somewhat a tomboy, she is soooo boy crazy. So do not worry, she is still to young and the more worrisom you become and try to get her to like barbies, the more she will question

hi my name is tani i am also a young mother i rember back to when i was a kid and just played with what ever excited me. you do not have to worry about your daughter . my 8 year old is still a tom boy but on the other talks about boys with her girlfriends at school enjoy not having to spend all that money on girl stuff right now because its comming later.

L.,

I wouldn't worry about it because if she does have a gender identity problem, there isn't anything you can do about it other than be supportive. If it is just a phase, all you can do is be supportive until she outgrows it. For what it is worth, I was a serious tomboy but I outgrew it. I think the most important thing you can do is let your daughter know that you love her no matter what.

T.

Hi L.,
I have a 6yr old daughter who didn't know she was a girl until she was about 4 1/2. I have 2 sons older than her. I also have a brother who is a couple of yrs older than my oldest son. My daughter didn't know many girls untils she was older. I never minded her tomboyishness. My opinion of the perfect girl has always someone who can play with the boys and still get girly. To me yours and my daughter are perfect.

i wouldn't worry about it right now. my sisters and I were pretty tomboyish. We completely destroyed metal tonka trucks!! We played sports, played with hot wheels and dolls. since we were all girls, some one had to play the daddy when we played house!! Lol! We even beat each other up pretty bad!! my dad didn't even wanna' wrestle with us anymore! and on to my point... i am married to a MAN and have a beautiful baby. My baby sister is boy crazy and LOVES make-up, shopping and all the girly stuff, and my middle sister is more focused on her self then men right now but wears make-up and dresses like a girl!! So at this early stage in her life, i would stress. It may even empower her to acheive success in a world mostly run my men!!

L. C.

Hi L.! I used to play cowboys and indians with my cousins. Play in the mud with my sisters and brothers. I even played flag football with the boys (I was the only girl) from 4th grade to 6th during recesses.
I was a tomboy, but I also enjoyed my pretty moments too. I think your daughter will be fine. I am 35 and I am still a tomboy and it has helped me with my children. I have my girls in baseball and my oldest use to be in Sho Shu Karate. They are little tomboys too, but like me they still enjoy their pretty moments as well. Just be there to show her the pretty things. Make special girly moments with her ie: tea parties with you and her dolls, Play dress up with her, etc. These little special moments will help her have pretty moments and will also be special times for you both to remember. Be creative!!!

I find this interesting because I was somewhat the same way. I played with Barbie's and cars and Star Wars, and my brother and I played with neighborhood kids, and we all pretended to be charcters from a popular cartoon. I did take on one of the male charcters from that cartoon, and when my brother and I were by ourselves we would pretend to be some kind of adventure team. He would play 'himself' and I would pretend to be my cousin, Doug who is my brother's age. I was never confused about my gender or what gender I was attracted to. I always liked boys, and always liked being a girl. As I got older I appreciated this about myself because I felt I was a well rounded person in that there were many things I could appreciate no matter what they were labeled as. ie 'girl thing' or 'guy thing'. But I wonder about your daughter always wanting to be male character. Maybe there's older boys she looks up to. Maybe it's simply because she finds the boys more fun. When I was little the girls in my neighborhood were mean. I mostly played with boys also. Girls can generally be mean. I also was very comfortable in the boy hand me downs I got. I'm 35 now, and married to a wonderful man and have a beautiful 13 year old daughter.

4 years old is still pretty young to be worrying about gender identity. If I recall correctly, kids that age tend to go back and forth a little between male and female roles because they're figuring it out for themselves. If it's really that much of a concern, you can always talk to her doctor. Personally, I wouldn't worry about it. We tomboys always manage to grow into great women. ;)

One question I have is who she plays with. Does she have a lot of girl friends, or does she spend most of her time with boys. My friends daughter behaves similarly. She prefers to play with cars and action figures. Her mom has a fit because she wants her to be a girly girl and dresses her in frilly dresses and buys girl oriented toys. All of our other friends have boys and her daughter is constantly taking home their cars and prefers playing with them. I don't know how much of this is related to her associating with her friends or if that's just who she is. Your not alone, it's just not something you can change.

I have a 4 YO neice who loves to dress up like Superman. And yet her room is a sea of pink (by her choice). She is adorable! So my point is don't worry about it. She's probably just role playing. Which is a sign that she's intelligent and creative. She'll be herself no matter what. And I'm sure that you'll love her no matter what.