Do You Ever Feel like Just Saying 'Screw It All'

Sounds like "LIFE" to me. I think a lot of us are pretty stressed right now..... trust me when I say "it's temporary". Life would be pretty boring if we never had the challenging "set backs" to conquer! Hang in there!

Dear K.,
All I can say is to hang in there. It really is no consolation knowing that you are not the only one in the same situation, or worse. It certainly doesn't keep me from waking up every night in a sweat wondering how I'll keep everything together. I'm a single mom and I swear it's always one step forward, three steps back. My ex is a loser who spent thousands to get out of child support and it kills me that he has the nerve to have another new vehicle after crying how poor he is.
At least I have my integrity.
When you get fed up, vent, cry, do whatever you have to do, but then let it go and don't forget to laugh about something every single day.
Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
When you have kids, there is no other option.

I wish you the very best.

First of all, take a breath. Second of all, things WILL get better. 3: If u quit, u'll never know how much better it really could be. Patience is a virtue. So, 1 more payment, more $$ in your account, if your wise. Better housing situation, more $$ in your account, if your wise. Put yourself on a budget, let's say for 6 mos. See where u are & then determine how much u can start paying back. Don't stress, it doesn't make anything better. Just take ur time, make a plan, know ur resources, and live. We all have things going on, some may have more debt than others or other issues. But the thing that can make it better in the midst is to LIVE. People may not understand ur new disposition, but if u do what can work for u and alieviate SOME, if not all of ur stress,then go for it girl! There's so much to live for. Check the little smiles in ur new house

Only every other day or so! And the bad news is, it usually doesn't get any easier, and in this economy it's only going to get worse. The only consolation is that you're in the same boat as millions of others, and you're better off than millions of others, as well. Oh, and P.S.: If you start your own business, you wil be working harder and longer than you ever thought possible, and you'll have to take the job home with you. The small business rat race is even worse than the 9-5 rat race.

Welcome to our world. I see myself as that "victim mentality" when I'm not caring for myself. Finding something you like to do and do it passionately, is a wonderful key to personal happiness.

Life is a journey, it would be terrible if it were flat or all upward mountains. In my daily perception, my life has the perception of being peaks and valleys. I'm challenged and I rise to the occassion, moderately. Then I find a valley where I can nurture myself, this takes plain hard work sometimes, just finding 5 minutes for myself. With practice it becomes do-able, find the solution and the lessons, knowing your limitations and having personal boundaries is important.

B

I totally understand your frustration. I am to the point of wanting to quit my job because I hate it and I am drowning in bills and have considered bankruptcy.

Maybe bankruptcy is your out... maybe not. Now that you have turned a car in for repo, things will get worse, I hate to say. They sell the car and then you get to pay the difference. If I were you, I would wait until this happens and then consider filing. I know this because many, many years ago, this happened to me and I filed. And, even though you willingly turned the car back in, it will be on your credit report for 10 years as a repo... not a voluntary repo.

Do you have family that can help you? Does your ex pay child support?

There is the alternative of agencies that help you consolidate your bills and lower your payments... something to consider also.

Some days it just doesn't seem like we will get through it, but all this is making you a much stronger person even though now you don't think so now. I wish you the best.

Hi K., I am sorry you are feeling like that however, you are not alone. I have been feeling like this for months. With my husband being self employed, and me not working, it has been a constant struggle. The bills are piling up and the phone doesn't stop ringing. I no longer answer the phone. I know this is hard, but you have to take one day at a time. That is what I keep telling myself. We are so underwater with our mortgage...we have lived here for 24 years and the bank won't work with us because we are current on our house payment. I am just going to tell you what a very good friend of mine said as I was crying to her. You have to be greatful for your health and your family. You have to take it one day at a time, and remember to take care of YOUR FAMILY first. I know I am probably not helping, but if you find a solution, please let me know. We are going to see another bankruptcy attorney next week, and that might be the only thing to get us back on track. Good Luck

I understand your plight but hang in there. I know it's tough but you're showing your kids values and a good work ethic. Two things: 1) it sounds like once your 2nd vehicle is paid off in a month you'll have that as extra money per month, right? 2) Call SMUD to see if they have a low income plan and keep your usage in constant check. Can you cut back on some use at all? You could be paying the same bill in the new place due to poor insulation and not having dual pane windows. Is there any way for you to cut back on the amount of electricity you use, your cable bill, cell phone bill? Could you try having a garage sale or selling anything on Craigslist? (just be safe about it.) Do you take lunch to work? I take it you don't eat out much so you can't cut back on that. Do you want your kids to have a part time job so they can have some of their own money (like yard work around the neighborhood, babysitting etc?). Hang in there. You're doing the right thing and you WILL succeed and prevail.

Hi K.-
Some days I feel the same- except with fewer responsibilities. And now I feel like a doof for even complaining. Sigh. My husband and I have spent the better part of 7 years paying off tens of thousands of dollars of debt, and living in a run down lean to house that belongs to someone else. But after this many years, we are finally starting to see daylight again. I can't say why things take so long, but this is what helped us: we got rid of all of our credit cards (interest rates are unbelievable!). You can close your accounts and still make payments. The other thing I want to do is to just encourage you to dig your heels in and keep going. I want to say SCREW IT ALL alot, but I find that when I finally start seeing returns, it makes it easier to keep going. As for not seeing any breaks, maybe sit down with a credit counselor and make a budget. I did this and it was the best $20 I ever spent. THe thing is, if you have downsized, but your income has not changed, then that money is being spent somewhere else if it is not extra in your account. That is the problem I ran into- because I no longer had one expense, instead of putting that money somewhere useful, it got spent. It's absolutely maddening. But once you get your budget in line, and you stick to it like super glue, you will see results. It can take a year or two to see returns, and that is the hard part- waiting it out- but you are a strong woman and can definitely make it happen.
Cheering you on to the ultimate goal,
E. M

I think we all feel that way

I think we all sympathize dear. =) Keep your chin up!

Hi K.,

First I have to say "Hang in there girlfriend"

Next...make a journal of every penny spent for 30 days...you will be amazed at some of the "small leaks"...

This was a huge eye opener, my husband made an electric draw checker (we saw one this last week at Costco for about $30 you don't have to create) and then checked every electrical device...he had one sound system for the computer that cost $60 a month to run...but it was a bunch of the smaller stuff that added up...even though things are off, they draw energy to keep charged for instant on when you push the power button.

It is OK to have the older kids pick up a part time job...and pitch in...its times like this that the whole family must do their part...be open and honest with your kids...maybe they can cover some of the child care so you don't have to...

I was a single Mom with five children 9-16, and no outside help, it can be done...but you have to involve the whole family and make it a team effort to keep things together...We were single for seven years...it was a long haul...

My heart to yours,
T.

Hi K.,

It looks like you've received some great advice and thoughts on this. How are you doing?

I thought I'd share a resource with you since you are starting your own business. Have you heard of Dani Johnson? This gal was homeless but she bounced back and has an amazing story. Visit http://danijohnson.com and watch the video on the upper right of your screen. Hope that encourages you to keep going.

Warmly,
J.

Hi K.,

We are in the same boat. God is good, no matter the situation maybe. Hang in there, good things will happen to your life soon. Don't worry be happy!!! The most important thing is that your children are healthy, and remember God always provide.

God Bless you and your family.....

M.

Yes, understand. The important thing to remember...is what's really important! Your loved ones, your health, enjoying life. Trite, but true. Let go of the worry with all the trappings 'cuz it's not going to change them. Their still going to be there unless you win the lottery. And the worry is probably keeping you from appreciating those important things. You don't want to look back and realize all the things you missed 'cuz you were worried about your credit card payment. I know it's easier said than done sometimes, 'cuz I'm a worrier at heart.

If the financial part is really a problem, seek help. And don't be afraid or embarrassed to talk about it to friends. Keeping it in doesn't help and frankly many people nowadays, whether they admit it or not, are in financial straits. You are not alone.

Greetings K.: There are so many people in this boat and it still seems to stay afloat.
Without making it seem likr I am trying to make you take on my problems as well-- let me share what we have done.
1. I made everyone that lives at home- take responsibility for a. spending habits, b. to learn the differance between wants and needs. and that everyone that could gets to help.
Then we broke it down futher.
I have a son that due to dosabilities, he isn't able to work at this time. But he can be totally responsible for the yard work that has to be done and is. So good at it that neighbos have had him help with theirs. Each person has a part in the home and if they work outside the home then we discuss just how the money should be spent-- want music lessons then at this time she pays for as much as she can and I do the rest.
We have had yard sales and have literallly sold what ever we could important or not to keep the bills paid. I have explained to my family that there is no false enconomy here at this address so every time we use a credit card we are morally obligated to pay it. In other words don't use it unless it is a must. (of course the car broke down and that went on the card)
Life is hard on all of us. When my husband recently passed away, I just wanted to curl up and give up. The pain was horrible. Because of somethings I won't go into the insurance companies didn't have to pay off as expected. Then when I started notifying credit cards of his passing to shut down his card-- GUESS WHAT UNION 76 turned it off while we were talking!!!Then they sent notices to all their other cards on the same bank. Talk about a nightmare-- it took me nearly 6 months to get that straight. Since you are a renter, this may not be a help. But to help with our payments we had to rent out rooms. The lack of privacy, people not paying the rent and the drama was more than I could ever desire and am glad that I don't do that now.
I have worked 3 part time jobs* day care in exchange for house repairs,* CNA, and* as a cook in a cafe ,for the past 18 months. It hasn't been easy but it has been worth ot.
The BRIGHT SIDE** you have the chance to teach your family how to make it in hard times,what is and isn't important, and you can set the example of appreciating what ever help you get and for what ever you have. I hope you have good friends that are willing to cheer you on. I would not have even gotten out of bed or tried if it had not been for friends pushing me and reminding me this is not the worst that has happened to me. So good luck and don't give up. Nana G

This is definitely a character building moment for sure. You got a lot of great suggestions from other moms and the only thing that I'd like to add is that I would NOT quit your job. In this economy, I wouldn't recommend starting your own business, it requires a lot more start up costs that you think and most businesses lose money in their first year. Wait until the boys have moved out of the house. Second, the boys need a pt job to help pay for gas and clothes. Third, don't eat out, make meals at home. Let the boys know that when they graduate, they'll need to find full time work and will have to move out within 6 months (have your husband tell them actually since they're step sons). Good luck! There is light at the end of the tunnel!

K.:

Your message sounds I could have written it myself. I often feel like saying 'screw it all'. My husband has been out of work for 2 years and there are just no jobs out there. We're behind on almost all the bills. When we moved into our new house we couldn't sell the old one, so we have two mortgages to worry about. We have renters, but the rent payment doesn't cover the mortgage payment. We're down to one car because we can't afford to fix the other one and the one we're driving is barely making it. I've got three kids also, 12, 11 and 3 and as you know there are constant costs there. I have a home business which is doing okay, but still we can't meet the bills. And you're right...just when you think you might have a little extra money, some other problem comes along to screw it all up. Just wanted to let you know, you're not alone and I'm still holding out hope that things have got to get better soon.

M. B.

Yeah, the only consolation I have whenever I feel like whining about it all, which I do occasionally, is that everyone else (except the ultra-rich) is in the same boat.

Hi K.,
You are not the only one going through this. I have no advice for you but I can say my family is going through the same thing. I feel like we are constantly chasing our tails. You are not alone in your situation and I can say that I know EXACTLY how you feel. Sometimes a hot bath and a glass of wine can help you feel better when you are feeling really low. Hang in there. You never know what opportunites are around the corner.

It sounds like your plate is overflowing a bit. I can understand your frustration. Need to limit the frustration and your load for moment get back on the path of recovery.

some suggestions:
1. Call Smud to see if you can be on a program/paymant plan. Have other options to give them you a break. Change the programing on themostat. Wash clothes in the evening, dishwashers take alot of energy. Cut back on the little things and see the difference in your bill.

2. start a emergency funds-such as senior pictures, kids activities or even a get away for yourself. Start small $20.00 every two weeks and watch it grow.

3. write it down....goals for the future and goals of today. look at it daily... check it off to complete the tasks. this helps me to keep my goals on track and adjust it when needed. I also pray daily it is a spiritual support system that gets me through tough times and good times. You are not alone in this economy crunch. talk to others...get ideas to eliminate your stress and frustration.

4. Owning your own business can load up more the stress. I have my own business and keep in mind it is not like 9-5 job. It is more 24/7 in the first 3 years of the business. A business plan is needed..again write it down, visual your future business.

Good luck and take care

Hi K.,

Yes, we all feel that way from time to time, or a lot of the time right now. Hang in there. The house is a loss space-wise but know that you will eventually move to another place with more room. As for the car, know that you have one less monitary stress. And you have your kids and hubby, right? Try to take each issue and do a positive and negative or "T" list I call it. You'll feel better when you can see the results and try to look for the positive, such as, the house is easier to clean or the amount of money you are saving on each item is $x.00/mo. Get rid of anything negative that is weighing you down. If it is physical objects, give them away. If it is thoughts, write them down and burn them. It's getting rid of things symbolically that helps too. Just a suggestion. Oh, and get rid of the storage locker!

I know how you feel and have experienced the same. I too, am starting yet another home-based business. What I find is that it gets me "out" of the house rather than staying "inside" all day. This is good. You'll need to make appointments, "get out" and make contacts and even friends. I felt defeated, having a 20-year teaching career from k-university, and right now, nothing in that area. I have even thought about going back to school but have no funds to do it. However, I have my faith. I have new friends and clients and my old business profits from this new one too. You can do it. Shake off the bad day when you are ready and it will get better.

Like our tough ol' grandmas did and said, "You gotta pull yourself up by the bootstraps" and, as Nike says, "Just do it!" Don't just hang in there afterall, do a pull-up or two (I can't but you can)! "Together We Can!"...hmmm...,Who said that? I am here for you. Power to the moms!

T.